Cover art for podcast Broken to Brave

Broken to Brave

49 EpisodesProduced by Southgate Media GroupWebsite

Early in 2018, I realized I was about to turn 50. To say I reacted strongly would be an understatement. I was in shock. I was devastated. Angry. Scared. Hopeless. I took to my bed. About 6 months later, I forced myself out of bed. I had wasted my adult life hiding in fear. I couldn’t get those years… read more

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I Shared My List - Number 50

December 17th, 2020

Once in a while, we do something that marks a “before” and “after.”  This list, for me, was one of those things. The defeated, desperate, broken person I was at the beginning is far from the determined, risk-taking, …

I Drew Attention to Myself Physically - Number 49

December 15th, 2020


So much of my life has been spent worrying about what other people think. I stressed over what people would think of how I was dressed, my hair, my …

I Watched the Live Feed at Take-Off and Landing - Number 48

December 10th, 2020

When something is scary, we avert or close our eyes. We don’t watch. We don’t look at it. We close our eyes and wait for it to be over, right? Someone will take away the scary or gross thing, the scene in the movie will …

I Approached a Group of Fans at the Pole - Number 47

December 8th, 2020

Is there anything scarier than approaching a group as an outsider? For me, in the moment, I couldn’t think of anything harder to do. They were having …

I Talked to Gillian Without a Shield - Number 46

December 3rd, 2020

I’ve spent my life hiding and so much of my list reflects that fact as I’ve repeatedly fought to break out of that pattern. It hasn’t gotten easier. I think some things have, the more I’ve been exposed to them, but not …

I Went Out on the Deck of the Viewing Area at Tate Modern - Number 45

November 30th, 2020

Maybe it was the adrenaline rush and momentum from riding the London Eye because, not long after, I found myself deciding to attempt yet another …

I Stood at the Window - Number 44

November 26th, 2020

I could have stayed on the bench. I could have been content with just getting on the ride. It was a big step. It could have been enough, but then I …

I Rode the London Eye - Number 43

November 24th, 2020

I have always been terrified of heights. I don’t like rides that go up in the air. I’m also afraid of drowning. I’m not a good swimmer and I have …

I Didn't Numb Out - Number 42

November 19th, 2020


It seems there are endless ways to numb out these days. We don’t have to look very far for ways to distract ourselves. The problem is that it only …

I Got Tattoos - Number 41

November 17th, 2020


Tattoos are a way of marking a moment or a feeling or an event. They tell a portion of our story. They are a visual reminder and I desperately needed a visual reminder that I am safe. That I can let go. To pick up that …

I Pumped Gas - Number 40

November 12th, 2020

When you struggle with anxiety and/or social phobia it is very easy to avoid certain tasks or situations and let someone else do them for you. It …

I Let an Artist Draw My Face - Number 39

November 10th, 2020

I am surrounded by people who live to get their pictures taken. They do photoshoots for fun. I am not one of those people. I’ve always hated getting …

I Shared My First Draft With Someone - Number 38

November 5th, 2020

I struggled with perfectionism for much of my life. I have improved a lot over the years, but not when it comes to my writing. Sharing my early …

I Attempted the Gym on a Saturday - Number 37

November 3rd, 2020


So often I have kept my life small by avoiding situations that scared me. The only way out of that pattern is to root out where you are still stuck …

Beta'd - Number 36

October 29th, 2020


I have always tried to control my environment in order to feel safe. I don’t like to even go to a restaurant without reading everything on their …

Volunteered to be on a Podcast I Didn't Know - Number 35

October 26th, 2020


Sometimes things ended up on my list because I pushed through tremendous fear to achieve them and then there are times like this where the list takes on a mind of its own. I was gaining so much confidence by this point …

Made a Phone Call - Number 34

October 21st, 2020


I’ve always hated to make or receive phone calls. I’m sometimes okay once they get started, depending on the person and the reason for the call. More often than not, however, I end up talking over the person or having …

Played in the Snow - Number 33

October 20th, 2020

One of the hardest things for me to face on this journey was the loss of my playful side. I used to be fun and I wanted it back so I took a chance. …

Bought Tickets to a Play in London - Number 32

October 15th, 2020

Sometimes an idea is planted and we allow the door to open just a crack. We allow ourselves to think, “What if?” Or “Maybe that could work for me, …

Worked on My Sleep Habits - Number 31

October 13th, 2020


I’ve always been jealous of people who could use sleep as an escape. Sleep, for me, has always been a struggle. I wanted it to be a time of peace and …

Rejoined the Gym - Number 30

October 8th, 2020

Some of the items are very straightforward and there’s a clear reason it’s on the list. For this one, there are so many reasons. I had to get past the financial fears, taking resources for myself, going somewhere …

Went Back - Number 29

October 6th, 2020

Grief is brutal. Just when you think you’re through the worst part and are back on your feet, a wave hits and you’re swept back in the water. I avoided going back because I didn’t want to relive that horrible …

Called My Mom - Number 28

October 1st, 2020

One of the harshest realities that I have ever had to face is that sometimes we are born into a family we don’t belong in. Sometimes we stay longer …

Acted in a Commercial - Number 27

September 29th, 2020

As hard as some of the items on my list have been, it’s times like these that really made me question why I ever started this project! I was making …

Accepted Positive Personal Feedback - Number 26

September 24th, 2020

I listened to the tape recorder in my head that repeated what my abusers used to tell me. As a result, I allowed the voices of the people who …

Accepted Help - Number 25

September 22nd, 2020


I had a lot to overcome to accomplish this step. I had tremendous guilt about taking/using resources whether that was material goods, money, time, etc. I was stuck in a scarcity mindset. I also held myself to a standard …

Assistant Directed - Number 24

September 17th, 2020

Agreeing to do something and actually doing it are two very different things. I have always excelled at the first one but often bailed before getting to the second one. I was afraid of not being able to deliver. I was …

Allowed Myself to Get Paid - Number 23

September 15th, 2020

I had a lot of misguided beliefs about money. Those beliefs kept me from seeing my worth and caused me to devalue myself. This spilled over into every aspect of my life and destroyed my self-esteem. Taking this step was …

Volunteered To Be A Beta For FanFic - Number 22

September 10th, 2020

My pattern was to agree to something or sign up for something and then panic and back out. I battled the anxiety of not knowing what I was getting …

Connected With My Fandom on Tumblr - Number 21

September 8th, 2020


By this point in my journey, I was realizing how taking these steps had released me from so much of my generalized anxiety. I was doing things without overthinking. I was calmer. I was breezing through parts of my day …

Volunteered to get interviewed on a podcast about music that is important to me - Number 20

September 3rd, 2020


Music has always been my lifeline. There are songs that saved my life, songs that gave me strength, songs that made me feel I could take on the …

Got Therapy - Number 19 

September 1st, 2020

I struggle with taking resources from my family for something that is just for me. That’s how I found myself at 50 with a lifetime of unresolved …

Noticed It, Named It, Felt It, Let It Go - Number 18 

August 27th, 2020

It may be apparent after 16 episodes that I struggle the most with feeling my feelings.  This exercise I learned in the WE book challenged me to push myself to the next level. It helped me so much that it’s a practice …

Didn't Get Sucked In - Number 17

August 25th, 2020

It’s very hard to break behavior patterns, especially ones that are lifelong and steeped in dysfunction. For me, guilt and fear would keep me coming …

Accepted Praise - Number 16

August 20th, 2020

I was conditioned to believe that accepting praise or a compliment meant that I was full of myself or had an overinflated sense of self. In order to …

Hosted An Event - Number 15

August 18th, 2020

Speaking in front of a crowd to do a keynote address wasn’t enough, apparently. I decided to challenge myself by also hosting/emceeing the event which meant introducing each set. It wasn’t pretty and there were plenty …

Gave a Keynote Address - Number 14

August 13th, 2020


With all the fears I’ve had in my life, I don’t think there was one that rivaled my fear of public speaking. Facing this fear head-on was absolutely …

Attempted to Host a Game Show - Number 13

August 11th, 2020


Sometimes the path to healing involves a game show, a microphone, and publicly front of a live audience and on multiple live streams. …

Found Beauty In All Things - Number 12

August 6th, 2020

Finding beauty in the world around me helped me to see the beauty in myself. It taught me to see that broken is beautiful, that cracks in us won't …

I Dueled - Number 11

August 3rd, 2020

There is something so empowering about challenging yourself to do something and not choosing the easy path. I could have participated and chosen …

Put on a costume and allowed myself to be part of the story - Number 10

July 30th, 2020


By now, I was starting to realize how much I kept myself back from really living. Trying to be invisible takes a lot of work and it’s exhausting. My …

Volunteered To Be In A Documentary - Number 9

July 29th, 2020


I've never been one to do things without overthinking, planning every detail, and considering every possible outcome. It was always easier to get someone else to just do it for me. This time I didn't allow myself to …

Publicly Fangirled - Number 8

July 29th, 2020


I've let so many opportunities pass me by because I wanted to be invisible.  I was always too afraid of ridicule or judgment.  I knew, this time, …

Played Volleyball in My Bathing Suit - Number 7

July 21st, 2020


I spent my adulthood saying no to so many things because I was afraid I would look stupid or because I was ashamed of my body. This was a huge …

When It Rains... Let It - Number 6

July 16th, 2020


When you are raised in chaos and have no safety net, you develop tools to survive. One of the tools I used was to attempt to control as much as I …

Let Go - Number 5

July 14th, 2020


When I found myself at this step of the journey, I was still avoiding the pain and doing my best not to acknowledge my triggers. I would act out. I …

Felt the Pain - Number 4

July 8th, 2020


I spent my life avoiding pain. I’d dissociate. I’d escape into worlds I created in my head. I was so scared to let myself feel the feelings because I …

Got Out of Bed, Took a Walk, and Told the Truth - Numbers 1, 2, & 3

July 7th, 2020


This is where my journey to bravery began.  To break out of my fear and heal my life, I challenged myself to do 50 brave things in one year (my 50th). It wasn't easy. Trauma needed to be healed and fears had to be …

Introducing Broken to Brave

May 28th, 2020


Southgate Media Group is proud to introduce the most personal podcast it's ever presented. Broken to Brave follows the journey Martha W Southgate …

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