Cover art for podcast How To Be a Person

How To Be a Person

100 EpisodesProduced by Mike Drucker and Jess DweckWebsite

Comedy writers Mike Drucker ("The Tonight Show," The Onion, Marvel) and Jess Dweck ("The Tonight Show", "Late Night") invite fellow comedians, writers, and other interesting people to teach them how to be normal human beings. Logo by Bryan Brinkman. Theme by Eric Gersen. www.patreon.com/howtobeapers… read more

episodes iconAll Episodes

Episode 169 - How To End a Podcast

December 13th, 2018

1:18:57

In their last episode of How To Be a Person, Drucker and Dweck talk to their first-ever podcast guest (and their hilarious friend) Albertina Rizzo! 

Episode 168 - How To Have Writer's Block

December 7th, 2018

43:01

In their penultimate episode, Drucker and Dweck talk about how much it sucks to be a writer. Was this episode necessary? Definitely not. Was it just …

Episode 167 - Cirocco Dunlap - How To Get Over a Relationship That Wasn't a Relationship

November 29th, 2018

1:01:48

Writer Cirocco Dunlap (The New Yorker, Man Seeking Woman) teaches us how to deal with the break up of a relationship that was never actually a relationship, how to talk about the Legend of Zelda in therapy, how to …

Episode 166 - Paul Myers - How To Write a Biography

November 20th, 2018

1:06:23

Musician, author, and comedy nerd Paul Myers teaches us how to write a biography. Check out his new book, The Kids in the Hall: One Dumb Guy, …

Episode 164 - Nate Fernald - How To Build a House

October 25th, 2018

49:49

Comedian and writer Nate Fernald (Late Late Show) teaches us how to build a house and many other things. Also, Drucker goes missing and mysteriously resurfaces in the middle of the podcast. It's a crazy one. 

Episode 163 - Lane Moore - How to Be Alone / How to Reach Out

October 10th, 2018

35:59

Comedian, author, and musician Lane Moore talks about her new book "How To Be Alone," which you should buy! We also talk about reaching out to …

Episode 161 - Louis Virtel - How To Get On A Game Show

September 14th, 2018

57:30

The hilarious Louis Virtel ("Billy On the Street", "Keep It!") teaches us how to win money on a game show, how to love the movie "Clue," how to be an entertainment journalist, how to appreciate Iowa, how to write for …

Episode 160 - Chase Mitchell - How To Have a Great Halloween Costume

September 7th, 2018

49:50

Comedy writer Chase Mitchell (The Tonight Show) teaches us the secret to a clever Halloween costume and how to deal with the death of MoviePass. 

Episode 159 - How To Flip

August 24th, 2018

29:13

In this solo ep, Dweck and Drucker talk about the crazy political news this week. 

Episode 158 - Anna Drezen - How To Stay at a Hotel

August 17th, 2018

1:20:51

Anna Drezen (SNL, Reductress) teaches us how to make the most of a hotel stay, how to fall in love with a train conductor, how to stalk someone online, how to get hired at SNL, and how to appreciate celebrity feet.

Episode 157 - How To Get Irrationally Mad

August 9th, 2018

25:49

In this solo ep, Drucker and Dweck talk about customer service rep rage, nerds, democratic socialism, Taxi TV's Sandy Kenyon, and other very cool and …

Episode 156 - Nicole Silverberg - How To Kill Flies

July 27th, 2018

49:58

Comedy writer Nicole Silverberg (Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, Reductress) teaches us how to kill giant swaths of flies, how to deal with trolls, …

Episode 155 - How To Like Video Games

July 19th, 2018

33:10

In this solo episode, Drucker tries to figure out what video games Dweck might be into and fails miserably!

Episode 154 - Matt Goldich - How To Drink Coffee

July 6th, 2018

56:03

Comedian and writer Matt Goldich (Late Night with Seth Meyers) teaches us how to drink a billion cups of coffee a day without going insane, how to …

Episode 153 - Dan St. Germain - How To Go On A Silent Retreat

June 21st, 2018

47:45

Comedian and writer Dan St. Germain teaches us how to meditate silently in the woods, how to enjoy late-career John Travolta, how to pitch a Die Hard …

Episode 152 - How To Finally Read Your Mail

June 14th, 2018

44:53

It's another solo episode! Drucker and Dweck go through some listener emails and talk about depression, The Rock, and bad roommates.

Episode 151 - Cullen Crawford - How To Survive An Apocalypse

June 7th, 2018

1:06:45

Comedy writer Cullen Crawford (Colbert, The Onion, ClickHole) teaches us how to survive in the woods, how to really enjoy New Orleans, how to work in …

Episode 150 - Sean Crespo - How To Forget Your First Language

May 31st, 2018

37:03

Comedian Sean Crespo (Full Frontal with Samantha Bee) teaches us how to forget your first language, injure your legs, audition for an Adam Sandler …

Episode 149 - How To Get Into Video Game Music

May 24th, 2018

25:02

Drucker tries to introduce Dweck to the wonderful world of video game music and it doesn't go well. 

Episode 148 - Samantha Ruddy - How To Reheat Pizza and Get Airline Miles

May 10th, 2018

54:08

Comedian Samantha Ruddy comes on the show to teach us the secret to perfectly reheated pizza (it's not more cheese!) and how to collect airline miles …

Lil Message - May 4th 2018

May 4th, 2018

0:23

No new ep this week. We'll be back next week though!

Episode 147 - Ed Solomon - How To Take a Note

April 26th, 2018

1:11:00

Screenwriter Ed Solomon (Bill & Ted, Men in Black) teaches us how to take a note on your script, how to break into show biz, how to believe in …

Episode 146 - How To Love Bhagwan

April 20th, 2018

51:27

In this solo episode, Drucker and Dweck talk about "Wild Wild Country," the farce that is Michael Cohen, and whether we could ever be in a sex cult. …

Episode 145 - Michael Ian Black & Marc Summers - How To Piss People Off Online and Do Magic

April 12th, 2018

54:22

In our very first live episode, actor and comedian Michael Ian Black and Nickelodeon/Food Network host Marc Summers teach us how to not prepare for an interview, how to do an impressive card trick, how to practice …

Episode 144 - Ariel Dumas - How To Start a Habit and Unclog a Toilet

April 5th, 2018

54:55

Comedy writer Ariel Dumas (Colbert Report, The Late Show) teaches us how to begin a new habit and stick to it, how to start out in comedy in Chicago, …

Episode 143 - Joe Berkowitz - How To Make Puns

March 29th, 2018

1:09:28

Writer Joe Berkowitz (Fast Company, Away With Words) teaches us how to appreciate wordplay, how to find a bathroom in Times Square, how to attend a pun competition, and how not to lie to your children about bad words. 

Episode 142 - How To Love Crime Shows

March 22nd, 2018

39:30

In this solo episode, Drucker and Dweck discuss Facebook, Trump's latest screw-ups, and their shared love of FX's "American Crime Story: The …

Episode 141 - Patrick Monahan - How To Remember Your Friends' Kids' Names

March 15th, 2018

1:12:27

Comedian Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) teaches us how to remember the names of all your friends' offspring, how to go to law school, how to get out of a …

Episode 140 - How to Read Listener Mail

March 8th, 2018

10:05

This week, Drucker sits out a blizzard by reading some of your viewer mail! Please send more to howtobeapersonpodcast@gmail.com! We'll be back next week, unless another blizzard destroys us.

Episode 139 - Bridger Winegar - How To Find An Apartment

March 1st, 2018

50:00

Comedy writer Bridger Winegar (Kimmy Schmidt, Corporate) teaches us how to search for an apartment, how to write a great review of a mattress, and how to name a corporation.

Episode 138 - How To Be Roommates

February 22nd, 2018

39:24

Drucker and Dweck discuss their time as roommates, which is sadly coming to an end. But, don't worry, the podcast is not! It will go on forever.

Lil Message

February 15th, 2018

0:59

No episode this week, but we'll be back next week with an all new one!

Episode 137 - Naomi Ekperigin - How To Befriend Women

February 8th, 2018

1:03:44

Comedian and writer Naomi Ekperigin (Broad City, Great News) teaches us how to make friends with intimidating women, how to survive Gossip Girl high …

Episode 136 - How To State The Union

February 1st, 2018

36:44

In this solo episode, Drucker and Dweck talk the 2018 State of the Union and how out-of-touch they are with popular music.

Episode 135 - Robert Dean - How To Open a Museum

January 25th, 2018

56:47

Comedian Robert Dean teaches us how to create your own museum, how to know more than anyone should about P. T. Barnum, how to be horrified by Looney …

Episode 134 - How To Weigh 239 Pounds

January 18th, 2018

38:09

In this episode, Drucker and Dweck lament their sad nomadic lifestyle and talk about how great it is to be 6'8" and 180 pounds. 

Episode 133 - Jeff Loveness - How To Write Comics and Climb Mount Everest

January 11th, 2018

58:57

TV and comic book writer Jeff Loveness teaches us how to hike up (most of) Mount Everest, how to write an original comic, how to make friends while traveling, how to get altitude sickness but not food poisoning, how to …

Episode 132 - How To Make New Year's Resolutions

January 4th, 2018

39:10

Drucker and Dweck once again part ways (geographically) and make plans for the new year.

Holiday Message 2017

December 28th, 2017

0:37

That's right, HAPPY HOLIDAYS. 

Episode 131 - Dan Klein & Kelly Hudson - How To Plan a Wedding

December 21st, 2017

1:03:46

Comedy powercouple Dan Klein (Wet Hot American Summer, Great News) and Kelly Hudson (Funny or Die) teach us how to plan a wedding without going insane, how to survive a tornado, how to fall in love with someone despite …

Episode 130 - How To Deal with Holiday Depression

December 14th, 2017

30:02

Mike and Jess talk about feeling sad during the holidays and what to do about it. Also, Season 2 of The Crown and the movie Gattaca for some reason. …

H. Alan Scott - How To Convert To Judaism

December 7th, 2017

1:01:59

Comedian and filmmaker H. Alan Scott teaches us how to convert to another religion, how to grow up as a liberal Mormon, how to make a documentary, how to teach mean about consent, how to survive cancer, how to know when …

Episode 128 - Alison Leiby - How to Eat Alone and Order at Restaurants

November 30th, 2017

1:08:44

Comedian and President Show writer Alison Leiby teaches us how to eat alone, how to keep a bartender from talking to you, how to order at a restaurant, how to get mansplained at the gym, how to sound fancier than you …

Episode 127 - How To Have A Good Thanksgiving

November 23rd, 2017

37:39

In this year's Thanksgiving episode, Mike and Jess get into the holiday spirit by giving tips on how to deal with your shitty family.

Episode 126 - How To Not Be a Creep

November 16th, 2017

45:06

In this episode, Mike and Jess talk about stuff. I don't know, this is just what the podcast has become now. Enjoy! (Also, trigger warning.)

Episode 125 - Justin Shanes - How To Change Careers

November 9th, 2017

1:21:35

Superstore and Late Night writer Justin Shanes teaches us how to go from law to comedy, how to be a Battlestar Galactica superfan, and how to not die while hiking through the desert. If you like our podcast, please …

Episode 124 - Vanessa Ramos - How To Deal With Anxiety and Work Stress

November 2nd, 2017

54:37

Superstore writer Vanessa Ramos teaches us how to handle work-related stress, how to not be annoying with a Halloween costume, how to escape San …

Episode 123 - How to Forget Your Friend's Birthday

October 26th, 2017

43:46

In this episode of "How To Be a Person," we learn how to know you're a writer and not a performer, how to traumatically shut down hecklers, how to forget your best friend's birthday, how to stop being hurt by the news, …

Episode 122 - John Knefel - How To Give a Wedding Toast

October 19th, 2017

56:29

Comedian, reporter, and President Show writer John Knefel teaches us how to make a great wedding speech, how to know if a joke is OK to say at a wedding, how to survive a job where you have to read the news all day, and …

Episode 121 - Emily Altman - How To Cry

October 12th, 2017

1:05:34

Comedy writer Emily Altman (Big Mouth, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Inside Amy Schumer) comes back on the podcast to teach us how to cry in public and private, how to appear happy when you're not, how to live in a world …

Episode 120 - Victor Quinaz - How To Be a Big Brother

October 6th, 2017

1:07:32

In this Druckerless episode, writer/director Victor Quinaz teaches us how to be a good and also terrible big brother, how to break into film in New …

Episode 119 - How To Maintain a Long-Distance Podcast

September 28th, 2017

46:41

This week, Dweck and Drucker discuss how to enjoy and critique an award show, how to empathize with television stars, how to temporarily change cities, how to do a long-distance podcast, how to make audio mistakes, and …

Episode 118 - Emily Heller - How To Pack a Suitcase

September 21st, 2017

54:32

Comedy Central's Emily Heller teaches us how to efficiently pack a suitcase, how to deal with adult ADHD, how to know a child actor, how to love …

Episode 117 - Rhea Butcher - How To Be A Better Ally

September 14th, 2017

1:07:41

Comedian Rhea Butcher (Take My Wife) teaches us how to be a better ally to queer people, how to ride your bike everywhere without being hated, how to leave Ohio, how to fall in love doing stand-up, how to separate your …

Episode 116 - How To Not Go On Vacation

September 7th, 2017

41:28

Drucker and Dweck talk about their respective trips and give absolutely no useful advice about traveling. 

Episode 115 - Kyle Ayers - How To Keep Your iPhone Working

August 31st, 2017

38:33

Comedian and "Boast Rattle" host Kyle Ayers teaches us how to keep your iPhone working, fail your new followers on social media, work for Apple, move …

Episode 114 - Travis Helwig - How To Enjoy Las Vegas

August 24th, 2017

1:05:13

Adam Ruins Everything head writer Travis Helwig teaches us how to have a good time in Vegas, how to look like a Nazi (we recorded this a few weeks ago before there were IRL Nazis :( ), how to still believe in Santa …

Vacay Message

August 17th, 2017

6:01

Drucker and Dweck are on vacation (separately) and will be back next week!

Episode 113 - How To Write a Packet

August 10th, 2017

1:00:25

In this week's episode, Drucker and Dweck talk about how to do a packet for a late night show. Not that they're really experts. They've only had success like once or twice, but tune in for their discussion of our …

Episode 112 - Kelly Galuska - How To Play Fantasy Football

August 3rd, 2017

54:14

BoJack Horseman writer Kelly Galuska teaches us how to play fantasy football, how to break into television writing, how to work for MTV, how to write kindergarten poetry, how to not become a novelist, how to be a bad …

Episode 111 - Chase Mitchell - How To Start Your Life Over

July 27th, 2017

1:03:24

Comedian and writer Chase Mitchell teaches us how to completely start your life over, how to get over a breakup by getting a dog, how to deal with anxiety, how to experience love through Instagram likes, and how to …

Episode 110 - How To Fail a Job Interview

July 20th, 2017

34:18

In this solo episode, Mike and Jess are really tired and mostly just complain about life and how hard it is to get a job. So, basically, it's like …

Episode 109 - Eli Olsberg - How To Attend A Sex Party

July 13th, 2017

1:05:09

This week comedian Eli Olsberg teaches us how to go to sex parties, how to be polyamorous, how to use the word "play" in a creepy way, how to not …

Episode 108 - How To Have a 4th of July

July 6th, 2017

45:17

In this solo episode, Dweck and Drucker talk about how to celebrate America's birthday when you don't want to, how to enjoy summer movies, and how to …

Episode 107 - Dani Fernandez - How To Deal With An Autoimmune Condition

June 29th, 2017

1:02:12

Comedian and comedy writer Dani Fernandez teaches us how to deal with a chronic illness, how to ignore bad doctors, how to love anime, how to run a marathon, how to poop in the bushes at Disney World, how to enjoy …

Episode 106 - Gonzalo Cordova - How To Adopt a Dog

June 22nd, 2017

42:00

"Jimmy Kimmel Live!" writer Gonzalo Cordova teaches us how to rescue a dog, how to handle a disaster at the Oscars, how to move from one racist city …

Episode 105 - Katie McVay - How To Survive Bedbugs

June 15th, 2017

56:28

Comedian Katie McVay teaches us how to live through bedbugs, how to get asked out by an exterminator, how to have a social life during an infestation, how to start your own comedy festival, how to get 12 concussions, …

Episode 104 - How To Mess Up An Episode

June 8th, 2017

14:17

This week, Drucker and Dweck messed up. Their recording failed twice and they ended up losing a whole episode. Will they fall on their sword for you? …

Episode 103 - How To Destroy an Internet Meme

June 1st, 2017

46:03

Dweck and Drucker talk about how to watch an internet meme grow and die, how to keep busy when you're not busy, how to sound like you're busy when you're not, and how to run a new live comedy show. As usual, if you like …

Episode 102 - Rachel Klein - How To Have Teenage Kids

May 25th, 2017

1:03:58

Comedy writer Rachel Klein (New Yorker, McSweeney's) teaches us how to deal with teens, how to convert to and away from ultra-Orthodox Judaism, how …

Episode 101 - How To Thank Your Listeners

May 18th, 2017

43:52

This week Mike and Jess thank you guys for listening then talk politics and millennial hate. As usual, if you like our podcast, please subscribe and …

Episode 100 - Lauren Ashley Bishop - How To Deal With Depression In This Crazy Political Climate

May 11th, 2017

1:25:32

Actor and comedian Lauren Ashley Bishop (@sbellelauren) teaches us how to get through the waking nightmare we now live in by switching up your Grubhub routine, how to manage depression, how to escape from Arkansas, how …

Episode 99 - Andrew Ti - How To Throw a Punch

May 4th, 2017

1:16:35

"Yo, Is This Racist?" podcast host Andrew Ti teaches us how to punch people, how to start a successful podcast, how to be a creepy photographer, how …

Episode 98 - Patrick Walsh - How To Make a TV Pilot

April 27th, 2017

1:01:51

Comedy writer Patrick Walsh ("It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," "2 Broke Girls") teaches us how to develop a network TV pilot, how to survive an awkward childhood in Missouri, how to annoy your way into becoming an …

Episode 97 - JF Harris - How To Make Great Coffee

April 20th, 2017

1:11:12

Comedian JF Harris teaches us how to make the most amazing cup of coffee ever. Trust us, you're doing it wrong. 

As always, if you like our show, please subscribe and review us on iTines. And donate to our Patreon at …

Episode 96 - Danielle Radford - How To Avoid Facebook Fights

April 13th, 2017

1:06:51

ScreenJunkies host Danielle Radford teaches us how to avoid fighting with family and friends online, how to get hit by a bus, how to make a living …

Episode 95 - Eliza Skinner - How To Make Up a Song

April 6th, 2017

50:40

"Late Late Show with James Corden" and "Drop the Mic" writer Eliza Skinner teaches us how to improvise a song, how to be supportive, how to spin the "Price is Right" wheel, how to get started in comedy, how to rap as a …

Episode 94 - How To Mourn

March 30th, 2017

43:27

Drucker and Dweck talk about the passing of Drucker's grandmother and learn how to mourn a family member, how to value the arc of a life, how to have the worst birthday ever, how to help with a funeral, how to drunkenly …

Episode 93 - Mel Shimkovitz - How To Be Cool

March 23rd, 2017

1:12:47

Actor, writer, DJ and overall cool person Mel Shimkovitz teaches us how to be cool, how to cheat the system, how to be a great wingman, how to own …

Episode 92 - Dicky Eagan - How To Have Your Hip Replaced

March 16th, 2017

1:11:24

Comedy writer Dicky Eagan (Late Late Show, Tonight Show) teaches us how to hate Boston people less, how to talk to Larry David, how to go from …

Episode 91 - Erick Castro - How To Make Good Drinks

March 9th, 2017

56:34

World-famous bartender Erick Castro teaches us how to travel the world making drinks and judging booze, how to tell the difference between whiskeys, how to use bitters, how to tell the difference between a good and a …

Episode 90 - Sam Brown - How To Surf

March 2nd, 2017

1:13:11

"Whitest Kids U' Know" co-founder and comedian Sam Brown teaches us how to catch some gnarly waves, how to start a successful sketch comedy group, …

Episode 89 - Matthew A. Cherry - How To Direct A Movie

February 23rd, 2017

56:05

Filmmaker and former NFL player Matthew A. Cherry teaches us how to make a movie, how to work with Beyoncé, how to get drafted by the NFL, how to make more money as a television PA than as a pro football player, how to …

Episode 88 - How To Be Alone on Valentine's Day

February 16th, 2017

40:08

In another special episode, Drucker and Dweck spend Valentine's Day together alone and learn how to rename the holiday, how to try (and fail) to not …

Episode 87 - Rob Sheridan - How To Be Canadian

February 9th, 2017

1:30:54

Comedy writer Rob Sheridan teaches us how to be a true Canuck, how to write for Canadian TV, how to work with Jeff Goldblum, how to use your anger …

Episode 86 - Lisa Curry - How To Run With the Bulls in Spain

February 2nd, 2017

54:13

Comedian Lisa Curry teaches us how to not get trampled by bulls in Pamplona, how to survive Indiana, how to talk like Donald Trump, how to deal with …

Episode 85 - Sean Keane - How To Cook Poverty Food

January 26th, 2017

1:09:54

Comedian Sean Keane teaches us how to cook on an extremely low budget, how to be Irish but dislike Ireland, how to be an expert on dinosaurs, how to write a play about a trash monster, how to share a name with a famous …

Episode 84 - John Levenstein - How To Work in Comedy For 35 Years

January 19th, 2017

1:14:04

"Arrested Development" and "Silicon Valley" writer John Levenstein teaches us how to get started as a comedy writer in the '80s and '90s, how to work with strong personalities, how to almost become a therapist, how to …

Episode 83 - Lauren Reeves - How To Find Gold

January 12th, 2017

1:16:51

Comedy writer and performer Lauren Reeves teaches us how to pan for gold, how to grow up in Alaska, how to stumble into becoming a local news anchor, …

Episode 82 - How To Travel To Cuba

January 5th, 2017

1:18:51

Co-host Jess Dweck returns from her solo trip to Cuba and teaches Mike how to survive a trip to Cuba despite not speaking Spanish, having limited …

Holiday Message

December 29th, 2016

0:39

We've taken a week off but we'll be back next week to learn about Jess' trip to Cuba!

Episode 81 - Virginia Jones - How to Counteract Negative Energy

December 22nd, 2016

44:42

Comedian Virginia Jones teaches us how to counteract negative energy, how to get anyone to like you, how to follow someone to another city, how to …

Episode 80 - Solomon Georgio - How To Ask For Anything

December 15th, 2016

43:22
Comedian and writer Solomon Georgio teaches us how to manipulate people into doing your bidding, how to have a Christmas porn name, how to immigrate …

Episode 79 - Talia Jane - How To Get Over a Crush

December 8th, 2016

1:04:09
Comedian and writer Talia Jane teaches us how to become internet infamous, how to publicly quit a job,  how to ease out of a crush, how to not hate …

Episode 78 - Adam Conover - How To Kick Bad Habits

December 1st, 2016

1:00:23

"Adam Ruins Everything" host Adam Conover teaches us the secret to self-improvement, how to grow up with scientist parents, how to be a little bit vegan, how to accidentally create a TV show idea, how to be jealous of …

Episode 77 - Joseph Scrimshaw - How To Enjoy Doctor Who

November 25th, 2016

1:10:28

Comedian and writer Joseph Scrimshaw teaches us how to watch Doctor Who without hating it, how to still deal with the election, how to live dat #nerdlyfe, how to create new Mountain Dew flavors, how to make a living out …

Episode 76 - CeCe Pleasants - How To Fry Chicken

November 17th, 2016

1:18:43

"Bill Nye Saves the World" and "No, You Shut Up" writer CeCe Pleasants teaches us how to make perfectly crispy chicken, how to spend an entire podcast talking about the election, how to be a loser, how to be in secret …

Episode 75 - Ben Mekler - How To Plan A Vacation

November 10th, 2016

1:03:12

In an episode recorded BEFORE the election, Nerdist writer and director Ben Mekler teaches us how to make the perfect vacation itinerary, how to get …

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