Let's talk about getting relationship fit. We get fit and healthy for summer or we get a service or tune up for our cars. Why don't we place as much effort and care into getting ready for a relationship as we do with other things in life?
1. Know what you want and what you don't want:
- make a list of what your future partner's values would be
- Family, money, relating to others, kindness
- Not a shopping list of superficial things like looks, body type, height etc..
2. Know your boundaries:
- what are you not prepared to put up with?
- smoker, abuser, alcoholic, violent
- criticized and disrespected
- set up simple dating rules that work for you: With online dating keep online contact brief, then a phone call then the First date is coffee, brief and simple.
- Reflect on how you unknowingly allowed /accepted the bad behaviour
- Then make a commitment to never ever allow that again.
3. Make a plan of how you will set out to meet people
- dating online
- join some meet up groups
- join an activity you love
- talk to friends about your intention to have a relationship
4. Practice being honest, upfront and assertive with your friends and colleagues
- the key to weeding out the wrong people is to be able to be yourself which includes being able to communicate with your date when something is upsetting you or not working for you etc..
- how he/she responds is often a great indicator of whether they can handle your honesty and your truth. There is no point in dating someone for months and months and you are holding back your true feelings from them.
5. Reflect on and laugh about dating mishaps and learn from each experience
- You will have some dates that either don't go anywhere or are completely wrong for you.
- Instead of being disheartened by those experiences see them as opportunities to learn and grow about dating. Maybe you had a gut reaction that was a bit suspicious about a date but met up anyway...listen to your gut instinct. It could be the tone of voice or in the first meeting.
6. Never give up: Persistence will pay off. If you truly believe that being in a relationship is what you want then keep going. Believe in the process and that you're destined to meet someone amazing.