Comedian, Dave Kinney (@DavidKinney), joins Alice & Yvette this week to see what happens when you try to turn a show about a live sketch-comedy show into a porn...and forget to ask Judah Friedlander to star in it. We also cover what to not put into a microwave, rocket knees, custom gym blazers, and porn Kenneth. Support us on Patreon!
Yvette d'Entremont 0:02
We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved
Unknown Speaker 0:09
and this one is definitely tested
Unknown Speaker 0:10
several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers
Unknown Speaker 0:14
and the tea bags. You mean tea bags?
Yvette d'Entremont 0:19
No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down.
Unknown Speaker 0:23
What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone Willie, we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership
Yvette d'Entremont 0:42
we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice
Alice Vaughn 0:46
to clone it and bonus go to clone a Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Unknown Speaker 1:01
This is two girls. One Mike, the show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:09
Welcome to Two girls one Mic the porncast where no matter how bad you think the hosts are we heard worse. I'm your co host Yvette dancer Martin, here is my co host my lovely, beautiful, fabulous. And did I mention perky co host Alice Vaughn Alice, how are you doing today? Baby? You keep
Alice Vaughn 1:26
trying to get into my pants?
Yvette d'Entremont 1:28
Yeah, if I did not this will they won't they would not be a thing anymore. And then what would our Patreon have to talk about? The wall would be so boring.
Alice Vaughn 1:37
It's true. I'm sure I could think of several other topics that are of interest. Apparently we have a potentially new Patreon reward suggested by one of our listeners. Yes.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:49
Were you create them a custom binder?
Alice Vaughn 1:52
Yeah. So for guests because we have an MFF going on on the show today.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:59
Very excited. It's always very exciting when we get an extra penis on today.
Alice Vaughn 2:03
Yeah, it always says, and I have to apparently now get Dave in the loop of why there is a spider thing going on, which is our keeps binders full of women.
Dave Kinney 2:13
Oh, that Mitt Romney. I mean
Alice Vaughn 2:14
he learned it from me. But mostly I'm a hyper organizer. And I kind of recently just moved places and I had to windell down the number of binders I had, I had more than 50 binders. It was pretty excessive.
Dave Kinney 2:32
It's a thing where they actually full of women.
Yvette d'Entremont 2:34
No, most of them weren't at least I'm sure
Alice Vaughn 2:37
slike one and it had it was in relation to the podcast and potential future guests. So that's the only reason
Yvette d'Entremont 2:44
so you kept the list like romney did. You had a list of women and a binder,
Dave Kinney 2:50
just like Mitt Romney? I'm like, just big introduced to you guys. I'm trying to play. It's super cool. So here like yeah, 50 binders like binders full of it. I'm like cool. Cool. Awesome, perfectly normal. very organized.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:02
Don't worry, Alice is aware that this is like I have my things that I know are completely fucked up. Alice has hurt like this is a fetish of hers practically like I think you say, post it notes. She's like, tag organizing To me it's a I speak no lies Alice, you're not wrong.
Alice Vaughn 3:22
You're not wrong.
Yvette d'Entremont 3:24
I'm not judging. I'm fascinated
Dave Kinney 3:26
people like organization. spreadsheets, you know,
Alice Vaughn 3:29
someone has to do it. someone knows ya know how to use Word and Excel. It's fair. This week on the show, we have stand up comedian and host of the saving the dolphins podcast, which is actually not about saving any dolphins.
Unknown Speaker 3:45
Yvette d'Entremont 3:46
he seems like he might be a friend of marine life but I didn't think he would have a podcast about it.
Dave Kinney 3:51
I'm not against it. I we were talking about this before the show. It is like if you happen to be one of the super small demographic who enjoys funny reviews of porn and specifically enjoys the NFL football team Miami Dolphins. I mean, this is I feel like this one person in the entire world who's gonna hear this podcast everyone else that has no application to them, but there's one person where it's really gonna blow their mind. one stop shopping. I'm sure
Yvette d'Entremont 4:18
we have that fan out there if you are the person.
Dave Kinney 4:22
And by the way, if you're not into the dolphins Don't be like they're not good at football.
Yvette d'Entremont 4:26
Okay, as someone who's from New England, and is not a Patriots fan, it's so sad. It is so lost on me just because I just don't give a shit about football. Like I'm a huge now the Red Sox fan but don't like there were years in which the Patriots were just a joke. And all of a sudden they are not so you know what? There is hope yet
Dave Kinney 4:46
but now it's like being a Patriots fan is like cheering for gravity. Yeah, like it's just it's Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 4:52
it's cheering for the inevitable heat death of the universe. Don't worry. It's just gonna keep happening. That's facts.
Unknown Speaker 4:58
Dave Kinney 5:01
Just Yeah, as I'm talking, I just see like Alice's face like, Oh, cool. Can we get back to binders? Can
Yvette d'Entremont 5:06
we talk about boning again?
Alice Vaughn 5:10
Yeah, it's pretty bad that I know zero when it comes to sports, but apparently most people pick up when you're saying, hey, let's talk boobs. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 5:17
it's very relatable boobs are always going to get attention away from sports, or at least I feel in most cases they are.
Alice Vaughn 5:23
Yeah, so speaking of boobs. So Dave, when we met, it was funny because you had this one routine about a couple propositioning you. And I realized
Dave Kinney 5:34
I wanted you to be a unicorn. It was a full on gangbang. This couple came up to me and they were just the super like j crew, Murray Hill, finance capital. couldn't have been more boring. And like this guy comes up and you know, just just super boring looking dude, but he's like, hey, my wife thought you were funny. And I'm like, Oh, cool. Thanks, dude. And he's like, she also thought you were cute. And like my eyes kind of widen. I didn't know where it was going. At first. I was like, I don't Want to fight you? Like, you don't know. Like, when dudes talk to other dudes. Like you just don't know where this is going. Like this dude is like in a fleece vest is his girls in a blazer? But so like really commonly it's like, yeah, once a month, we get together with like four or five other dudes. And those dudes just go out is asking
Unknown Speaker 6:21
you to help run a train on his
Unknown Speaker 6:23
way. That's the
Dave Kinney 6:24
thing like that's why what else we have is a unicorn. I'm like, I don't know. It's something more like a conductor. I don't know if that's a term that gets Brown has a job. offer that blew me away even as much as just the casual
Yvette d'Entremont 6:36
tone coming up after comedy show being like, hey, you're funny. Want to help bang my wife.
Dave Kinney 6:41
He could tell that I wasn't like super big into it. So he tries to like, talk me into it by being like, no, it's cool. It's like a party. There's beer and snacks.
Unknown Speaker 6:50
Dave Kinney 6:52
started to get offended by how prominently hates mentioning snacks. Because it's like,
Yvette d'Entremont 6:58
here we've got pretzels cut sticking in my wife yeah
Dave Kinney 7:03
we're like that I'd be the kind of dude who would be like there's absolutely no way I'm gonna fuck your wife with four other Oh like like pizza all right
Yvette d'Entremont 7:10
we made homemade dip what
Alice Vaughn 7:12
Capri Sun what I'm there because artichoke
Unknown Speaker 7:16
I love this kind of pay
Alice Vaughn 7:21
what's next what do you bring to a gangbang you know I can answer this
Yvette d'Entremont 7:31
so I've been to some parties not necessarily gang bangs I've been to some parties of ill repute in my life. And I made fudge that was it was a cinnamon kind of a it almost tastes like a pumpkin spice latte fudge between two graham crackers and there was caramel in between it so you kind of make a giant fudge cake. That's what I brought to a sex party.
Dave Kinney 7:57
I feel like it's hard to separate whether that's just a good snack. General
Yvette d'Entremont 8:00
it's a delicious snack. It was like pure calories just in a block of goo and gram. Just make that do I need to urban dictionary fudge cake right now you know if that happens to be a sex term that would be amazing. Hold on if you have a suggestion for what fudge cakes should be in terms of essential term email us info at two girls one Mike,
Dave Kinney 8:22
did you serve that like a just a normal party and someone's like, this is okay, but I feel like this would be perfect for a gang. You just serve it at someone's birthday and they're like
Yvette d'Entremont 8:32
reminds me of a smell. I smelled once of like three pussies mash together in glorious harmony.
Alice Vaughn 8:38
Oh, yeah, it's it's sex cake. Yeah. But where I was going with that is I actually realized next day I was like, Oh, wait, I actually remember seeing you up like the standard years ago perform. Yeah, yeah. Oh, nice. Because it was that exact story. Oh, yeah.
Dave Kinney 8:56
It's a routine. So if you saw me do it, it definitely must have been a time where I was hosting it. Because I think that like, the reason why I do that story, that story is normally a story to tell when people are paying checks, just because it's like it's a story that has enough keywords that it focuses people's attention while they're doing something else. Like it's not a joke I would normally do as part of like, I feel like having no other idea of my stand up by setup is much less gangbang stories. It's more the exception than the rule. But yeah, I think that the main reason why that story happened, but I just realized that you're trying to hold people's attention while everyone's distracted with other stuff. So it's like, serves a purpose. Because people are paying their check in their eyes just go up like, Wait, did you just say gangbang?
Yvette d'Entremont 9:43
Try to slip an anal sex joke into my routine about skepticism. In fact, checking
Alice Vaughn 9:48
it works. I try doing it at the bank.
Dave Kinney 9:51
Just in casual. Speaking of deposits, and that's
Alice Vaughn 9:55
Yeah, stuff. What does it say on this memo?
Dave Kinney 9:59
I mean, you You get paid for a reason. So you got
Alice Vaughn 10:02
to bring home the buck somehow. Even with our hand or face,
Yvette d'Entremont 10:07
you know, every once in a while I'm not the filthiest one. And it makes me have hope for the youth of our nation.
Dave Kinney 10:18
At the beginning of the podcast, I feel like it's just like slowly. Anyone who listens This is like, oh, Dave, like the gangbang. Dude.
Yvette d'Entremont 10:25
No, no, the dude who turned down Yeah.
Dave Kinney 10:30
Because I have done that bet, like a number of times. Like, there's no way to know how many people never offered gang bangs because of that joke. So it's tough
Yvette d'Entremont 10:39
for you after that, you're like, yeah, maybe maybe one day I could have like, you could have missed all of the opportunities for people who were like, that dude could totally rock my gang bang. And there could have been other people who you would have totally been down yeah, help banging their way through and you just will never know.
Dave Kinney 10:57
on my deathbed. I'm like, I wish I wouldn't have been so close minded. Wish I wasn't so uptight.
Alice Vaughn 11:04
So speaking of hope for the youth, this week we're reviewing 30 rock porn. And I realized after watching and actually even during watching this porn that because I grew up in such a religious household, and most of my sex tips were from Cosmo, I realized I did get a handful of sex tips from 30 rock, which I don't
Yvette d'Entremont 11:26
know, confession. I've seen a handful of episodes of 30 rock but like I know, I need to sit down and watch the show. I like the what I've seen, but I not all of the inside jokes are hitting with this one. But I'm curious. Do pretend to me a little bit more about this. Alice,
Alice Vaughn 11:44
I did find some quotes that accurately described so much of what I learned. So for example, tell her you want her to donate her body to science and your science. Tell her
tell me that have been described at least a portion of my life up until now, a couple of years, a couple conferences. I feel
Yvette d'Entremont 12:09
I feel as described a few moments of sexual assault for sure. Speaking of assault, so
Dave Kinney 12:17
I want to point out that was the most upbeat transition.
Yvette d'Entremont 12:20
Speaking of assault, I've never heard an upbeat transition about assault. Like, are we gonna talk about a recent news story? Somehow, I, I don't know where you're going with this. And I'm a little terrified. But I'm here for the ride.
Alice Vaughn 12:35
Well, relationships are like sharks. If you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse and something's wrong. I mean, it's from the show. Okay. Okay, gotcha. How about this, this one is going to relate to you so much more. Because you know me our audience knows me at this point, Dave, you're about to know me.
Dave Kinney 12:53
Sounds like a threat.
Dave, you're about to know. We're on webcams. You're like, Look, we're in my eyes.
Alice Vaughn 13:00
With both of us it's you know a bit of a promise a bit of a threat from Liz lemon herself. Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:12
That is your calling card.
Alice Vaughn 13:14
Yeah, yeah. Let's that's you telling me it's not me. It is a very formal dress for all occasions. Dress for all occasions.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:23
I've seen you in one that's a very low cut blazer so you have you have your sexy blazers, you have your casual blazers, you have your business blazer, the duction tank tops for all occasions. This is how we know you're in New York and I know my dressy takeoffs. Wait, do you have like a gym blazer, like once we got a workout in because that would be extra
Dave Kinney 13:43
just like mesh.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:47
I need this to exist now
Dave Kinney 13:48
like a dry fit blazer.
Yvette d'Entremont 13:50
If you are a fashion designer can make him for hours.
Unknown Speaker 13:59
I knew Just
Dave Kinney 14:01
getting a message like, I just need her measurements.
Alice Vaughn 14:04
Oh my god, I hope so. I would actually go to the gym.
Yvette d'Entremont 14:11
Today I'll go to the gym wiki. They make two of us going
Alice Vaughn 14:15
so far. Fantastic. So Dave, for our audience who has never somehow seen 30 rock, how do we describe the show? 30 rock is
Dave Kinney 14:27
I think a lot of people I mean, Kimmy Schmidt has kind of picked up since then. And it's kind of the same team. So if you haven't seen 30 rock, but you've seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt it's very similar, but it's, I mean, the premise of the show is it's set NBC at Rockefeller Center. See if Alec Baldwin who's the head of the network, you have Liz lemon, who's producing the show, which is like a parody of SNL. Especially with this porn parody. There's a lot of strange weird levels of parody. This is like a real interesting nestings doll of so they're doing like an SNL style show. with Tracy Morgan with a real stretch playing Tracy Jordan, which is very different than the way he normally acts really so different, so very different. So yeah,
Alice Vaughn 15:10
I'd like to imagine that maybe in his personal life, he's just really an introvert.
Dave Kinney 15:16
He just goes home and he's just, he's like you he just has blazers for every occasion. It's just
Alice Vaughn 15:21
a ton of podcast reads
Dave Kinney 15:23
Yeah, exactly. He's like just trying to finish Warren pace
Unknown Speaker 15:26
catching up with this NPR.
Dave Kinney 15:28
Yeah, exactly. He's like taking up quilting.
Alice Vaughn 15:31
Stop Wait, wait Don't Don't tell me is on
Dave Kinney 15:35
you know, I can't talk to her all things considered
Yvette d'Entremont 15:37
listens near times. The Daily every morning. Yeah.
Dave Kinney 15:41
Yes, the show though. I mean, it's, it's kind of making fun of or like kind of parroting them than making a fake show, which is a version of SNL. But I think describing the tone of the show. I think what I liked so much about it is the whole show is just like a non stop joke factory. Just every scene is 1000 jokes all the time. I mean, there were a lot of really good writers, Donald Glover, Hannibal Burris, a lot of like the writers who went through that show went on to write a bunch of other huge shows and big things, but it was just yeah, I think that that's why I like the show so much just a million jokes all the time.
Alice Vaughn 16:14
At one point, actually, in 2010, a blogger actually calculated how many jokes there were per minute in the show. Oh, what can you guys guess? on average about how many jokes were each minute?
Yvette d'Entremont 16:25
5.1 let's say 12
Alice Vaughn 16:27
you're close Dave 9.57 jokes each minute
Yvette d'Entremont 16:32
why so high? It's so high. I wonder if they were using like friends technology where they just kind of sped up the speaking just enough to make it not sound unnatural. would get a little bit extra in there. Like do you remember in in the show friends? They actually sped up? No.
Dave Kinney 16:50
Yeah. I don't know that.
Yvette d'Entremont 16:51
That's the thing they did for all of the show. It's I'm not sure what percentage of the show but yeah, they sped up the the speaking a little bit I need to please fact check me on this. But this is the thing I've read in a few different sources.
Dave Kinney 17:03
I feel like I haven't seen friends. So like, I'm just gonna go back and I'm like, I just assumed everyone was on cocaine. But it turns out, there's technology speeding things up.
Yvette d'Entremont 17:11
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was New York in the 90s. I'm sure they could all afford those giant apartments and a fuckload of
Dave Kinney 17:18
cocaine. I think the coffee place was a cover for a coke operation. Like, it's pretty obvious. It's called the Central Park and you're like, everyone's making fun of it. Oh, so stupid. They'll wake up they can afford that apartment. Meanwhile, there's cocaine in the coffee. Now this makes so much sense.
Alice Vaughn 17:33
How else a Jennifer Aniston have so much energy. It wasn't the coffee. It was cocaine strips. actly. Did we just start a rumor on this podcast?
Yvette d'Entremont 17:41
We're going with it. Hey, at least we're just going with coke dealer ship and not running a child sex ring out of the basement?
Dave Kinney 17:50
Yeah, I mean, that is better. Didn't Ross have a monkey? Isn't that like a classic coke dealer pet?
Yvette d'Entremont 17:55
Oh my god. Yeah, he sure he's a geology. Oh yeah. Cuz every time 20 something I know who's totally not a drug dealer Wang. Yeah. has a great job as geologists making six figures in their 20s
Dave Kinney 18:08
No, isn't that clear? He was selling rocks. Like
it was a metaphor.
I would love if you sat down with the writers have friends and they're like, yeah, they were obviously coke dealers. We thought that was pretty obvious.
Yvette d'Entremont 18:24
Years later, we were playing you. Like we
Dave Kinney 18:27
didn't realize people didn't get it.
Unknown Speaker 18:29
How do you think we got Monica to lose all the weight? It was all the fucking cocaine.
Dave Kinney 18:33
Exactly. That's right after her brother took up geology.
Yvette d'Entremont 18:38
selling those rocks, baby. Not an endorsement. Well, not from you. I feel
Dave Kinney 18:43
like I want to spin up podcasts if nothing but like friends, conspiracy theories.
Yvette d'Entremont 18:49
Like, my God, that podcast has to exist somewhere and it's like three people reading it and like six people listening to it.
Dave Kinney 18:57
Yeah, it's just called friends in quotation marks.
Alice Vaughn 19:00
We reviewed friends porn with friend of the show Brigid fennessy. Yeah. And she said it was so unrealistic and she was so taken out of it. The second that Monica was she was getting come down or just the fact that she was just so messy. It just I mean, she's a neat freak, you know?
Yvette d'Entremont 19:18
Yeah. For me, like, I never really watched friends. So I'm watching the whole thing going. I can't tell if this is better or worse, out equal.
Dave Kinney 19:28
When I was watching this, that 30 rock porn parody. I had heard of it. And I when I first met Alice Vaughn, when she was talking about the podcast that she did, she said that they would do weird parodies. And that was the one that always came to my mind is the strangest for some reason. It's so obscure. It did well, like an award season and stuff, but it was never a really highly rated show. And like, there's no one who was watching 30 rock who was like, oh, there needs to be a porn version of this.
Alice Vaughn 19:52
Oh, someone thought of that. Well, specifically, that's someone being Leroy Myers, other friend of the show and director who we won't stop pitching. ideas that he keeps burning
Yvette d'Entremont 20:01
one day one day Leroy, we will I'm just still hoping for the dogma, parody dogma style.
Dave Kinney 20:10
I mean, I felt like there was a lot of restraint that I'm not calling this 30 cock. I'm not like patting myself on the back for coming up with that. I feel like that was everyone's idea. But I think that I think that's why they didn't do it, because they're like, now let's go a little bit class here. I realized watching it though, that to what your friend had said about like, kind of how big a fan of friends and then watching it, I realized how separate my brain thinks about porn compared to how I think about TV shows. And that like, it is just such a separate category that I don't think. I mean, Tina Fey and think is very pretty. I don't think I've ever imagined her having sex before. or really any of the people on the show. Like, it just is like, you know, there's a part of my brain for porn that part of the for this. So then, like, I was watching the show, and I'm like, it's gonna be weird. If it's like seeing a bunch of characters. I like having sex. But then they went have different enough direction that I was never really forced to face that anyway. I was like, Oh no, these are just points.
Yvette d'Entremont 21:06
So fun story, the adult actress who plays Tina Fey and this is another actress we've had on the show, Lisa and she also played Pailin in Neyland, Pailin, which I just think is delicious because of course, Tina Fey played Pailin famously on SNL. So I'm like, there's something kind of meta on this and I, I want somehow with a combination of like deep fakes and body doubles for there to be a porn parody of Lisa and and Palin and Tina Fey having sex. And it all be acted by Lisa ad.
Alice Vaughn 21:42
Listeners get on that,
Yvette d'Entremont 21:43
Lisa, and you can do this if you're the woman for the job. You're literally the only woman for the job
Dave Kinney 21:50
building a deep fake. I feel like Lisa does. Like we're the only porn stars who has enough video out there. We're just even just using existing footage, a fan could reasonably put that same together.
Yvette d'Entremont 22:00
Exactly And since we have the footage of her as Pailin and Tina Fey, yeah,
Dave Kinney 22:05
that feels very doable.
Yvette d'Entremont 22:06
I'm just saying I think she should do it and capitalize on it.
Dave Kinney 22:08
I was reading up on this before I watched it, and I guess she did an interview. And apparently, she was also a really big fan of 30. Rock, Lisa and was and she said that there was like a big priority for her to really go for capturing Tina Fey his exact vibe. That after seeing the movie, it really bummed me out to know that it would have seen the way the performance went. It would have made me feel better if she just never seen the show. 30 rock
Alice Vaughn 22:32
Damn it. Why didn't you tell me that?
Dave Kinney 22:34
No, I This was so crazy. I sent this to Alice. So we're probably jumping ahead of it.
Alice Vaughn 22:40
Oh, it's okay. We'll walk through the porn and
Yvette d'Entremont 22:42
we'll get through the plot later. We can talk about you know, General feelings for now,
Dave Kinney 22:46
but getting more meta, so two months after the porn version came out 30 rock in the second episode, the fourth season, actually had an episode where they did a porn version of 30 rock and so vana Sam slide and they had Savannah Samson play the porn version of Tina Fey. But they made Savannah Samson who played the porn version of Tina Fey look a lot like Lisa and like the wig was because I mean, you see what Tina Fey's hair looks like in the show. The wig that Savannah Samson had was not a Tina Fey wig. It was way more of like a Lisa and wig. But even like the way they played that they played that the way I kind of wish Lisa and would have played it, which was just like a porn star, kind of having fun jokingly as a character for some reason, it felt like Lisa and in this movie, it almost felt like she was going for like a soap opera acting. It's one thing to like go for comedy acting and have a tough time with it. It felt like she was going the opposite direction. Like she was actively going for very dramatic line readings. Hello, did you guys get that or not?
Yvette d'Entremont 23:50
Yeah, I have had that contention with her acting before. Fair.
Alice Vaughn 23:54
It was a sad version of Islam. And it was if Liz lemon, it was just super serious. And her jokes just didn't land. I don't know. That's how it felt.
Dave Kinney 24:05
Well, it's also the thing to have like if you say jokes in an incredibly serious and dramatic tone. They don't read as jokes like they just read as like just dramatic thoughts you're having at the time and there were a couple
Alice Vaughn 24:16
of cries for help for me. Yeah. Can you
Dave Kinney 24:19
just cries of desperation
Alice Vaughn 24:22
that's why no one takes me seriously. Oh, I just say everything in this with a smile, come on
Dave Kinney 24:27
dying and said don't worry.
Yvette d'Entremont 24:28
Everyone can tell you're crying on the inside, or at least I can because I share those. It's the tears of father didn't hug me enough. Hey, it's better than him hugging me too much. Just saying it's my pain and I will deal with it how I want
Dave Kinney 24:42
I feel like I look like a friendly history teacher and I was just brought on this podcast to be like, You're both very pretty and very.
Yvette d'Entremont 24:49
We're in good relationships. Don't worry. Like we just joke about some
Dave Kinney 24:54
lucky guy out there.
Yvette d'Entremont 25:00
Sir, these are the jokes we tell about why we are as fucked up as we are.
Alice Vaughn 25:04
So why do we get into the porn? Okay, so this porn opens with something I just really didn't expect. It was amazing, honestly and Dave, correct me if I'm wrong, it was essentially. So the porn opens with Trey Jordan, instead of Tracy Jordan giving a crib style tour of his home. It's just a throwback at all to the series, because I really don't remember this.
Dave Kinney 25:30
I mean, they would definitely have kind of parodies like that where like, Tracy Jordan would get involved in that kind of stuff. I'd watched a bunch of episodes that 30 rock but I mean, it's I'm sure there's a listener that's gonna angrily correct me on this. I don't think that there was ever like an actual cribs thing directly, but I mean, they were kind of going for that like kind of ridiculous character thing with him.
Unknown Speaker 25:50
And it was so good. It
Alice Vaughn 25:52
was he really nailed it. Yeah, when
Dave Kinney 25:53
he points to the light. He's like, rich.
Yvette d'Entremont 25:57
He gets up on the table with the goblet. I'm sorry. Right. He just keeps holding up random objects
Alice Vaughn 26:03
rich turns a book around with a piece of paper that says rich
Yvette d'Entremont 26:07
see what's in my fridge to sell phone who wants shiny?
Dave Kinney 26:11
Yeah, it's a great
Yvette d'Entremont 26:12
who wants crystal?
Dave Kinney 26:14
I did realize watch I get that Tracy Morgan is he's a hard person to parody just in that, like he's already kind of on 11 to begin with. So there's not a whole lot you can add to make that more ridiculous. Like I think of anything like the guy who played him actually dialed it back slightly.
Alice Vaughn 26:31
The real Tracy Jordan on 30 rock actually improvised a ton of his lines. Yeah, I actually found something really similar where at one point in the actual 30 rock He's like, I got it. Yeah, I got a solid gold jetski to batmobiles aids monkey bones. And by the way that was scripted. The unscripted part was a pair of Rock Hudson socks, a pair of build big speed glasses from when he used to be your best friend.
Dave Kinney 26:58
Wow, national treasure.
Unknown Speaker 27:00
Alice Vaughn 27:01
Unknown Speaker 27:02
This is after tracy morgan lost a frontal lobe before Oh,
Dave Kinney 27:07
before the accident, Ivan, I remember there was like this news story of Tracy Morgan, the actual actor. And it was like, there was an issue with a shark tank. In his Manhattan apartment. He had a. Uh huh. Yep. And there was an issue where there was like a leak or something. But it was wild. 30 Rock was and you're like, yeah, I mean, that's, I guess about what I expected.
Yvette d'Entremont 27:28
Like, there are some people who you aren't surprised when they have a shark tank.
Dave Kinney 27:32
Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. There's people are like, no way. And there's other people you're like, yeah, yeah, that feels about right.
Yvette d'Entremont 27:38
A goldfish. Seems like too much commitment. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I can't keep a lot of things alive. Frankly. I'm shocked sometimes I'm alive. I keep myself alive. That's dogs and cats are good. They bark at you and scratch you if they need food. talpa that's really easy plants. I cannot do
Dave Kinney 27:56
Yeah, I was like slowly killed an orchid. I mean I didn't plan it that way I
Alice Vaughn 28:02
quickly killed an orchid it's kind of hard to kill an orchid they like can go without water for a while. I mean,
Dave Kinney 28:09
maybe people just told me this to make me feel better. But uh no orchids are supposed to be kind of finicky. Just plants are super hard to kill, but apparently, maybe it's just this kind of orchid. Everyone was giving me all these insane advice of like, bring it into the bathroom when you take a shower. So like, just the midst of it is how it will be watered. Someone said the water with ice cubes.
Alice Vaughn 28:31
Dave I think the orchid was bugged. Yeah. Why would someone tell you to bring an orchid into the shower? Come on. It was bugged.
Yvette d'Entremont 28:38
I wanted to hear the dulcet tones of your shower singing to living on a prayer.
Dave Kinney 28:42
That is like, I like I mean, we've already established I love conspiracy theories, but I was like, I feel bad for whoever's on the receiving end of that. It's like I'm not even bothered by it. Like I just feel like I owe someone an apology. Oh man, you spider man. I just want to say I'm really sorry.
Yvette d'Entremont 28:59
me doing My half stream of consciousness half fading in and out of singing Disney songs while I'm in the shower. That's totally something people want to hear.
Dave Kinney 29:07
Yeah, it's a real specific fetish.
Alice Vaughn 29:10
But what I also did like was when he was walking through the home, he was saying all the different things he stole from other people. Yeah, that railing stolen from Tyler Perry. goes to the bedroom. This is where the magic happens right here. No, really. I stole this from Criss Angel. Fuck you, Criss Angel.
Yvette d'Entremont 29:28
warranted warranted? Really?
Alice Vaughn 29:30
Really? I mean, is he a douchebag? I wouldn't know Criss Angel. If you're listening come on the show. It's cliche No, no, he's too much of a douchebag or not having Criss Angel. It's just me or have you guys totally seen this house on porn sets?
Unknown Speaker 29:46
Yeah, those stairs. Yeah,
Dave Kinney 29:49
I feel like I've definitely seen people fuck on those stairs before.
Yvette d'Entremont 29:51
I've seen somebody being penetrated on those stairs before I'm pretty sure and at least one or two holes
Alice Vaughn 29:57
that shower that bathtub. I'm pretty sure I've seen That bathtub in at least 20 borns I think
Yvette d'Entremont 30:02
I've seen it in like a couple of steps sibling porn someone's like around the corner. He like you know that's that's the thing that's happened in that house many a time
Alice Vaughn 30:11
God now I just want to invest in real estate and just Linda
Dave Kinney 30:17
I don't think I would want that cleaning bill.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:20
Oh, look just invest in the real estate. It's rented like an Airbnb.
Dave Kinney 30:25
Just like have like the kind of thing where like everything in every room is waterproof and there's just a drain so like every week to get this hose it all down.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:32
Just remember hardwood floors everywhere.
Dave Kinney 30:35
Like you don't even have to scrub anything by hand you just come up with a pressure sprayer just like I'm
Yvette d'Entremont 30:39
in spray bleach pressure
Alice Vaughn 30:40
sprayer every time Really?
Dave Kinney 30:44
Yeah, you say that until you see the set afterwards. You're like pressure sprayer every time pressure sprayer every time. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 30:50
cuz there's just a lot of lube.
Yvette d'Entremont 30:51
Yeah, have one bedroom that's the angel bedroom be like look, I understand that you're cleaning shit up beforehand, literally, but I'm taking no chances. The Go into another porn star next week. Yes. Because there
Alice Vaughn 31:03
was great as I was talking to one of our past guests that we're having dinner with next week, I was recommending dinner spots. And she said, Well, I can't eat much because I have an anal scene The next day, things you only get when you talk to porn star friends,
Yvette d'Entremont 31:18
you know, or people who are really dedicated to their own bedroom, but I don't know anyone that advocated.
Alice Vaughn 31:24
If you weren't that dedicated to your bedroom, just please email us info to girls on mic. So I could just say thank you, and give you applause via a GIF.
Yvette d'Entremont 31:34
Yeah, I need to know if anyone's truly this dedicated to having some clean but sex that they're like, I'm gonna skip eating for a day. And it's not for the camera. I love
Dave Kinney 31:44
that. You're just like having like a couple's date with another couple and like, you're like eating dinner together. They're like, Oh, I can't Thursday's are a no. And they both just smiled knowingly and you're like, well, that's not where I expected this to go.
Yvette d'Entremont 31:57
Everyone we've heard it from it's you know, donate. For a day laxative and a lot of enemas helpful, that's a job, man. That's a goddamn job. Para two girls one, Mike, we think it's important to support you in your masturbatory habits. It's sex with someone you love, and we love them to love some really strong word. According to my therapist, we care about getting each and every one of them a better orgasm
Alice Vaughn 32:26
and that is close enough. And we will never
Unknown Speaker 32:29
recommend anything we haven't personally tested which is why you can trust us when we say we highly recommend clonal Willie, because with Corona Willie, you can masturbate and have sex with someone you love while at home and shame eating overeats I told you to take the camera out of my home. Oops. So with Cloner Willie, you can make a dildo and now a flashlight out of your own anatomy. As we found it's a fun and messy process. And if you're doing this on your partner, they're strategizing and debating maneuvering. It's kind of like adult risk. But instead of winning a fake country, you get a real vibrator
Alice Vaughn 33:05
and do what you want with it. hang it on a wall. Hide it
Yvette d'Entremont 33:08
in your goodie drawer for when you're home alone,
Alice Vaughn 33:10
send it to your significant other as the only version of you that's willing to fly united
Unknown Speaker 33:14
use it to fix a broken leak,
Alice Vaughn 33:17
or to cause one personal experience.
Yvette d'Entremont 33:21
Use it as a peer cozy smash the patriarchy with the cold one, ladies. So crack a cold phone with the boys stick it in the girls.
Alice Vaughn 33:30
where can our listeners find out more
Yvette d'Entremont 33:31
about this madness? To quote unquote go to Kota Willie calm to check it out and type in the promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase.
Alice Vaughn 33:43
So moving through the porn By the way, they have a fantastic recreation of the actual 30 rock intro. Perfect, in my opinion
Dave Kinney 33:53
agreed pretty strong.
Alice Vaughn 33:54
So we're introduced to Jake and Alicia or really jack and Alisa from The real 30 rock, I'm gonna just refer to them by the regular 30 rock character names in this porn because yeah, we're dealing with a lot of character names. We want people to fall. Sure, but you have jack Donaghy, so he is an executive. By the way. Did you guys know that the role of jack Donaghy was actually written for Alec Baldwin? And they were kind of fucking shocked when they got Alec Baldwin for it. He couldn't see that.
Yvette d'Entremont 34:25
I can't see anyone else doing it. Yeah,
Alice Vaughn 34:27
I know. Um, what's his name? from Mad Men? The one with the really smooth face. JOHN had on him. Yeah, he auditioned for that role, but they brought him in later on as an ex of Liz's
Yvette d'Entremont 34:40
Yeah, I don't feel like he's funny. And then again, I've never seen him in anything other than Mad Men.
Alice Vaughn 34:45
I think he did well as Liz's boyfriend in the actual show, but going back to the porn. So you have very little dialogue where apparently jack is he's concerned about ratings. Yeah. I guess the only way for someone to actually get their ratings up or how Lisa says it is. How about I stroke your ratings? I think that's one way to get them up at some that's a way to get something out. How about a stroke your ratings until they grow? Yeah, ratings. That's what they're calling it now. I don't know. I mean, for me it was when he said suck my executive deck. I mean, wouldn't that when any woman over
Dave Kinney 35:27
Yeah, there were a couple of them suck. My executive deck was the first one. There were like a lot of lines during this section that were just like, first off, he just keeps saying, I'm your boss. I'm your boss. Once again, like, feel like if someone's boss. I don't know if he need to remind them.
Alice Vaughn 35:43
He's kind of her boss. I mean, in the real show. She is Jack's mother's nurse. Yeah, he starts dating.
Dave Kinney 35:51
That's the thing that even like the boss thing, like it's not even the direct. So the way to say it, but also like they're the same sex same. He's like you're so tight. You You're such a whore. How does it stay so tight? Which, like,
Unknown Speaker 36:04
you know, oh man, he goes,
Dave Kinney 36:06
Well, it's also a thought one of the things too is just a genetics a pro tip you just, you can just stop after you're so tight. Like, you can just keep those other questions internal That one's gonna
Alice Vaughn 36:16
pro tip for the pros. I
Yvette d'Entremont 36:17
wonder if that's rhetorical or it's the question is, how does a woman feel when they're asked that mid? like are they sitting there contemplating? Well, you know, I did. I did a lot of horseback riding when I was younger. Like, no one's ever directly asked, How do you say so tight like during coitus? Yeah. Which makes me wonder, Is there a problem with bide?
Alice Vaughn 36:39
Man I'm really glad I don't get questions during sex because I would just sit down and answer them.
Unknown Speaker 36:44
What's the top of Maslow's hierarchy of need baby? Tell me,
Dave Kinney 36:48
tell me this gets really philosophical. She's like what starts with believing in myself. That's
Yvette d'Entremont 36:55
it eat organic and I work out and I drink 10 glasses of water. A day just like somebody told us that was how she keeps your skin nice on this podcast. I'm not naming names, but you bullshitted us lady
Dave Kinney 37:08
like thanks for asking. Something I noticed across all the sex scenes was that everyone, it's like they would do like a character to some degree, but for the most part, that character was just immediately abandon as soon as sec started, which like, Oh, yeah, yeah, that's probably true for most actors.
Yvette d'Entremont 37:24
We ended up not watching a lot of the sex scenes.
Alice Vaughn 37:27
I mean, it doesn't always happen. So for example, like in et porn, like, sorry about this, Dave.
Yvette d'Entremont 37:34
Oh, now, look, you came on this podcast. You were gonna be subjected to some stories. He knew what this was.
Alice Vaughn 37:40
Yeah, I mean, that's a scene where when you're having a threesome with an alien, or at least someone blowing dead, okay, you gotta watch the whole thing. And they stay in character the entire time. Or?
Yvette d'Entremont 37:51
Oh, yeah, there was the most amazing threesome in that. Watch the threesome for the acting. I'm not even Kidding and if you want to see someone stay in full character during sex scene, watch horror at the porn version of for at we've said this in many episodes, we have the horror at challenge where we challenge people to as Tommy pistol as a master of staying in character during sex with someone and say something during the height of one of those most intimate moments that Boris would say like
Unknown Speaker 38:23
Yvette d'Entremont 38:25
Just bust out with a Borah style line or its enemy and a lot of his porins he does a season character so it's what I went, Wow, that really is a goddamn job.
Dave Kinney 38:34
This is like some real Daniel Day Lewis shit. Like that is like, that is like a method. where like, I mean, that is like a different skill level because it's like, well, they say like with acting like you can do an accent. But if you have to yell, it's actually really hard to yell in an accent because like when you're yelling, you're kind of accessing like a different something like actually, like really genuinely emotional. I feel like sex has to be that times 1000 because it's like, you act Whatever role but I feel like for better for worse you probably fuck however it is you fuck. And I feel like changing that to suit whoever your character is like I feel like it is a separate skill set that I feel like
Yvette d'Entremont 39:11
it's a next level fucking Yeah, it is an next level act if there are a handful of them that are genuinely funny and genuinely good and everything we've seen them and they craft a character and they're fun to watch having said yeah, I'm happy whenever we happen to select the title that they're in because I'm like Alright, this is gonna be funny to watch we're gonna have a good thing to review
Dave Kinney 39:33
I would love if there was like one porn star that like you found out that like Meryl Streep is like on the record of like admiring like just like
like just something of like just let's get Meryl Streep.
Alice Vaughn 39:45
Meryl we know you don't listen to us. So Assistant America who probably listens to us get on this girl's dogs for the system. Please call.
Dave Kinney 39:55
It's like someone who just was at a coffee shop. She was at one time and you're like, close enough.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:00
Take it. We'll take somebody who accidentally like brushed by or it's like I have a Merrill story.
Alice Vaughn 40:05
We want you email us info to girls when Mike you guys know the email, by the
Yvette d'Entremont 40:09
way, say it like six times a show.
Alice Vaughn 40:12
So the next scene we have Kenneth the page giving a tour, and we run into Mrs. Jennifer Maroney. And one of the things I love is she says, I grew up in a small town we have barbershops but no bleach. Okay, that seems eerily specific. Is this in regards to unbleached anus? like is this a town just full of no bleaching of the anus? Is this what it's throwing to? I don't know. She was saying she suffered so I think she means they could get her hair cut but she couldn't color it.
Dave Kinney 40:43
Yeah, that was how I took it.
Alice Vaughn 40:44
Oh, so you're saying hair. I'm going god damn it.
Yvette d'Entremont 40:48
I was going with what they do at barber shops. Look, I don't always pick them up. I have my moments of extraordinary gem but I got this was
Dave Kinney 40:58
like Alice is just giving them like it ton of credit. Alice's like, Where's the?
Unknown Speaker 41:04
Where's the deep Jackie's
Dave Kinney 41:05
Unknown Speaker 41:06
wanted more than I did out of that like
Dave Kinney 41:08
Ernest Hemingway novel The way she's really good she's like, but what does it mean?
I think it might just be what you think it means.
Alice Vaughn 41:16
My Creative Writing teacher would be so proud of me
Dave Kinney 41:19
feel like you're being very generous. Sometimes a
Yvette d'Entremont 41:21
cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes it's a big brown dick.
Dave Kinney 41:25
I thought that the dude who played Kenneth, in my opinion did the absolute best job.
Alice Vaughn 41:30
Exactly. Yeah, Dad balls on Paul wood crest just fucking nailed it.
Dave Kinney 41:36
I looked him up because I was curious about like, what his deal was because the what happens at the end. I mean, we'll go through the scenes in order but the switcheroo at the end was jarring and upsetting and fantastic.
Alice Vaughn 41:47
Dave Kinney 41:48
It turns out that that dude, though, is like he's a behind the scenes dude. He's like a director, a camera guy and stuff like that. He has no, he's just been an extra. I think this might. I can't confirm this exactly. But I think this is the only point over here. As lines and maybe it's been like a cuckolded boyfriend or something a bit like, Alright, I'll be home in a minute. Hang out with my best friend don't do anything weird. But like he really made this real happen as happy.
Alice Vaughn 42:11
Oh, yeah. And we've set this about a number of porn actors who don't have sex and porn. I mean, frankly, the Tracy Jordan character in this porn just doesn't have sex at all.
Dave Kinney 42:22
Yeah, that was the most misleading the choice of who they decided, especially on the dude said to be featured. And, like, if we're making a porn of 30 rock, obviously, you're gonna have an Alec Baldwin character. But if you were like in the save, who's the second male character who's definitely gonna fuckin up porn. You'd say, Tracy Jordan? Like Absolutely. Oh, no,
Alice Vaughn 42:43
it was x. Now
Dave Kinney 42:44
where were you going with the open with it seems like and then there's like the scene where they're like, Welcome Back, Kotter. He said, all these scenes that seemed like porn sets. So like every scene he's in, you're like, Alright, it's about to happen. And then the movie ended. I was just sitting there shocked, like Cuz they open with like five minutes of him so I'm like, obviously they're gonna work this
Yvette d'Entremont 43:04
no yeah like I figure eventually there's going to be something in which his dick is gonna be like all of these kind of parody titles with black in them I'm like eventually one of these is going to be a porn yeah like it has to happen at an each scene eventually somebody else turns into the unlike. I feel let down
Dave Kinney 43:23
so I mean the other people they chose they chose Judah Friedlander's character Frank and they chose Scott adds its character Pete So
Alice Vaughn 43:30
why don't we go into actually the next scene with the Judah Freelander character? Sure What ends up happening is actually right before that, jack gets the great idea that epiphany post sex which I've never had a post sex epiphany my brain is just dead.
Unknown Speaker 43:45
Now I'm trying to think if I ever have had one.
Alice Vaughn 43:47
My point is this so early on, he pitches the idea of inserting more sex into the show to boost the ratings which isn't a terrible idea. I do love those specifically. When he insults her and says, Look lemon you and I aren't so different except maybe for your Ross gift card which has given you the free range to buy your entire wardrobe from a sign labeled discontinued clothing 75% off this man does not understand the joy of shopping at Ross dress for less I bought my wedding dress from their cars. 20 bucks. I eloped. It looked fantastic.
Dave Kinney 44:21
Yeah, he was going like really hard. And the thing is like, it would have made more sense if it was like a terrible outfit he had but it looked fine. But he just kept he kept resting are so hard on it. You're like, come on, dude.
Yvette d'Entremont 44:32
But is that in character for? Oh, yeah, that's absolutely in
character. Okay, it's kind of one of these I dress expensive and fuck off.
Alice Vaughn 44:40
Exactly. Actually, Alec Baldwin, when the show was wrapped up and buying supposedly all the suits from the show. Oh my god. Oh, yeah. Nice guy. Alec Baldwin.
Dave Kinney 44:50
I heard nothing but good things. ish.
Alice Vaughn 44:53
ish. ish. No, you don't want the show to succeed. You don't want to be like me? No, you don't want to stop dressing like a Walmart greeter.
Dave Kinney 45:01
But again, though that because Lisa ad was plagued so dramatic, it seemed like she was actually devastated by what he was saying. And also like Alec Baldwin, it's like he does like this deadpan really well, where it's like, they'll say cutting stuff, but it's like funny and effective. It just sounded like this dude was just being mean to her,
Yvette d'Entremont 45:18
does he? And I mean it because I don't watch it does he deliver, like, more deadpan almost not in the voice that he does Trump on SNL, but kind of in a just a little bit more monotone than this actor is?
Dave Kinney 45:29
Yeah, I mean, it's just this like kind of cool, very reserved. I can't do that. The voice has saved my life, but it's just
Yvette d'Entremont 45:35
no climbing. You and I are so different. Yeah. Except for your Ross gift card that keeps giving you license to buy your clothes from under sign Mark discontinued 75% off. Yeah, I'm not getting it. I know. I'm not getting the voice down. No. Like, there's not a bitter edge to how he says it's kind of like Matter of fact. Yeah,
Dave Kinney 45:51
exactly. And I think that that's why it's so funding on the show is like he's not saying it to hurt her feelings. He's saying it because he doesn't care. Where's that? This dude is like It's like he's saying it to try to hurt her feelings which is like he's executive a company. He doesn't care enough to hurt your feelings like it's.
Yvette d'Entremont 46:07
Yeah, it's just yeah, here's an observation I have about you. You have feelings. I don't register those. I might be a sociopath, but I'm not doing this to be mean.
Unknown Speaker 46:16
Alice Vaughn 46:17
What I do enjoy though, is within the porn parody, they take elements of the show. So for example, in the show, jack doesn't mind pissing Liz off to get his way. Sure. So in this case, you know, he'll promote Tracy Jordan to being executive producer of the show. Hey, Hang Hang of this show. Well, cutaway he's in a throne, Cape crown and all fuzzy slippers. Dave, did you any chance write down the slide because I'll send it to you if you could pull off this accent
Unknown Speaker 46:45
Why? Which is it?
Alice Vaughn 46:46
All right, hold on. Let me throw it into the chat.
Dave Kinney 46:49
Oh, Jesus. If I could Tracy bargain, pressure, this fucking garbage. It sounds like one of those things to where it's like, I feel like it's a white dude doing a bad tracy morgan impression. It's just like, it's like There's no way
Yvette d'Entremont 47:00
a white person doing this voice is gonna turn out. All right, yeah.
Alice Vaughn 47:03
Three white people on the show. No one's gonna do this.
Dave Kinney 47:08
I mean, I appreciate the invite, but I'm like reading this. I'm like, I don't see an upset.
Alice Vaughn 47:13
Yvette d'Entremont 47:14
I can read it and not do the voice
Alice Vaughn 47:17
event. Why don't you
Yvette d'Entremont 47:18
do that? All right. Well, I'm in Kashmir as King of the show. I want to make a few changes instead of a musical guests each week. I want a midget wearing a clown outfit. Fighting a large dog with nunchucks strong
Alice Vaughn 47:30
honestly, I'd watch it Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 47:31
I down you know, except him notch. I'm sitting here going pro. Look.
Alice Vaughn 47:39
It's problematic, but I would watch it.
Yvette d'Entremont 47:41
If this were 100 years ago, and you can get away with doing such a thing. I go.
Dave Kinney 47:44
Yeah, it's like that kind of thing. where it's like, if it's like in public, you're like, Oh, I can't believe this is happening. But if there was like a private like, I've got a video of this. You can watch it or not. I'm like, email it to me.
Yvette d'Entremont 47:54
If I found out it was ethically sourced, midget clown fighting with nunchucks I watch it. It's kind of like verifying that your porn is ethically sourced. How do you verify that you have ethically sourced midget clown fighting with
Dave Kinney 48:09
with this duck free range?
Yvette d'Entremont 48:14
Did they eat all organic eggs?
Dave Kinney 48:17
out of trough was the grass fed?
Yvette d'Entremont 48:20
Were they allowed to run free after?
Alice Vaughn 48:23
We actually put little shackles on them on their legs?
Dave Kinney 48:27
And then checks were little sausages that they got to eat afterwards, so there was a happy ending to it. Yeah, I didn't realize until afterward that like the episode of 30 rock that they did a porn parody. It actually did actually have some a lot of like the same beats that this porn movie had. So like, the porn parody at the end of the episode to watch this was because Liz lemon had to give Tracy control of the show, which is why it became a porn parody. It because jack made Tracy give her control over the show. Also, there was the lying about microwaves that we're definitely getting to. But it was the 30 rock episode, one of the main things that jack had to do was sell microwaves for ge. And it was a whole plot of him and his whole writing team had to design a perfect microwave.
Alice Vaughn 49:12
Dave, can you read the line about microwaves?
Dave Kinney 49:15
Yeah, cuz he looks at it. He's like, sex is what sells on TV. Microwave ovens are different story. He need violence to sell microwaves. But there was this long pause with the way that he delivered that line. It just it was like a triggered some negative microwave like some horrible thing he had done to sell microwaves in his past. Then this show where it was like it wasn't even just the lines. It was the way that they were read. And some of the pauses made them a lot differently than if you just read them normal.
Alice Vaughn 49:44
There were a number of things I kept picturing. How do you make microwaves dangerous? And I kept thinking about Okay, what are standard things you shouldn't put in microwaves, aluminum foil or electronics? Yeah, eggs in a shell creeps. A baby another microwaved Put a microwave in a microwave. Yeah, Paul Blart Mall Cop on blu ray. I think public
Dave Kinney 50:05
mocap is microwave safe.
Yvette d'Entremont 50:07
The microwave is only dangerous if you put a baby in it to the baby. It doesn't make it more dangerous to anyone outside of it. It's true. Good call. I'm going to Hell
Dave Kinney 50:16
yeah, but then the problem then as it's not dangerous, but any of the food you have from the microwave From then on, it's gonna be slightly baby flavored. And that's
Yvette d'Entremont 50:24
not what you want. Oh, yeah, and I mean, babies are only bit they're only better in caviar form. It's one of those mood
Dave Kinney 50:30
foods just like the cake that you mentioned earlier. Like, it's a great cake, but it's only a great cake for orgies. Like, I feel like like baby it's like there's a specific mood. Like where that's not the mood you're in for it's not gonna make your pizza taste better.
Yvette d'Entremont 50:45
I prefer my baby on Passover. Alright, as you see la appropriate for bed and I was the second board.
Alice Vaughn 50:54
You know what I found what you actually shouldn't put in microwave and I didn't know this before. hot peppers. Really? Yeah because apparently if you add some heat to a hot pepper a microwave, they actually could potentially spark cause a fire. yeah wait and chemicals some of the capsaicin released from the peppers might actually cause you to choke and even burn your eyes so it's a set process similar to pepper spray, so I can see that don't microwave Carolina Reapers, I guess
Dave Kinney 51:22
fair enough at room temperature
Unknown Speaker 51:24
like I don't know, but then catching Yeah.
Alice Vaughn 51:26
Jesus. Oh, and jawbreakers that's another thing. Apparently, they become explosives in your mouth if you decide to microwave them first. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, no. And people did it.
Yvette d'Entremont 51:37
I don't care if that's an urban legend. I'm not gonna be the next one to try it
Dave Kinney 51:42
out. Are there videos of that happening to people because I kind of want to see
Alice Vaughn 51:45
a story of someone in Florida doing
Dave Kinney 51:47
Florida. Horses for no other place.
Yvette d'Entremont 51:50
some crazy shit happens is either Florida or Russia.
Alice Vaughn 51:53
Yeah. So we get to the scene where we go into the writers room. And oh God, actually this Such a good line before the sexy delivered by the Tracy Jordan character. So Liz walks in with news is saying that you know, and everyone tries to guess what the News is. And the best guess is from Tracy. You're going to get that surgery, they get jet fuel rocket. And when guys come up to you, they'd be like Nestle's baby and you'd be like, thanks and burn his face off with your rockin bees.
Dave Kinney 52:26
I love that. Is that
Alice Vaughn 52:26
Yvette d'Entremont 52:28
No, I think it's okay. That was it.
Dave Kinney 52:30
I really grew adorable enough to pull it off. Like I feel like you're in that class where like, people are like, Oh, she doesn't know.
Yvette d'Entremont 52:36
She knows she's waiting. Well, she's saying that.
Dave Kinney 52:40
I think what I loved about that scene, though, is also just like, it was like he went with racket knees but then there were like eight more lines calling back about like how useful racket knees would be. And I just, I like that commitment. He went all in on rocket knee. Yeah, I think that was the same scene. One of my favorite comedy lines was a between him and like the agenda Maroney, but he was like a I'm a black robot. And then she was like, I'm a black robot. And I know there was like dead silence and like off camera was like really in a really low tone. You could have one girl be like, That's racist
Yvette d'Entremont 53:19
sneaky little call I got the problem that good job perfect.
Alice Vaughn 53:24
Like is that in character for her? I mean that was definitely in character for Jenna Maroney character. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker 53:29
Alice Vaughn 53:30
now here's where for me it didn't feel on character. Now we know Jenna Maroney will do quite a bit to boost her ratings and boost her role in the show. Sure. But what she fuck Frank?
Unknown Speaker 53:43
God, that's such a good question.
Alice Vaughn 53:45
I don't think so.
Dave Kinney 53:46
I think that if it was like if her entire career was on the line, like as a desperation, like in a scenario where no one could possibly find out about it. There are so many great jokes about like how desperate she was to be famous but like, even like this desperate to appear young, like, there's like certain talents like your hearing naturally deteriorates as you get older. So you can actually take a hearing test that can within a year or two basically pretty accurately tell you how old you are.
Yvette d'Entremont 54:11
Oh, yeah, it's like rings on a tree decibels you can't hear anymore.
Dave Kinney 54:16
That's a true thing in real life. But also they mentioned that on the show, and her character, every time like that sound was being played. She kept pretending like she was hearing it. But I mean, obviously, half the time the tone wasn't even being played. She's like, Oh, it's so it's allowed in my very young ears. Like it bothers me. They never did it on the show, but I feel like if that was a storyline where it was like she thought her whole career was in jeopardy and sleeping with Frank was the only way to save it.
Yvette d'Entremont 54:41
She'd be like, Where's the lib?
Dave Kinney 54:43
Yeah, not because she liked Frank. But that just that's how insane she was for that.
Alice Vaughn 54:47
Let's be honest, he could have just called you Dr. Freelander for this exact scene. I mean, they didn't have to go with a porn actor.
Dave Kinney 54:56
Yeah, I feel like maybe he doesn't do the movie but he's a very Least taking that meeting. Like, I feel like at the very least he's like, I'll hear you out.
Alice Vaughn 55:06
Well, also my other contention with this was, look, no one wants to see Frank. I have Well, it's sex and we had Well, it's sex with Frank.
Dave Kinney 55:17
We didn't need that. The next thing that we get to after this to Pete, I mean, that's what I said earlier about the choice of the guys that they had for sex. Like,
Alice Vaughn 55:25
oh, yeah, let's get into it.
Yvette d'Entremont 55:26
Yeah, they had options is what I'm saying here.
Alice Vaughn 55:31
We could have had Dr. Spock Chairman,
Dave Kinney 55:33
my choice if I could have chosen any sex scene from the show. 30 rock, cuz Pete sexy is a fantasy sexy. And I think the most obvious one is fantasy sexy in between Tina Fey and astronaut Mike Dexter. Yes. I mean, it's talks about it, but mostly fantasy scenarios. Like if you're gonna make a porn, like, That's the one. That's what you would put together convinent dude and an astronaut costume.
Alice Vaughn 55:56
You know, maybe he's just not as big of a deal. Character maybe and that's because he's such a side character. That's why I don't know.
Unknown Speaker 56:05
It's kind of obscure.
Alice Vaughn 56:06
But yeah, so, uh, Pete hornberger so he's apparently so pathetic and even in porn, he can't have real sex. Today, why don't you walk us through what's happening? Like, how do we get here?
Dave Kinney 56:19
That was actually a detail that I liked. Because I mean that that is kind of Pete's character on the show is that he's just this like, this guy with no confidence who just is like, just this kind of perpetual, like kind of loser, everyone's doormat. I think that that was a detail that I liked is that even? Even in the porn version, it's still just fantasy sex. But yeah, good. Like, it's that with the bald wig that they used for him.
Alice Vaughn 56:42
Oh, my God looked like they just took it off the shelf a Party City. They spared
Dave Kinney 56:45
no expense so bad. I just know. It wasn't though. It was also just those two characters. Ashley and Brooke playing Jenna Maroney and Amy Reed playing Tina's assistant in the show. Sorry. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, but the actress was playing those games. actors were perfect fits because they're kind of like a little bit of ditzy characters to begin with.
Alice Vaughn 57:05
What was great though is after the sex scene or the fantasy sex scene with peed, Cirie walks away, and a bunch of pens are dropped on the floor, yeah, not just one or two. It's like five,
Yvette d'Entremont 57:17
like five of them, throw them in front of her,
Alice Vaughn 57:21
but what I loved is there was a cameo from Manuel Ferrara.
Unknown Speaker 57:24
I did not notice how did I miss that?
Alice Vaughn 57:26
I can spot my Manuel Ferrara clearly you have
Yvette d'Entremont 57:30
like men will for our radar.
Unknown Speaker 57:33
Look, it's forever radar
Alice Vaughn 57:34
accurate. That's all I'm saying. It's accurate, like your policy perks up and it's
Unknown Speaker 57:37
like, listening. I know he's here somewhere.
Alice Vaughn 57:41
My gaydar it's off Manuel Ferrara dark, it's good.
Dave Kinney 57:45
Even the way that it led into like the fantasy sex like with Pete it was she was started to tell him a story because he's like, how did you get this job here? And her story starts with her dog dying. And like and then it like kind of like blurry. into the sex scene. And then when it blurs out and she's like, so I fucked it dude in an Armani suit, and that's how it happened. But you're like, I think she even like gave her dog a name, but it was just like, I think I enjoyed that. That was like what was triggering like this sexual fantasy for him. She's like, this dog who I really love died. He's like, a go on. Cool.
Yvette d'Entremont 58:24
I'd like to think this is just more proof that men zone out on women when they're talking and they're just staring at their tits and mentally masturbating. I'm storing this one into spank bank for later.
Dave Kinney 58:36
Oh, that sucks about your dog. She
Yvette d'Entremont 58:37
talks she jiggles.
Alice Vaughn 58:39
So speaking of people who mentally masturbate all the time, there's Danny, Liz's acts in the next scene.
Yvette d'Entremont 58:47
Played by James Jane Russia.
Unknown Speaker 58:48
He acted so well. He nailed that character.
Alice Vaughn 58:51
Yes, indeed. Hey, dummy. Danny, what are you doing here? We broke up months ago, killed yourself and it was out of service. So I busted beeper
Yvette d'Entremont 59:00
had more of a cell phone girl now.
Alice Vaughn 59:03
What are you kidding me? You're dating New York's Prince, a pagers, your beeper royalty. I'm not gonna have my princess cut with some clunky cell phone. Oh, like
Dave Kinney 59:12
a dead cell beepers on the show. And that was the thing of James Dean. Like, from the time he showed up, you're like, oh, he gets it. Like he just
Yvette d'Entremont 59:19
he knows the character is playing perfect.
Dave Kinney 59:22
So immediately people show up to film them having sex. And she's like, what's this all about? it? He's like, yeah, don't worry about it. What's the worst that could happen?
Yvette d'Entremont 59:31
Which like, and you see it half a day, like there's no way people show up to film someone having sex when they're in a TV show. And there's a TV studio there and there's not going to be a mix up.
Alice Vaughn 59:44
Yeah. Oh, oh, one quick thing before we move on to the finale. I did kind of really appreciate how desperate Liz is in the porn. Did you just call me princess? You know, you can be quite romantic sometimes. Does this mean we can Yeah.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:00:03
She was needing something
Alice Vaughn 1:00:04
heart of younger Alice was like relatable check.
Dave Kinney 1:00:09
Even the way he delivered that lead. So does this mean wicked bone was perfect?
Unknown Speaker 1:00:13
Unknown Speaker 1:00:15
Someone threw me attention. Someone called me a nice name. Take it.
Alice Vaughn 1:00:20
I could use penis to latch on to at the moment. Oh, Liz, I feel your girl. We've all been there at some point. But post sex scene, so there is a mixup with the tapes. So Kenneth he takes the wrong tape before pre recorded seen. And apparently we see Liz lemon getting boned on network TV. And of course there's no consequences because we're in a porn. Yeah,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:00:47
yeah, for some reason the FCC isn't contacted over this one.
Dave Kinney 1:00:52
I mean, to be fair, that's not the ending you want to a porn movie. It's a budget like FCC bureaucracy. There's like a hearing Like, well, that's not what I was,
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:01
I feel that would interrupt the flow of action. You know, FCC trial. You don't want it, I want it.
Dave Kinney 1:01:08
The only way that they make that work is if they like, there's only one way you're gonna get out of paying these crazy fines.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:14
And then it's just hashtag realistic porn. And after the boss fucked around the desk, he had a huge metoo moment.
Dave Kinney 1:01:21
So up to the levels of parody on parody on parody. his actual NBC was a ton of sexual harassment at that time, because this is in 2009, when like Matt Lauer and a ton of other people were getting fired at NBC, which is where the show has that so it's like yeah, in a weird way, accidentally accurate
Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:41
it's amazing looking back on some of this stuff from then and seeing Matt Lauer kind of trying to nail people's ask to the wall on their sexual harassment shit like months before his came out. Oh, yeah, like, Oh, man. Go away.
Alice Vaughn 1:01:54
I mean, come on. No one expected or rate button from him? Yeah, yeah.
Dave Kinney 1:02:00
That was next level horrible. I feel like the electrician who installed that has to be considered an accessory in that crime.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:07
Had to know like you don't get to the point where you've got to close the door just in case I feel like rapist sizing button without somebody knowing the word rape is like on the button and the dude's like some about this doesn't feel right I don't know.
Alice Vaughn 1:02:23
But um so jack applauds Liz for this epic mix up and kind of the pages just standing around and jack applauds him and says that if he continues you know doing this well that one day he'll make SR page and Q kennex Daydream do hemming send your page perfectly appropriate
Unknown Speaker 1:02:43
Alice Vaughn 1:02:45
hashtag Pro. I don't care and he has to like the Leros.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:50
Yeah, he's got got the guns. He's got the me just he looks like bro. I don't
Alice Vaughn 1:02:54
care what you say. I loved it. Hello, my little flour tortillas. It was ridiculous. Amazing. Hey, if you don't consider that a panty dropper, I just don't know you as my co host anymore.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:03:07
You know, I didn't say it wasn't I just said it was a little ridiculous. Look, you turned me on and you're a little ridiculous Alice, so I never said it was bad.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:15
Fair enough. I think
Dave Kinney 1:03:17
that's like because that actor did such a good job as Ken and also because he was also like a little bit deli. Like what it then turned over to a sexy and I'm like, Oh shit, that dude's gonna get a sexy. And I was like, I was like, You know what? He's a good actor. He deserves it. Those girls are very pretty. And then other set of like, he blinks, and it just turns into like a hotter bore and shaped dude, in a weird way. I almost personally felt like cuckolded. Like, it was like, it's just also just so cruel. Like even in his own sexual fantasies. He's still getting like tagged out.
Alice Vaughn 1:03:47
It's true. It really is true. But yeah, I was really disappointed that Kenneth didn't get the sexy because we were all up amped. We were ready for like, yeah,
Unknown Speaker 1:03:57
this guy's finally being The nice guy in the real genuine nice guy. It's working out for him, at least in his fantasy now.
Dave Kinney 1:04:07
I mean, I laugh but it also was like, I was like, oh, given the
Yvette d'Entremont 1:04:10
value, even in the stream.
Dave Kinney 1:04:13
I was thinking that because he's a real man. I was like, holy shit, this is good. The sexy good for him. Like, I mean, imagine on set because he was on set with the girls in that scene. And they're like, all right, bringing the guy who goes to the gym sometimes. And he's like, cool, guys. Have a good time. Remember to stay hydrated, like spraying the
Yvette d'Entremont 1:04:33
guy who's got the spiked hair and wearing x. Ray.
Dave Kinney 1:04:37
What's up ladies? And he's like, have a good day, girls. You both look very pretty. Like
Yvette d'Entremont 1:04:44
a good job of being a page just pass them off to the real stuff. Oh, brutal. It hurts.
Alice Vaughn 1:04:51
I mean, overall, with this film, I have to say that there was some great writing there was some shitty acting. And there were some okay sex scenes, and Guess that's the best we can expect from a porn parody. Sometimes
Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:04
there are some decent acting too. There's some really funny stuff in there.
Alice Vaughn 1:05:07
Yeah, I mean, the tracy morgan character. I feel like we're all like in agreement here just nailed it. Agreed. So final thoughts. I think
Dave Kinney 1:05:15
from a writing standpoint, it's probably got to be the highest level of writing. So I think to parody it in to try to do that kind of humor is hard, even if you brought in writers who actually have written on other TV shows, and ask them to do like a 30 rock style show. I mean, that is the hardest difficulty level of stuff to parody. I think all things considered. Tracy Morgan crushed it, or the guy who played him. That Kenda pain crushed it. I thought the Alec Baldwin, I think he got the voice right. But just the way he played the character was really different. Lisa and who I've seen and a ton of other stuff, again, and especially finding out that she was a huge fan of 30 rock. So it was like something that she had put a lot of time and thought and effort into. It was just strange because I feel like If she just acted the way she does and just other normal porn stuff, I think that would have even been better than like what she went with. Like it was like she put in all this effort, but it was like kind of going the wrong direction. I think overall, like, I'm just amazed that this exists. I'm amazed that there's a porn version of Judah Friedlander out there
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:17
there is a porn version of everything and if it doesn't exist yet, it's going to soon
Alice Vaughn 1:06:24
yeah, we already know there's going to be a porn version of the show a few years from now.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:28
It's fine on a will they won't they will be answered.
Dave Kinney 1:06:32
I think it's challenging because it's recorded remotely. I think that makes the the porn version of it a little bit more challenging.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:38
Alice is coming out here in like a week which is wicked exciting
Alice Vaughn 1:06:42
and sir we had a whole episode on intellijel tonics
Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:47
technology and she can she can fuck me from really far away. It's impressive gets a lot less messy that way. I like to think it is the way to make fun without STDs with guaranteed No STDs, the safest sex
Alice Vaughn 1:07:02
latency issue and the calls to India though for customer service are not fun. Ma'am, have you tried restarting your dildo?
Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:10
Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again that's the problem is not turning me on set.
Alice Vaughn 1:07:15
So Dave, where can our listeners find you?
Dave Kinney 1:07:19
The easiest way is Twitter at David Kenny. And yeah, I'm always doing shows around the city I've normally posted on my Twitter account. Yeah, just stand up. And if you're specifically also a dolphins fan, or just enjoy hearing the made fun of the podcast is called saving the dolphins
Alice Vaughn 1:07:38
awesome and we will link to that in the show notes. By the way you guys can find us individually at the Sybase on Twitter and at rational blonde but you guys can find all things related to the firstname.lastname@example.org slash two girls one Mike or just two girls when Mike calm. Come hang out with us support us there. That's how we can pay for some awesome audio editing and To get more fantastic guests on, event anything else, y'all can find me email@example.com slash sy babe where I'm being snarky and sciency mostly snarky Alice anywhere else where people can find you. I think they can find me staring at the reviews on iTunes so you guys need to write more of them. Yes.
Yvette d'Entremont 1:08:19
Those make us very happy and a little horny,
Alice Vaughn 1:08:21
Guys, thanks for tuning in this week. We'll catch you next week. Bye bye
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