I finally return and I think I am on another planet, possibly of the Apes
You'll never get Morticia Adams to wear a sombrero.
Too many steps spoil the meal.
Keep Pringles on hand in case of an emergency
Who'd ordain a squirrel? The same site that would ordain a shoe.
What color is your crayon.
Be sure to wear your Trump mask if you visit the tart tour
Larry always needs a little drama in his life. Noe he gets his fur all ruffled over a new edition to the staff. he once thought he was being replaced by a kazoo.
Hi, we're back after a very long hiatus, (actually a nap).
Just turn away for a second and your squirrel intern hires another,with your credit card. Now I have a 600 Pound 9 foot Ogre sitting in my La-Z-Boy.
Listen for Fake News today. Is Trump actually a Russian, The …
A strong willed squirrel wont find the bird-feeder if he's not careful.
More Fake News from the best source of fake news.
When the moon covers the …
It may be a little thing to you but you never know what lies just beneath the surface of an angry squirrel.
More Fake News today
Who'd thunk dancing the boogaloo would eventually turn a squirrel into an American icon.
Give the squirrel at shot at the small time and you cannot tell the fake news from the real.
On St.Patty's Day, rodents sing.
Don't play board games with the Mrs. or her Mom as they cheat.
No house or hotel will ever be safe again on a …
Once you get a squirrel talking you may be shocked at the revelations.
The truth about Punxatawney and that lay lowlife Phil.
Chuckie is a babe magnet, and a very fine dancer.
This ain't no Pink Floyd.
If you ask Mom to grab your skates, double check or you may be humiliated.
Walls are for your own good, or so I am told.
We're so busy we've been reduced to responding using only smiling happy faces wearing sunglasses.
Mother to children"you never respond to my text"
Children reply "I sent you a K".
and Al Gore and Ted Turner just get …
Newsprint is not dead...just waiting for the Doggie Zombie Nation to arise.
Go ahead and read your Yahoo News, while we take over the new media.
We're smarter than Mr.Ed and Flipper combined.
No wonder I hate New Years.
Party hound parents twisting the night away in diapers while I am left at granny's banging pots and pans.
I'll be asleep at 9 and if I am on top of overcoats in your guestroom don't wake me.
Just another Christmas Story.
Hope yours is a good one.
Avoid the Donnies in life and always have plenty of batteries on hand
Merry Christmas and remember the reason for the season.
6 Months of pure self loathing and guilt awaits if you won't leave Dodge in time.
If I give Mrs.jaygerardtoday and Debbie all the Necco wafers the kids will go back to swallowing nickles.
Appease the masses with …
You may as well sleep through the 2nd debate...nothing to see here.
The real news is out there, on the streets, lurking behind every corner just waiting to hurl a cream pie.
Be kind to all who don the rainbow wig for …
Cut the Cable but Betty White Lives on.
If you're in the dog-house you get Rabbit Ear duty.
Kiss Like Dawson, but get some hand-sanitizer.
Dead people don't listen too well.
Squirtles are everywhere, and so are the gamers.
Walk, don't run or your liable to get injured, or receive a nickname.
Keep your left vertebrae strong, stay healthy and watch those Cheetos.
The mighty dog, Emperor of the pet kingdom.
The Emperor has no fur!
Cats are demanding justice.
Everyone's a hater...and the kingdom is crumbling.
Or is it?
Two magnetic scotty dogs don't' always repel, they sometimes can agree when there's butt-kicking to do.
How's your Marmot? I like mine dipped in Buffalo Sauce.
Happy New Year to both the Amish and the Mummers.
Will you or your work-mates hit the giant Powerball?
How about Hillary Clinton?
If you do, can you spare a few bucks?
Wawa won't close for Christmas...give Billy the Day off.
After all the true meaning of Christmas is kindness, giving and balloon lawn cartoon creatures.
Come on down, grab a spot and munch on a soft pretzel while you watch the large tv's with millions of others waiting in line to use the Port-A-Johns.
Can two married polar-opposites find commonality in a Redbox video?
How come jaygerardtoday is so snarkey today? When you eat a Happy Meal each day shouldn't you be less grumpy? Why do woodland creatures adore him, …
Can you find another Podcast that combines Eskimos,hoarding,spring cleaning,Mother's Day AND Larry King? Watch out for boardwalks,encyclopedias,Mormons and lovely parting gifts.
We want acccuracy in weather prognosticators...or we want blood.
Why didnt anyone think of this before?
Unique ground floor opportunities only arive infrequently that you have to jump on them while they're still …
Yes you can do the unthinkable, unimaginable, the impossible.
Opt out of Halloween without a fight.
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