Mod Club

Read below for the exact, sticky question sent in:

"I have come across a lot of queer women and nonbinary people whose sexual orientation is "everyone but cis men" who really want to date/fuck trans guys. On principle, I think there's nothing wrong with excluding cis men from your dating pool...... but I'm starting to see this "no cis men" thing as a potential red flag. (Some of these people also identify as lesbians, but are attracted to trans men anyway, which is... questionable.)

It seems like these people want everyone to know that they're dating a trans guy, to the point of disclosing that you're trans whenever they talk about you. Maybe it's to validate their queer identity by making it clear to others that they're not with a cis man?

I dated a woman who told her whole family that I was trans in the same conversation that she told them she had a boyfriend (she had previously been out to her family as a lesbian). We hadn't properly sussed out boundaries of how and when I was comfortable with her outing me, but the aftermath of that situation left me uncomfortable. So now I'm explicit from the first date with anyone that I'd like them to ask me before telling other people that I'm trans.

I prefer being with bi women than straight women, and I do say on my dating profiles that I'm a trans, so maybe I'm in the wrong for feeling so touchy about this. I also go on apps where there are more queer women (Feeld, Lex, Tinder with my settings as w4w), so I guess I sort of walk into these situations willingly..."

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