Alice & Yvette are joined by multi award winning veteran pornstar and cat lover, Lance Hart (@lancehartfetish). The MFF this week discuss sweets, cross over performers, industry testing, how he almost accidentally died on set, and dick injections. Don't forget to leave us a review!
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Unknown Speaker 0:02
We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved and this one is definitely tested several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers and the tea bags. You mean teabagging? No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone Willie, we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Unknown Speaker 1:01
This is two girls one mic the show that talks about the holes and plot holes of your favorite porn.
Alice Vaughn 1:09
Welcome to Two girls one Mike where we couldn't afford getting sponsored by I can't believe it's not butter, but we did get Fuck off. It's not Manet's. I'm your co host Alice Vaughn. And with me I have my fantastic co host you've had Don trauma David, how you doing today? I'm confused about where I'm supposed to put the mayonnaise. Is this an anal lube is this is this part of foreplay, I'm, I'm perturbed about why couldn't we get I can't believe it's not but why not butter? Why not just go straight for lard or coconut oil? No, no, I mean, it's kind of like when I get yogurt out of fridge and I hope these aren't Hornets or you know, I get the off brand version where it's like, oh fuck my ass, but that's good. peanut brittle. You know what you pick up at Trader Joe's right now I'm picturing eating peanut brittle off of a pussy but it's kind have like you know those little candies? You got off like the little button candies off of paper. It'd be like that like it's like a preset appetizer. Can I be honest? I never ate any of those candies. You know what you're not missing out. It's little dots of idiocy that just looked cute. This was not a good candy. We had some bad candies, kids, but they looked adorable enough to eat and I think that's what matters. Yeah, we were tricked into that one. We were tricked into wanting it. We were tricked into telling our parents to buy it and then we sat there going, this is fun. And while we ate paper, we ate sugar. We colored sugar i'd paper and we enjoyed it. So you kids with your iPhones and your better candy than us. You know what, fuck it. We got to run around outside and not have our childhoods on social media. So it was pretty cool. That's the one good thing where you know, we can't be held back from college because of our social media. You know, I'm just saying but we lived in fear of our quote, permanent record. So yeah, like there's shit that I just didn't do because I'm pretty sure that I was Like no matter what you said did something someone was going to find out like so I think that just kept me from not doing bad milk too much bad shit. I mean, the internet is definitely a permanent record nowadays, but I kind of want to go back to a candy jewelry. I mean, now I'm thinking about candy panties and the ones with hard candy. For who's the Woodchuck? Hmm, who can tear through those with their teeth? Not any dentist, whose dentures are possible most Chuck awful balls. That's Yeah, that's that's some inappropriate shit right there. That's not okay. I don't feel good about that. I'm going to need more therapy for that one. Sorry. It's just
Unknown Speaker 3:41
a blank childhood.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:43
Look, my childhood ruined my childhood. Okay.
Unknown Speaker 3:47
I do what I do. Well, you know, there's someone else we could ask for their opinion. And that is we're having an MFF today. I'm so excited. I think we need more of these in our life. I agree. And we're not only having it with Any ATM we're having a fantastic today. Oh, with Lance Hart. Oh, Lance, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. You just came from work. So thank you so much.
Lance Hart 4:11
Well, I was just downstairs in order didn't have to commute. So they're actually still the people that are paid to fuck each other today. They're still in my kitchen eating candy. Speaking of candy, we had
Yvette d'Entremont 4:22
to pay people to fuck each other today. That's, that is not a thing I got that I've ever gotten to do in my life as a scientist. So this is Yeah, tell our audience what you do.
Lance Hart 4:31
Well, one of them is a scientist. So there's that but there's just coincidentally but I make porn and I put it on the internet. Wait,
Yvette d'Entremont 4:38
a scientist in the porn are a scientist for the day job.
Lance Hart 4:41
He was a chemical engineer, I guess. Yeah, for the government, I think and then a bunch of than a pro rugby player. And then now he's a male porn star. You know, it's kind of done at all. Yeah, that's good to know. But what do I do? I do I make more and I put it on the internet. And I try to make money from that and it works. works out really good. And then I'm 40 but people still put me in there porn. Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 5:04
I mean, Lance, you've been doing this for well over 10 years. I mean, you're one of the most prolific adult stars there is. I mean, I, I kind of want to come through the awards, but there's too many to list. Oh, you've done it there for years. They're all stuff they
Lance Hart 5:18
like I've won an award, but no one had heard of the like festival that it came from, you know, to meet and then finally, this year, they're starting to the bigger ones are coming. There's a
Yvette d'Entremont 5:25
pile now. So it's hard to ignore.
Lance Hart 5:27
Yeah, they just sit around. There's like a n table thing that my cats lay on. And they kind of weave in between them. And like, they're rather chin on like, because some of them are spiky. You know, the awards, and they just they like that skin for the cat rubber. Do
Yvette d'Entremont 5:42
you have enough awards for a scratching post for your
Unknown Speaker 5:44
Lance Hart 5:48
It's good. That's what I wanted. And then Charlotte My wife has too so it's, you know, it's a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag of just pointy thanks. All the porn awards. None of them are things you'd want to put in your but
Unknown Speaker 5:59
I know Kate Kennedy once did to someone else, she fucked someone. I think she put an AVM into someone's butt or vagina. I don't know one of those holes. Maybe it was dp.
Lance Hart 6:12
Yeah. My friend Pierce Paris put a gay vn, which is the same, it's the same award. It's the same size and everything. He put one of those up as bought this year. And it was his big. I was like to him too. That's aggressive. He's brave. like Abraham Lincoln said he's brave to put that up as a pioneer.
Unknown Speaker 6:26
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Abraham Lincoln said.
Lance Hart 6:30
About bravery. Yeah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker 6:32
Well also about putting stuff into your ass. Yeah, there's a lot of bravery involved. You said something about bravery and put things in your butt. I do remember that in the Gettysburg Address, Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers said let us shove this up our asses. Yeah, that was that was you know, in there. It was subtext.
Lance Hart 6:49
Yeah. He had a boyfriend right didn't Lincoln. Someone told me that I heard it on the internet.
Yvette d'Entremont 6:54
You know how I heard fairly recently was bisexual. Mr. Rogers.
Lance Hart 6:58
Oh yeah. I believe it to you. That's immediate. I'm like, yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 7:01
that made me so happy. The nicest human being ever also bisexual also
Lance Hart 7:05
does it all. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was. Today was a good day we, uh, speaking of candy, we get a lot of candy and I always have a lot of candy. I have you know, sprees. You know sprees are like
Yvette d'Entremont 7:18
chewy spray or like the crumbly spray. That's that's our way. I don't know what a chewy spree is like a top tier candy. Yeah,
Lance Hart 7:26
I like the original sprig. I like chewy sprays, but the thing is, they're so tart. You can't eat like two mouthfuls of them. It's too much you're like I've had too much now I want to eat something healthy or something stupid, but like sprees, the original it's just sugar it's like a hard like disc of sugar sweet tart, but it's got Oh, okay. That's basically what it is. But they're delicious. And they don't sell them and gas stations anymore. They're now they still sweetheart. That was pretty so I ordered them online so I get like a box from Amazon like once a month. Put them in the pantry.
Yvette d'Entremont 8:00
All my relatives live in Canada. So whenever I'm up there sprees are everywhere. Oh, they have Saprissa
Lance Hart 8:04
is it wonder if it's a Canadian? Well, it's a Wonka thing. Is he Canadian?
Yvette d'Entremont 8:08
I don't know if it's a Canadian thing or if it's just they're popular up there. So I find them like there are candies that like I lived in England for a while my relatives are in Canada and they have the same little bits of candy up there. So whenever I'm up there, I'm like, I'm stocking up now. Yeah, I have a suitcase full of candy right like this will last a year. Nope.
Lance Hart 8:26
Yeah, I'll go to Germany a few weeks with my wife and I've never been to Europe so I'm like exhausted
Yvette d'Entremont 8:32
yeah she's gonna have a million suggest Alice is polish and she pollen she'll have the simpson
Lance Hart 8:38
said Germany's Atlanta chocolate so I'm interested like as to how they roll but I'm just I'm really into American like Snickers bars and shit you know to be like really like the I've had fancy chocolate, but I like a watch McCall or like a take five bar. So I'm like interested how that roll.
Yvette d'Entremont 8:53
I have one suggestion. Try everything. Yeah, you can find it. Do you like Cadbury eggs
Lance Hart 9:00
So my thing I'm not super into Cadbury eggs.
Yvette d'Entremont 9:03
Here's the thing the British Cadbury egg is bigger and it has a different chocolate and a slightly more marzipan II taste to the cream inside. And I have a picture of the two of them side by side and it like blew people's minds because they're like what? I'm candy is bigger outside of the US.
Lance Hart 9:20
Yes, I'm American. Yeah, it was I lived there for grad school and I was just I was like, Why are these so addictive? I didn't like them in the US and I realized the ones in the US are made by Hershey's so maybe over there I like them. I'm way open minded. I mean, I want to know I want to get all the sausages and Charlotte says they have a pastry like really good pastry. We're going to go crazy on pastries. So it's gonna be I'm just gonna be a big fat person when I get home. It's gonna be you're gonna
Unknown Speaker 9:45
walk so much that you'll you won't gain anything. What I highly suggest I'm huge on curry worst. So get some curry worst which is basically Bratwurst with curry and get some fries and mayo in the middle. They have in Germany I don't know what they put in it okay um if they put actual Germans in them yeah who knows maybe it's very possible yeah exactly so maybe ash that's still in the air if you are offended by that joke I am our designated you email us at info into girls on my send me your hatred for making a joke about my dead relatives. Yeah but the point is it is delicious curry worse the fries Mayo especially after i mean i don't know if you drink or not but a beer tour.
Lance Hart 10:33
Oh I don't drink so I'm yeah so over a long time but I'll eat the crapper candies and stuff. I'll eat food that's like cooked and alcohol as long as it's not like yeah, like what am I gonna eat or rumble? I think
Yvette d'Entremont 10:44
was cooked it alcohol the alcohol Yeah,
Lance Hart 10:47
I mean to some extent like like beer better I actually I would eat I'm not like it's not like oh, that's bad for me. But I just I don't like the taste because I yeah beer which for me was for getting drunk. It wasn't like I wanted to drink for the Tastes drink like Gatorade or some shit. You know? Like it wouldn't be drinking beer, you know, but
Yvette d'Entremont 11:04
I'm lucky with alcohol like it just I don't like feeling drunk. So it's like I'll have I will have one and at that point, I'm like, Whoa, the roof spinning so I've got I have one drink tolerance, and I know that's where I stop. Yeah, you don't. You don't have the alcohol on the other hand, we deal.
Lance Hart 11:21
Are you in LA?
Unknown Speaker 11:22
Indeed? Are you okay? Yeah,
Lance Hart 11:24
no, I just you said not So assume delay. So please, yeah, indeed. Everybody's Hi. It's awesome. Vegas
Yvette d'Entremont 11:30
is it's legal now. So you get a contact when you get off the plane at LAX. Yeah,
Lance Hart 11:34
Yvette d'Entremont 11:36
so Hi. It's funny. Well, my family's in the industry. So okay, my in laws, so it's just it's unavoidable. Basically.
Lance Hart 11:43
Yes, everywhere. I think it's cool. It's better than locking people up for that shit. That's crazy. That Yeah, seems barbaric. Only like six months later, right?
Unknown Speaker 11:52
Yeah. Now all they have to do is release everybody who's a nonviolent drug offender who ever went to jail for an ounce of pot. Yeah. Get on that next I know in New Jersey they attempted to legalize pot in some sense but that was the exact issue they got stuck over they weren't sure whether or not where do we draw the line as far as convictions go and releasing people you know what was the exact amount and they couldn't figure that out and for that reason purchased in become legal in New Jersey Wow, they couldn't figure out how to be nice about shit so they're like let's just not be nice at all. Yeah, like hey, just what makes you enthusiastic about pot versus a pot dealer versus you just have a lot of pot right and you know that all these fuckers smoke like I'm sorry, I know politicians. I've gotten enough of them. Hi. These assholes all benefit from the fact that they run the country so they they're no they're not going to get in trouble. Yeah, so takes a lot for all of you that I've gotten high, fucking make it legal.
Lance Hart 12:49
I grew up in DC and our mayor was on crack. And then he got reelected. He got caught on he was on the news smoking crack with a hooker
Yvette d'Entremont 12:58
well done. That's like a trip. Right there. We're watching our
Lance Hart 13:01
mayor and he's on TV and he's just getting busted. And he's just hi is this guy on crack and he's like that bit set me up that bush set me up. So that was a running joke in DC if he got caught doing anything bad, you're just like that bit set me up, you know, because the mayor was on crack, and they reelected him. Wait, what's
Unknown Speaker 13:20
his name? Like? Marian barriers?
Lance Hart 13:23
is an actual Berry. It's an actual like there's a fruit a berry. That's a marionberry in his name, his name would be like if your your full name was strawberry, girl CRAN gram what's your last name? berry cranberry? Okay, that's the thing. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker 13:38
If you have a barrier, please email us at info to girls one Mike comm we want to hear from you. I want someone named absolute to email us. ABCD people have named their kids that absolutely. Oh my god. Like I don't know if someone looked at that and went Wow, that's a beautiful name and only realized later it was the first five letters but I look at that, like, I can't help but laugh. Little bit at that and I feel bad because I thought that's not trying. That's what that is, you know, maybe in someone else's language that's just a beautiful name and I'm, you know, I could be the duck here but I'm also going up to the
Lance Hart 14:12
Yeah, I can't not laugh at a cat I couldn't name for a long time.
Unknown Speaker 14:15
You're not the deck. I mean, the parents are the deck. I look at it and go was that like a 72 hour labor? Like at that point? I'd be like, abs. Abs. Fuck you, kid. Well, you have to write letters, ma'am. Oh, go home. Okay, cool. It's like the parents who name their kids the reverse version of heaven. nivia.
Yvette d'Entremont 14:35
Yeah, please, parents. Please don't do this to your kids. I'm just saying it's been done.
Lance Hart 14:40
I didn't get to pick my porn name. I wanted to be Rufus. thunderpants. Oh, I thought it sounded flashy.
Yvette d'Entremont 14:45
Rufus. thunderpants. Is bankable as fuck.
Lance Hart 14:47
It sounds good. It would have been a long Twitter. I didn't consider Twitter because it was like 2007. But um, I was working for a gay porn company. And it was like glamour gay porn. It's like fancy like Shaun Cody is fancy gay porn. They said what you want your name to be? I was like Rufus thunderpants and they're like, Lance, just Lance no last name. And I was like, Okay, I'll be Lance. So there you go. And then when I got out of the contract there I just threw heart at the end but
Unknown Speaker 15:12
I get to pick it you know up here someone's hard at work. So how did you get into porn?
Lance Hart 15:18
Well I tried a lot of jobs in a sucker all of them and then as it turns out, I was pretty good at porn. So you know to read I go where your talent is yours, Helen is all my friends were like, I mean, I went to college big waste time and got a degree and did that scam and then what's your degree in English? Like what creative writing but really, it's like American literature because there's not much I don't know, in other schools at my school, we took like two classes where we wrote for a creative writing degree and then the rest of it was reading American literature. So it was like modern American literature I guess. So I did that got jobs, business jobs. It was a businessman wore suit and sucked at that. And then that did a lot of construction Joe jobs valet retail Yours, all kinds of shit. And then, um, my friends were like, you gotta find what you love. You know, but one of the best friends is a construction guy and he's passionate about it. And he loves it. And he's good. He makes a shit ton of money, because he can make the most beautiful kitchen or bathroom in the world. You know what I mean? He's just amazing. So he's an artist. That's cool. I don't have anything like that. And meanwhile, I'm like, jerking off to porn, like, three, four hours a night. It's right in front of me. And everyone's like, do what you love. And then someone asked me to, you know, they're like, you can be at our porn. And then I did it. No, it's like, this is it. This is what I'm good at what and then it took a couple years to like, come out with it. I like kept day jobs, even though I was making way more money in porn, because I didn't want people to ask so what do you do for work now because everybody knew I always was jobs job job. So I just kept sales jobs and stuff like that, even though I hated them. And then eventually I was like, enough's enough. I'm just gonna tell everybody, and I did. And it worked out. I had some friends, not take it well, and family didn't take it well, but now, my family and I are cool. We didn't give up on each other. Basically. We just like cats, like they're very right wing Southern people. And they're not very open minded to certain things, but they're very open minded to a lot of things. You know, it's just the way they are the way they grew up. So when they saw their son on the internet doing gay sex, or transects, or femme DOM and stuff, they were like, what is that? Like, blew their minds. And so I just tried to be sympathetic with that. And it took a couple years, but we got to where we're totally cool. Now, you know what I mean,
Yvette d'Entremont 17:27
there was a great quote from Dan Savage, there are things a parent has a right not to know about their children. And unfortunately, because of what you do that those are things that they it was harder to avoid.
Lance Hart 17:38
They got a bad deal there. And I respect that it's probably traumatic for them. I mean, it'd be just as traumatic if when I was a kid, if they're having sex around me or something, you know, I mean, like, openly, I would probably have some kind of trauma so I'm sure it traumatized them. So I had to really not be whining about because it's tempting to be like they don't accept me the way I am. Why, you know, but you know, it's a thing, man. Knowing that your kids doing weird shit on the you know, and so we worked it out. We just don't talk about work. You know, maybe we go visit them all the time is cool. And then I had friends that were like, didn't want to see me anymore. That's disgusting. How could you do that? And then now years later, every single one of them has either asked me for advice, like when they're How do I get ready for anal? Or?
Yvette d'Entremont 18:21
I had that conversation with a friend just the other day.
Lance Hart 18:24
Yeah. Or like, I can't quit cheating on my wife. Okay, hookers, what do I do? And I'm like, well, you're asking a gay hooker. I don't know if I'm the guy to talk to but I guess you're not judging me anymore. You know, to me, like what's going on?
Yvette d'Entremont 18:35
come around to the fact that this is a legitimate profession.
Lance Hart 18:38
Yeah, it's everybody's come around in that sense. That's cool. But I do I love what I can't imagine doing anything else. You know, it's a good deal.
Alice Vaughn 18:45
I have to say on your websites, I know. You have your own personal websites like sweet femme DOM and you have also man up calm. Yeah. And I was looking at man up and I was looking at the previews. And I have to say that it was a little extreme for my taste, but I know what This definitely appeals to people because I saw when cheese I saw ballbusting I saw ball kicking cosplay drawing a smiley face on a deck. Yeah. Which I mean that I won't rule out. Right. But tip of pen does one use for that. Well, it was not a thong. But I mean, you could probably still use a sharpie all day.
Lance Hart 19:17
Yeah, it was a sharpie. And that was a some fan just suggested like I should draw like, it'd be so humiliating if you drew a face and I was like, is that a humiliating fucker? it'll try and then it look cool.
Unknown Speaker 19:30
I think writing something mean about the deck on the deck would be meaner. Yeah. I feel like there's a lot of humiliating things Americans specifically can do, but they can't do in other countries. I think like for example, geography is one of them. Right? Put a map up and let's test any American this isn't even porn. It's just a fully closed person. Just start labeling countries. Just go ahead and see how you feel about yourself. After we watch your competence should really start naming elements Yeah, on the periodic table, all Have them name anything other than hydrogen.
Lance Hart 20:03
I always joke like if I'm like, Alright, say something million to them, they don't know what to say. I'm like, say your Facebook feed looks like you have low self esteem. And they're like, oh, like and then they're like, does it though? I don't really. And I'm like, sorry there's too far too far. I don't mean to
Yvette d'Entremont 20:17
I had this horrible realization one day I'm like, yeah, there are people that I keep on my friends let's just because they're an amazing train wreck to watch and then I went, Oh, fuck my back person to I there's no way like almost every person is that fucking train wreck for someone else.
Lance Hart 20:32
I'm like, it is definitely every Well, maybe not. Yeah, you know, oh, no,
Yvette d'Entremont 20:36
it's me. Some days.
Lance Hart 20:38
I got off it for two years and it was great. I didn't miss it. Immediately. I did miss it. It was the weirdest thing. And then I got back on it. When I got married. I wanted to show off the cool pictures, you know, so I got better. So I got back and also people the wedding wanted to get tagged and do you know, so I was like, I better get back on it. I don't know Instagrams kind of fun and more fun to me. You know, I guess you
Yvette d'Entremont 21:00
have a following. It's a good way for you to connect with your fans.
Lance Hart 21:03
Yeah, kinda. Well, it gets. I mean, it got deleted recently some starting over some don't have that many followers but they're finding the deal
Unknown Speaker 21:11
by little porn stars. Yeah, and it's
Lance Hart 21:14
so it's, uh, we complain about that a lot like because we got targeted and we're there you know, discriminating against sex workers and like, maybe but it's an app that makes money it's a business that makes money off children looking like parents are like, I don't want to deal with my fucking kid. I'm going to handle my smartphone so they and then they look at whatever kids look at on the phone. So there's kids on there, and then we're on Instagram, like covering or deck with our hand in order to be like non nude See, haha, it's not nude. And like there's clearly a deck about to go my butt but they can't see it, you know? So I kind of get like my new one is just me and cats. Just a bunch of my cats in me every now and then like my wife or I'll play. There's something really cool happens in a scene. But everybody's definitely has close then, you know, put it on there, but I've toned it down big time. But yeah, there was like a, they just wiped us out on Instagram pretty quick. It was cool. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 22:11
there was definitely a targeted campaign from what it seems like last
Lance Hart 22:14
year. Yeah, it was it was I got wrapped up in that but like my wife is just smart man. One night she's on her phone just deleting old Instagram posts and changing captions and stuff. And she spent like four hours doing that and I was like, What are you doing? She's like, I don't want to delete it. I think they're coming for us. And I'm like, it's crazy on the way to make it whatever the algorithm was made it Instagram proof. Yeah, but she beat the system. She kept her Instagram. You know what I mean? She cleaned it up in time so she probably
Yvette d'Entremont 22:39
made it just look like a fitness model.
Lance Hart 22:41
That's the thing if you're a fitness model you're you're okay. Why it's still the fitness models aren't like yeah, with like, clearly a dick but they cover it with a cucumber picture. I mean, that you know, to be like we're sex workers are we gotta admit, we're shady. Like that. I own it
Yvette d'Entremont 22:58
was funny because I used to while I lived in in Burbank, and so it was right near the porno Valley, and I got to brunch on Sundays and my husband and I would play the porn star or fitness model. They were watching people walk by. So it's like, nothing wrong with either one, of course. And it's like, we're just, you know, we would try to figure out like, Is there a different aesthetic? And very similar?
Lance Hart 23:18
No, it's free. So I jerk off to a fitness mom, blame me, which makes them porn stars by default. Right?
Unknown Speaker 23:25
Who else? It's either amateur or your friends for the most part,
Lance Hart 23:28
right? Well, they're say have a fitness mom has a million followers and she monetizes her Instagram. And her entire page is sexy stuff. That's good to jerk off too. And that's her living. She's a sex worker. You know what to be like? I mean, you can say she's not but come on, man. You know what I mean? Like a million followers. Yeah, she
Unknown Speaker 23:46
didn't go into it for that. But at the same time, like on some level, she knows that picture is being used for that. Like Alison, I joke about, you know, people jerking off to this podcast because we review porn. I know there are elicitors doing that and it's like, yeah, I'm okay with Hit me. I know what product I'm putting out, of course. So Lance, you you are kind of a unicorn in this industry. You are a crossover actor I am. And so for our audience who is not familiar with what a crossover is, that means you do both gay and straight porn.
Lance Hart 24:16
Yep, they do. I do. They told me you can't do that when I was new to porn. And I was like, Wow, that sounds stupid. Like and you know, in life, people tell you that'll never work. But some a lot of times you hear that? And you're like, You're stupid, you know? And then I found out later. It's a real thing. You really, you know, there are so many companies I'll never work for as companies my wife can ever work for because we're openly married, you know? And, you know, people are just don't feel safe working with her because of gay cooties. You know,
Unknown Speaker 24:45
now is it from what I've heard, there's different levels of STI testing for straight versus gay. Maybe you could elaborate on that.
Lance Hart 24:53
Yeah. So it's different. It's changing. So like what where it is now is not where it was a year ago. As your overseer go, it's always changing and the the landscape of porn changes to So, for example, today, most people who like did porn today, I'd say the majority is probably people who are porn stars, but they met up with each other at their houses. And they did only fans are just for fence. Like they said, Let's film this together, we'll both put it on our app, and then people will pay us a monthly fee. So they're just doing that for funsies. But they're also making money. That's become a dominant thing in our industry. So how do you regulate that? You know what I mean? It's just two people agreeing to have sex. And then the same two people might get booked with me the next week. So if they worked with someone, and they said, well, we're friends. Yeah, we didn't have a talent test. But like, I know, they're cool. You know what I mean? That wouldn't happen on a porn set. But if you're just at your buddy's house and you're hanging out and drinking beers, and you know, whatever they got a hot tub or a cool wish to blowjob scene right there. Yeah, sure. Why not? is harmless, you know, we're cool. And then they think later, hey, you tested expired on my test but I'm good you know. So that's changed. You know what I mean? That's one big difference, the standard, I guess for like people who don't know, in general inform, you're supposed to go to a talent test center, either go to CT or talent test two, there's two companies and you go get your blood drawn up in a cup, and then they analyze it, whatever. They test you for everything except herpes and HPV. And then they put your results on a closed internet, like not everybody can see it. But if you have a login you can get in. And that way, anyone in porn with a login can log in and say, Okay, I'm working with so and so today. Here's their test they tested within 14 days ago. So I know they're clear. So we're good to go. That's how we keep saying,
Yvette d'Entremont 26:50
that is a lot more. I didn't realize that there was a whole system that you could see people's information on and that's Yeah, basically in order to work in porn people have to opt into that or and there's
Lance Hart 26:59
no governing system around this, that's just socially what we've decided. Because obviously anyone with an iPhone can make a forum. So they can do that however they want. But if you want to be in the industry get paid for bookings have people follow you on Twitter or do boo boo, like via whatever you call that, you know, call it a porn star anymore. But whatever that is, you know,
Yvette d'Entremont 27:20
it's the thing that most mainstream actors we see are involved in. Yeah, you have to
Lance Hart 27:24
play by the rules. And so people don't play by the rules quickly. Everybody knows and they get tweeted about Twitter is our network and porn, like we all have Twitter. So somebody's fucking up. People will tweet Hey, don't work with so and so they got rapey on set or they wanted to shoot me without a test or they pressured me and you know, the big no no's interesting. This
Yvette d'Entremont 27:45
is good information for our audience to have so they know who's making ethical porn and how to find out who's not making ethical porn. Who's not Yeah, who did not support Yeah,
Lance Hart 27:54
it's social media. So obviously, someone could mix it up. They could say I don't like that motherfucker. They're getting sued. that I want and if they're out of the picture, I get more bookings. I'm gonna say they did the shady thing. You know what I mean? So you kind of do have to feel it out. But um, there's people who are like, kind of recurring offenders, you know, some people that we've heard is that people just kind of stay away. But there's always new people
Unknown Speaker 28:18
what you're telling me people who fuck up to it more than once? Yeah, shocking. No, I mean, I fuck up
Lance Hart 28:24
stuff. I just try not to ethically fuck up. But this
Unknown Speaker 28:26
last year has taught us nothing. So anyway, that's the standard. So actually, quick question, like you said, that's the standard. But is that the standard for across gay porn and straight porn? Or is that just for one or the other? Because you did mention a database. And one person we had I don't know if we had her on the show, or just We spoke with her had told us that there was a different testing standard across gay porn versus straight porn. So I would love clarity on that.
Lance Hart 28:52
Yeah, so if you need a Venn diagram, because there's, I don't know if I could say most but all the companies I work for in gay porn, use this same system as a straight porn good, right? Good guy. And then there's other companies that say, well, we use condoms, so whatever. And then there's other companies that say, we shoot undetectable people. And it's unethical to discriminate against someone because they were positive, and now they're treating themselves. So fuck off the past system, and we're just going to shoot, I'm terrible people, but we're still going to get tested. We just can't do it in your system, because your system, if they're undetectable, kicks them out immediately. For life. If you're like big x, you can never come back.
Unknown Speaker 29:31
So what's considered undetectable I'm sorry,
Lance Hart 29:34
Oh, okay. So, for the past, I don't know how many years I'm going to fuck this up. I'm going to say five years we've science has known that if somebody has an undetectable viral load, meaning they're HIV positive, take their medicine, and the medicine works and then they go get their blood work and they say, Okay, I can't see any HIV. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 29:53
basically, if they didn't know you had HIV that they wouldn't know from a blood test at this point from the viral load blood Test. Yeah, they would know they would be able to find the antibodies but not the
Lance Hart 30:03
virus. And if you're in that boat that day, it is 0.0 chance of spreading HIV to anyone else.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:11
And at that point, most people would be on prep and pap. So basically, so that they wouldn't be able to spread it and you wouldn't be able to catch it,
Lance Hart 30:18
the HIV undetectable person would be on something and then the partner might be on prep to keep them from Yeah. But even if the partner is not on prep, 0.0 chance that they could give someone HIV in science, you're a scientist, when you hear 0.0 that's a big deal.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:37
To me, that sounds like no chance. Now there are there have been seven cases now of people getting HIV while they're on pressure.
Lance Hart 30:44
That's not 0.0
Yvette d'Entremont 30:46
Exactly. But that's not having sex with a partner with no viral load that's just out in the world having sex with who knows what the viral load was, but I mean, only seven cases of transmission of all the people on prep means you know, if you're having sex with prep with people with no viral load. It's such a low percentage chance. I mean, this is such a magical 0.0.
Lance Hart 31:05
Again, I know it's hard to wrap your head around. But you don't have to be on prep to have sex with someone with an undetectable viral load to be totally safe. Okay, but would you do it
Yvette d'Entremont 31:17
in my brain? I'd be like, No, I'd want prep. Like it's just it's just such a like, I'd still would have to I'm sorry.
Lance Hart 31:22
Yeah, that's the controversy.
Unknown Speaker 31:24
Yeah, it's also I feel like there's absolutely a mental barrier there. Because I think to myself, for example, like I know my partner sterile BOD. You know what? birth control I made just right, just in case swimmers are sneaky.
Lance Hart 31:41
It's tricky and, but you can see how some, like, the gay community who has accepted that undetectable means zero, you know what I mean? You can put yourself in their shoes. You might feel like one of these traits going to let get with science. You know, like what's going on
Yvette d'Entremont 31:58
one of my gay friends. He As a pediatrician, and he's very strict about condom usage, he's on prep as needed. Basically, when he knows he's going to be out on a vacation having some fun. Yeah. And he still uses condoms. You know, and I think it's just because Dr. and is like, I want my chance to be zero. You know, that's his decision.
Lance Hart 32:17
Well, it's smart because prep doesn't save you from gonorrhea or chlamydia. Exactly. hepatitis. Exactly. hepatitis is bad.
Yvette d'Entremont 32:23
I mean, that's the thing. He's not having sex with people who have been tested every two weeks is the difference. Yeah, so
Lance Hart 32:28
it's different. So there with that, it's a Venn diagram, right? And it's not so much a stigma or like a thing. It's just a Venn diagram. There's people that feel comfortable with this and people feel comfortable with that. It gets dicey when people start. When the fear comes out sideways. You know what I mean? And then people get offended because they're like, Why are you scared of me? This is weird. You know what I mean? Like, like, yeah, I'm not homophobic. I'm just scared of gay people. Yeah.
What is homophobic mean? He Yeah.
It's kind of weird, right? Like kind of weird. So I don't like stress about it, I make more money because of the stigma because Wow, there's only so many guys that will do bisexual scenes and trans scenes and currently buy scenes and trans scenes are two of the fastest growing like niches. And if you want to shoot one of those and pay people to be in it, there's like me and maybe 10 other guys that you can hire.
Unknown Speaker 33:28
Are you doing trans scenes, both with trans men and trans women?
Lance Hart 33:31
I just work with trans women as it's I don't no one's ever actually asked me to be in a trans man scene.
Yvette d'Entremont 33:36
I don't see a lot of them is scary. I don't
Lance Hart 33:38
think they sell but they might you know what I mean? I don't know anyone that tries but uh, but if you need a guy to play that role, it's like me or 10 of my friends. And then every year we can all raise our rates by 100 bucks, you know, because what are you gonna do? hire someone there's no one else to hire you to read. And then
Unknown Speaker 33:56
you have the market cornered?
Lance Hart 33:58
Yeah, and no one wants to Be a crossover because that, but I'll never get booked for brazzers I'll never be and the big Axl brown award winning parody, I'll never all that stuff. But meanwhile,
Yvette d'Entremont 34:09
look, Alice and I are working on writing like 10 parodies right now. Okay, right. Yeah,
Lance Hart 34:13
yeah, so there's but there's tons of money because there's so many bisexual scenes, you know, productions and trans productions. They're not like as many as straight Of course, but when there's only 10 guys to hire, and you need three of them for a DVD. We're in everything, you know what I mean? So it's kind of cool work is always there and our rates those of us who've been doing it for a while our rates are higher than your average straight performer.
Unknown Speaker 34:36
What you're telling me experience pays more Yes, like any other industry Of course,
Lance Hart 34:40
of course it should. Anyway, there's some exceptions but on the show, and then as a producer, I'm friends with all the people that do buy stuff and trans stuff and and those are the same guys who will do let a girl walk them in the boat, the strap on, you know what I mean? So it pays to know that I mean, that just sounds fun. It is fun. It is. It's great time. Yeah. All
Yvette d'Entremont 34:59
right. Just perked up. Sorry.
Lance Hart 35:01
Yeah. And I shoot a lot of that. And then the gay stuff pays well, but it's most of my money comes from making my own porn from man up films and we come down, but it's nice to still get booked all the time. You know what I mean? And as much as I have time for anyway, so it doesn't hurt me It sucks that you know, affects my wife she it'd be cool if she could be in one of those big award winning movies. She's definitely good enough. She's like, awesome at porn. It's affected her casting as well. Oh, big time. Yeah. Like they can't. They're like, well, how can we trust her test? She's with that Lance Hart and he does bisexual stuff. And how do we know that he's not hooking up with undetectable people? Because what if he hooked up with an undetectable person? And then, but they passed the test, but they stopped taking their medicine just in time to pass the test. And then he got HIV. And then he had sex with her because they're married and then she already passed her test, but then the day before I had sex with her, and then we're that's how I get AIDS and die.
Yvette d'Entremont 35:55
You know, as soon as I met. Yeah, they're making a major reach on this Yeah, like,
Lance Hart 36:00
it's it seems like it but then at the same time, you wouldn't have sex with someone who's on attachable if you weren't on prep, right, this is the same thing. I
Yvette d'Entremont 36:07
would use a condom, but same as everything else like and it's just I had a partner who had herpes, and he had not had an outbreak in years, and never had an outbreak while we were involved. But, you know, it was condoms every time and that was, you know, he was in an open relationship and, you know, multiple partners and yeah, that was just the thing. It's like my policies. The only person I really haven't used condoms with regularly is my husband. So I'm just like, Look, if you're putting a penis near me, I want a condom. Yeah,
Lance Hart 36:34
to the condom save you from her. You didn't get herpes,
Unknown Speaker 36:37
if somehow, you know, I'm gonna be blunt with my numbers. I'm shocked that I don't have herpes. That's amazing. Pretty much everyone. The only thing I've gotten is HPV and I've been lucky that like some people get it keep it forever. I am HPV negative now that's cool. Lucky on that one. I got herpes with a con. It's that one's easy to spread. I like I said, I'm very lucky on that. Yeah, that's cool. I've had face herpes ever since. Since I was a kid I'll never forget I once had I herpes
Yvette d'Entremont 37:06
I just have acne like it's going out of business and I'm turning 36
Unknown Speaker 37:12
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Lance Hart 39:26
trimax Is that what it's called? trimax Yeah. kabore jakkur trimax camera. No one uses cameras anymore. No, like one guy that does it.
Unknown Speaker 39:33
I didn't even know these existed. What's the difference?
Lance Hart 39:36
I don't know scientifically the difference but trimax is like newer, I guess. It's like the new cool. It's better.
Yvette d'Entremont 39:41
Oh, we're calling an expert on for this next time. It'll be like what is the effect on the Pete? We need to know.
Lance Hart 39:46
I've tried trimax three times it worked once. It works great. I like nailed the scene. I was like, I get why guys do this because you don't have to think like so the part about porn that people don't watch is the director's cut. Okay, we're gonna want this position, this position, this position, and then you get in that position. And then the director says, I can't get the light in there. You got to lean lean way back while you do it. You're doing yoga at that point, because you got all your weight is like on your toe.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:14
This is not sex. This is performance art. Yeah,
Lance Hart 40:16
it's performance. So then you're trying to get your ticket in there and you're trying to help but you've got all your way. And so now your butt's numb or whatever,
Unknown Speaker 40:24
it's not like quarter turn sex. I'm also imagining like an intern coming in with a flashlight. Hold on. I could get the extra light in there. Oh, yeah, we do that. Let me get the under ball angle. I need to see the Tate
Lance Hart 40:37
you know, we call it a see light. But yeah, we totally do that. Yeah. So you got that going on. Plus, it's hot because you can't have AC on because it's loud. So you're sweating. It's hard to keep a boner when it's hot. It's just a thing. So you're sweating then you're insecure about you're sweating and it's getting all over her ham. And then Hi there. Eventually tired your scene partner because they're like they're really tries to be nice, but eventually you're like, I'm home. You want to go home so you don't say
Unknown Speaker 41:01
the point someone's vagina is just tired? or someone's asked whichever hole you're in Yeah,
Lance Hart 41:07
or about hormones guy. But if you're you know, you don't mean to but you're gonna be like you know something like that. And then here's that's a boner killer you know to be there's a lot of things that it's like there's no problem with stamina I've only once or twice film someone, or all forms that made where they came to early almost every time it's really hard to get the guy that come because he's in this mental really like, thing to like, not come, but stay hard. So then once you have to make that switch time to come, buddy, it's like a can't do it. Can't do it. So the trimax means you don't have to think about anything. You can be in a very uncomfortable position in gay porn. I mean, holding another man up his legs up is heavy. I mean, girls, they're lighter. And trans women are like in the middle. But dudes I mean 100 Do 220 pound man his legs are heavy when you're like lifting them or fucking imagine doing CrossFit while having to keep an erection and suck in your gut and look sexy and make a good face and move your hand it's blocking the shot you know all that kind of stuff. So
Yvette d'Entremont 42:15
oh my gosh, this is why we like to remind people that porn stars with those bands Yeah, you know, it's it's art. Your cat has a very cute tail, but he says he's just a very
Lance Hart 42:26
humble man. He knows what he's doing is here.
Unknown Speaker 42:31
So for our audience, you can see right now, we almost had a fantastic views of Lance's cat's anus. You know, we'd like to get as much butthole in the show as we possibly can.
Lance Hart 42:42
That's good. It's a goal. He wants to sit on dad's lap and the cats
do you have just four? Just Okay.
Unknown Speaker 42:50
Oh, so we finally have someone on the show with more cats than me. I have three and a dog. Okay, cool.
Lance Hart 42:56
Yeah, my this guy pay for camera work. A lot has 10 cats. So Oh my god, so he knows the answer to stuff hashtag
Yvette d'Entremont 43:03
Lance Hart 43:04
Yeah, if you're like, I don't know what to do here. Yes Come because he's 10 he knows to get got more cats than all of us. He is extending out so
Unknown Speaker 43:12
he knows more cats than us combined. That's a lot. It's
Lance Hart 43:15
the law. He was like, once you have six adding more doesn't really sound like you notice that there's more.
Unknown Speaker 43:21
You just you still have to scoop a ton of shit. It doesn't just solidaire
Lance Hart 43:25
Yeah, he's just there's just always a cat around Yeah, before we got my wife had to when we moved in together and I to so number four.
Yvette d'Entremont 43:31
For me it was a husband had two cats. I had a cat and a dog.
Lance Hart 43:35
Gotcha. Oh, yeah, we get along all our cats get along famously. So that's good.
Unknown Speaker 43:38
We have one cat that wants the dog dead. Other than that their grade, right? I currently have zero animals, although I've definitely decided that when I get a dog within the next year, so two things number one, I'm absolutely named me at Fido. spelled p HYDX. Oh my god like that. Thank you and you're welcome. Are you doing it? Be as extra as possible just to make fun of people who are as extra as possible. Uh huh. I love you. I already know I'm going to be also one of those dog moms where I spend way too much on my dog and give it an absurd name and dress it in the ridiculous outfits. Please, just don't dress in pink. What I'm trying to say is I'm financially irresponsible. I approve of this. Look, my dog has a doughnut around his neck. Right? My dog has been eating too much as look eat as responsibly. My dog ate it so much that he ate a hole in it. Don't he was he he is not as itchy anymore. But he will just keep eating that ass. It's a little chill. Yeah, dude. Dos responsibly. Children.
Lance Hart 44:40
around my neck from eating too much is no problem. Can you
Unknown Speaker 44:43
imagine if people had to do the same thing have cones around their head if they ate too much? You know, maybe that's what we should do to people who are like I have a sex addition murder. We're going to put a cone around your neck. No more as eating for you Tiger Woods. Yeah, we fixed it from now on a cone of shame. for sex addiction. Yeah. to David to covenant Jesus. Oh my god, right. We should put it around sting just to make him Shut the fuck up. How do we get David to come on the show? David? If you're listening, email us info to girls. Um, I still want Kathy Griffin to message me back. Yeah, he reached out to me just look she sent me tickets to her show, girl. I want everyone who's had a feud with Trump on the show.
Unknown Speaker 45:19
Yvette d'Entremont 45:19
guys, we got Tom Arnold on we've got one of three.
Unknown Speaker 45:22
That's pretty big.
Unknown Speaker 45:24
I like tomorrow he reads my writing so that was how I snagged him. He said he would totally watch Nazi porn if I did it so I guess that's a win. Okay, cool. Yes, it's um something you know,
Lance Hart 45:34
it was a very strange episode it's something I was at a fetish con fetish cons like a fetish convention. I'm it's what is it some Tampa? And it's like furries and domination people and all that the littles all the things,
Unknown Speaker 45:49
and then why do you want some awards?
Lance Hart 45:52
Oh, yeah, a few that thing and then, but one guy shows up one year and he's got a really immaculate Nazi outfit. And he's like, there's my fetish. And then Nazi stuff don't hate on me why shaming me? Yeah. And
Unknown Speaker 46:03
yeah, I'll shame for that. Well, yeah,
Lance Hart 46:04
he got he just got kicked out so fast. I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't even security. It was just like, two people I knew just one guy was big and he just picked them up. And he was just carry them outside and put them down and he said, Do not come back in, just like that. I mean, it's philosophically it's interesting, right? Like, that's the guys. Okay? I mean, if you're into domination, if you're sadist, you're into hurting people. Right? Yeah. So it's like, okay, but where are you gonna draw a line? I guess?
Yvette d'Entremont 46:30
Yeah. The joke with the Tom Arnold episode was, I'm Jewish Tom Jewish. His assistant who was on the show was Jewish and Alice looks like Alice. She's, at what point? We lost reception on her and she when she froze, the camera froze. She froze, and they accidentally froze. But the white power symbol on it was just how her hand was.
Unknown Speaker 46:51
And we're all
Yvette d'Entremont 46:52
we just lost it laughing. Right. So the jokes just kept coming out it
Lance Hart 46:57
didn't they figure out they came from 4chan, right?
Yvette d'Entremont 47:00
Hi have no idea where it started. It's just it's this too deep of a rabbit hole.
Lance Hart 47:04
Yeah, someone's only there's some people on 4chan who got together and they said, wouldn't it be funny? If we convinced everybody that if you did this with your hand, you're a white power person. Like let's see if we can go with it.
Unknown Speaker 47:15
And here's the here's the thing though, once people who are white supremacists are duking it out, ironically, is it now, it's now an actual thing than it is. Yeah, I just like here's the thing. There's also the circle game that people do to see if they can catch their friends looking at this and make them lose quote the game which Yeah, all of my friends who play the game, you just lost the games game. You all lost the game. You're losing it again right now. And if you weren't playing the game before you're playing the game now. Anyways. What's also really interesting is like, for example, Gavin McInnes, not a fan of his at all. But he started to proud boys as originally a joke and it became a parody and it became an actual hate group out of his joy because he started out as a parody. I'm not joking. Yeah, I'm serious. He absolutely initially started as a joke. He needs a better sense of humor but no no so event let me okay I can almost sympathize and I say almost I say almost Hold on, hold on. Don't crucify me for saying this. I said get a tiki torch but those have been appropriated. I have khaki shorts close enough. So I'm also the creator of offensive crayons and I do ask people to write in crayon submissions. And here's the thing for offensive crayons. I've at this point come out with a list of rules. Because most people aren't fucking funny. Most people think oh, I'm gonna just say something really offensive like say the the N word. Right? That should go on a crown. No. And that's the thing you actually do get deplorables when you try making a joke about deplorable
Unknown Speaker 48:51
w that is the thing Who
Unknown Speaker 48:52
Lance Hart 48:53
Yeah, but you gotta have jokes. You have
Yvette d'Entremont 48:55
to have jokes. It's important. You can't just be offensive. You have to be funny. Well being Yeah. You know,
Lance Hart 49:00
but we can't censor comedians, we need them. Exactly. They push things forward and give us ideas and stuff. And someone's got to have a blank check to say anything, you know, to me.
Unknown Speaker 49:09
Exactly. I think the bank account runs out somewhere, but there are deep pockets. The problem is though, especially when you're forming a group I found it seems to hold true though, for whenever someone's forming a group, you're always gonna end up having the extremists who end up taking control and running with it. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Because no one really yeah, there's certain things that people want to be in charge of, like sane people. And then there's other things that no one really wants to do the work to be in charge but a crazy person will be like, I want to be a journalist and then you get crazy running crazy. It makes sense. Exactly. I was talking to a comedian friend of mine recently. And okay, so listeners you're welcome to fact check me on this because I need to fact check it myself. But I heard actually we like being fact checked. We really do on this show, but obviously we all remember Charlottesville. That's a thing that happened. You That was a thing that happened and supposedly one of the people was a comedian who started it. Again don't know how and I don't know his views. I don't know if he thought this was a joke or not. Do you remember that? Christopher Cantwell the guy who was filmed for the vice documentary? No, I don't recall him if you watch that vice documentary, he was like, I think he had a shaved head and who's he looks like if a penis grow mouth. Basically. And I say this because I knew I can imagine him actually Yes, I knew about him before this from two different incidents once he was on call bear and they were making fun of these guys who walked around harassing meter maids in Keene, New Hampshire, like their whole thing was, were for freedom, so fuck the state and we're gonna get our freedom from the state by harassing meter maids in Keene, New Hampshire, him and two other assholes. That was their name. They harassed an army. I think it was an army veteran who came home after serving Afghanistan and was working as a meter maid and the her and the guys like you know what to do. Honest I'd rather go back to Afghanistan and deal with these assholes and then the other time I had heard of slash knew of Cantwell I have some libertarian friends don't fucking judge me. And there's okay Hey, they're afraid of roads. Let's get this clear they're afraid of what do you do with the roads Liberty? I'm kidding. Anyways, I love my libertarian friends. There are some entertaining humans. But anyways, one of my libertarian friends, one of her nudes leaked because she dated another guy in the movement and men are assholes sometimes, because you know, maybe if someone is nice enough to share their tips with you keep that shit to yourself. But the nudes leaked and Cantwell at one point got his hands on now I don't know if he was the one who distributed them or not. I don't know from whence they came. But at one point he put out a I don't know if it was a tweet or on his Facebook page. But he wrote, the damage that was done by accusing me of leaking these pictures is way more harmful than any damage that could have been done by releasing the pictures. I'm like you fucking cut I was livid about this. But like when he when I saw that he was in the Charlottesville thing, I'm like, how is he in every horrible thing I have ever seen. So like I get it that you know him being a dick to my friend is not the same as him leading a Nazi rally but like, it's not like we couldn't see the signs that he was a horrible person from a long time ago. So this is not someone with a different political view. This is someone who is deeply an asshole. I just wanted to share that fair enough. Yeah, you're welcome. Or I'm sorry listeners. But there is a background on Christopher Cantwell the guy in the documentary. Go watch that with new eyes. They haven't seen it. I was gonna we got off the topic of porn a lot.
Unknown Speaker 52:39
That happens. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 52:40
yeah. Yeah. That's what the show is about. So we broke Godwin's law and got over to Nazi somehow. So, oops. So, Lance, you've been in industry for 10 years, Jesus. So what have been some of your more interesting moments on set?
Lance Hart 52:56
Oh, I don't know. I mean, there's like everyone's like, what was is the craziest thing you've ever done, but it's like
Unknown Speaker 53:02
how about the least craziest, sexy,
Lance Hart 53:05
sexy? I mean, they're all it's like I love it and I enjoy it but it is it's just a job so like, a couple times like almost died on set. So there's different wait
Yvette d'Entremont 53:15
Hawaiian, that's a thing you got to tell us about like is this you said a couple of times where they feel like do you have an underlying condition that we should what's? What's happened so we are not concerned for you?
Lance Hart 53:26
Yeah, no like you just when you're doing bondage and stuff. Oh, yeah, tied up, right. Anyway, long story short, I was Batman in a movie and Batman wears a mask. There's a rubber mask that pulls his nose, the nose covers, you know, rubber over your nose, and it pulls up on your nose. It hurts. It's like pulls in viewers can't hear me Just imagine something rubber and hard pulling up on your nostrils. So that's uncomfortable, but my nose is pulled up and then I got a bog again. And so I can only breathe through my nose. Really kind of through my mouth, I'm laying on my back, which means my saliva is kind of pooling unless I swallow, and, but it's okay because you can swallow and breathe. You know, it's fine. And I'm tired at all four points so arms legs, and then Catwoman is supposed to squirt on me in the scene. And no one thought anything of it. I didn't think anything of it. So she does her thing stands over me and squirts, and she was wearing her own custom made Catwoman suit is a very expensive and she cherished it a lot. And I'm just looking up at her and I just see her go, oh my god, did I get an army? What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? Oh, god that came out of me. And then she runs out of the room. And so the director who's the only other guy in the room with a camera, puts the camera down and follows the girl because it's a screaming damsel in distress, right? So fuck Lance, you know, to me, so I'm laying on the ground, and whatever came out of her or whatever, went right up my nose, and just filled up everything you know. So I'm kind of laying there for a while. I'm like Thinking about it am I okay? I can't get through the bondage It was a chains it wasn't rope so I couldn't pick my way through it and I'm like okay, I can't I tried to like pull like through but the gag is blocking it so just coming back in. So it's like alright I just had to snort it and swallow it you know to be whatever it was just just get it clear my passage and then I'm breathing through like half a nostrils make it clear so it's like you can barely breathe you know to be panic attack and died lay in there for like 10 minutes just like that.
Unknown Speaker 55:33
I'm able to breathe is like the that scares me more than any free kind of want to know was that like half of a fetus? I don't know.
Lance Hart 55:41
Yeah, I didn't ask her and she she'd quit for not because of that but other reasons after that, and I just never asked fair enough. Yeah, so you know, it can get danger, any job and get dangerous. You get almost killed. If you're a mechanic. I guess if a car falls on you, you know what I mean? So those are like memorable. Some scenes turn you on a lot. Some of them. He just can't. get through it. You know what I mean? And
Yvette d'Entremont 56:02
just the day at the office?
Lance Hart 56:04
Yeah, it's just kind of depends. When I was newer at it, every scene was turned on, you know, because I was like, Oh my god, I'm in porn. And that's that famous so and so and I'm touching them. And it's and they're being nice to me. And they're like, want to suck my dick off camera. So now I can't believe is a dream come true. And then after 10 years, it's like, it's a real I'm really lucky to have this job. But you know, it's job. So
Yvette d'Entremont 56:26
now it's like a marriage to all the different dicks. Yeah, yeah. It's just kind of,
Lance Hart 56:29
you know, it's nice. But I do feel very fortunate. Really, just because I have a business that's successful. I wanted that my whole life. And now I have my own internet business that makes money and it's cool. It's like, wow, I don't have to commute. You know what I mean? I don't have to go check in with a boss. That's the thing I cherish I think more than anything, that freedom, freedom. Yeah, the freedom is good. But it was a lot of hard work to get. It's not as simple A lot of people think, Oh, well, yeah, if I got naked on the internet, I'd get rich too. But it's not. I mean,
Yvette d'Entremont 56:58
there is bad porn out there. And that's does not make a living
Lance Hart 57:01
and there are some broke porn workers. I mean, there's a lot most 99% of porn performers barely pay their bills. I don't know if that's accurate, but a small percentage that does makes more than 100,000 a year and then various smaller that makes 300,000 a year, you know?
Yvette d'Entremont 57:18
So it's like rare, but so I feel like lucky that my little stick paid off, you know, so it's kind of cool. It's good. You You went for a nice that people were like, this is a bad idea. And you're like, well, let's see what happens. And it worked out. I mean,
Lance Hart 57:30
at that point, I had already done gay porn for two years. I didn't know that you're not supposed to do both until I got out of that contract. And I was like, what I like women to I like women. I mean, I've always dated women and trans women. never dated dudes. I just enjoy sex with dudes, but it's just that's just where my orientation is, you know,
Yvette d'Entremont 57:48
your hetero romantic and bisexual,
Lance Hart 57:52
I guess. Yeah, I mean, whatever you call it these days and a lot was queer. I don't think it's queer anymore though.
Unknown Speaker 57:59
There are so many different
Lance Hart 58:00
Yeah, it's I don't know what it is anymore. I just I
Unknown Speaker 58:03
think it's too complicated. I mean, in my opinion, it's it's so fast I sexual covers it Yeah,
Lance Hart 58:08
that's these people today I just say goodbye and then but I'm picky like guys we're picky with guys and girls or trans woman but it's a mercenary we're monogamous outside of work. So it's not like I'm out there data, so who cares what my orientation is, um, you know, married, you know, I'm loving my wife, I'm happy, you know, to be like it's a moot point. But yeah, it's back then I wanted to make movies of girls and so I was in Florida, so I could do that you can do what you want. If you're not in LA or Vegas, LA and Vegas are ruled by like the rules, you know, but everything else is kind of, you definitely should use a talent test and you can but short of that there's no like, don't work with crossovers or this is how you do it or, you know, hold out in your first Angel scene and all the stuff that we do at West, you know, they don't really care in Florida. So just a real warning.
Unknown Speaker 58:55
I wasn't aware that outside of Las Vegas, it's basically a little bit of a free for all
Lance Hart 59:00
those totally free Yeah, it's you can do whatever you want. But most of the work is in LA and second to that Vegas makes so if you want to, like, get paid to be in a porn as you're living you need to live in LA or Vegas. I mean Miami if you have a contract with like bangbros maybe you could get by but that's kinda
Unknown Speaker 59:19
I just want to contract as an extra in a ton of different points. How do I get that? You could do that? Who will hire me for that?
Lance Hart 59:25
Literally just email browsers men calm. They need extras, those two companies we
Unknown Speaker 59:30
just want to be the female Jay and Silent Bob brazzers I want to be the stepsister who is blind. Yeah, you get in the room and I can't see them fucking
Lance Hart 59:40
you get 100 bucks a day and launch and your might be on set for four hours. You might be unset for like 20 that's the deal. But yeah, it's you know, so those new people check it out. They would shoot you in Yeah, la Vegas, Montreal, Atlanta, depending on you know where you're at. That's what they need.
Unknown Speaker 59:57
You know, I mean, I do have to make a couple of trips out to LA. So Yvette. Look, Leroy, you know, you want us for extras in your porn. I'm just saying. blu ray Meyers.
Lance Hart 1:00:07
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's Yeah, I have. I mean, I'm busy with work. I love his porn so much. She's great. I'm going to be an extra in his show. Next week I'll be on. I'm going to be elton john and one of his ports.
Unknown Speaker 1:00:19
Oh, we're totally gonna review that
Lance Hart 1:00:21
bed. I'm about to nonsexual so. I don't think it's like an elton john movie, I think
Unknown Speaker 1:00:26
but we're still gonna fucking review that because you're playing elton john. I hope he's just remaking the elton john film with us, elton john. That would be cool. But no, no, it's
Lance Hart 1:00:35
a non sex role. So already I don't know. I'm assuming there's some joke that involves elton john being in it and then I walked through his old job.
Unknown Speaker 1:00:42
Do you know what your costume is? Or you just see the fucking costume man? Yeah, I don't know. I want to be one of the Swedish women and all but come on. Yeah, we were I will sing Mamma mia until my tits fell off. Come on, make this happen. I was in Mamma Mia. community theater was fun. It was a good deal but so I got all the songs in my head. I have a chemistry degree and a theater degree. No had an interesting time in college. Yeah, there you go. But you were saying your elton john, you're gonna be on scene for Leroy. We're excited. Well,
Lance Hart 1:01:09
so elton john and a few animals. Wait, why does it say Seth? works? Leroy. So texted me that beard. Yeah, he texted me like, Hey, can you do a non sex role on this day? No, I was like, Fuck Yeah, because I looked and if I'm open, I'll go show up for them because they're fun. They're great. They actually let me rent their studio for pretty cheap, because they're just really nice. So anything I shoot that's like, nice or like a feature. It's done at the wood rocket studio. And their camera guy I hire you know, so it's a we're kind of loosely like buddies. We're connected like that. And so I'll show up for anything they ask. And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. I didn't even ask and it goes great. You're gonna be elton john and a few animals. And I was like, cool. And a few and I said, sweet. I think that was that was a whole conversation. So I have no idea what else has happened.
Unknown Speaker 1:01:56
I like the combination and a few animals but you might come on set. You might be emo you might be a draft you might be a platypus Who the fuck knows? Oh wait speaking pata pusses so they have webbed hands I was thinking about this wept person porn does that exist and I haven't looked it up hate so what counts as web interconnections between the hands and her feet and technically pterodactyl porn as well, right? Because Yeah, I've seen German pterodactyl porn I have seen witnessed it. The flapping man I will never unsee the flapping you man Sean Lennon, look, this was one of the first porns I saw and as a young impressionable college freshmen, it has never left me I'll never forget I was at a dinner and I was sitting across from Sean and somehow we got on the topic of terror dactyl porn or he probably brought it up. What almost brought it up but the point is he said wait, Is it this one and he pulled it up and showed it to me the exact one? Yes, because how often does that ever happen? Maybe there was just one pterodactyl porn and like a hammer. full of people on the internet were in on it and like we've accidentally spread it from here was it so
Lance Hart 1:03:05
it wasn't live action It was like hentai or
Unknown Speaker 1:03:07
Oh, no, no, no, it was live action. I believe it was three I want to say three men in pterodactyl costumes with a head and like full body costumes and like wings that they'd occasionally like flap and one woman in like a loincloth and it was just And not only that, and a hand puppet you can't forget the hand puppet. Oh, yeah, occasionally the hand puppet would just be no yeah, open the mouth close the mouth. But yeah, the guys would occasionally while getting blown just you know Remember to flap because of course it's aerodactyl getting blown would just, you know flap its wings. Oh, thick. Yeah. And as we learned in the porn parody behind the green door, there is a sex position called the teridax aisle, which is where you're blowing someone in front of you. You're jerking off to people to decide. And you know that motion where your head's going back and forth.
Unknown Speaker 1:03:57
Exactly looks like a pterodactyl. And if you take it a step forward and you have someone under you fucking you. That's a tower doctor.
Unknown Speaker 1:04:06
If you have ever done a tower doctor will email us info to girls when Mike we we have questions if you have ever done a tower dactyl Good for you. Yeah, that's, we have questions we want to know my wife's definitely done that she
Lance Hart 1:04:17
does a lot of getting bangs if you're in a gang gang, you're gonna tower and act all that stuff. Yeah, I mean, one of the you know, if you're in a couple game bags, you're definitely gonna do that. From what it sounds like. We call select, say someone's fucking you missionary, right? That just means they're in between your legs or enjoy jitsu, you're on guard, right? It's like the same, same thing, right? So and then a born we can't shoot missionary that way, because you can't see anything. So you grab one leg and you lift it up. So you're at like a side mesh. So depending on the production you're with, you call that side mesh split mesh, or split spoon, which makes no sense because the spoon is like from behind. You notice Yeah, but they call it splits. At mint calm, it just depends on who you're working for. But we all different names for shit. It's weird. Or like, cowgirl reverse cowgirl? on some gay sets. We call it reverse cowgirl, but it's both dudes. You know, like where are we? I can't be reverse cowboy. I'm a cowboy. Thank you very much. Hey,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:18
take back the language start calling it reverse cowboy. Yeah,
Lance Hart 1:05:21
Unknown Speaker 1:05:24
I have a cow man. Yeah.
Lance Hart 1:05:28
You don't go to school for born and learn. It's not like film school where you're like, if the two people making the form went to film school, like if there's two camera people, you hear film school bullshit, you know, like, Mar two, five or two, four. All right, let me move that over. What's your uh, you know,
and they taught that in post
Yeah, they say film school shit just to say it to sound like film school. They don't want to say I went to film school because then it kind of, you're like, well, what are you doing here buddy? You know, to me, he didn't make it. You know. It's kind of like
Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:59
people Who went to Harvard? They don't talk about when they went to college. They talk about their time in Harvard.
Lance Hart 1:06:05
Yeah. So there's a lot of film school people who do borkus regular work, and it's good. You know, I don't know, like, I pay my camera guy like 500 bucks for the day. So it's not bad. You know what I mean? But really good. They have their lingo, but everyone else. Like, I don't say speed rolling action, because it doesn't make any sense. I say, ready, go. And then I hit the record button. You know, sometimes I say action if I feel like Ready
Unknown Speaker 1:06:31
Get Set can hard.
Lance Hart 1:06:32
Yeah, I'm just like, and
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:34
start fucking kids. We're recording.
Lance Hart 1:06:37
Yeah, like that. Let me move this fucking light and go, you know what I mean? Like, we just talked like that. So just kind of depends, but there's no set anything and born. It's kind of cool.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:46
I'm just picturing film students being like, Alright, well, we're following all turret area. It just there have to be some interesting moments with clashes of I had a vision for this porn.
Lance Hart 1:06:55
Oh, yeah. There's no there's directors who think they're filmmakers. It's hilarious. They win the big awards at ABN so you gotta give them that. I mean,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:03
the ones that do the the big heavy like the plots like the parodies, they are making a film but yeah, they're
Lance Hart 1:07:08
making a film by no one's paying to watch it. Right.
Unknown Speaker 1:07:14
Hey, we're watching it.
Lance Hart 1:07:17
We're and we pay every time you pay for so like, when like deadbolt Did you watch that? was about to say we haven't posted
Unknown Speaker 1:07:25
yet? Yes on our list, we will pet we've always paid for our porn. Okay, but we haven't watched it yet. But we know that it did win an award for Best Film, I want to say as
Lance Hart 1:07:35
my friend Seth was in it, and I'm sure was awesome. And I'm sure he killed it because he kills everything he's in. But I'm like, Who's paying for this? You don't have it. And it's a fascinating side of the industry.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:46
We didn't know what we were getting into when we started this and we fallen in love with these parodies. They're so funny. And they're they're so ridiculous, but it's like it did kind of hit us at some point. How many people are actually buying this and we you know, we were I said it's a hard market.
Lance Hart 1:08:00
So Leroy does it right? He puts it on Pornhub for free and he gets paid ad revenue on the views. Nice. That makes sense to me. Like who's not gonna watch Aladdin the porn version at least for five seconds just to see like how they make the blue guy, you know, to be like,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:08:15
how they keep the blue paint? Well, the genius fuckin someone Yeah,
Lance Hart 1:08:18
is this Deke blue? I don't know, you know, like, they're gonna click on it. Or we did a game of thrones thing with them, like, people are gonna click on that. And then yeah, you can make revenue that way, you know, but then his stuffs really funny. So he always just got home. What blows my mind is, there's people who their job is to show up to a porn set. They have a chair with their name on it. They're the director, right? And they sit there and they don't do anything except say, action. Cut, stop. That's the job. And now
Unknown Speaker 1:08:49
you're kidding me. There's people like that on set
Lance Hart 1:08:51
on the big sets. Yeah, yeah. And you're like,
Unknown Speaker 1:08:54
No, no, who does most of the work the editor, you're the editor
Lance Hart 1:08:57
or the camera guy. He's got to get up. They're in the lighting guy
Unknown Speaker 1:09:02
the final product you see after like zillions of hours of filming, taking those those six cameras and the eight hours I was condensing it down at that's yeah
Lance Hart 1:09:13
used to add it all man shit and I paid for a lot of it yeah that's someone's job to just be the direct like the big director there's like three of them or four maybe you know in the whole industry but I don't
Unknown Speaker 1:09:25
even good for them. I'm not
Lance Hart 1:09:26
hating on Oh, that's a cool job man. Just show up on set, got chairs sit down in it. Action. You got an assistant who brings you coffee and shit. But it makes sense for like the Avengers movie where there's like millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars coming in. You need someone to like be in charge and have a vision.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:09:42
Let's say the Avengers parody though whose boy, we had contention with that it was not a good one.
Lance Hart 1:09:47
What's it doesn't make sense to me because most people don't watch porn linear. It's something he wants to jerk off to by nature. Otherwise, it's not morally right. Yeah, if you're jerking off, I mean, you're not gonna watch it from 00 to 4750 you're skipping around, you're gonna be like, Where's the tits? Where's the big day? Where's CompTIA? Okay, cool All right. Oh, that's hot. What do you look like in the beginning though?
Unknown Speaker 1:10:07
except us who actually does exceptionally well? Yeah, look, we're the weirdos who we actually watch for the plot. Yeah, no, that's cool. That's you know people read playboy for the articles. We watch these portions of the plot and you happen to also be an official rep for playgirl.
Lance Hart 1:10:23
Yeah, officially I am. It's funny. It's never amounted to anything. It's just I was at a fall in Miami, and my friend Daniel, that the time was the only one left that worked at playgirl, like everyone a playgirl the magazine had died. The website it kind of was still there, but it was no one was, you know, there's nothing and everyone who left the company is a photographer, but he ended up being the CEO because no one else was around. I don't know if there's a board or whatever, for whatever reason, he got stuck with a job. I was like, how's that buddy? And he's like, well, keep paying me. Well, there's no budget to make any movies and there's no You know, I don't know what I do, really? And I was like, Can I be your spokesmodel? And he's like, and I was like, you're not to pay me. I just want to like, be a spokesmodel playgirl, I think it'd be cool. You know what I mean? He's like, Yeah, and I was like, I'll make one movie. I'll pay for the whole thing. And I'll put it on playground. And then just say under spokesmodel and he's like, Alright, nice, you know,
Unknown Speaker 1:11:20
is it that is enterprising as fuck Lance. All I'm saying is if your friend Daniel needs an official podcast of plague, we would love to be the official podcast player. We will make at least one podcast for plague.
Lance Hart 1:11:34
Yeah. So then we'll do the one thing they had to do. I was like, Alright, I made the movie spent the money. I did it with Mona whales. And it was just cute is like a really good little cute, straight porn is fine, you know, and then uploaded it to their site. And then I was like, I just want you to put on the little blog section of playgirl.com that I'm the official spokesmodel and then I can always just point at it and be like, hey, look at that. Look, I've spoken on the playground. And they did that and they never took it down, and then the company's gotten bought and sold many times since then, but as far as I know, it's still on their site, the 1.1 of the new owners playgirl DM me on Instagram. And he said, Hey, I noticed you said to the spokesmodel playgirl more your posts. You can't say that you're not our spokesmodel. And I was like, Well, here's the link on your site, it says, Are you do you really own the company? Who are you? Oh, my bad. Yeah, I just bought this company. I don't really know what's going on.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:12:29
Just keep spokesmodel like, whatever that entails. You do. You folks. For our company, you model it at this point.
Lance Hart 1:12:36
If they take it away, it's like I was the playgirl. spokesmodel for five years. Cool. Fuck it. It's served its purpose. You know what I mean? as cool on the resume. I guess I'm like the only director of playgirl to because they haven't made new content and yours, and I'm the only one that made a movie and put it on there. So I could go on the head director of playgirl
Unknown Speaker 1:12:57
no one would probably challenge you on it either. Well no
Lance Hart 1:13:00
cuz What are they? Yeah, who else is directed a movie for you and your no one? Do you want another one? I'm thinking about it. I'm looking at working on my vision. I just need to get a new chair go with
Unknown Speaker 1:13:09
executive director, executive. Do you have a vision board too? We have ideas we keep putting on the vision board have a
Lance Hart 1:13:16
vision or two. I'm just working on getting a chair with my name on it.
Unknown Speaker 1:13:19
I'll order one for you. You can just sit there and say action and cut that's all you need to say. Now
Lance Hart 1:13:23
he said action has its I'm not lying. Half the time the Director of Photography who's the camera guy? If you want to give them a title, he'll be like, Okay, you guys set up we're talking to him. We're not talking to director because the director is looking at their phone in their nice share, you know, they're like fucking off. And then we're like, ready? Got a boner. Okay, ready? You need the penetration now for a camera guy. Yeah, we need that. Okay. And he'll be like, hey, director, does this look good to you? And they're like, you know what he's like, okay, we're ready rolling speed. And then it's quiet. And he's like, are you gonna say action action
That's the job that someone's job is awesome
Yvette d'Entremont 1:14:04
for them. I'm just imagining this awkward moment before you're like, Look, I'm ready to put my penis into something and I just need a cue from a person who's not involved in the actual dicking itself. And this is weird. It's
Lance Hart 1:14:16
so weird. Yeah, that's just my experience. Someone else who works on lots of big sets might have different extra work on if it's a big scene or a big train scene. I'm in it for like that, but the street side makes a lot more big, big scene so they maybe they have directors that work really hard and do stuff more than sit in a chair. I don't I don't want to talk shit. I'm just saying. I just think it's fascinating. Such a cool job
Unknown Speaker 1:14:37
really fascinated by it, which is why we do this. So speaking of people who yell commands at us, oh, baby.
Unknown Speaker 1:14:46
So we're not talking about our spouses. This time. We're talking about our Patreon Cindy. Yes. And our patrons, by the way, sent Lance that fantastic microphone he's using today. Yeah. Yeah, you're Keeping it that's all yours. Ooh, cool. Yeah should hear from you. So they should probably call you and put you on more podcast. So in case that happens, you've got yourself a microphone on the microphone or if it doesn't, you could stick it up. Someone's asked good. We're not gonna stop you or not your parents. Totally Well, when we tell people to shove something of an ass we mean that with love. So this week, we want to thank rowdy rich Falco Eris night Kyle Washington Hamilton, Mark Romer, Michael Gad Neil Simpson priest pilot Mr. Danks, Tracy Miller, Tora Bora Jorn Teresa Sol, Samuel Jenkins, and many many others. And if you want to become a Patreon as well, you can join firstname.lastname@example.org slash two girls one Mike, but by the way, if you can't, that's totally fine. Just please leave us a comment on iTunes or wherever you're listening to us from and tell all your friends about the show because you know, you want to tell your friends who watch porn so tell all your friends, all your friends so where can by the way are fans find you if they want to see or hear more of you?
Lance Hart 1:16:04
Well if you want to jerk off to the poor I make you go to man up films calm and that's if you like gay porn with spandex and superheroes and hypnosis and wow, all that kind of power dynamic, sexy. I only hire sexy muscle men really unsexy dudes. And then if you like girls being hot leotards and stuff, jerking dudes off and getting their calm all over on they're focusing on the blind and using their decks and cuckolding and all kinds of stuff that's sweet femme Dom calm, or just search me on Pornhub just search landsharks h A RT, my Twitter is Lance heart fetish. And my Instagram is now Lance Hart and cats. Because it's a cat thing. It's not about porn.
Unknown Speaker 1:16:47
Love it and we'll link to all the places in the show notes as well. Thank you so much. And you've had where can our listeners find you y'all can find me at the Sybase on Instagram and Twitter email@example.com slash Sai Bay where as usual, I am being sciency. And occasionally just a little snarky touch there. Anyways, Alice, where can our listeners find you and the rest of the podcast info y'all can find me on Twitter at rational blonde, but you guys can also interact with us on Patreon or on the Facebook's Instagram, wherever you guys can find us or just by the way, you could find everything at two girls one Mike calm. But again, tell all your friends join us online. Thanks for joining us. And thanks Lance so much for joining us as well. It's been fun having you all. It's
Unknown Speaker 1:17:33
been fun. Thanks for having me. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:17:35
absolutely. Thank you And guys, thanks for listening. Bye bye bye.
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