Designated Parent

Robert Rodriguez makes a family film about a series of acid trips he had in college. Or something. Starring two Taylors.

You will be screaming "TOM HARDY" at us for a few minutes. Sorry.

Also, spoilers as we talk through the plot of a relatively new movie. But don't worry if, like us, you haven't seen Wonder Womans 2-1983. They apparently …

*SPOILER WARNING* This one just came out!

Adam and Lisa discuss the importance of settling for the mundane.

The second best Ernest movie works with the season.

Are we watching a Christmas movie this close to the holidays? No. Of course not. It's about a rat who wants to be Gordon Ramsay because of course it …

We watch a movie about small town animals and economic downturns and discuss the importance of estate planning and life insurance.

Kurt Russel is back to save Christmas, this time with Goldie Hawn and it's, somehow, so very, very bad.

A children's movie addressing issues facing a woman attempting to re-enter the workforce and the whining of the man supporting her.

100th Episode Spectacular! Not really. We just drink while discussing the movie that teaches you it's OK to be ugly as long as you're rich and …

The unneeded live action remake of the Disney classic isn't as bad as it could have been.

We've had one movie already, but what about second movie?

The sequel to the series that followed the movie that, really, no one really asked for.

Simply the best movie combination of Halloween and Christmas. The perfect November movie.

But it also makes no sense.

Debby Reynolds is in this. Debby. Reynolds. She deserved better.

A critique on the state of mandatory reporter laws in the 90's. Or another Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie. Or both.

Can the remake of a 1991 classic remake of a 60's TV show be even better than the original material? I mean, it's possible, but this certainly isn't it.

What is probably the most functional family in cinematic history meets reality and comes out ahead.

Eddie Murphy in a kids movie based on a theme park ride. This was never going to be good, was it?

Like, seriously, did Bette Midler know what she signed up for or was this just her doing what she does best? Either way, top 10 Halloween movies of all time.

The sequel to the movie based on those little troll dolls that get randomly popular every 15 years. At least it's introducing our kids to good music.

Time travel brought to you by your dad the dog. Because the 5 minute cartoon segments were not enough.

The movie that launched the minions. And for that, it has much to answer for.

What even is this movie? It's... not good. It's... not bad. It's just... weird.

First, we know it's Stephen Baldwin. But also, we look at a lot of kids detective shows to figure out why we think children have the answers to all our problems.

Where do you know Tim Curry from? This movie answers that for our kids now. Decide what that says about them.

How are there no dogs or caves in this movie?

Reminding children that the military industrial complex rains supreme and you only have the rights they want you to have.

A beautiful acid trip where Oprah pretends to be 30 feet tall and the queen of the universe when we all know she's not a bit over 26 feet tall.

A charming story of an accidental child abduction.

A great reminder of why we drink. G-Force is the story of talking guinea pigs that... honestly, who knows? It's a mess.

Tired of social distancing? Wishing we could be in your house with you watching a movie and making snarky comments? Then do we have an episode for …

In this episode, Adam asks way too many questions about Goofy's biology, classification,  and reproductive cycles.

Lisa and Adam discuss gender and clown fish and incorrectly identify the capitol of Australia several times.

It's Baby's First Wes Anderson this week. Do our kids like style over substance or is this not their cup of fake British tea?

The nostalgia button gets hit again and again as Adam relives his favorite Saturday mornings.

This is a weird one. A bunch of short little videos back to back with no coherent theme. Kinda like my life.

As you wish...

Not the highest form of Disney animation, but not the worst. Except for that weird part in a mouse strip club.

Adam and Lisa attempt to get banned in China.

Disney picks an unlikely setting for their follow up to Robin Hood.

Will Smith, the voice of the genie from Aladdin, according to my former children, stars as a bird.

He's reached the part of his career where he's doing talking animal movies.

I'm sorry, Will.

In the unofficial sequel to Deadpool 2, Ryan Renolds sasses his way through another franchise.

The movie that spawned 2 sequels, a TV series, a licensable high school musical about this high school musical and a TV show where they watch people …

There's a point in the 1980's where you could get a job by walking into an office and demanding one. This is a throwback to that fantasy.

Reporting on a post apocalyptic vision where humanity has failed its most vulnerable. 

Man, that's hitting a little close to home this week.

We review a movie still in the theaters!

Adam reveals how little he knows about Dungeons and Dragons and Lisa does, too, but she's not surprised about it.

What could be easier than raising a family? Raising a family of superheroes without anyone knowing they're superheros.

Did you think Lisa got all her questions and concerns about Harry Potter out last time? Well, you were wrong. Here she goes again.

Whoever keeps putting these computer animated cartoon and video game characters into movies with real life actors really needs to stop.

For what is hopefully, but not probably, the last entry in the Toy Story saga we take a look at the transcendental terror of existence, dabble in the …

Disney brings you Stockholm Syndrome, but cute.

They make Easter movies now? About the Easter bunny? Was anyone really calling for that?

The sequel we always wanted where we ask many questions about Hu greenlit this movie.

The third best computer animated film 2001 had to offer.

We did it. We actually stuck with something for an entire year. What have we learned by this?

Nothing much, apparently.

In this episode, Adam has flashbacks to his days spent outside and remembers why he promised to never do that ever again.

The final (riiiiight) installment of the Skywalker Saga aka the main Star Wars movie.

We're pretty sure we forgot more than we remembered, but it's still a fun ride.

Anna Kendrick is probably part elf. You can't prove she isn't.

WARNING: THIS EPISODE MAY CONTAIN SPOILER REGARDING THE EXISTENCE OR POSSIBLE NON-EXISTENCE OF SANTA CLAUSE.

Now that is out of the way, we watch a sappy seasonal movie about recapturing the true meaning of Christmas in …

Sneaking in another episode before the next movie comes out. Enjoy?

Because, yes, it's about time it got up and made someone a shitton more money.

Lisa just watched it for the first time. Adam hasn't seen it in years. We get several plot points very wrong. See if you can spot them by yelling at your phone when they pop up!

If you didn't get enough stilted acting and parliamentary procedure from the last episode, have we got a welcome surprise for you!

It's as if a million nerds cried out at once, and were still complaining 20 years later.

The Jedi have returned but... why? And for how long? And what's the big plan, anyway? There is a plan, right? I mean, we're not just walking into an obvious trap. Right? Right?

A little, furry man saves the world. Yes, we're talking about Danny DeVito.

Easily the most watchable of the Star Wars films, probably. At least Lisa thinks so, and she has opinions as to why.

It's a classic. It's required viewing in my house. And, it turns out, Lisa's not impressed.

The most recent re-telling of the legend of the Grinch, which still fails to justify its existence over a 30 minute cartoon.

Think it couldn't get worse than the live action Alvin and the Chipmunk movies? Well, you're right. But this one isn't really worthy of the nostalgia.

The greatest movie of our time?

Probably not.

The greatest performance by Eddy Murphy in a children's movie?

Also, probably no.

Mike Myers' best work?

Still... no.

But it's Shrek and it kept Smashmouth on the radio for …

With Lisa out of town, Adam has to rely on some even more unreliable narrators to get through this episode.

No, you didn't miss an episode. Our kids just didn't want to watch Descendants 2. So we watch this one instead. We'd like to think seeing the second …

In a world where all the Disney films apparently happened at once, and where Beast has united the kingdoms under his iron rule...

Would have been a …

The fight club of the next generation.

Remember, you can never be anything besides what you were born to be so just make the most of your freakishness and hopefully you can help some of …

It was the early 2000's and Disney decided everything needed a sequel. Even things they just made. At least this one kept most of the original cast. And, really, that's the best we can say about it.

Eddy Murphy makes kids movies. This one thing you must remember or nothing that follows will make any sense.

Approaching Pluto Nash levels of bad …

Teaching our kids that anything is acceptable if you're doing it in order to produce energy. Right?

When their owners are away, pets will get into a series of unbelievable exploits but still somehow make it back home through a locked apartment in time for their owners' return.

But, somehow, it's not terrible.

The best movie to come out of Disney between 1995 and... well... we're waiting.

Did the world need 3 Despicable Me movies? No. But they got them anyway. Here's our thoughts on the third.

Mediocre children's book turned worse than mediocre children's movie.

Is this the best Olsen Twins/Kristy Allen/Steve Guttenberg/Rob Base & DJ E-Z crossover event of all time? I mean, I hope not. But here we are.

Did you think that one movie was enough to tell the saga of the lives of the Malibu Rescue team? You were right. But here's a miniseries anyway.

Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski.

Actually, if at all possible, we should all really try to stay out of this one.

Back after a little time off, we dig into the movies our kids watched on vacation, starting with the sequel to one of my least unfavorite kids movies.

Adam Sandler and Russell Brand bring you the story of how a grown man tries to manipulate kids' imaginations to get everything he ever wanted and …

Tim Allen stars in what was not his worst film of 2006. But it's bad. It's really, really bad.

We are fine. Everything is not fine. But we are fine.

Reviewing a masterpiece before the inevitable unnecessary remake.

Hippy Juice

1 Cup Watermelon Vodka
1/2 Cup Rum
1/2 Cup Triple Sec
Top a gallon with pink Country Time lemonade made to instructions.

We're in the endgame now...

We finish up last week's discussion about the Marvel Cinematic Universe by looking at Avengers: Endgame.

Again, maybe some spoilers.

*SPOILERS*

THIS EPISODE CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR MOVIES CURRENTLY IN THEATERS.

Lisa and Adam blow through the entire MCU up to Endgame in a single episode. Spoilers abound, but so does confusion.

Also, Adam is wrong, …

We have many questions about the Harry Potter universe. But since half the team is a drunk Hufflepuff, we may never know the answers.

Snake Pliskin does Santa Clause. Not the weirdest casting for the jolly old elf, but not a great movie, either.

Melonade:

1 oz. Raspberry Vodka
1 …

A love letter to Canadian children's programming, and why you should be listening to their soundtracks.

The timeless tale of why your town probably shouldn't get a significant portion of its identity from that time you all freaked out because a four …

Here's an idea... let's make a kids movie based on Greek mythology. It's the only logical direction to go after the success that was Hunchback of …

It's a movie... about emoji. We've hit the bottom and kept digging.

What could possibly be creepier than the 1980's Winnie the Pooh show on the Disney Chanel? Oh. Yeah. Christopher Robin with PTSD.

The final installment of a 14-ish movie series based on that one video that won America's Funniest Home Videos in 1991. Really.

The most unsettling moving Robert Rodriguez's production company has ever made.

Adam's awkward answers about anthropomorphic automotive anatomy.

Can an infinite number of radioactive spiders biting an infinite number of moody teens create a good movie?

Looking into the happy side of child neglect and abandonment, it's this week's episode of Designated Parent.

Seriously, who is looking after these kids in Piqua, Ohio?

The exciting conclusion to the immortal Hotel Transylvania trilogy. Wait, who are we kidding? They're going to make more and more of theses until they lose all meaning and outnumber the Land Before Time movies.

Tonight we dissect the multi-generational trauma that is Fuller House,  where nothing makes sense and everything seems like it was written by aliens …

A movie about a talking dog and its friends saving Christmas. Because that's original. Pass the Merlot.

Our first episode, recorded on a dare. One of us gets a little drinky while we try to remember what happened in the movie we literally just watched. This time it's the sequel to the sequel to the Squeakquel. Because no …