Cover art for podcast Wolf 359

Wolf 359

93 EpisodesProduced by Kinda Evil Genius ProductionsWebsite

Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. He's stuck on a scientific survey mission of indeterminate length, 7.8 light years from Earth. His only company on board the stati… read more

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93 Episodes | 2014 - 2021

Episode 1: Succulent Rat-Killing Tar

August 15th, 2014


Our premiere episode. Officer Doug Eiffel, communications officer on board the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station, is willing to go to any lengths to procrastinate his work. Tasked with a pointless hunt for alien intelligence, …

Episode 2: Little Revolución

August 15th, 2014


When Eiffel discovers that there’s only one tube of toothpaste remaining on board the Hephaestus, he realizes that a delicate situation is upon the …

Episode 3: Discomforts, Pains, and Irregularities

August 15th, 2014



The time arrives for another one of Dr. Hilbert’s infamous biannual physical and wellness checks, causing Eiffel and Minkowski to descend into a state of panic. With life and limb on the line, they each find creative …

Episode 4: Cataracts and Hurricanoes

August 29th, 2014


Eiffel takes a quick trip to the exterior of the Hephaestus in pursuit of a cleaner reading of one of the mysterious space transmissions. Things seem to be going well – until an unexpected stellar flare leaves Eiffel …

Episode 5: Cigarette Candy

September 12th, 2014


A mysterious illness strikes Eiffel, quickly leaving him out of commission and bedridden. It falls on Dr. Hilbert’s medical expertise to find some …

Episode 6: Super Energy Saver Mode

September 26th, 2014


The Hephaestus Mission reaches its 500th day since launch, and Eiffel is determined to make the most of the occasion. His celebration is cut short, however, when a power outage knocks out Hera and all of the station’s …

Episode 7: The Sound and the Fury

October 10th, 2014


When Minkowski and Hera get into a fight, Eiffel decides to stay out of the way until the dust settles. But the station’s deadly mutant plant monster …

Mini Episode 1: Are Space Suits Itchy?

October 23rd, 2014


Eiffel takes some time from his busy schedule to answer third graders' questions.

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Episode 8: Box 953

October 31st, 2014



In accordance with protocol and the need to maintain crew morale, Minkowski insists on holding another of her infamous talent shows. Both Eiffel …

Episode 9: The Empty Man Cometh

November 14th, 2014


As the Hephaestus begins a hazardous passage through an ion wind cluster, Eiffel is surprised to discover a message from the mission higher-ups waiting for him in the Communications Room. When the decoded message …

Episode 10: Extreme Danger Bug

November 28th, 2014


Eiffel decides that he wants to step up his game and play a more active role in documenting life on the Hephaestus. His newfound enthusiasm is …

Episode 11: Am I Alone Now?

December 12th, 2014


In a set of short stories, we get to see what the Hephaestus crew does when they are by themselves. Doctor Hilbert tells a joke and ponders a question. Hera plays a game. Eiffel takes a test. Minkowski sends a …

Episode 12: Deep Breaths

December 24th, 2014


Part one of two. It's Christmas Day on the Hephaestus. While Minkowski does her best to approximate a traditional holiday dinner, Eiffel decides he's …

Episode 13: Gas Me Twice

December 25th, 2014


Part two of two. The repercussions of the crew's discovery and Dr. Hilbert's actions continue to disrupt the station's Christmas plans. Cut off from Minkowski and with limited time to act, Eiffel decides to take a …

Episode 14: The Kumbaya Approach

February 14th, 2015


Unsure of who or what to trust after the events at Christmas, Eiffel and Minkowski make contact with Mr. Cutter, their liaison to Goddard Futuristics and the mission's direct supervisor. But given Hilbert's actions, how …

Episode 15: What's Up, Doc?

February 27th, 2015


Still rattled by their recent discoveries, Eiffel and Minkowski try to force Hilbert to reveal what he knows about the Hephaestus's mysteries and the details of his secret mission. But will they find some way to get …

Episode 16: Painfully Ever After

March 14th, 2015


Still dealing with fallout from Hera's deactivation, the crew struggles to keep the rapidly deteriorating Hephaestus functional. Overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, and constantly faced with new mechanical problems, Eiffel and …

Episode 17: Bach to the Future

March 27th, 2015


After weeks in a state of emergency, Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera are faced with an unexpected challenge: staving off boredom during an uneventful …

Episode 18: Happy To Be Of Assistance

April 14th, 2015


An unscheduled emergency air vent leaves Eiffel and Minkowski stranded in the station's hidden laboratory. Their attempts to escape from the …

Episode 19: Let's Kill Hilbert

April 28th, 2015


Tensions run high when the crew revisits the issue of how to handle Doctor Hilbert's continued presence on board the Hephaestus. With Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera all bringing their own perspectives, fears, and agendas …

Episode 20: The Paranoia Game

May 12th, 2015


Against Minkowski's better judgment, Eiffel decides to use Hilbert's mechanical skills to repair a faulty system in the station's optical network. …

Episode 21: Minkowski Commanding

May 27th, 2015


Following the Plant Monster's reappearance, Minkowski makes it her mission to eliminate the mutant stowaway once and for all. But when her quarry …

Episode 22: Mutually Assured Destruction

June 9th, 2015


The crew is shocked by the sudden reappearance of Captain Lovelace. At first relieved to have another ally on board the Hephaestus, Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera soon grow suspicious of the station's former commanding …

Mini Episode 2: Day One

July 4th, 2015


From the Goddard Futuristics Archives, File #A7NB566. Communications Officer Log on Day 1 of the Hephaestus Project. 

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Episode 23: No Pressure

September 7th, 2015


Ten days after the reappearance of Captain Lovelace, the crew works around the clock to get the various systems on her shuttle up and running. Tensions rise steadily as Eiffel, Minkowski, and Lovelace face technical …

Episode 24: Tactical Brain Damage

September 21st, 2015


Now armed with a plan, the crew begins putting their elaborate deception in motion. While Eiffel keeps Captain Lovelace occupied, Hera and Minkowski start adjusting the station's equipment. But when their modifications …

Mini Episode 3: Variations on a Theme

October 5th, 2015


Captain Lovelace goes forwards and backwards in time. 

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Episode 25: Lame-O Superhero Origin Story

October 5th, 2015


Forced to work together, Eiffel and Hilbert try to find some middle ground as they adjust the Hephaestus' systems. But with old grudges coming to a …

Episode 26: Do No Harm

October 26th, 2015


With Eiffel in critical condition, Minkowski, Hilbert, and Lovelace are forced to put their differences on hold. But with long-held fears and grudges …

Episode 27: Knock, Knock

November 9th, 2015


Part one of two. The Hephaestus is thrust into a maelstrom in the wake of Wolf 359's sudden, violent change. With the station infrastructure taking …

Episode 28: Who's There?

November 23rd, 2015


Part two of two. Faced with a new obstacle, the crew struggles to navigate all of Wolf 359’s sudden changes. Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera desperately …

Episode 29: Pan-Pan

February 14th, 2016


Pan-Pan. (noun) An international radio distress signal, used to signify a state of urgency on board a craft. Plus, very simple instructions, Space Yukon, adventures in grease monkeying, Disney table manners, and killing …

Episode 30: Mayday

February 29th, 2016


Mayday. (noun) An international radio distress signal, used to signify a state of emergency on board a craft. Plus, complete operational breakdown, better ways to fly, mathematical realities, an idle mind, and the big …

Episode 31: Sécurité

March 14th, 2016


Sécurité. (noun) An international radio signal, used to convey messages concerning safety of navigation or important warning. Plus, sensitive information, sun tanning opportunities, surreal nightmares, bunny slippers, …

Mini Episode 4: Meanwhile

March 28th, 2016


An important message prompts additional resources to be uncovered for the Hephaestus Mission.

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Wolf 359 Live: Deep Space Survival Procedure and Protocol

April 1st, 2016


Recorded Live at the Alchemical Theatre Laboratory in New York City! It’s been a rough few months for Communications Officer Doug Eiffel. He’s dealt with plant monsters, the reappearance of a not-so-presumed-dead …

Episode 32: Controlled Demolition

April 12th, 2016


As the SI-5 tightens its grip on the Hephaestus, Colonel Kepler decides to run a comprehensive job review. Each faced with unique challenges, Eiffel, …

Episode 33: Don't Poke the Bear

April 27th, 2016


Seeking to prevent another unforeseen Decima outbreak, Eiffel and Hilbert run tests to determine the status of the virus inside the Communication Officer's body. The two men are forced to deal with an unexpected …

Episode 34: A Matter of Perspective

May 17th, 2016


When the Urania's radio picks up and loses the first deep space signal in months, Colonel Kepler puts everyone on high alert. Split into two teams …

Mini Episode 5: Long Story Short

May 28th, 2016


Jacobi reflects on his relationship with Colonel Kepler.

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Episode 35: Need to Know

May 30th, 2016


As they struggle with a demanding schedule, an expanding workload, and Colonel Kepler's growing secrecy, tensions amongst the crew members - both old …

Episode 36: Fire and Brimstone

June 14th, 2016


An accident leaves Dr. Maxwell in imminent danger and the entire station in a state of emergency. The crew scrambles to mount a rescue, but when Kepler and Minkowski disagree over which is the best way to conduct the …

Episode 37: Overture

June 28th, 2016


When Jacobi repeatedly tries - and fails - to put an additional signal receiver in orbit around Wolf 359, most of the crew writes off the endeavor as …

Mini Episode 6: Once In a Lifetime

July 10th, 2016


Air Force Lieutenant Renée Minkowski considers an unusual opportunity.

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Mini Episode 7: Rebranding

July 18th, 2016


Doctor Dmitri Volodin gets a visit from a man who wants to know more about his experimental research. 

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Mini Episode 8: Language Mapping

July 25th, 2016


Doctor Alana Maxwell tries to solve an irritating problem.

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Mini Episode 9: Greensboro

August 1st, 2016


Air Force Captain Isabel Lovelace faces an unexpected test.

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Mini Episode 10: Things That Break Other Things

August 9th, 2016


Daniel Jacobi celebrates an anniversary.

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Mini Episode 11: Decommissioned

August 15th, 2016


Unit 214 is given a second chance to prove her value as a company asset.

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Mini Episode 12: Pagliacci

August 23rd, 2016


Communications Specialist Douglas Eiffel considers consequences and responsibilities.

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Mini Episode 13: Kansas

August 30th, 2016


Captain Warren Kepler undergoes an evaluation.

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Episode 38: Happy Endings

September 5th, 2016


Preparations are underway to deal with the next contact anomaly from Wolf 359. But the old crew of the Hephaestus is still unsure what preparations …

Episode 39: All Things Considered

September 19th, 2016


After a technical mishap causes Jacobi's latest experimental gizmo to discharge within the Urania, a number of the SI-5's personal items are vented …

Episode 40: Limbo

October 4th, 2016


While most of the crew tries to enjoy a rare moment of downtime, Doctor Maxwell discovers some previously undetected flaws in the station's systems. …

Episode 41: Memoria

October 19th, 2016


With Hera out of commission, Doctor Maxwell attempts a difficult reconstructive procedure on the unresponsive autopilot program. Before she can even …

Episode 42: Time to Kill

October 31st, 2016


In order to better study the properties of an incoming solar storm, Eiffel, Lovelace, Jacobi, and Maxwell are assigned to collect data on board a …

Episode 43: Persuasion

November 22nd, 2016


With just over a day left before the long-anticipated alien contact event, Colonel Kepler keeps the crew working overtime to get the Hephaestus ready …

Episode 44: Desperate Times

December 6th, 2016


Part one of two. Still reeling from recent revelations, the crew plans to neutralize Colonel Kepler and the SI-5. But it's not long before different …

Episode 45: Desperate Measures

December 13th, 2016


This episode of Wolf 359 contains gun violence. Listener discretion is advised.

Part two of two. The crew desperately tries to salvage their mutiny …

Episode 46: Boléro

December 25th, 2016


As Eiffel, Minkowski, and Hera reel from the results of their mutiny, it soon becomes clear that even worse dangers might be right around the corner. …

Special Episode: Change of Mind

June 9th, 2017


Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains violence. Listener discretion is advised.

Captain Lovelace, commanding officer of the U.S.S. …

Episode 47: Into the Depths

June 13th, 2017


Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains violence. Listener discretion is advised.

The crew of the Hephaestus's day just got a whole lot …

Mini Episode 14: One of Them

June 19th, 2017


Eiffel and Minkowski listen in on a tense discussion.

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Episode 48: Theta Scenario

June 27th, 2017


Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains mentions of violence, death, and suicide. Listener discretion is advised.

As Eiffel, Minkowski, …

Episode 49: Out of the Loop

July 11th, 2017


With the end of the Urania's repairs in sight, the crew is throwing all their energy into one final push. But as the finish line inches closer, Captain Lovelace begins to notice something strange. Work is mysteriously …

Episode 50: The Hiccups Method

July 25th, 2017


It’s been a few weeks since the crew aborted repairs on the Urania, and they are no closer to figuring out how to satisfy the aliens' mysterious demands. If only they had someone on board who shared some sort of …

Episode 51: Shut Up and Listen

August 8th, 2017


Space Monkey Radio proudly presents U.F.Overview: a new series that offers in-depth analysis on the possibility of alien contact, and explores the complex realities of communicating with non-terrestrial beings. What do …

Episode 52: Constructive Criticism

August 22nd, 2017


Following the fiasco that was his latest attempt at radio journalism, Officer Eiffel has retreated away from the crew, working long hours by himself. …

Episode 53: Dirty Work

September 4th, 2017


This episode of Wolf 359 contains discussions of violence and death. Listener discretion is advised.    When Eiffel picks up signs of a transmission …

Mission Mishaps: A Little Night Music

September 12th, 2017


Mission Mishaps, Entry One. Hephaestus Formal Complaint #ARB062. Day 510. Eiffel tries to boost the crew's morale with a bit of sonic artistry appreciation.

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Episode 54: The Watchtower

September 18th, 2017


Slowly floating towards Wolf 359, untethered and separated from everyone else on the crew, Officer Eiffel tries a radical approach to solving the …

Mission Mishaps: The Space You're In

September 27th, 2017


Mission Mishaps, Entry Two. Hephaestus Mission Log #KWE824. Day 202. Eiffel tries to avoid his daily chores around the station. 

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Episode 55: A Place For Everything

October 3rd, 2017


Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains disturbing content, threats of violence, and firearms. Listener discretion is advised.

Following …

Mission Mishaps: You Want, I Solve

October 12th, 2017


Mission Mishaps, entry three. Hephaestus Log #WME389. Day three-hundred and seventy-two. Eiffel encounters a stowaway.

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Mission Mishaps: The Veldt

October 28th, 2017


Mission Mishaps, entry four. Hephaestus Log #NOL858. Day 411. Eiffel ventures into the greenhouse.

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Episode 56: Idle Hands

November 1st, 2017


Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains disturbing content. Listener discretion is advised.

Part one of two. With the crew brainwashed …

Episode 57: The Devil's Plaything

November 4th, 2017


Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains violence. Listener discretion is advised.

Part two of two. Newly released from Pryce's mental …

Mission Mishaps: Lights Out

November 8th, 2017


Mission Mishaps, Entry Five. Hephaestus Log #WYL320. Day four hundred and eighty-seven. Eiffel reads scary stories and hears something in the dark.

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Episode 58: Quiet, Please

November 14th, 2017


Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains instances of violence and body horror. Listener discretion is advised.

Having freed themselves …

Mission Mishaps: Cold Turkey

November 22nd, 2017


Mission Mishaps, Entry Six. Hephaestus Log #TRK536. Day five hundred and fifty-three. Eiffel takes the lead on cooking dinner for the crew's second Thanksgiving on the Hephaestus.

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Episode 59: Crash and Burn

November 30th, 2017


Trapped with Kepler and Pryce on board a jettisoned pod from the Sol, Eiffel and Minkowski must find a way to avoid all manner of imminent death. …

Mission Mishaps: No Complaints

December 6th, 2017


Mission Mishaps, Entry Seven. SI-5 Surveillance Log. Entry #FRD916. Kepler and Jacobi try to keep themselves entertained during a stakeout.

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Episode 60: Terms and Conditions

December 12th, 2017


Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains instances of violence and use of firearms. Listener discretion is advised.

With the wayward pod …

Special Episode - Volte Face

December 21st, 2017


Investigative reporter Andrea Nash is having a very good day. She's flown halfway around the world on a very special assignment: an exclusive interview with Marcus Cutter, the infamous Director of Communications for …

Mission Mishaps: Happy Holidays

December 24th, 2017


Mission Mishaps, entry eight. SI-5 surveillance log. Entry #CRT004. Maxwell and Jacobi try to talk their way out of a mandatory assignment.

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Episode 61: Brave New World

December 26th, 2017


Please be advised this episode of Wolf 359 contains violence and the use of firearms. Listener discretion is advised.

Our finale episode. Faced with …

Special Announcement: Pryce and Carter's DSSPPM and Three New Mini Episodes!

December 24th, 2018


It's been one year since the release of our finale episode! To commemorate the occasion, we are finally releasing the full version of Pryce and …

Mini Episode: Adventure of a Lifetime

December 24th, 2018


Communications Officer Eiffel explores the far reaches of the Hephaestus, and goes on a journey like no other.

Written by Zach Valenti, Sarah Shachat, and Gabriel Urbina. Directed by Gabriel Urbina. Performed by Zach …

Mini Episode: Step One

December 24th, 2018


Forced to deal with the unique challenge of figuring out how to put on a space suit, Communications Officer Eiffel does his best to break it down into small, manageable steps.

Written by Zach Valenti, Sarah Shachat, and …

Mini Episode: Space Rage

December 24th, 2018


Faced with yet another affront to his dignity, Communications Officer Eiffel expresses his frustrations the only way he knows how - through the miracle of radio. 

Written by Zach Valenti, Sarah Shachat, and Gabriel …

Zero Hours: A New Series From The Wolf 359 Crew

October 21st, 2019


Hello Dear Listeners!  We're re-activating the Wolf 359 feed for a very special announcement from the man of a thousand voices himself, Zach …

Unseen: A New Series from the Makers of Wolf 359

November 2nd, 2020


Hello Dear Listeners!  We are revisiting the Wolf 359 feed for a very special, very exciting announcement! The creative team behind Wolf 359 has …

Wolf 359 Feed Update: The Great Advertising Experiment Begins October 6th, 2021

October 5th, 2021


Hello Dear Listeners! 

It’s Doug Eiffel.. also known Executive Producer and actor Zach Valenti here with a brief announcement.

Wolf 359 has been …

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