Divorce Dialogues
By Divorce Dialogues
Divorce DialoguesSep 15, 2023
Ep. 208 Divorce Advice From The Kids' Perspective
Wonder what your kids are experiencing during the divorce process? What if you could ask adult children of divorce for advice?
Grace Casper became a child of divorce at the age of eight. By age 10, she had written the first draft of her book, Dear Parents: Notes from a Child of Divorce by Grace Casper.
Today, Grace runs Divorce Tips from Kids, a platform dedicated to helping families navigate divorce, and hosts Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew, a podcast about divorce from the kids’ perspective.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Grace joins Katherine to describe the pressure she felt to be the source of her parents’ happiness after their divorce.
Grace explains what inspired her to write about her parent’s divorce and how we can apply Grace’s story in Dear Parents to our own individual circumstances.
Listen in for insight on the commoditization of kids in divorce negotiations and learn how Grace’s resources can help you improve your children’s divorce experience.
Topics Covered
- What adult children of divorce would like to go back in time and tell their parents
- The pressure Grace felt to be the source of her parents’ happiness after their divorce
- Why so many children of divorce see themselves as peacekeepers
- The power of apologizing to your child when you make a mistake as a parent
- What inspired Grace to journal about her parents’ divorce when she was 10 years old
- How Grace turned her original 10 tips for kids into a book for divorced parents
- How Grace learned to let go of her bitterness & resentment and forgive her dad
- How you can apply Grace’s advice in Dear Parents to your own situation
- How divorce lawyers, coaches and therapists can use Grace’s resources to serve clients
- How Grace thinks about the commoditization of kids in divorce negotiations
- Grace’s advice on keeping your children at the forefront of your thinking in divorce
Connect with Grace Casper
Divorce: What I Wish My Parents Knew Podcast
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding in Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 862-7487
Resources
Dear Parents: Notes from a Child of Divorce by Grace Casper
Ep. 207 How To Manage The Anxiety of Divorce, with Bernadette Purcell
Worried thoughts about the future generate anxiety. And divorce begets an uncertain future.
So, it’s no surprise that anxiety is such a common emotion in divorce
But how do you navigate that anxiety without getting overwhelmed in the process?
Bernadette Purcell is Founder of Shore Behavioral Health, a practice that helps patients with anxiety disorders enjoy more fulfilling lives and supports individuals and couples through all phases of divorce. A licensed clinical social worker in private practice since 2008, Bernadette is also the author of Divorced as F* in Seven Spiritual Steps.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bernadette joins Katherine to discuss how worry impacts the divorce process and what to do about it. Bernadette explains how to prevent worry from turning into anxiety, challenging you to surrender to the fact that divorce is happening and leverage acceptance to take the next right step for you.
Listen in for insight on getting comfortable with uncertainty and learn Bernadette’s top stress management interventions for managing the anxiety of divorce.
Topics Covered
- How thoughts about the future generate anxiety
- Bernadette’s strategy for bringing yourself back to the present moment
- How to prevent worry from turning into anxiety
- What inspired Bernadette to write Divorced as F*
- How Bernadette defines spirituality as learning something that resonates and then truly living it
- Why it’s crucial to surrender to the fact that divorce is happening
- Why it’s a mistake to discontinue stress management interventions when you start to feel better
- How anxiety impacts the divorce process
- Bernadette’s advice for getting comfortable with uncertainty
- What to do if divorce is making you anxious about the future
Connect with Bernadette Purcell
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding in Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 862-7487
Ep. 206 A New Approach To Conflict Resolution, With Jacinta Gallant
Divorce makes us feel vulnerable. And many of us lawyer up and come out swinging to protect ourselves.
But what if there’s a more effective way to reach an agreement with your ex? What if a little self-reflection early on can help you improve the process of working with a divorce professional?
Jacinta Gallant is a respected lawyer, mediator and educator recognized internationally for her innovative approach to conflict resolution training. Jacinta’s Our Family in Two Homes resources for divorce professionals help their clients prepare for effective dispute resolution.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jacinta joins Katherine to share her journey from cutthroat divorce litigator to effective mediator, describing how she leverages curiosity to understand clients on a deeper level and deliver what they need.
Jacinta walks us through the reflection questions she encourages people to ask themselves before they meet with a divorce lawyer and explains how divorce attorneys serve clients better when they don’t pretend to have all the answers.
Listen in to understand why people who take the ‘high road’ get better deals than those who come out swinging and get Jacinta’s advice on using divorce as an opportunity for self-discovery and catalyst for a better life!
Topics Covered
- Jacinta’s journey from cutthroat divorce litigator to effective mediator
- Why divorce attorneys can’t serve clients well when we pretend to have all the answers
- How Jacinta leverages curiosity to understand clients on a deeper level and deliver what they need
- What Jacinta learned by asking clients what it was like to work with her
- How Jacinta’s reflection questions help clients get to know themselves better
- How Jacinta’s Our Family in Two Homes workbook is delivered through the services of a collaborative divorce professional
- The benefit of reflecting on your hopes and fears re: parenting and finances before you meet with a divorce lawyer
- Why people who take the ‘high road’ get better deals than those who come out swinging
- Divorce as an opportunity for self-discovery + catalyst for a better life
Connect with Jacinta Gallant
The Authentic Professional Podcast
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding in Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Dr. Cheryl Picard’s Insight Approach to Conflict Resolution
Going Steady: A Toolkit for Building Our Future Together by Jacinta Gallant
Ep. 205 How To Stay Positive (Even During Divorce!) With Bill Carmody
If your marriage is ending, you may be convinced that things will never be good again.
But what if I told you there is a way to stay positive, even during a divorce? To feel less vulnerable in stressful situations? And change the dynamic of conversations with your ex?
Bill Carmody serves as Chief Coaching Officer for Positive Intelligence, where he oversees the application of mental fitness for thousands of coaches worldwide.
Bill is also the author of the bestselling book The 3 Rules of Marriage, and he is dedicated to being an inspirational leader who creates breakthroughs for himself and solves problems for others.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bill joins Katherine to explain how Positive Intelligence strategies can help you be less reactive in stressful situations and stay positive regardless of your circumstances.
Bill shares his approach to making progress in high-conflict conversations, challenging us to develop mental fitness and stop the cycle of judgement when we feel criticized by our ex.
Listen in for Bill’s PQ Reps exercise for dropping into your fully present self and learn how to leverage Positive Intelligence to focus on the outcomes you want during a divorce.
Topics Covered
How Positive Intelligence helps us stay positive regardless of our circumstances
What happens when we let our emotions run us in the process of divorce
Using Positive Intelligence to feel less vulnerable and be less reactive in stressful situations
How to adjust your autonomic nervous system to cultivate a sense of calm
Bill’s PQ Reps exercise for dropping into your body and being fully present in the moment
Bill’s strategies for changing the dynamic of conversations in high-conflict circumstances
How mental fitness allows you to focus on the outcome you want in divorce
Bill’s 3 rules of marriage (don’t keep score, show appreciation & don’t go to bed angry)
Why we tend to judge others when we feel criticized and how to stop that cycle
How PQ Reps can help people who are contemplating or navigating divorce
Why Bill recommends coaching to help you focus on what’s important in divorce
Connect with Bill Carmody
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
The 3 Rules of Marriage by Bill and Elena Carmody
Ep 204 Leveraging Integrative Nutrition To Detox From Divorce With Suzy Wood
According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, divorce is the second most stressful life event after the death of a spouse.
And that stress has an impact on our food choices and overall health.
So, how might we leverage integrative nutrition to make positive, lasting lifestyle changes while we’re coping with divorce?
Suzy Wood is the Integrative Nutrition Health Coach behind True Wellness Within, a platform that helps people make healthy food and lifestyle choices and rebuild their lives after the stress of divorce.
Suzy’s divorce was a calling card to reinvent herself, inspiring her to leave a career in high tech marketing to start her own business and live her best life.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Suzy joins Katherine to discuss the 12 lifestyle factors that must be in balance for you to live a healthy life.
Suzy shares tips for finding an avenue for self-care to help you detox during or after divorce and discusses the importance of discerning what divorce advice works for you—and what doesn’t.
Listen in for Suzy’s techniques to navigate the stressful moments of a divorce negotiation and learn how to leverage divorce as an opportunity to transform your life!
Topics Covered
How divorce gave Suzy the opportunity to transform her outlook on life
How integrative nutrition looks at both lifestyle factors and the foods you eat
The 12 lifestyle factors that must be in balance for you to live a healthy life
How the stress of divorce impacts our food choices and overall health
Suzy’s tips for finding an avenue for self-care to detox during/after divorce
Why Suzy suggests having an outlet to discuss divorce beyond friends and family
How to discern what divorce advice works for you and what doesn’t
What Suzy says to people who are afraid of divorce and don’t know what to do
How Suzy’s coaching program helps people make lasting lifestyle changes
Stress-reduction techniques to use during triggering events in divorce
Connect With Suzy Wood
Email suzy@truewellnesswithin.com
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Ep 203 A Co Parenting Arrangement That Puts Kids First With Bill DeSalvo
Traditional coparenting arrangements put the focus on the divorcing couple. They establish new, separate households, and the kids go back and forth.
But what happens if you shift your focus and build a coparenting plan around the children?
When Bill DeSalvo’s ex-wife introduced him to the idea of nesting, he had misgivings. But he was open to the alternative because of its benefits for his kids.
On the last episode of Divorce Dialogues, Bill’s ex-wife, Beth Behrendt, walked us through the fundamentals of nesting, a coparenting strategy in which the children stay in the family home and the parents move in and out.
Today, Bill joins Katherine to discuss the experience of nesting from his perspective, sharing the logistical questions he had around how it would work and how their arrangement has evolved over time.
Bill explains what he learned about himself through nesting and describes the mutual respect he and Beth established by putting rules in place early on.
Listen in for Bill’s advice on building structure into a nesting arrangement without ‘scoreboarding’ and find out if you have what it takes to make nesting work for your family.
Topics Covered
What differentiates nesting from traditional coparenting arrangements
How nesting puts the focus on the children vs. the couple getting divorced
Why Bill was receptive when his ex-wife introduced the idea of nesting
The logistical questions Bill had around how nesting would work
How Bill and his ex-wife’s nesting arrangement has evolved over time
What Bill learned about himself and how he grew as a person through nesting
Bill’s reaction to his ex-wife’s decision to write Nesting After Divorce
Bill’s insight on what it takes to make a nesting arrangement work
The rules Bill and his ex put in place early in their nesting arrangement
How to build structure into a nesting arrangement without ‘scoreboarding’
Connect With Bill DeSalvo
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Beth Behrendt on Divorce Dialogues EP202
Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home by Beth Behrendt
Ep 202 Make Your Divorce Easier On Your Kids With Nesting With Beth Behrendt
Separated parents often worry about the upheaval a divorce causes in their kids’ lives, especially the stress that comes with moving back and forth between two households.
But what if you could give your children the security of staying in the family home?
Nesting allows kids to do just that. And it’s the parents who move in and out.
So, how does nesting work? Is it right for your family?
Beth Behrendt is the author of Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home. A freelance writer and single mother of three, Beth has shared her nesting experiences in several national publications, including The New York Times and Psychology Today.
She is also a regular contributor to Divorce Magazine and Laura Wasser’s It’s Over Easy. Beth built Family Nesting to offer advice to other families considering this unique approach to divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Beth joins Katherine to explain why she and her ex-husband made the decision to try nesting and how the arrangement benefits their family.
Beth shares her take on nesting temporarily to make the transition to divorce easier, describing what the arrangement looks like for her family and how it’s evolved over the last nine years!
Listen in for Beth’s insight on explaining the nesting situation to a new dating partner and find out if co-parenting in the family home is right for you.
Topics Covered
How nesting allows kids to stay in the family home after divorce
How Beth’s personal experience inspired her to write Nesting After Divorce
Why Beth and her ex-husband made the decision to try nesting
Beth’s take on nesting for a year or two to make the transition to divorce easier
How Beth, her ex and her kids benefit from the nesting arrangement
What the nesting arrangement looks like for Beth’s family (and how it evolved over the years)
How Beth and her ex worked out who was responsible for what, e.g.: shopping, laundry, etc.
Establishing rules re: introducing kids to new dating partners and allowing other adults to the nest
How to explain the nesting situation to a new dating partner
What qualities Beth’s ex has that made nesting work for them
How nesting impacted Beth’s relationship with her ex and how it evolved over time
Why nesting isn’t right for every family but can work for many
Connect With Beth Behrendt
Connect With Katherine Miller The Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home by Beth Behrendt
Ep. 201 How To Heal Your Disappointing Love Life With Dr. Thomas Jordan
At the beginning of a new romance, we’re not worried about repeating the unhealthy patterns that ended our previous relationships. We tell ourselves that this one is different.
But statistics tell a different story.
The divorce rate is 41% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages and 73% the third time around.
So, what’s behind those dismal statistics? And what can we do to heal a disappointing love life?
Dr. Thomas Jordan is a clinical psychologist and a psychoanalyst in private practice in New York City. He also serves on the faculty of the NYU Postdoctoral Program in Psychoanalysis.
Dr. Jordan founded the Love Life Learning Center to help people strengthen their ability to form and sustain healthy relationships, and he is the author of Learn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Jordan joins Katherine to discuss the three features of a disappointing love life, describing how we unconsciously repeat unhealthy patterns learned in childhood.
Dr. Jordan explains how to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in relationships, challenging us to set up a marriage that nurtures the love experience and grows over time.
Listen in to understand when your marriage can be saved and when it’s time to divorce—and learn the first steps to healing your disappointing love life.
Topics Covered
The unhealthy patterns Dr. Jordan noticed in his practice that inspired Learn to Love
Dr. Jordan’s 3 features of a disappointing love life—repetition, replication and recreation
The case study of a client whose childhood experience with a violent father informed her disappointing love life
How we can’t control our experience of love but can set up a relationship that nurtures that experience
What it looks like to stop the generational transmission of unhealthy learning in love relationships
Dr. Jordan’s insight on the value in looking at divorce as a learning experience
How an awareness of your psychological love life serves as the foundation of a growing relationship
How to know whether your marriage can be saved or if it’s time for divorce
Why after divorce is a good time to ‘work on your love life’
The first steps to examining your own love life and moving it in a healthier direction
Connect With Dr. Thomas Jordan
Love Life Learning Center on Facebook
Love Life Learning Center on Twitter
Love Life Learning Center on Instagram
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Learn to Love: A Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life by Thomas Jordan, PhD
Ep. 200 What You Need To Know About Bankruptcy In Divorce With Dawn Kirby
Many people are overburdened with expenses after divorce. So, what options do you have when the cost of living on your own becomes overwhelming and you get into financial trouble?
Though it is a last resort, sometimes filing for bankruptcy is the best way to eliminate some of your debt and get back on your feet.
So, how do divorce and bankruptcy law work together? What do you need to know about declaring bankruptcy in divorce?
Dawn Kirby is the cofounder of Kirby Aisner & Curley LLP, a women-owned law firm that represents corporate and consumer debtors and creditors in bankruptcy and restructuring matters.
Dawn has more than 25 years of experience as a bankruptcy attorney, and she cofounded the pro se bankruptcy clinic at Legal Services of the Hudson Valley, which provides bankruptcy counseling to individuals who fall below the Federal poverty line.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dawn joins Katherine to explain why divorce is among the most common causes of bankruptcy and when to file for chapter 7 versus chapter 13 bankruptcy.
Dawn discusses why alimony and child support are not dischargeable in bankruptcy, sharing the case study of a client who fell behind on his domestic support obligations and used bankruptcy to get back on track.
Listen in for Dawn’s insight on when it makes sense to declare bankruptcy and learn how the process can provide relief from the financial burdens associated with divorce.
Topics Covered
Why divorce is among the most common causes of bankruptcy
How bankruptcy can provide relief from the financial burdens associated with divorce
What differentiates chapter 7 bankruptcy from chapter 13 bankruptcy
Why alimony and child support are not dischargeable in bankruptcy
How bankruptcy law allows for a repayment plan if you fall behind on domestic support obligations
Dawn’s insight around how bankruptcy and divorce law work together
Dawn’s case study of a client who fell behind on his maintenance obligations and used bankruptcy to stop contempt proceedings and get back on track
When it makes sense for a couple to file for bankruptcy BEFORE they get divorced
How bankruptcy impacts a divorcing couple who owns property together
Connect With Dawn Kirby
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Ep. 199 Alternatives To The Dreaded Drama Triangle Of Divorce With David Emerald Womeldorff
If you’re going through a divorce, you’ve likely fallen into what David Emerald Womeldorff calls the Dreaded Drama Triangle or DDT.
But this framework keeps you and your ex focused on your problems rather than the outcomes you want.
So, what is the antidote to the toxicity of DDT? How do you shift out of fear and reactivity into creativity and empowerment?
David is the Creator-in-Chief of The Empowerment Dynamic and Cofounder of the Bainbridge Leadership Center. He is also the bestselling author many books, including The Power of TED: The Empowerment Dynamic.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, David joins Katherine to explain the concept of the Dreaded Drama Triangle, exploring how the traditional approach to divorce perpetuates the DDT.
David describes why we fall into the roles of victim, persecutor or rescuer in divorce and challenges us to leverage The Empowerment Dynamic as an antidote to DDT.
Listen in for David’s insight on applying TED to the circumstances of divorce and learn how to disrupt the pattern of DDT with or without your ex’s cooperation!
Topics Covered:
The concept of the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) and how it works
What differentiates victimhood from victimization
How the traditional approach to divorce perpetuates the DDT
Why we fall into our roles as victim, persecutor or rescuer in divorce
How The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) serves as an antidote to the DDT
The TED roles of creator, challenger and coach
Why it’s challenging to shift our focus from problems to outcomes
David’s insight on applying TED to the circumstances of divorce
Disrupting the patten of DDT with or without your ex’s cooperation
Connect With David Emerald Womeldorff:
Center for the Empowerment Dynamic
The Empowerment Dynamic on Facebook
Topics Covered Connect With David Emerald Womeldorff
Connect With Katherine Miller:
The Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
The Power of TED: The Empowerment Dynamic by David Emerald
Karen Horney’s Interpersonal Theory of Adjustment
Ep. 198 Raising Children After Divorce With Christina McGhee
Divorce leaves us overwhelmed and vulnerable, compromising our ability to parent well.
And despite our best intentions, we may inadvertently dismiss our kids’ feelings or put them in an uncomfortable position.
So, what can we do to gain a better understanding of what our children are going through during a divorce? How can we learn to coparent in a way that puts kids first?
Christina McGhee is the divorce-parenting expert behind Divorce and Children and author of the highly acclaimed book, Parenting Apart: How Separated and Divorced Parents Can Raise Happy and Secure Kids.
Christina is also the creator of the Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training for divorce professionals and consulting producer of the films SPLIT: The Early Years and SPLIT UP: The Teen Years.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Christina joins Katherine to explain why it’s crucial to create space for kids to talk about their experience of divorce and how to own it when you make a parenting mistake.
Christina describes how children of divorce often feel the need to caretake their parents and struggle to recognize their own needs as they become young adults.
Listen in for Christina’s advice on validating the way kids feel (without stepping in to fix the problem first) and learn how to choose professionals who take a child-centered approach to divorce.
How Christina’s parents’ divorce informs her work as a divorce-parenting expert
Why Christina credits her ‘bonus kids’ as her best teachers on parenting children of divorce
Why it’s crucial to create space for kids to talk about their experience of divorce
The challenge of owning it when you make a mistake with your kids (and why it’s so important)
The premise behind the films SPLIT: The Early Years and SPLIT UP: The Teen Years
How children of divorce often feel the need to caretake their parents and struggle with recognizing their own needs as they become young adults
How parents can be the best possible resource for kids who are navigating divorce
What it looks like to validate the way children of divorce feel without stepping in to fix the problem
Christina’s Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training for divorce professionals
How to choose a divorce professional who takes a child-centered approach
Topics Covered
How Christina’s parents’ divorce informs her work as a divorce-parenting expert
Why Christina credits her ‘bonus kids’ as her best teachers on parenting children of divorce
Why it’s crucial to create space for kids to talk about their experience of divorce
The challenge of owning it when you make a mistake with your kids (and why it’s so important)
The premise behind the films SPLIT: The Early Years and SPLIT UP: The Teen Years
How children of divorce often feel the need to caretake their parents and struggle with recognizing their own needs as they become young adults
How parents can be the best possible resource for kids who are navigating divorce
What it looks like to validate the way children of divorce feel without stepping in to fix the problem
Christina’s Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training for divorce professionals
How to choose a divorce professional who takes a child-centered approach
Connect With Christina McGhee
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict Miller Law Group Katherine on LinkedIn Email: katherine@miller-law.com Call (914) 685-9805
Resources
Christina’s Co-Parenting Specialist Certification Training
Ellen Bruno on Divorce Dialogues EP190
Ep. 197 Holding Onto Your Joy Through A Divorce With Connie Monroe
When you’re going through a divorce, it’s easy to lose your joy. You feel like you have every right to be down in the dumps.
This was certainly true for Connie Monroe, who threw herself a pity party with wine and cigarettes every night after work during her divorce.
But when she found out that her cousin had been diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis was not good, Connie had an AHA moment.
She realized that divorce was not going to kill her, and it was an insult to her cousin to wallow. She recognized that joy was a choice.
And in 2008, Connie left her corporate finance career to build Monroe Coaching, a transformational coaching practice that helps women navigate fertility issues and divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Connie joins Katherine to discuss her book, Holding Onto Joy Through Abandonment and Divorce.
Connie shares the story of her own infertility issues, her husband’s infidelity and their attempt to reconcile that ended in divorce.
Listen in for Connie’s advice on being completely honest with yourself about your marriage and learn how to avoid bickering over the small stuff and choose joy during a divorce.
Topics CoveredWhat it means to ‘hold onto joy’ through a divorce
How each of the 12 chapters in Connie’s book offers a strategy for holding onto joy
The AHA moment Connie realized divorce was not going to kill her
How to set an intention each morning to avoid bickering over the small stuff in divorce
The story of Connie’s infertility issues, her husband’s infidelity and their attempt to reconcile
How Connie decided to pursue divorce once she uncovered her ex-husband’s double life
Connie’s advice around being completely honest with yourself about your marriage
How the skills Connie learned working in corporate finance inform her work as a divorce coach
The mistakes Connie made with finances in her marriage (despite working in the space)
Connie’s top advice for listeners considering divorce
Connect With Connie Monroe Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
ResourcesHolding Onto Joy Through Abandonment and Divorce by Constance J. Monroe
Ep. 196 A Superwoman's Approach To Recovering After Divorce With EyKiena ‘Keena’ Crowley
Divorce means accepting that things didn’t go as planned and adjusting to major changes in your life. It’s about taking on challenges you’re not prepared for at a time when your confidence is shot.
When Eykiena ‘Keena’ Crowley got divorced, she struggled with all of these issues too. But her background as a combat veteran in the US Army meant that she had practice adjusting to unanticipated change.
And she leveraged that military mindset to navigate her divorce. For Keena, giving up was not an option.
Today, Keena is Founder and CEO of My Thriving Life Academy, a company that empowers people to identify their inner gifts and elevate to their pinnacle in life.
Keena is also a divorce recovery coach, international speaker and author of A Superwoman’s Guide to Recovering After Divorce.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Keena joins Katherine to explain how the army prepared her for divorce and share her superwoman’s approach to recovering from the breakup of a marriage.
Keena walks us through the five major shifts women experience after divorce, discussing how to reinvent yourself, foster a growth mindset, and focus on the journey ahead.
Listen in for Keena’s insight on finding gratitude (even when things seem dark) and learn how to align yourself with the support you need to adapt to the circumstances and stay positive through divorce.
Topics CoveredThe skills Keena learned in the US Army that prepared her for divorce
How Keena describes her superwoman’s approach to recovering after divorce
5 major shifts women experience after divorce
- Identity
- Financial
- Social
- Perspective
- Mindset
Keena’s advice on adjusting to the changes associated with divorce
Why Keena suggests intentionally aligning yourself with support
How to practice positive mindset by acknowledging your wins every day
Keena’s insight on finding gratitude when things seem really dark
Connect With Eykiena 'Keena' Crowley Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Ep. 195 A Balanced Approach To Processing Grief With Krista St. Germain
Most of us are familiar with the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
But what if your experience doesn’t follow this linear pattern?
Whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or navigating a divorce, you need tools to move through the trauma of loss and get to life on the other side.
Krista St. Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, post-traumatic growth and grief expert, and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast.
When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista's life was unexpectedly flipped upside down. Therapy helped her learn the tools she needed to move forward and build a future she could get excited about.
And now, she coaches other people through their grief and helps them love life again, too.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Krista joins Katherine to explain why the pop culture theory of grief doesn’t describe everyone’s experience, challenging us to reframe our emotions not as problems to be solved but a valuable part of being human.
Krista offers advice on taking care of yourself after a divorce, describing the dual process theory of grief’s balanced approach to healing.
Listen in for insight on leveraging post-traumatic growth to change your life after a loss and learn Krista’s strategies for creating calm through the stress of divorce.
Topics CoveredHow her husband’s death led Krista to a career in life coaching
The similarities between becoming a widow and getting divorced
Why the 5 stages of grief doesn’t describe everyone’s experience
Krista’s tips for taking care of yourself after a divorce
Why Krista likes the dual process theory of grief’s approach to healing
Tools for creating calm when you’re feeling anxious or stressed
The concept of disenfranchised grief and why it can be so isolating
How Krista helps people embrace post-traumatic growth
Making conscious decisions re: the direction of your life post-divorce
Connect With Krista St. Germain Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
ResourcesEp. 194 Coping With Divorce From A Covert Narcissist With Debbie Mirza
Most people think of narcissists as obnoxious and self-absorbed. They’re flashy, loud and charismatic. And it’s obvious that they’re looking out for #1.
But a covert narcissist is much harder to identify.
They are generally well-liked and well-respected by others. And the way they manipulate their partner is much more subtle and difficult to recognize.
So, how do you know if you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist? Is there anything you can do to make the divorce process more manageable?
Debbie Mirza is a speaker, singer/songwriter and restorative coach with expertise in helping people heal from covert narcissistic abuse.
Debbie is also the bestselling author of The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Worthy of Love: A Gentle and Restorative Path to Healing After Narcissistic Abuse and The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Debbie joins Katherine to discuss what differentiates an overt narcissist from a covert one, explaining why it’s challenging to recognize a lack of empathy in your marriage to a covert narcissist.
Debbie walks us through the three phases of a relationship with a covert narcissist, describing how a covert narcissist cuts off their partner during the discard phase and makes divorce particularly brutal.
Listen in for Debbie’s insight on choosing an attorney who understands narcissism and learn how to protect yourself and your children through divorce from a covert narcissist.
Topics Covered
What it means to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder
What differentiates an overt narcissist from a covert narcissist
Why it’s challenging to recognize a lack of empathy in a covert narcissist
Debbie’s advice for someone divorcing a covert narcissist
The type of person a covert narcissist targets for a relationship
How a covert narcissist’s words and actions don’t match
How a covert narcissist uses their partner as an energy supply
The 3 phases of a relationship with a covert narcissist
- Love bombing
- Demeaning and devaluing
- Discard
What to look for in an attorney when divorcing a covert narcissist
Protecting yourself and your children in divorce from a covert narcissist
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Ep. 193 The 4 Ingredients of a Heart-Healthy Divorce with Judith Weigle
After 10 years of working in the divorce business, Judith Weigle reflected on the couples who were able to communicate well and navigate the process with less stress.
And she identified the elements of what she calls a Heart-Healthy Divorce.
So, what steps can you take to make your divorce more amicable and less acrimonious?
Judith is Founder of Divorce Resource, Inc., a firm that provides both mediation and filing services for divorces, legal separations, paternity cases, and post-judgment revisions of settlement agreements.
She has 12 years of experience as a mediator and 10 years in private practice family law. Judith also serves as host of The Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Judith joins Katherine to share the four ingredients of a Heart-Healthy Divorce, explaining how to settle the emotional divorce before you file for a legal one.
Judith discusses how to compartmentalize your time, using work as a respite and scheduling specific times to address your divorce.
Listen in for Judith’s insight on developing a self-care program that includes laughter and learn the communication skills for conflict that will help you sustain a Heart-Healthy Divorce!
The 4 ingredients of what Judith calls a Heart-Healthy Divorce
- Settle the emotional divorce before filing for a legal divorce
- Learn how to compartmentalize your time
- Learn communication skills for conflict
- Develop a self-care program that includes laughter
Engaging a therapist or divorce coach to work through the emotional aspects of divorce
Why some attorneys take a scorched earth approach to divorce
How to use work as a respite and schedule specific times to address your divorce
The service Judith offers as a ‘paralegal on steroids’
A mediator’s role in helping divorcing couples come to settlement decisions
Getting educated on divorce law in your state as a first step in the divorce process
Connect With JudithThe Amicable Divorce Expert Podcast
The Amicable Divorce Expert on Instagram
Email judy@divorceresourceinc.com
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Ep. 192 How Unresolved Trauma Causes Communication Breakdown with Dr. Don Wood
Communication breakdown in a marriage often leads to divorce.
But the way your partner triggers your nervous system often has nothing to do with them and everything to do with trauma you’ve experienced in the past.
So, what if you could change the way your mind accesses that trauma and stay present with your partner in those moments?
Dr. Don Wood, PhD, is CEO of the Inspired Performance Institute and creator of the patented TIPP method for clearing the effects of traumatic events and rebooting the brain for peak performance.
Dr. Wood is also the author of two bestselling books, Emotional Concussions and You Must Be Out of Your Mind.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Wood joins Katherine to explain how communication breaks down when the mind perceives a threat and describe how his TIPP method neutralizes our fight-or-flight response.
Dr. Wood walks us through his memory reset process, weighing in on how unresolved trauma adversely effects our physical and mental health.
Listen in to understand how trauma interferes with our ability to perform at the highest level and learn how to interrupt the trauma loop that threatens your marriage!
Topics CoveredThe communication breakdown in Dr. Wood’s marriage that inspired his work
How communication breaks down when our mind perceives a threat and activates our nervous system
Why it’s challenging for couples who’ve both experienced trauma to communicate effectively
How the TIPP method works to reset the way our mind accesses trauma
What Dr. Wood’s 4-hour memory reset process looks like
How unresolved trauma impacts our physical and mental health
How the excess cortisol associated with trauma leads to weight gain
Why Dr. Wood suggests that both people in a marriage clear their trauma
How trauma interferes with our ability to perform at the highest level
Examples of professional athletes Dr. Wood has helped improve their performanceConnect With Dr. Don Wood
Inspired Performance Institute
Inspired Performance on Facebook
Inspired Performance on YouTube
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
ResourcesEp. 191 Are You A Trustworthy Partner? Are You Sure? With Matthew Fray
Matthew Fray considered himself a good guy. He didn’t lie. He didn’t cheat. He wasn’t violent.
But his wife didn’t trust him, and the marriage ended in 2013.
What subtle cues did Matthew miss? What led his ex to believe she couldn’t count on him?
Today, Matthew is a relationship coach and writer who leans on the lessons of his failed marriage to help others avoid making the same mistakes he did.
His work has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic, among many other media outlets.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Matthew joins Katherine to discuss his book, This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships.
Matthew shares the mistakes he made in his own marriage, explaining why conversations broke down any time he disagreed with his ex’s thoughts or feelings.
Listen in for insight on what it means to be trustworthy in a relationship and learn how to honor your partner’s experience when they ask for help or tell you something’s wrong.
- How journaling to understand his divorce led Matthew to write This Is How Your Marriage Ends
- Why conversations broke down any time Matthew’s disagreed with his ex-wife’s thoughts or feelings
- Why it’s crucial to allow your partner the dignity to have their own perspective
- How Matthew’s definition of ‘trustworthy’ includes being there when your partner needs you
- Why relationships are not sustainable in the absence of trust
- How honoring his ex-wife’s experience makes Matthew a more effective coparent
- How Matthew made himself the victim every time his ex asked for help or said something was wrong
- How failing to consider how your partner experiences you demonstrates a lack of respect
Connect With Matthew Fray
Connect With Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Ep. 190 Healing Conversations with Children of Divorce With Ellen Bruno
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Ellen joins Katherine to explain how kids benefit from hearing straight talk about divorce from other kids.
Ellen shares key lessons from the new film, describing how much time and energy kids spend caretaking their divorced parents and why it’s crucial to tell your children that your divorce is not their fault.
Listen in to understand how Ellen’s films help parents refocus on their kids’ needs and find out how being heard helps children heal from divorce.
Topics CoveredHow Ellen’s films give children the opportunity to share their experience of divorce
What makes kids good ambassadors for changing the culture of divorce in this country
How much time and energy children spend caretaking their divorced parents
Ellen’s personal experience with divorce (as a child and adult) and how it inspired the creation of Split
How kids benefit from hearing straight talk about divorce from other kids
How Ellen’s films help parents refocus on their kids’ needs and make more skillful choices
The universal truths that came out of Ellen’s interviews with children of divorce
Why it’s crucial to tell your kids that your divorce is NOT their fault
The profound relationship between parental cooperation in divorce and kids’ wellbeing
Why Ellen suggests opening up a dialogue on divorce with your children
Connect With Ellen Bruno Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
ResourcesSplit: Divorce Through Kids’ Eyes
Ep. 189 Accelerate Your Healing with a Divorce Coach with Wendy Sterling
Most women realize that the right team can help us move through the divorce process more quickly and easily.
But what if you’ve already got a therapist and supportive friends and family—and you still feel stuck?
Wendy Sterling is a top divorce recovery coach and healer, life transition specialist and creator of The Divorce Rehab program. She also serves as host of The Divorced Woman’s Guide podcast.
Wendy helps newly divorced women who are having trouble moving forward find joy, self-worth and freedom, and her work has been featured on NBC, The List and Thrive Global, among many other media outlets.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Wendy joins Katherine to explain what differentiates a divorce coach from a therapist and describe how she helps divorced women identify what we want and build a vision for the future.
Wendy discusses what a divorce coach can do that friends and family cannot and walks us through the five steps of her signature Divorce Rehab program.
Listen in for Wendy’s insight on giving your children the tools to respond to questions about your divorce and learn how investing in a divorce coach can help YOU accelerate the healing process.
Topics Covered
What differentiates a divorce coach from a therapist
How a divorce coach helps you focus on where you want to go based on where you are today
How building the right support team accelerates your healing
Why so many divorcing women don’t know what they want and how Wendy coaches them into a vision for the future
What a divorce coach can do that friends and family cannot
Wendy’s 5-step Divorce Rehab program
The spiritual aspect of Wendy’s Divorce Rehab program
Giving your children the tools to respond to questions about your divorce
Why Wendy suggests inviting kids to therapy to process their parents’ divorce
What Wendy would do differently in her own divorce
Connect with Wendy Sterling
Divorce Rehab with Wendy Sterling
The Divorced Woman’s Guide Podcast
Connect with Katherine Miller
The Center for Understanding in Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 862-7487
Ep. 188 For Better Relationships, Set Clear Boundries With Leanne Kanzler
Do you have a hard time saying NO for fear of letting people down? Do you say YES out of obligation and then resent being coerced into something you didn’t really want to do?
To make relationships work, it’s important to set clear boundaries. But first, you’ve got to take the time to figure out what you want.
Leanne Kanzler is a psychologist and breakup coach who helps clients get to where they deserve to be, a happier and more content place within themselves.
Leanne has supported thousands of people on setting boundaries through her one-to-one coaching, group coaching, and Breakup to Breakthrough online program.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Leanne joins Katherine to explore how boundaries demonstrate respect for yourself and others and explain how to overcome the fear of telling someone what you want.
Leanne discusses the idea of a transformational breakup, describing how divorce can be an opportunity for self-discovery, growth and learning.
Listen in for Leanne’s insight on navigating loneliness after a breakup and learn how to make your relationships more fulfilling by establishing healthy, clear boundaries.
Topics CoveredHow Leanne’s own divorce led to a career as a psychologist and breakup coach
Why it’s crucial to set clear boundaries in relationships
How boundaries demonstrate respect for yourself and others
How a coach can help you develop the skill of setting clear boundaries
Reading body language and facial expression to determine if someone is hiding what they really want
Leanne’s advice on overcoming the fear of telling someone what you want
The idea of a transformational breakup and how divorce can be an opportunity for growth
Why we tend to date ‘the same person in a different body’
Why Leanne recommends waiting at least 6 months after a breakup to start dating again
How to handle loneliness on holidays and special occasions after a divorce
Connect With Leanne KanzlerTransformational Breakup on Facebook
Transformational Breakup on Instagram
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
ResourcesEp. 187 Changing The Narrative On What It Means To Be A Woman In Midlife With Jennifer Arthurton
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jennifer joins Katherine to explain what makes the transition to midlife tumultuous for many women and explore how to connect with yourself and create a vision of what you want out of life.
Jennifer discusses why women tend to discount our experiences and accomplishments, describing how to overcome limiting beliefs and rebuild trust in yourself after a divorce.
Listen in for Jennifer’s insight on writing a life resume and learn how to defy cultural stereotypes and make the transition to middle age with confidence!
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Connect With Jennifer Arthurton ResourcesEp. 186 Building a Financial Life For Yourself Post-Divorce with Britt Baker
When it comes to money management, many married women either defer to their partners or work out a financial division of labor.
But the paradigm shifts if you’re getting a divorce. And you may be insecure in your ability to manage money on your own for the first time.
So, how do you overcome the confidence gap and build a successful financial life for yourself post-divorce?
Harvard Business School Graduate and Money Mindset Coach Britt Williams Baker is Cofounder of Dow Janes, a financial education and empowerment platform that helps women pay off debt and get invested.
Britt and her business partner, Laurie-Anne, believe that everyone deserves the confidence, clarity and peace of mind that comes with having your finances handled. And to date, they’ve helped 8,000-plus women set up long-lasting money systems and invest for the first time.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Britt joins Katherine to discuss the concept of a money persona and explain why rewriting the story you’re telling yourself about money is the first step in having a healthy financial life.
Britt describes how to separate money facts from money feelings and walks us through the process of spending in alignment with our values.
Listen in for Britt’s insight on paying off debt quickly and learn how to develop a weekly ritual that makes money management a positive experience for you!
Topics CoveredOvercoming the confidence gap when managing money on your own for the first time
How to uncover your subconscious money persona
Why rewriting your money persona is the first step in having a healthy financial life
When having a very different money persona from your partner is a problem
Some of the basic agreements you need to make before you merge finances with a partner
Deciding IF and HOW you want to share finances with a partner
Why it’s crucial to separate money facts from money feelings (and how to do it)
Britt’s top 2 strategies for paying off debt quickly
Why Britt suggests planning a weekly money ritual
How to spend money in alignment with your values—even after a divorce
Thinking about Future You as a way to frame long-term financial planning
Connect With Britt Baker Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
Ep. 185 How to Reduce Conflict & Save Money in Divorce with Andy Heller
So, you’d like to take the high road in your divorce, but you’re afraid you’ll get screwed in the process.
If you ask Andy Heller, that is a flawed way to look at things. In fact, he contends that there’s a positive correlation between conflict and cost in divorce.
And you can save money and protect your health and wellbeing by letting some things go and incorporating empathy into actions that affect your ex.
Andy is the author of Take the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family, a roadmap of best practices to make divorce easier for you, your children and your former spouse.
In the book, Andy leverages his personal experience with divorce and background as businessman and real estate investor to communicate practical strategies that replace battleground tactics with a healthy, supportive process that works for all involved.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Andy joins Katherine to share the business skills that helped him navigate divorce effectively, like presenting two offers in a negotiation and using the timecard tool in high-conflict situations.
Andy explains why you shouldn’t criticize your spouse in the company of your children (even if your ex is criticizing you!) and explores how to cultivate patience as your kids adjust to new circumstances.
Listen in for Andy’s insight on communicating with your ex-spouse as coparents and learn how to reduce conflict and save money by taking the high road in a divorce negotiation.
Topics CoveredHow his experience of divorce inspired Andy to write Take the High Road
Why you actually save money by reducing the number of conflict points in a divorce
The benefit of focusing on the outcome you want vs. making your ex pay
Why you shouldn’t criticize your spouse in the company of your children (even if your ex criticizes you)
What business skills Andy recommends to help divorcing people coparent effectively
Andy’s strategy of presenting two offers in negotiating an MSA
How to offset the concern that you’re compromising too early in divorce negotiations
Using the business tool of the timecard in a high-conflict divorce
Andy’s advice on communicating in coparenting with questions and deferring to your ex for solutions
How to cultivate patience and help your kids adjust to new circumstances
Connect With Andy HellerEmail andy@takethehighroaddivorce.com
Connect With Katherine MillerThe Center for Understanding Conflict
The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller
Email: katherine@miller-law.com
Call (914) 685-9805
ResourcesTake the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family by Andy Heller
Ep. 184 Is Divorce Financial Armageddon or Opportunity? With David Stolz
Divorce is scary, especially if you're not confident in your ability to manage money independently.
But what if the end of your marriage is not the financial Armageddon you fear? What if it's actually an opportunity to take control of your financial future?
David Stolz is a certified public accountant, personal financial specialist and certified divorce financial analyst.
David has more than 20 years of experience working in the areas of tax and divorce financial planning, and he's the author the new release Women, Divorce and Money: Taking Control of Your Finances and Your Future.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, David joins Katherine to discuss what inspired him to write the book and why it focuses specifically on women.
David shares his experience with clients in a contested divorce, describing why it's crucial to understand the whole picture of what you owe and what you own before you negotiate a divorce settlement.
Listen in for David's insight on making clear financial decisions in a stressful time and learn how he helps women build confidence and take control of their finances.
Ep. 183 Asset Protection & Estate Planning In Divorce With Harry Barth
If you’re in the process of getting a divorce, you’ve probably had enough with lawyers. So, why should you consider hiring yet another attorney?
Because if you fail to enlist the help of a lawyer who specializes in estate planning and asset protection, your ex-spouse will have the power to make important decisions about your life. Decisions you no longer trust them to make.
Asset Protection Advocate Harry Barth is Founder and Senior Managing Partner at Barth Calderon, LLP and coauthor of the book Planning Today for All Your Tomorrows.
A nationally recognized speaker on estate, business and asset protection planning, Harry has 40-plus years of experience helping thousands of families protect the assets they’ve worked hard to build.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Harry joins Katherine to explain why he suggests modifying healthcare directives, powers of attorney, wills and trusts in the early stages of divorce.
He encourages us to make decisions about the division of assets in the form of a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, describing how this kind of proactive planning around money strengthens a marriage.
Listen in for Harry’s insight on the challenges associated with estate planning for the blended family and learn how an asset protection attorney can serve you during and after a divorce.
Ep. 182 HOW TO ATTRACT A HEALTHY, SUSTAINABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH ROY BIANCALANA
It’s easy to blame your exes for failed relationships. And believe that if you could just FIND the right partner, then you’d have lasting love.
But what if you need to BE the right partner in order to build a great relationship?
Roy Biancalana is a certified relationship coach and a nationally recognized expert in the field of attraction and conscious relationships. For the last 15 years, Roy has supported single people in the art of attracting healthy, sustainable intimate relationships.
Roy also serves as host of The Attracting Lasting Love Podcast and bestselling author of several books, including Relationship Bootcamp: Hard-Core Training for Life, Love and the Pursuit of Intimacy.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Roy joins Katherine to explore how his own positive experience with a relationship coach inspired his career in the field and explain why we have to let go of blame to break the cycle of breakups.
Roy discusses the concept of relationship personas, describing how each persona attracts its reciprocal and why Roy the Rescuer developed a pattern of dating damsels in distress.
Listen in for Roy’s insight on transforming the relationship you’re already in and learn how to build a healthy, long-term relationship by getting into ‘relationship shape.’
Ep. 181 ASSISTED REPRODUCTION & THE LAW IN NEW YORK - Denise Seidelman
Assisted reproductive technology has dramatically changed the concept of family. And it wasn’t until the Child-Parent Security Act (CPSA) went into effect that the law in New York finally caught up with how children are being conceived.
But what happens if the parents of a child conceived with assisted reproduction get divorced?
Denise Seidelman is Cofounder of Rumbold and Seidelman, a firm specializing in adoption and reproductive law.
She served on the Board of Trustees for the Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys and was one of three attorneys who drafted the CPSA.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Denise joins Katherine to share the definition of assisted reproduction and explain how it works biologically and legally.
She describes how the Child-Parent Security Act revised parentage law, creating security for intended parents using assisted reproduction and making compensated surrogacy legal in New York.
Listen in for insight into how assisted reproduction impacts marriages and find out what happens to a frozen embryo in the event of a divorce.
Ep. 180 MAKING DIVORCE A LITTLE LESS LONELY - The ExExperts: T.H. Irwin and Jessica Klingbaum
Divorce makes most people feel isolated and alone. But what if you had a friend going through the process at the same time? Someone to lean on for support and share your experiences?
Jessica Klingbaum and T.H. Irwin went through a divorce at the same time, and that shared experience inspired the two friends to found exEXPERTS, a vetted online resource and community for women navigating divorce.
Prior to cofounding exEXPERTS, Jessica spent 22 years as a network news producer, and T.H. built a career in experiential marketing and business development for the media industry.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jessica and T.H. join Katherine to explain how they benefitted from getting divorced at the same time and explore how supporting each other through the process led to the creation of exEXPERTS.
They discuss the similarities and differences between their divorce processes, describing how Jessica experienced a relatively short, amicable divorce while T.H. endured a long, litigious one.
Listen in for T.H. and Jessica’s insight on how to know your marriage is bad enough to walk away and learn where to go for support, education and empowerment as you navigate divorce.
Ep. 179 POSITIVE PARENTING POST-DIVORCE - Dr. Julie Verner
Divorce can often be the impetus for changing the way we parent into a new child-centered approach.
Dr. Julie Varner is a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting and family life, including divorce and family transitions. As a married mother of four, she brings compassion and understanding to her professional work and a passion for raising and loving the little people in our lives. Besides her clinical work, she helps families through Instagram at Divorce Doodles and her children's books that explore ways to help free kids from big life burdens so they can get back to being kids.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Varner joins Katherine to discuss how to relate to your children in an emotionally warm way while still offering behavioral support and guidance through positive parenting.
Listen in as Dr. Varner shares why positive parenting works. She offers insight into why divorce is an optimal time to transition your parenting style to help facilitate cognitive and social competencies so your child can succeed in the real world and cultivate satisfying lifelong relationships.
Ep. 178 REAL-LIFE ADVICE FOR MOMS ON MOVING ON POST DIVORCE - Michelle Dempsey-Multack
How do you learn to share your children with someone you no longer love, trust, or get along with?
And how do you handle other people's expectations of you and your situation in divorce?
Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a genuine girl power enthusiast. She's also a divorced, remarried mom & stepmom who is co-parenting with her daughter's father. The host of the popular Mom's Moving On podcast, Michelle, recently published her book of the same name with Simon and Schuster. Mom's Moving On is filled with empowering advice from someone who has been through it and has come out the other side.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Michelle joins Katherine to discuss the biggest obstacles she faced in her own divorce and how that experience led her to start her podcast and write her book to help others facing the same challenges find answers from the experts.
Michelle says, "Put your children at the center of your decision-making, not in the middle. And I think there's a fine line between at the center and in the middle."
Listen in as Michelle shares an important tip for adopting a mindset that will lead to more powerful communication with your ex, how to adopt a divorce narrative that works for you, and more information and advice to help moms move on from divorce.
Ep. 177 NAVIGATING A DIVORCE FOR SPECIAL NEEDS FAMILIES - Mary Ann Hughes
Divorce is never easy, and when there is a child with special needs involved, it can be even more challenging.
Families need support and information to navigate the complexities of special needs divorces to reach the best possible outcome with as little time, money, and stress invested as possible.
Marianne Hughes is the proud mother of two sons on the opposite ends of the autism spectrum. After her divorce journey, where she successfully advocated for her children’s needs, Marianne started Special Family Transitions to support families with children with disabilities as a valued Special Needs divorce coach and consultant.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Mary Ann joins Katherine to discuss the special considerations for co-parenting, long-term care, and child support arrangements that do not affect the special needs child’s eligibility for public benefits.
Listen in as Mary Ann shares how she supported her children through the social stories she created for them during her divorce and what she thinks is the most critical thing to consider in a special needs divorce. Plus, why focusing on the end goal of the divorce will create the best-case scenario for your special needs child for the long term.
EP. 176 THE BIGGEST BENEFITS OF POSTNUPTIAL AGREEMENTS - Melinda Previtera
We've all heard of prenuptial agreements, those agreements signed by the marrying parties before the wedding.
But what about postnuptial agreements?
They may be rare, but they can be just as valuable.
Many people don't understand that marriage is a legally binding contractual obligation. There are built-in legal requirements for support and property division within this contract, based on your state's law. You are entering into a legal agreement just by getting married why not go further and decide how you want your assets divided, instead of leaving it up to the state.
Melinda M. Previtera is a graduate of Rutgers Law school and was named to the Top 40 Under 40 list by the Institute of Family Lawyers. She holds a certification in mediation and practices in all areas of family law as a Partner at Petrelli Previtera, LLC in Philadelphia.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Melinda joins Katherine to explain what postnuptial agreements are and how couples can use them to help communicate their wants and needs to navigate their expectations around money and property division.
Listen in as Melinda shares why postnuptial agreements are not just for the wealthy. She'll offer some advice on how to broach the topic with your partner so you can determine the specifics of your financial future as a couple.
The truth is ALL marriages end, either by death or divorce. A postnuptial agreement can be part of a couple's financial planning, offering each person the safety, security, and knowledge of what will happen so they can stop worrying about the what-ifs.
Ep. 175 TAX IMPLICATIONS IN DIVORCE - Tatiana Tsoir
When you are getting divorced your taxes are probably not the first thing on your mind, but as Benjamin Franklin said in his famous quote taxes remain even when a marriage ends. Taxes are never an easy topic to discuss but there are many tax implications divorcing couples should address, especially if children or alimony are involved.
Tatiana Tsoir is an author, speaker, and visionary accountant. For over 15 years she’s worked with business owners to help them manage their money and their bottom line. Tatiana is also an experienced adviser on all the scenarios impacting the tax-related matters of divorce.
On this episode of the podcast, Tatiana joins Katherine to discuss when to bring up the issue of taxes in your divorce. She discusses the common misunderstanding about the child tax credit, the 529 plan, and strategies for both that can save both parties money.
Listen in for Tatiana’s insight into underutilized tax strategies for small business owner parents and the number one thing people who are divorcing should think about when they talk about their taxes.
Ep. 174 HOW TO FINANCIALLY PREPARE FOR YOUR DIVORCE - Shara Goldfarb
Divorce is a very complicated and emotional process on its own. It becomes even harder when we start separating the money.
Dividing marital funds during a divorce may seem daunting, but there are plenty of things you can learn to make the process as smooth as possible.
Shara Goldfarb is a family law attorney with the Miller Law Group and a certified divorce financial analyst.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Shara joins Katherine to discuss financial considerations that are important to make before starting the divorce process. She explains marital property versus separate property and what funds can be subjected to equitable division.
Listen in as Shara advises on how to be reasonable with your financial expectations going into a divorce, how to gather the proper financial information needed for a divorce, and why you should try to conserve your financial resources during divorce proceedings.
Ep. 173 WHY YOU NEED A POST-DIVORCE HEALING RETREAT - Annie J. Allen
Has your divorce left you exhausted and longing to get away from it all?
When a marriage ends, most people are physically and emotionally drained. After all the chaos, a week zoning out on a beach in the sun somewhere sounds just about perfect. But what if you could combine a relaxing retreat with intentional practices designed to help you process your feelings?
After her divorce, Annie Allen shifted from her former training as a Certified Marriage and Family Counselor to Certified Divorce & Life Transition Coaching®. Now she helps people through private and group coaching, her Starting Over Stronger Divorce Survival & Recovery podcast, and specialized post-divorce healing retreats.
On this episode of the podcast, Annie joins Katherine to share how post-divorce healing retreats offer structured activities, designed to help participants find closure so healing can begin.
Ep. 172 THE 12 STEP DIVORCE RECOVERY PROGRAM - Karen McMahon
No matter if the decision to divorce was yours or not, when a marriage ends, everyone involved suffers. With emotions at their peak, it is easy to be hijacked by the conflict trap and lose focus on what is important. But there is another way.
Karen McMahon is a Certified Relationship and Divorce Coach and Founder of Journey Beyond Divorce . Karen leads a team of divorce coaches in supporting men and women around the world to become calm, clear, and confident as they navigate divorce. Karen is the co-author of Stepping out of Chaos: Turning Pain to Possibility and co-creator of JBD’s exclusive 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program.
On this episode of the podcast, Karen joins Katherine to share the key components of the 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program. She walks us through a few of the steps, describing in detail the emotional healing available to program participants. Listen in for Karen’s insight into how the 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program can help you do the self-work to emerge from your divorce a more refined version of yourself, ready to step into your new story.
Ep. 171 GRIEF, GRATITUDE, AND HELPING CHILDREN NAVIGATE DIVORCE - Ann Papayoti
Divorce is hard. The emotions of the breakup colliding with the legal business is a lot for people to manage mentally. What’s really complicated is when people get too wrapped up in their divorce and fail to see their children’s pain.
But what is the best way to talk to children about divorce? What do they struggle with the most throughout the separation process?
Ann Papayoti is an international life, leadership and relationship coach, as well as a speaker, educator, and co-author of The Gift of Shift, an intimate self-help book about creating a new outlook on life. She is the founder of SkyView Coaching, where she helps people rise above their most challenging moments so they can thrive once again.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Ann joins Katherine to explain the four main things children really want from their parents after a divorce. They discuss the complicated emotions children feel and how parents can make it as easy as possible for their kids to navigate a divorce.
Listen in as Ann shares her experience with divorce that led to becoming a life coach, the relationship between grief and gratitude, and the importance of becoming your own best friend.
Ep. 170 MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS AFTER A DIVORCE - Terry Gaspard
Why is it that some friendships don’t survive divorce?
When a marriage ends, some friends feel like they have to take sides. Others are overwhelmed and simply don’t know what to say. But if you’re willing to move through a little awkwardness, you can keep the friendships that matter to you after a divorce.
Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed therapist with an expertise in supporting children, adults, couples and families through divorce recovery. She is also the founder of Moving Past Divorce and author of The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around, the 2020 winner of the American Book Fest’s Best Book Award for Self-Help: Relationships.
On this episode of the podcast, Terry joins Katherine to share the four key reasons why some friendships don’t survive a divorce. She discusses the common misunderstanding that life is ruined by divorce, describing what it looks like to reclaim aspects of yourself that you abandoned in an unhappy marriage. Listen in for Terry’s insight on finding a new partner post-divorce (without repeating the same mistakes) and learn how to maintain the friendships that are important to you after a divorce.
Ep. 169 HOW TO TRANSFORM YOUR SELF-ESTEEM AFTER A DIVORCE - Carol Davidson
Divorce can be extremely depleting and a time where most people find their self esteem to be at its lowest. Though, it can also be an opportunity to become the best version of ourselves. So, how can we get back to feeling good for ourselves after a divorce?
Carol Davidson is a seasoned and certified image consultant, life coach, speaker, and educator who has helped thousands of people over the last 20 years to transform their appearance, wardrobe and self-esteem. She consults with private and corporate clients worldwide, offering a full suite of image consulting, personal styling, and life coaching services.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Carol joins Katherine to share her tips and tools to not only become comfortable and confident in your own skin. She explains what image consulting is and how clothing has the power to impact how you feel about yourself, affecting your moods, confidence and performance. Listen in for Carole’s insight on how to look and feel your best inside and out, even after a divorce.
Ep. 168 CREATING A HEALTHY MONOGAMOUS OR CONSENSUALLY NON-MONOGAMOUS LIFE - Dr. Joli Hamilton
You can be in a relationship without settling for a boring life and sacrificing your desire for stability and depth of connection. Instead, there are ways to bring a creative approach to your relationship and life as a whole, resulting in years of love and happiness.
Dr. Joli Hamilton is a relationship coach, research psychologist, TEDx speaker, and AASECT certified sex educator who coaches people and couples who color outside the lines, helping them create partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves. Joli is also the author of the best-selling book Project Relationship: The Entrepreneur’s Action Plan for Passionate, Sustainable Love.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Joli joins Katherine to share how to create a creatively monogamous or consensually non-monogamous life. She explains how to keep a healthy and trustworthy relationship and why a non-monogamous relationship can be a helpful option for people. Listen in for Dr. Joli’s insight on creating an enjoyable and sustainable relationship, whether it be monogamous or non-monogamous, and learn which option is best for you.
Ep. 167 5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW TO SURVIVE DIVORCE - Ilyssa Panitz
Everyone has a different experience with divorce and different ways of working through the process. But we can learn from each other’s experiences and lean on seasoned divorce professionals to survive the process and even thrive in the aftermath of divorce.
An accomplished journalist with a 25-year career covering news and entertainment, Ilyssa Panitz combined her personal and professional experience to become the only divorce columnist solely committed to helping others navigate this major life transition. She writes a daily column on all things divorce for Authority Magazine on Medium and serves as Host and Executive Producer of The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitz.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Ilyssa joins Katherine to share her list of 5 things you need to know to survive and thrive—during and after divorce. She explains why your anger works against you in divorce negotiations and what to do about it, challenging us NOT to get hung up on the minutiae of who gets what. Listen in for Ilyssa’s insight on building a team of divorce professionals and find out why you should fantasize about what you want your life to look like post-divorce.
Ep. 166 LEVERAGING SELF-COMPASSION TO COPE WITH DIVORCE - Dr. Kristin Neff
Self-criticism is a natural response to divorce. But it’s not particularly helpful.
In fact, it’s harder to learn from a place of shame and judgement, whereas self-compassion helps us cope more effectively and make better choices moving forward.
A pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, Dr. Kristin Neff currently serves as Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is the author of the bestselling book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself and coauthor of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength and Thrive. Dr. Neff’s new release is Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power and Thrive.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Neff joins Katherine to explain how self-compassion helps us navigate painful experiences like divorce. She walks us through the three components of self-compassion, describing how the practice allows us to cope with the hurt and take responsibility for our mistakes. Listen in as Dr. Neff shares what she learned about self-compassion in her own divorce and learn to treat yourself with kindness and improve your wellbeing in the process of divorce.
Ep. 165 MAKING THE HOLIDAYS MAGICAL FOR YOUR CHILDREN AFTER A DIVORCE - Dr. Kathryn Smerling
The holidays are a particularly challenging time for divorced parents.
How do we navigate our own feelings of loss without passing that heartache onto our children? Can we create new traditions and still make the holidays a magical time for our kids?
Dr. Kathryn Smerling is an educator and psychologist with a Ph.D. from Fordham University and Master's from Cornell. She started her career as an early childhood educator, creating the Instep curriculum for preschoolers in the State of New Mexico before completing the psychoanalytic program at the National Institute for Psychotherapies. Dr. Smerling has maintained a private practice as a family therapist in Manhattan since 1998, and she holds certificates in Divorce Mediation, Divorce Collaboration and Relational Therapy.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Smerling joins Katherine to explain what divorced parents can do to navigate feelings of loss during the holidays and find new ways to celebrate with their children. She discusses why it’s crucial for coparents to be collaborative and offers advice on how to approach holiday planning with a difficult ex-spouse. Listen in for Dr. Smerling’s insight around religion as a source of conflict for coparents during the holidays and learn how to talk to your children about creating new traditions after a divorce.
Ep. 164 WHY THERE ARE NO WINNERS IN DIVORCE COURT - Raiford Dalton Palmer
Are you dreaming of having your day in divorce court? Of exposing your spouse’s misbehavior to a sympathetic judge? Of winning the case and being rewarded financially?
Then you are going to be sorely disappointed. The truth is, the court system cares little about your spouse’s wrongdoing. And the cost of litigation (in terms of money and mental health) far outweighs any potential reward.
So, what do you need to consider before you file for divorce?
Rayford Dalton Palmer, JD, AAML, serves as Managing Shareholder at STG Divorce Law, a top family law firm based in the Chicagoland area. Raiford’s team has expertise in complex divorce cases, specifically those involving business owners and high-net-worth individuals. Raiford is also the author of the bestseller I Just Want This Done: How Smart, Successful People Get Divorced Without Losing Their Kids, Money and Minds.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Raiford joins Katherine to explore the common myth that court is the best way to resolve a divorce and explain why there are no winners in a litigated divorce. He describes a divorce lawyer’s responsibility to provide clients with a sober analysis of potential outcomes and help people set realistic expectations around the divorce process. Listen in for Raiford’s insight on choosing among litigation, mediation and the collaborative process and learn how to bring a business mindset to divorce for the best possible result long term.
Ep. 163 THE BLUEPRINT FOR A BETTER DIVORCE - Paulette Rigo
Technology makes it easy for divorcing couples to express their anger and frustration without thinking. They engage in text warfare and even post disparaging comments on social media.
But if the goal is to divorce with dignity, the way you communicate matters. So, what can you do to be less reactive and work through the entire process in a measured way?
Paulette Rigo is the founder of Better Divorce Academy, a platform dedicated to helping people create an optimal divorce experience. Paulette is also a Certified Divorce Coach, Mediator, Transition and Recovery Coach, Career Transition Specialist and author of the Amazon bestseller, Better Divorce Blueprint: Divorce Made Smoother, Easier and Better for You and Your Family.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Paulette joins Katherine to explore the contemplation phase leading up to a divorce and explain how to decide whether divorce is right for you. She describes what a successful divorce looks like and offers insight into the most common mistakes women make in the early stages of divorce. Listen in for Paulette’s advice on choosing the right divorce process and learn how to communicate with your soon-to-be ex in a way that mitigates conflict and maintains your dignity.
Ep. 162 WHAT DIFFERENTIATES A HIGH-PROFILE DIVORCE - Harriet Newman Cohen & Martha Cohen Stine
When the marriage of a high-profile, celebrity couple comes to an end, there are complexities that make it very different from your average divorce. On the other hand, a divorce is a divorce—regardless of the net worth of the people involved.
So, how is a high-profile divorce similar to any other divorce? And how is it different?
Harriet Newman Cohen and Martha Cohen Stine are the mother-daughter team of attorneys behind Cohen Stine Kapoor LLP, a family law firm based in New York City. Harriet has served on the New York State Commission on Child Support and the Foster Care Commission of the City of New York, and Martha is a member of the Executive Committee of the Family Law Section of the New York State Bar Association and the Board of Directors of the New York American Inn of Court. Both Harriet and Martha have been recognized by Super Lawyers as one of NYC’s Top 50 Female Lawyers.
Ep. 161 CREATING A NEW IDENTITY AFTER DIVORCE - Christine Pittman
For most stay-at-home parents, identity gets wrapped up in their kids. So, what happens when they divorce? How do former stay-at-home moms and dads figure out who they are on their own?
Christine Pittman is the Founder of Cook the Story, one of the top-ranked food blogs in the world. She moved from Canada to the US in 2010 with her now ex-husband and started her food blog as a hobby while she was a stay-at-home mom. In the divorce process, Christine grew the blog into a thriving business, and today, her recipes reach 2M-plus monthly readers, helping them spend less time in the kitchen and more time at the table.
On this episode of the podcast, Christine joins Katherine to share her experience in the adjustment period after divorce and describe how building Cook the Story supported her in the process of divorce recovery. She offers advice on letting go of control when your kids are with your ex, challenging us to pick our battles and model good behaviors for our children. Listen in for insight on introducing a new partner to your kids and learn how to look at divorce as an opportunity to discover who you are and what you want out of life!
Ep. 160 CREATIVE FINANCIAL PLANNING IN DIVORCE - Jonathan Satovsky
Jonathan Satovsky is the CEO and Chief Behavioral Coach at Satovsky Asset Management, an investment management firm that promotes a mindful approach to multigenerational wealth. Prior to founding SAM in 2007, Jonathan spent 13-plus years at American Express Financial Advisors, and he holds the Certified Financial Planner, Certified Investment Management Analyst and Certified Private Wealth Advisor designations.
On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Jonathan joins Katherine to explain how a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst can help you get up to speed on the financial issues in a divorce. He describes how to balance financial stability with housing costs in the divorce process and challenges you to be creative in prioritizing spending on what’s important to you. Listen in for insight around the tax implications of divorce and learn Jonathan’s approach to dividing assets through the collaborative process.
Ep. 159 WHO KEEPS THE DOG IN A DIVORCE - Karis Nafte
Pets are not property, nor are they quite the same as human children. So, how do you decide who gets to keep the dog in a divorce? And what if you have more than one animal? How do you do what’s best for your pets and the people involved?
Karis Nafte is the Pet Custody Specialist and Certified Family Mediator behind Who Keeps the Dog, a consulting practice that helps families with their pets through the divorce process. She has been working with dogs professionally since 1996, developing an expertise in obedience training, behavior problems, and on-set training for animals in film. Karis is passionate about mediating pet custody arrangements and providing behavior support for owners with dogs showing signs of stress pre- and post-divorce.