“Something inside you emerges....an innate, indwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself.”- Eckhart Tolle.
When you look at yourself in the mirror, do you know the person staring back at you? Do you love the person staring back at you? How about, do you accept the person staring back you and all their imperfections?
In episode 10, Love and Accept Thyself, Elaina and Tracy shared what it means to love and accept ourselves and explore several relationship pitfalls and dangers when we do not.
Elaina and Tracy started with the importance of loving yourself first. Self-love, self-care, self-compassion, and self-acceptance all build the foundation of loving yourself.
In relationships, we made mistakes of losing own self while we are trying to win over the other person. We try to become whom we feel the other person wants us to be.
Like, if this is who you are, great, let’s celebrate that. But if it’s not who you are, why do you feel you need to become this to be with somebody? Because we all say that we want acceptance. Shouldn’t they accept you for who you are?
You are who you are. But I think we lose ourselves when we don’t know our selves well. It’s easy to become somebody else. Morph and transform into whom you think that person wants you to be when you don’t authentically love yourself or even know who you are.
Self-compassion is when you accept yourself, all your flaws, all your quirks, all the insecurities, and you’re saying, this is who I am, and I’m embracing it. Anyone who does also accept these things about you doesn’t deserve you.
Compromising who you are, your beliefs, your values in the relationship can also get you into some very traumatic situations that have real consequences. Often, I feel like when we don’t love ourselves, there’s a hole, and we seek outward for that validation and for that love.
I think, growing up not knowing what that healthy relationship looks like influences our behaviors and decisions. Like you were saying earlier, losing yourself and you’re trying to be this person for someone else, and you’re allowing people to cross those boundaries with you.
If you truly can’t look in the mirror and say, you know who you are. You know what your values are. You know what your morals are, you know your worth, and you truly do love yourself. I think those are the ones where it’s like, if you can’t do that, don’t try to force a relationship. Whatever the plan is for you and the path you’re supposed to take, it’s going to come to you when you’re ready.
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