This episode is part of a 12 days of Christmas read-along of the Selling Like We're Human book, recorded in 2021.
The book follows a similar concept to what you're already used to here on the Humane Marketing show with the 7Ps of Humane Marketing and the Marketing Like We're Human book: we start with the being and then go into the doing.
The 3 parts of the Selling Like We're Human book are : Being, Knowing and Doing (compared to Rumble, Rise and Resonate of the Marketing Like We're Human book)
Today I'm reading a small section of Part 1 on BEING, Chapter 2 called 'Clear your Own Objections:'
Excerpt from Selling Like We're Human, Part 1: BEING, Chapter 2: Clear Your Own Sales Objections
Ground Yourself in Your Own Worth Often, the two terms ‘self-worth’ and ‘self-esteem’, are used interchangeably. But they are actually not the same and there’s a reason we start with selfworth. Self-worth is the foundation. Remember the big tree in the middle of our secret garden? The reason that tree stands so beautiful and proud is because it’s grounded, thanks to its roots and its strong trunk. That’s what self-worth does: it grounds you and makes you believe that you’re fundamentally worthy. The Cambridge Dictionary defines self-worth as “the value you give to your life and achievements.” Whereas self-esteem comes after self-worth, and it is about feeling confident and feeling good about yourself. Without going into too much detail, since that’s beyond the scope of this book, low self-worth is caused by two main reasons: 1. Wounds caused by childhood trauma; and 2. Self-protection to shield us from our fears. Core wounds often lead to underlying beliefs that we carry about ourselves, things like “I’m bad,” “I’m stupid,” “I’m fat,” and “I don’t deserve to be happy.” To work on core wounds, you need more than a few pages in a book. If that’s something you’re dealing with, please see a licensed therapist to help you work through that. The second reason is the one that we want to take a closer look at here. What’s that fear we’re protecting ourselves from in the context of selling? The fear of rejection and abandonment from others.
When we have low self-worth, we’re constantly trying to please others. I wrote about my underselling and overgiving burnout in Marketing Like We’re Human. Below is the abbreviated version:
She has come from a world where she was constantly underselling herself, keeping herself small because of different reasons. First it was her upbringing that told her she was part of the working class and so the working class has to be small. She was also feeling inferior because she didn’t have a university degree and so she always compared herself to people with higher education. She said the only way to be loved, accepted, and successful was to give and give and give. Until she had an overgiving burnout. She felt angry and decided that she was done with giving. She would be tough from now on. Until she realized that being tough wasn’t in her nature. She didn’t want to be tough. She wanted to be gentle and kind. And that’s when she received the call to adventure. She crossed the threshold and looked at her money story. She met the enemy. There were a lot of stuck emotions in her sacral chakra. She didn’t want to betray the values of her dad, who fought all his life for the rights of the working class. Not being part of the working class anymore meant betraying her dad. But then she realized that there was another way. That she didn’t have to betray the core values that her family raised her with. Fairness, equality, freedom, justice, kindness, sustainability, making a difference—these values were still the same. So she realized that what her dad was fighting for on a political level, she could now make her mission in the business world. And that’s how the Gentle Business Revolution was born. She now creates a community, a movement, a revolution for people who want to make the world a better place through their business.
She is no longer so much focused on the monetary outcome; she cares deeply to create this community, and money will come to her as a consequence of the energy she puts into the creation. She feels safe, and she knows she will bloom. The overgiving becomes our protection, as we have never really dealt with those childhood fears of being rejected. In my case it was the fear of being rejected by my dad and the community I grew up in. So by overgiving and underselling myself, I gained the temporary love of others, which made me feel safe. But had I not done the deep inner work, the cycle would have gone on and on, and to this day I would still be lacking the fundamental sense of self-worth. Are you ready to clear your own objections and really own your worth? Your Worth Does Not Depend on the Sale
“I no longer want the amount of money I make to impact how I feel. My worth is not dependent on the level of my success.” That’s what I wrote in my journal at the end of 2016 in answer to the prompt “How do you want to change next year?” I think that’s such a key concept to understand when you are new to selling. Your worth is not dependent on the number of zeros in your revenue! Your worth is not dependent on whether you fill your next course or not! Your worth does not decrease if you don’t make your goal this month!
And your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth. In plain English: you’re not a failure if people don’t buy your stuff! Your worth is innate. You’re good enough. In her famous 2010 TEDx talk in Houston on “the power of vulnerability,” Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, shared about her many years of research around the topic of shame. Why the shame? Because in this culture driven by a mainstream idea of success, most of us believe we’re “not good enough . . . not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough.” That fundamental fear of rejection, this open wound, leads us to protect ourselves with masks (or other armor) and not really let others see us as who we really are. Better to avoid being vulnerable than risk letting our guard down. However, Brown also talks about a smaller group of people who seemed to have found a better way of living the “wholehearted” way. She describes them as human beings for whom being good enough is “good enough.” They show up with courage and vulnerability, accepting that they are imperfect and are not afraid to be transparent about their flaws. Grounded in this deep sense of their fundamental acceptance, they open themselves to whatever life brings. When you start selling from this new perspective—knowing that you’re good enough, whether you make that sale or not—that’s when things will change for you.
“I need some time to think about it.” Whenever I heard that sentence after a sales call, my energy dropped and my mood changed. This heavy feeling invaded me, and a loud voice inside my head started screaming, “You see! You’re just not good at this; nobody wants what you’re selling!” It wasn’t until I started to focus on my “enough” that things started to change! In December 2016, I wrote in my diary: “I no longer want the amount of money I make to impact how I feel. My worth is not dependent on the level of my success.” I had to go deep, do the work (with a therapist), let go, and remind myself with a daily mantra: “I am enough.” Today I am no longer attached to the sale. If it feels right, I’m delighted. If it’s not meant to be, I don’t take it personally, and I move on.
Picture yourself in your Serene Garden. You have no clients right now, but yet you feel calm, at peace, and know deep inside that you are good enough because your worth does not depend on the sale. You are still you. Just like a tree is still a tree even when it loses his leaves.
This idea of grounding yourself in your own worth is really important to understand and the reason we start with BEING before we get to the KNOWING part, where we’ll talk about the value and worth you provide to your clients. They are separate concepts and not to be confused. Your Unique Value Proposition, which we will talk about in Part Two, has nothing to do with your innate worth. Your innate worth is not dependent on sales or sign-ups. No one can take it from you, or give you more of it. Whenever you doubt yourself, come back to this anchor.
This excerpt is from Part One on Being, and from the first chapter called 'Clear Your Own Objections'.
If what you heard today resonates with you and made you curious about the book, I invite you to get your copy of the new Selling Like You're Human book at humane.marketing/book2. You can also download the whole 1st chapter for free to see if it resonates.
And I'm also planting a seed about my 'Marketing Like We're Human' program that I'll run in its live edition starting at the end of January 2022. This is where we take all these concepts from the two books as well as the 7Ps of Humane Marketing to a much much deeper level in an intimate group learning experience. Find out more at www.humane.marketing/program
Get your copy of the 'Selling Like We're Human' book !
Marketing Like We're Human - Sarah's first book
Selling Like We're Human - Sarah's second book
Email Sarah at email@example.com
Thanks for listening!
After you listen, check out Humane Business Manifesto, an invitation to belong to a movement of people who do business the humane and gentle way and disrupt the current marketing paradigm. You can download it for free at this page. There’s no opt-in. Just an instant download.
Are you enjoying the podcast? The Humane Marketing show is listener-supported—I'd love for you to become an active supporter of the show and join the Humane Marketing Circle. You will be invited to a private monthly Q&A call with me and fellow Humane Marketers - a safe zone to hang out with like-minded conscious entrepreneurs and help each other build our business and grow our impact. — I’d love for you to join us! Learn more at humane.marketing/circle
Don’t forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes or on Android to get notified for all my future shows and why not sign up for my weekly(ish) "Sarah Suggests Saturdays", a round-up of best practices, tools I use, books I read, podcasts, and other resources.
Raise your hand and join the Humane Business Revolution.
Are you the creator of this podcast?
and pick the featured episodes for your show.
Connect with listeners
Podcasters use the RadioPublic listener relationship platform to build lasting connections with fansYes, let's begin connecting
Find new listeners
Understand your audience
Engage your fanbase