Cover art for podcast Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

137 EpisodesProduced by Marcy Larson, MDWebsite

When pediatrician mom of three, Marcy Larson's 14 yo son, Andy, was killed in a car accident in 2018, she felt like her life was over. In many ways, that life was over, and a new one forced to begin in its place. Come alongside her as she works through this journey of healing. She discusses grief an… read more

54:25

Episode 20: You're NOT going crazy!

'I think I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy. I am definitely going crazy!' 

These are the thoughts that would go through my head starting several weeks after Andy's death and peaking about 6 months afterward. Now, thankfully, these weren't actual voices that I was hearing, but that voice in my head, the one that used to motivate me to try something hard, was now always negative. I think that I used to start almost every conversation with my therapist along these lines.

"I am going crazy."

Her response: "You are not going crazy. I promise. This is completely normal."

Sometimes, I probably believed her, but other times, I would then think, 'But you don't know what is going on in my head. It may be normal to feel like you are going crazy, but I really am.'

I didn't feel like myself. I didn't act like myself. I felt like I no longer recognized myself. That must mean that I had completely lost it. I wondered if I would ever recover or if I would keep spiraling downward.

The good news is that the spiraling did stop, I did start to improve and actually began to realize that what I was truly feeling was a bombardment of emotions all at the same time. Initially, I had overwhelming sadness mixed with anger and then, numbness. Everything was too intense so my mind stopped trying to handle it all and replaced it with numbness. I would have moments where I would almost forget what had happened. That was my body's way of protecting me from what I could not handle.

Over time, though, I guess my brain thought I was stronger and that I could deal with more. That's when my mind started to feel all of those emotions, seemingly hundreds of emotions at the same time. I thought that this could not possibly be normal. As time was going on, I was feeling more, not fewer emotions, and, overall, worse, not better. Now, I realize this makes complete sense, but at the time, I did not. I actually was getting stronger. The emotions had been present all along, just tucked away, hidden until I could deal with them. My body just protected me until I could handle them better.

This topic is what Gwen and I discuss in today's episode, those emotions and the way they make us feel. These feelings are a normal part of the grieving process. This is why it is so helpful for grievers to be in community with each other. Hearing that others have similar struggles can help normalize them. Joining a support group or reaching out to people on social media can give that sense of community. Hopefully, I can help do that by allowing people to follow Always Andy's Mom on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.

Just because experiencing these multitude of emotions are a normal part of grieving, however, does not mean that we should not get professional help. Remember my therapist above? I needed her to be able to reassure me every week, and to really ask those tough questions. I needed (and still need) someone from the outside who would tell me when she thought I should start or increase medication, to make sure I was getting enough sleep, and to tell me if/when I needed psychiatric help. It can, and does, help, and certainly, as grieving parents, we need all the help we can get.

Educational emoji reaction

Educational

Interesting emoji reaction

Interesting

Funny emoji reaction

Funny

Agree emoji reaction

Agree

Love emoji reaction

Love

Wow emoji reaction

Wow

Are you the creator of this podcast?

Verify your account

and pick the featured episodes for your show.

Listen to Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom

RadioPublic

A free podcast app for iPhone and Android

  • User-created playlists and collections
  • Download episodes while on WiFi to listen without using mobile data
  • Stream podcast episodes without waiting for a download
  • Queue episodes to create a personal continuous playlist
RadioPublic on iOS and Android
Or by RSS
RSS feed
https://andysmom.libsyn.com/radiopublic

Connect with listeners

Podcasters use the RadioPublic listener relationship platform to build lasting connections with fans

Yes, let's begin connecting
Browser window

Find new listeners

  • A dedicated website for your podcast
  • Web embed players designed to convert visitors to listeners in the RadioPublic apps for iPhone and Android
Clicking mouse cursor

Understand your audience

  • Capture listener activity with affinity scores
  • Measure your promotional campaigns and integrate with Google and Facebook analytics
Graph of increasing value

Engage your fanbase

  • Deliver timely Calls To Action, including email acquistion for your mailing list
  • Share exactly the right moment in an episode via text, email, and social media
Icon of cellphone with money

Make money

  • Tip and transfer funds directly to podcastsers
  • Earn money for qualified plays in the RadioPublic apps with Paid Listens