Cover art for podcast Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

100 EpisodesProduced by Pitney and AmeliaWebsite

A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY! We're here, we're… read more

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Hello Dinner!

September 23rd, 2022


It's an episode filled with FOOD! Amelia loves Hello Fresh and she explains all the ways meal kits have made her life easier and more enjoyable. Pitney has some stories of hospitaliano and the battling the organic …


September 9th, 2022


One of our weirdest episode titles, but we swear it’ll make sense within minutes. Pitney shares some self-soothing techniques. Dealing with mental health challenges with actions, medications, therapy, and laughter. And …

Raspberry Bidet

August 26th, 2022


There exists in the world a $20,000 toilet, and we are fascinated. Amelia is inspired to put some class on her ass and invest in a bidet, much to Pitney’s amusement and confusion. And you better believe there are saints …

Oh No Jojo!

August 12th, 2022


The Jojo Siwa / Candace Cameron Bure drama. 

Verity doesn’t like something. 

Stuff that got away. 

And this week’s #YearOfTheSaints feature teaches …

Toy Stories

July 29th, 2022


The toys we played with the most and what we think they reveal about the kinds of kids we were. And in the #YearOfTheSaints, a dude from the 1600s …

Nation of Sweatpants

July 15th, 2022


Amelia's heading back to the office and is dreading wearing real clothes again. Pitney admits to wearing pajama pants in public. It's a new world out there. Pitney is excited to learn they're making a new live action …

Celebrity Poop Scoop

July 1st, 2022


Sure, we're angry as hell this week but there's so many more reasons than just the SCOTUS rulings and the world going to hell. We covered a lot of …

But, Pirates!

June 17th, 2022


Ahoy, matey! It be the Pride episode, and this year we're talking all about gay pirates. It's a bit of Anne Bonny and Mary Read, the real story of …

Fighting Heels

June 3rd, 2022


Happy Pride Month! We’re gonna get you fired up and ready to make some changes in the world. If you’ve never participated in activism before, it’s time you started.   

#Pride #PrideMonth #Pride2022 


Promos: 2 …

Completely Mortifying

May 20th, 2022


Assorted tales of entitlement and disrespect. A “Dear Abby” letter about not wanting to hear the Happy Birthday song, an AITA about how a woman eats noodles, and the aggro-face-humping abomination that is Madison …

Texas Frightmare Weekend Special 2022

May 6th, 2022


It's Texas Frightmare Weekend time again! Normally, we'd be recording in the car on the drive home, but this year ended up very different! Find out …

God Dammit Nanette!

April 22nd, 2022


Pitney's mom hollering at an old lady who won't bid fast enough at bridge. And she once called 9-1-1 because his dad used her coffee pot. And we have …

Leatherface Bouillabaisse

April 8th, 2022


Please enjoy this thick, hearty bowl of Texas Chainsaw Massacre stew, where we talk about the glorious original 1974 film and the 2022 Netflix sequel. Then help yourself to a tasty side of spring-fresh patron saints of …

Say Gay Anyway

March 25th, 2022


We’re pissed off about what’s going on in Texas and Florida and damn straight we’re gonna talk about it in the way you’d expect from us. Our feelings …

Pitney's Back!

March 11th, 2022


(Important to mention this was recorded before the Russian invasion of Ukraine.) 

Pitney returns from his brief hiatus, and he has big news that even surprises Amelia! And Amelia learned her husband doesn’t like sitting …

Let Frito Ring

February 25th, 2022


Amelia chats with an old friend she’s been calling Frito since the night they met in 1986. They talk about their school and its ridiculous …


February 11th, 2022


Amelia cuts loose on what it’s like to be a fat chick, especially what it is to exist in a world that tells you at every turn that the worst thing …

98% Straight

January 28th, 2022


Amelia talks to the delightful K Anderson from the Lost Spaces Podcast about loving trashy gay bars, realizing everybody isn’t a little bit into …


January 14th, 2022


The first of several 2022 episodes sans Pitney. Amelia is totally unchaperoned and freaking out only a little bit. But she’s got some old classic …

Fart in a Jar

December 31st, 2021


That's one hell of a title, isn't it? Made you look! In addition to flasked flatus, we talk about honesty in online kink commerce, the "Steve Vai groupie" (a video that was viral back when it meant copying VHS tapes and …

All I Want For Christmas Is (stf) U

December 17th, 2021


It’s OK not to be OK during the holidays. Commiserate with your pals Pitney and Amelia as we talk about how we just CAN’T EVEN right now. Set …

House of Snootchie

December 3rd, 2021


Or should that be House of Snucci? Anyway...  


Bitchy old queen opinions about Madonna, Lady Gaga, Harry Styles, Will & Jada, and crossdressing …

Thankful Balboa

November 19th, 2021


Here we are again, that time of year where we talk about the stuff we’re thankful for. But this year, we gave it a bit of a twist.   


And I hope …

Shut Up!

November 5th, 2021


We are so sick of white women right now. First, Amelia got riled up because a couple of Karens told a Mexican woman she was wrong to buy decor for …

Boo, Bitch!

October 22nd, 2021


Amelia’s tenuous connections to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. Pitney is excited about the documentary Hail Satan? and what he learned about the Satanic Temple. Salem, Massachusetts has a weird way of …

The Wheel of Horror!

October 17th, 2021


Welcome one and all to our All The Horror Special for 2021!


Tonight we were joined LIVE by Drew (Reel Feels Podcast), Mikey (Fellowship of the Geeks), Tony (Flicks XRayed), and Tricia & Siana (2 Girls on a Bench) …

Psycho Veggie Poopie People

October 8th, 2021


When a relative is a member of the "organic elite" and thinks they have the right to be rude. We complain a lot about people who look down their noses at others for obnoxious and often uneducated reasons. And in this …

Parallel Paranormal

September 24th, 2021


Instead of going to Texas Frightmare Weekend, we took separate vacations in haunted hotels! Pitney in the Brookdale Lodge in Felton, CA, and Amelia in the Driskill Hotel in Austin, TX. Find out about their storied …

Jaw Droppers

September 10th, 2021


A couple stories we couldn’t handle at all. One is from Dan Savage’s "Savage Love" column, and the other from "Am I The Asshole?" on Reddit. Then …

Self Care Check-In

August 27th, 2021


Sometimes the best self-care is not beating yourself up for not doing enough self-care. Don’t compare yourself to people who seem to have nothing else to do but meditate and eat clean, because that’s total crap. And …

Banana Surprise!

August 13th, 2021


The freckle community. Appropriating appropriation. Identification by phallus. When a cigar is definitely NOT just a cigar. Big Macs and banana surprise. 

And this week in self care, fill up your senses.


Promo: Thanks …

Exposing Ourselves

July 30th, 2021


Confessions! Is Pitney losing his identity as a nerdy fanboy? Is Amelia harboring a secret desire to build stuff? How close did Amelia come to attacking the arrogant unvaccinated?


And this week in self-care, yoga …

Sh*ttiest Day Ever

July 16th, 2021


Stories of days that started off bad and then the world just kept piling on more and more crap. Amelia got heatstroke at a nude beach, and Pitney had to find money for a late power bill payment. Then some jackass gave …

Tickled By Elmo

July 2nd, 2021


Shopping at Torrid. Amelia's big anniversary this year. Memories of WesterCon 1996 in El Paso. The right way to poop. Indecency with an Elmo doll. …

Pride, Pronouns, and Peonies

June 18th, 2021


Happy Pride, queers and dears! This year we’ve got a lot of fabulous stuff for you. A bit about what queer-friendly and inclusive stuff Target is up …

Dog Poop on the Dance Floor

June 4th, 2021


We dive into a few select stories from Am I The Asshole? and give our uncensored opinions. And in this week's #YearOfSelfCare, Amelia talks about how …

Yay! Therapy! v2.0

May 20th, 2021


Hey! It’s Mental Health Awareness Month! Regular listeners are quite aware of our mental health or lack thereof, but we haven’t done an episode about …

Screw You, Frenchy!

May 7th, 2021



Simple food versus complicated food. Why delicacies are things we probably shouldn't even be eating in the first place. Just because something is …

Sorry Not Sorry

April 23rd, 2021


Has the world become so sensitive that it’s necessary to apologize to imaginary people who haven’t yet gotten upset? Do we no longer assume that …

In My Mouth

April 9th, 2021


Goin’ deep on dirty talk, baby-birding and other grossness, butthole maintenance, taking care of your feet, and a wannabe hippy chick trying way too …

Algorithm is Gonna Get You

March 26th, 2021


The Social Dilemma. We watched it, and we have thoughts.

Tricia may have been right about some things.

The recent “cancellation” of Dr. Seuss.

And be sure to stick it out till the post-credits scene where Pitney got …

Filth in Fandom

March 12th, 2021


(hey, did you already download this and it was missing the ending? well, it's fixed! sorry about that!)

Happy 1st Everybody-Stay-Home-niversary, you …

The Colbert Questionert

February 26th, 2021


This week we tackle the Colbert Questionert, 15 questions that help you really know a person. Our favorite sandwiches, scariest animals, worst …

The Rubber Chicken Incident

February 11th, 2021


Certain intimate details about Cyberpunk 2077. 

People at work who hate us.

Insights and revelations about forgiving abusers.

And, this week in self-care: making yourself a priority.


Promos: 2 Skeptical Chaps  and Aim …

Selfie McStinkface

January 29th, 2021


Selfies. We don't understand them. Or the people who constantly post them. Or the people who bully those people. Or Rihanna, who is apparently awful. …

Not Today, Satan!

January 15th, 2021


We're a little all over the place this week. We've got some commentary on religion, or rather the religious (because that's not the same thing), respect for the flag, respect for your neighbors, respect for your teeth, …

We're Already Exhausted

January 1st, 2021


"Happy New Year." How about "Decidedly Better New Year?"  We're doing our best to look forward to whatever is coming.

And this week, we introduce the theme for 2021: The Year of Self Care. Because we need it.



Kitschy Bitchy Christmas

December 18th, 2020


Christmastime is here. Happiness and cheer. We do a deep dive into our Christmas music collections and share some exquisite and unusual holiday …

Think of the Children!

December 4th, 2020


Remember when Tipper Gore and a bunch of other politicians' wives with nothing better to do decided to be the nation's mommies and let us know what …

Thankful 5: The Gobbler Strikes Back

November 20th, 2020


It's that time of year again where we talk about gratitude, and things that make our world a better place. Everything about 2020 has been crazy, but some good has come out of it. We talk about the people who are …

Call Me Auntie

November 5th, 2020


Our best stories about our worst roommates. Breaking stuff, skipping out on bills, being generally gross - this one's got it all! And women who believe they've been pregnant for YEARS and doctors are just too dumb to …

Pitney & Amelia's Spooky Stax

October 22nd, 2020


It's Pitney & Amelia's Spooky Stax!

We're celebrating Halloween this year by sharing our love of Halloween themed records! Music, scary stories, classic sound effects, everything you need to set a Halloween mood! …

Murderers, Malcontents, and Malignant Fiends: Trans Characters in Horror

October 9th, 2020


Angela in Sleepaway Camp.

Liz in American Horror Story: Hotel.

Charlie in Hereditary.


Three very different ways of looking at trans identities.


Welcome to our supersized All The Horror special for 2020, featuring …

Urine Trouble

September 25th, 2020


Don’t forget October is ALL THE HORROR month, and our next episode is a special supersized discussion with our friend Dr. Leks Drakos about trans characters in horror. Tell your friends!


This week we kick it off with …

Not a Fan of the Lipstick

September 11th, 2020


First a bit of catching up, talking about dogs, how insane the weather is, and how you used to be able to afford to live in Austin when you couldn’t …

Birthday Parade

August 27th, 2020


First off, we are SO SORRY about the weird sound issues in this one. It's been insanely hot in California and Pitney's mom's house had NO AC so there …

Majors and Minors and Courts, Oh My!

August 14th, 2020


This week we're talking tarot! Learn how tarot can be a useful tool, even for non-believers like Amelia. Learn about the structure of the tarot deck …

Dreams Die Hard

July 31st, 2020


This week, Pitney and Amelia talk about exciting careers we could have had if only we’d made more of an effort. Or any effort at all, in Amelia’s …

Verity, a Corncob, and Snape

July 16th, 2020


After a quick bit of catching up, Pitney and Amelia talk about Hamilton hot takes and how it’s not necessary to announce to the world that you don’t like a thing. All fandoms have this problem, but jeez people, just …

Reheated Remnants

July 3rd, 2020


Mmmmmm leftovers! This week we dug to the back of the freezer to pull out a few things that didn’t quite fit into other recent shows. Like just how …

Pride in the Name of Justice

June 18th, 2020


Happy Pride, everyone!

This week we're teaching the kids about the fight for LGBTQ rights from the 60s through today, and how important protests have always been to this country. Stonewall, the White Night riots, ACT …

Surgery, Sex, and Sunflower Seeds

June 7th, 2020



Amelia finally got to have her rescheduled …


June 2nd, 2020


Our regular episode will come a little late this week.

For right now, this is PODCAST BLACKOUT.

We may not be able to do a lot, but we can do this.

Ah Valley Fair

May 22nd, 2020


This week's episode has a healthy dose of the cattiness that we are known for! Explore the stinky bowels of Twitter as Amelia recounts her adventures …

Hints From Homos!

May 8th, 2020


First of all, you need to know that Pitney’s mother’s house has no air conditioning, so he often records with the window open. Hence the occasionally really loud wind chimes. Reality is, like, so real.

This week we are …

The New Normal After COVID19

April 23rd, 2020


We swear we aren’t TRYING to do a bunch of shows about the coronavirus, but we talk about our lives, so there it is.

We touch a bit on quarantine life and being “essential.” We wonder how long it might take to get back …

Period Pads For Pee?!

April 10th, 2020


Ever have commercials that just irritate the bejesus of out you? Well, we do too! Hear all about them on this latest episode of the BitchenBoutique! …

Zen Poop Garden

March 27th, 2020


Break from the real world for an hour this week and learn all about Amelia’s hair dyeing adventures! Pitney also reminisces about having hair and …

Next to Godliness

March 13th, 2020


(Did you download the show on day one? you might have gotten only half of it. Please download again!)


What a crazy week it’s been out there in the …

God Damn NaMAHste!

February 28th, 2020


Welcome to episode 100 of the Bitchen Boutique! We can hardly believe it ourselves.

This week, a couple of whiny twins who want us to believe they don't know which twin they are. Amelia isn't buying it. And we break …

Boundaries Are Love

February 14th, 2020


Emotional abuse. How to spot it and how to deal with it. Setting boundaries to protect yourself. Amelia has had a rough time in recent months, and she's telling you how she put a stop to being used and abused. She also …

Famous Dames in Mink

January 31st, 2020


The Fabulous Steve is BACK, and we've saved his best stories for last!

Highlights: Tim Curry live in concert. Maurice Chevalier was a creep. Singin …

Hello Finland!

January 17th, 2020


We apologize for the sound mix in this episode. We’re on a new learning curve. Bear with us.

This week, we’re talking Netflix’s Dracula and a story …

Offer Her an Orange!

January 3rd, 2020


(The sound is off. Apologies. Also, Amelia has cedar fever, so excuse her stuffy nose.)

Happy New Year!

This is the last episode Pitney recorded in …

Year of the Vagina Year-End Wrapup

December 27th, 2019


The Year of the Vagina is at an end. We have compiled all 26 segments, from Yay Therapy through Dreaming of a Black Christmas, into a bonus episode as a gift to you. Please be sure to share this 90 minute bit of …

Dreaming of a Black Christmas

December 20th, 2019


Happy Holidays! Celebrate a low-key Christmas with us as we talk about the Black Christmas reboot and a bunch of weird Christmas facts Pitney found …

Something Something, Silent Bob

December 6th, 2019


2019 is almost over, y'all! When we recorded this episode, Pitney was gearing up for his big move back to San Jose, CA. We talk about new segments being planned for the new year, audiodramas Pitney is excited to listen …

Thankful 4: The Revenge!

November 22nd, 2019


Happy Thanksgiving! Once again, we're here to
talk about gratitude, and list some things we're extra grateful for this year. We're also gonna tell …

Eight Minute Standing Ovation

November 8th, 2019


Pitney finally saw the Child’s Play remake and boy does he have thoughts. Neither of us saw the new Joker movie, and boy do we have thoughts. The …

Pitney's Ghost Adventures!

October 25th, 2019


If you missed our guest spot on One Giant Leap for Geeks, you can check it out HERE!

It’s Halloween again, and Pitney is getting ready to move back …

House of TV Terror!

October 10th, 2019


Welcome to our contribution to All The Horror 2019! We hope you check out episodes from the other shows participating this month. It's been a blast! Check the #AllTheHorror hashtag to find more!

This week, we're talking …

Farting Confetti

September 26th, 2019


Pitney's dog Joxer had a lot of fun running around the room while we recorded this week's episode. Hope you like puppy noises!

Pitney went to Candytopia with some friends and swam in a sea of marshmallows!

Amelia …

Bye Bye Podcoin!

September 18th, 2019


Ah, Podcoin, we hardly knew ye.

So, this is really for the people who listen to us on Podcoin, but the rest of you might want to hear it, because it's goofy as hell.

The couple hundred of you who subscribed on Podcoin …

Bedbugs in the Bathhouse

September 13th, 2019


Remember when The Fabulous Steve was here? Well, we chatted with him about the days of personal ads, and how low-tech things were compared to the …

Midsommar: The Pagan Perspective

August 29th, 2019


Itching for more horror content? Well, mark your calendars, because ALL THE HORROR 2019 IS COMING!

Sometimes horror movies come out that modern pagans are afraid will tarnish their reputations. Midsommar was one of …

You Shall Not Fan!

August 16th, 2019


Have you ever felt like you don't belong? Nerds feel that way a lot. But what if the fandom you're into isn't into you? Or what if you love a band/movie/show/etc but can't get down with the other fans because you're not …

Something Tweaky This Way Comes

August 2nd, 2019


It’s another episode featuring The Fabulous Steve!

This week, Pitney and Steve tell Amelia stories about the fun they had at the Kerrville Folk …

When Friendship Ends Ugly Part Two

July 19th, 2019


(Go listen to our last episode if you didn't hear the first part of When Friendship Ends Ugly. We'll still be here when you're done.)

This week picks up where last week left off, after Amelia talked about using a guided …

When Friendship Ends Ugly

July 4th, 2019


Pardon the background noise in this episode. Amelia drove down to San Antonio to hang with Pitney and a bunch of doggies, and we recorded a long conversation that's going to stretch out over two episodes! (Sorry things …

It's a Gay Riot!

June 21st, 2019


Happy Pride, y'all!

It's the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, which were just shy of a month before Amelia was born! COINCIDENCE?

To celebrate that bit of LGBTQ history, we'd like to share some of our own …

Beep! Beep!

June 7th, 2019


Pitney recounts a funny article on the 2 Skeptical Chaps Facebook page (you really should be following them!), which kicks off a discussion about the …

Our Addiction Stories

May 24th, 2019


It's the third anniversary of our first episode! We're amazed we're still here, and we've got all of you to thank for that. Drop us a line so we can thank you individually!

This week we're talking about addiction. We've …

Texas Frightmare Weekend Special 2019

May 9th, 2019


It's that time of year again: Our TEXAS FRIGHTMARE WEEKEND SPECIAL!

As always, we recorded in the car on the drive home from Dallas, and reminisced about the great time we had at Texas Frightmare Weekend. Hear all about …

You Don't Know Me!

April 26th, 2019


First up, have you heard of the new Podcoin app? It's pretty damn cool. Sign up using our special code, BITCHENPOD, and start your account with 300 …

Adios Delusionville

April 12th, 2019


We did it. We finally watched the Leaving NeverLand documentary. We weren't sure how it would affect us, but it definitely changed our minds about a …

Not Into Dips

March 29th, 2019


Pitney and Amelia and flora and fauna. Amelia likes nature, as long as it’s not too natural. Pitney’s Easter lily has been resurrected from the dead, …

Bleeding Out My Face

March 15th, 2019


We had a whole show ready to go, and then Amelia had to be rushed to the emergency room in an ambulance! Of course we had to quickly record her …

Annie Sprinkle's Cervix

March 1st, 2019


This week we tend to hover around the crotch area. We swear it wasn't intentional.

First up, Amelia shares the story of a weird chocolate treat with …

Fandom of Yore

February 15th, 2019


Continuing our discussion of happy memories, we venture into our nerdy pasts!

Amelia's first convention was TimeCon '84 in San Jose, California, which was an epic event for numerous reasons, but her fondest memories of …

Trail of Frogs

February 1st, 2019


Lots of happy memories in this week's episode!

Amelia took her dad to a big Star Trek event where William Shatner did a Q&A. Hear all about where she gets her love of all things Trekkie.

Pitney recalls a rare happy …

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