Cover art for podcast Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

269 EpisodesProduced by Forever DogWebsite

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems. Hosted by Alex and Christine Schiefer. Produced by the Forever Dog Podcast Network.

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217: Reviews of Stores that No Longer Exist

January 25th, 2023

1:30:15

We've come to the conclusion that perhaps it is our listeners defecating (pun intended)

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216: Reviews of Gated Communities

January 18th, 2023

1:05:02

We're just hoping you don't rate your podcast based on physique and eating habits...

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215: Reviews of Buffet Restaurants

January 11th, 2023

1:21:55

We hope you enjoy this episode of Beach Too Sandy, Farts Too Wet!

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214: Reviews of Wedding DJs

January 4th, 2023

1:17:18

In this episode we go deep under cover and get lost in the sauce

Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy

Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Check …

213: Reviews of Gingerbread Houses

December 28th, 2022

1:04:07

All hail Dong Man and the Satan Dog!

Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy

Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Check out our Instagram: 

211: Reviews of Elf on the Shelf

December 14th, 2022

1:21:34

Tag yourself! Xtine is Lucifer the Elf and Xandy is Bendy Naughty Boy...

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210: Reviews of Hallmark Christmas Movies

December 8th, 2022

1:12:52

Come ride the American Idol/Soap Opera/Hallmark Pipeline with us!

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207: Reviews of Ben & Jerry's

November 16th, 2022

1:12:45

Repeat after us: MORALS! OVER! FROZEN! MILK!

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206: Reviews of Our Dad's Mail

November 9th, 2022

1:17:24

Coming Soon: Beach Too Sandy X Stinky Boy

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205: Reviews of HOT TOPIC

November 2nd, 2022

1:02:45

Only having $9 billion is like shoving a ping pong ball up your nose.

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Between You And Us: Episode 41

October 31st, 2022

40:57

Want more bonus content? Support us on Patreon! patreon.com/beachtoosandy

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Get your hoodie!!!

204: Reviews of Chuck E. Cheese

October 26th, 2022

1:37:09

We would like to citizens arrest Charles Entertainment Cheese.

-Love, Xandy and Xtine

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203: Reviews of Spirit Halloween Stores

October 19th, 2022

48:39

More like (Demonic) Spirit Halloween Stores amirite?

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202: The Eek! Episode

October 12th, 2022

1:11:00

Your favorite eductinal podcast is back!

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201: Reviews of Children's Shows

October 5th, 2022

1:24:14

WARNING: Episode contains spoilers for Caillou.

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Between You And Us: Episode 40

September 30th, 2022

33:47

Want more bonus content? Support us on Patreon! patreon.com/beachtoosandy

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

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200: Reviews of Our Embarrassing Moments

September 28th, 2022

1:46:06

If this episode doesn't get our podcast into the Library of Congress, we don't know what will.

Porch Pegging and dad hats are in!!! 

197: Reviews of Board Games

September 7th, 2022

1:01:11

Games and balls.

Buy your tickets for our Chicago (Beantown) show! beachtoosandy.com/tour

Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy

196: Reviews of Useless Wish Products

August 31st, 2022

1:04:40

We're all thumbs if you know what we mean...

Buy your tickets for our Chicago (Beantown) show! beachtoosandy.com/tour

Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy

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Between You And Us: Episode 39

August 29th, 2022

29:51

Want more bonus content? Support us on Patreon! patreon.com/beachtoosandy

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Get ready for our new Bitch Too Sandy …

Between You And Us: Episode 38

August 26th, 2022

36:45

Want more bonus content? Support us on Patreon! patreon.com/beachtoosandy

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Get ready for our new Bitch Too Sandy …

195: Reviews of 55+ Communities

August 24th, 2022

54:07

I don't remember this, but in Christine's notes she wrote "Decatur, AL, Porno" and that probably sums up this episode somehow.

Buy your tickets for our Chicago (Beantown) show! beachtoosandy.com/tour

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194: Reviews of Summer Camps

August 17th, 2022

1:20:04

Warning: This episode might induce estranged relations with one's parents.

Buy your tickets for our Chicago (Beantown) show! beachtoosandy.com/tour

Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy

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193: Reviews of Cruises

August 10th, 2022

1:40:12

At the core, the true Xandy is a cool cruiser EEK!

Buy your tickets for our Chicago (Beantown) show! beachtoosandy.com/tour

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192: Reviews of Claire's

August 3rd, 2022

1:21:21

Listen to find out where the Teletubbies got their work done.

Buy your tickets for our Chicago (Beantown) show! beachtoosandy.com/tour

Support us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy

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191: Reviews of Recipes

July 27th, 2022

1:11:32

“…And if you gaze long into the food blog. The food blog gazes also into you.”  - Friedrich Nietzsche

Buy your tickets for our Chicago (Beantown) show! beachtoosandy.com/tour

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190: Reviews of Cemeteries

July 20th, 2022

1:12:17

What kind of loon wants to steal from a pet cemetery? Well, it might be someone closer to you than you think.

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188: Toddler Beds

July 6th, 2022

1:19:17

Anyone know a way to tell if something is bird poop without tasting it? Asking for a friend...

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Between You And Us: Episode 37

June 30th, 2022

34:02

This episode is highly unprofessional, distressing, confusing, and plain weird. Oh wait, that's all our episodes...

Want more bonus content? Support us on Patreon! patreon.com/beachtoosandy

Xandy's Stream:

187: Reviews of Camera Stores

June 29th, 2022

1:22:39

Please go the extra three inches and support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Get ready for our new …

186: Reviews of Trader Joe's

June 22nd, 2022

1:01:39

Only 1780s kids love Slipknot!!

Trader Joe's United: https://traderjoesunited.org/ | https://twitter.com/TraderJoesUnite

Listen to Xandy on this week's episode of Twisted & Uncorked: https://spoti.fi/3n4zVkr

Support us …

185: Reviews of Ships

June 15th, 2022

1:07:24

Unfortunately for Xandy, this week we learn that there truly is an 'Eek!' for everything.

Listen to Xandy on this week's episode of Twisted & …

184: Reviews of Reality TV Shows

June 8th, 2022

1:44:26

User TitObsessedWankophile gives this episode 5 stars!!

Listen to Xandy on this week's episode of Twisted & Uncorked: https://spoti.fi/3Q9Ng86

183: Reviews of Michelin Star Restaurants

June 1st, 2022

1:10:16

How you going? I hope you get laser eye surgery. Sincerely, Gazza.

Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

New …

Between You And Us: Episode 36

May 31st, 2022

35:15

We worship the almighty dollar, so buy tickets for our tour!

Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Xtine's Etsy:

182: Reviews of Cat Cafes

May 25th, 2022

1:07:33

Welcome to Toby's Toe Beans! Grab a catpurrccino and enjoy our homemade DNA ornaments.

Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour

Xandy's Stream:

181: Reviews of Waffle Houses

May 18th, 2022

1:20:01

We revisit one of our favorite places and learn about a few new places, including the International House of Bologna!

Tour Tickets:

180: Reviews of Towing Companies

May 11th, 2022

1:15:10

Come see us live in Hawaii!! Or is it Ohio? Is there even a difference?

Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

New …

179: Reviews of IKEA

May 4th, 2022

1:26:38

If you're a freedom loving American, good luck with your carpenting!

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

New merch including a Pigoin pin!!!

178: Reviews of Children's Books

April 27th, 2022

1:22:34

We hope this episode doesn't haunt you the way we're haunted by the American Midwest between 1870 and 1894.

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

New …

177: Reviews of As Seen On TV Products

April 20th, 2022

1:40:27

We read reviews of some of the weirdest items you can see on your TV. And come up with new nicknames for Xandy along the way.

Xandy's Stream:

176: Reviews of American Girl Doll Locations

April 13th, 2022

1:27:13

Fingers crossed you don't judge our live shows based on how heavy the doors are...

New merch including a Pigoin pin!!!

175: Reviews of Exterminators

April 6th, 2022

1:39:26

Your Bootylicious hosts are back!! TGBTG!! PTL!!

Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu

Check out our Instagram:

174: Etsy Reviews

March 30th, 2022

1:20:13

Listen to the Psychic Psyblings and their ramblings. And don't forget to see them live in Ohio!

Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Xtine's Etsy:

173: Reviews of Rainforest Cafe

March 23rd, 2022

1:39:54

Or should we say, Reviews of Cracker Barrel Jungle Excursion?

Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Xtine's Etsy:

172: Reviews of Coffee Shops in Amsterdam

March 16th, 2022

1:29:46

In this chaotic episode, we discover that corpses do not be Gucci...

Tour Tickets: beachtoosandy.com/tour

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Xtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofu

Check out our Instagram:

171: Reviews of Hard Rock Cafe

March 9th, 2022

1:23:16

Rollin' down the street, smokin' indo, sippin' on Hennessy and sunscreen.

Xandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschiefer

Xtine's Etsy:

170: Reviews of Benihana

March 2nd, 2022

1:15:06

We also talk about Hooters' best selling items! *checks notes* Uh milk and baked beans...

Check out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

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Between You And Us: Episode 33

February 28th, 2022

34:40

Aunts and ants alike will LOVE this episode.

For more bonus content, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Check out our merch!

169: Reviews of Halls of Fame

February 23rd, 2022

1:18:46

We hope this episode makes you giggle galore until you can't breathe.

Check out the mascot photos on Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandy

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

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168: Reviews of Sushi Restaurants in Landlocked States

February 16th, 2022

1:00:56

The biggest paradox is that two people who don't know what they're talking about... talk for a living. Did we finally use that word right?

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

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167: Reviews of Shein Products

February 9th, 2022

1:18:40

See pics of some of these ridiculous products on our Instagram! instagram.com/beachtoosandy

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Get …

166: Reviews of Phone Repair Shops

February 2nd, 2022

1:20:54

While you're out shopping for Bitch Too Sandy perfume, be sure to pick up Christine's latest book: Costumer Service 101!

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch …

Between You And Us: Episode 32

January 31st, 2022

51:06

What's good for the goose is good for this podcast.

For more bonus content, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

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165: Reviews of Perfumes

January 26th, 2022

2:00:40

BITCH TOO SANDY... coming soon to a department store near you!

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Get your Warning: Contains Sexy …

164: Revisiting Old Friends

January 19th, 2022

1:52:32

Come down to the Lizard Hole! Tonight's entertainment is Christine singing and Xandy playing game show host again...

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163: Reviews of Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville

January 12th, 2022

1:37:40

If you want a full version of 'Toes in the Sand,' let us know and we'll give you recommendations for therapists.

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162: Reviews of Helen, Georgia

January 5th, 2022

1:20:32

Throw on your airbrushed lederhosen, because we're going tubbing!

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Get your Warning: Contains Sexy …

Between You And Us: Episode 31

December 31st, 2021

31:03

You know what they say... Whatever can't kill you is a terrible product.

For more bonus content, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

161: Reviews of Lighthouses

December 29th, 2021

1:33:08

What is a lighthouse if not a house with a light on it?

Check out Xandy's TikTok lighthouse adventures: https://tiktok.com/@xandyschiefer

Get your …

160: Reviews of Ornaments

December 22nd, 2021

1:18:07

You can tell we're handling the holidays well when we're wishing you a Happy New Year over a week early...

Check out Xandy's TikTok lighthouse …

159: Holiday Reviews

December 15th, 2021

1:18:18

Gather round as we try to figure out the true meaning behind Mensch on the Bench.

Check out Xandy's TikTok lighthouse adventures:

158: QVC Holiday Special

December 8th, 2021

1:07:49

Want to join the sisterhood of the traveling poopy pants? Listen to the episode to find out how!

Check out our Instagram for holiday pine cone ideas:

157: Reviews of Christmas Tree Farms

December 1st, 2021

1:12:41

Ding dong!

Check out our Instagram to see how our Christmas Tree shopping went: instagram.com/beachtoosandy

Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch …

Between You And Us: Episode 30

November 30th, 2021

42:43

For more bonus content, check out our Patreon: patreon.com/beachtoosandy!

Check out our merch!

156: Subway or Subway?

November 24th, 2021

55:00

Enjoy this game show style episode that has all the brown fixins you can ask for!

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155: Reviews of Subway Sandwiches

November 17th, 2021

1:11:16

This week, Xandy talks about his biggest shame while Christine judges as if she's never catfished anyone before...

Get your Warning: Contains Sexy …

154: Reviews of Subway Stations

November 10th, 2021

1:09:29

Go see pics of Xandy at The Transit Museum: instagram.com/beachtoosandy

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153: Rate My Professors

November 3rd, 2021

56:39

Please give us some chili peppers, it'd make us so happie!

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152: Reviews of Halloween Attractions

October 27th, 2021

1:13:14

If you look up in the night sky, you just may see the siblings Schiefer flying by.

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Between You And Us: Episode 29

October 25th, 2021

42:28

Between talks of foreplay and vacuums, this episode really sucks.

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151: Reviews of Halloween Costumes

October 20th, 2021

49:23

Lovely Clown Xandy coming to a party near you!

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150: Reviews of Halloween Movies

October 13th, 2021

1:12:10

Christine is one step closer to her final form: White Mist.

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149: Pumpkin Reviews

October 6th, 2021

1:01:56

Christine finally admits she wouldn't fly to Maine to teach a child about the birds and the bees.

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148: The Ultimate Karen

September 29th, 2021

1:10:52

While Xandy was busy browsing our subreddit, Christine went down a rabbit hole of misery. Enjoy!

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Between You And Us: Episode 28

September 27th, 2021

37:25

Don't forget to wear goggles if you approach Xandy in public!

Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

147: Reviews of Whale Watching

September 22nd, 2021

1:05:39

Someone PLEASE erect a statue of Xandy...

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146: Reviews of Beanie Babies

September 15th, 2021

1:17:24

We apologize for the bummer parade we're about to take you on...

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145: Reviews of Airports

September 8th, 2021

1:11:04

This week we learn that Christine and Xandy should never be in a cockpit together.

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144: Reviews of Cracker Barrels

September 1st, 2021

1:24:02

You've been asking for it, and it's here! Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here:

Between You And Us: Episode 27

August 31st, 2021

32:49

The devil smiles as another bonus episode is released.

Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet

Support …

142: Reviews of Public Art

August 18th, 2021

1:33:43

If enough people sign up for our Patreon, maybe we can afford to commission a new vein on Blucifer's penis.

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141: Reviews of Storage Facilities

August 11th, 2021

1:25:48

Fingers crossed no one finds out we, just like Barry on Storage Wars, get paid for what we do...

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140: Reviews of Candle Stores

August 4th, 2021

1:42:01

Please don't yank your candle while listening to this episode.

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139: Reviews of Truck Stops

July 28th, 2021

1:18:54

Christine found another forum to explore, which means Xandy is one step closer to quitting the podcast...

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138: Reviews of Ripley's Believe It or Not!

July 21st, 2021

1:22:56

Picture if you will a podcast, where, believe it or not, they discuss big honkers.

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137: Reviews of Car Rentals

July 14th, 2021

1:12:18

We're here for more bible analysis. With maybe a review or two sprinkled in...

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136: Reviews of Islands

July 7th, 2021

1:39:27

The footnote to Christine's life is her pending patent for a new form of animated candy dispenser.

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Between You And Us: Episode 24

June 28th, 2021

56:35

Listen to this episode to for tips on how to keep Joe Biden away from your hard case luggage!

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134: Reviews of Dick's Last Resorts

June 23rd, 2021

1:18:37

We finally find reviews where people are upset they didn't get verbally abused. What is this podcast coming to?

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133: Reviews of Gay Bars

June 16th, 2021

1:19:57

Isn't it strange how when you're in Anchorage, AK things aren't quite the same as they are in New York, NY? Ugh better write a one-star review about …

132: Reviews of Public Pools

June 9th, 2021

1:43:43

Just a couple of siblings who've been gathering filth since the 90s. If anyone asks, we came up with that.

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131: Reviews of the Gaylord Opryland

June 2nd, 2021

1:28:23

If you feel like a gay royal on a pride float, this episode is for you! If you like raisins, this episode is not for you!

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129: Reviews of Obscure Museums

May 19th, 2021

1:50:54

How will I tell my children that these podcasters were not cats?

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128: World's Largest Landmarks

May 12th, 2021

1:25:24

Wow, we finally did it y'all. We proved that evolution isn't real and Darwin is a false prophet. Time to praise the Oklahoma Peanut Princess instead!

Between You And Us: Episode 23

April 26th, 2021

41:17

In our humble but honorable opinions, it's about time ski resorts start serving nachos. PERIDOT.

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125: Pasty Shops in Michigan

April 21st, 2021

1:14:22

Interested in Jared Leto and Marky Mark's nipples? This is the episode for you! Oh wait, wrong type of pasties...

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124: Reviews of Escape Rooms

April 14th, 2021

1:19:41

Not sure if Christine's casket story is something I need to talk to the police about or not... Please advise.

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123: Lil Nas X

April 7th, 2021

1:08:06

This week we talk about the latest flash in the satanic panic. His name is Montero and he worships pentagons or pentagrams or something. Enjoy the …

122: Reviews of Churches

March 31st, 2021

1:30:38

Catch us in Spotify's new playlist: Podcasts brought down by Scientology. Hopefully we can still make it as minions at a megachurch!

Check out our new …

Between You And Us: Episode 22

March 29th, 2021

57:51

We're reading reviews sent in by you! To send your favorite reviews in, write to beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject "Between You and Us"

Check …

121: Reviews of Fish Fries

March 24th, 2021

1:25:02

If you don't pray to the tabernacle of Betsy or Fish Fry Daddy, then what're you doing with your life? Probably poppin' pillies and listening to …

120: Bagel Shops in New York, New York

March 17th, 2021

1:06:01

To anyone who wants to buy the rights to Boris' Yelp account for their dissertation, please get in touch. Oh and FBI, you're welcome for finding the Zodiac Killer. Alex will accept his medal now.

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119: Reviews of Crystal Shops

March 10th, 2021

59:09

Christine is throwing stinging bites at reviewers while Alex wonders where you were all conceived.

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118: Reviews of Six Flags

March 3rd, 2021

56:06

The demonic Foghorn Leghorn rises from his coffin after 30 hours of eating cockroaches. Bert and Ernie quake in fear.

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117: Valentine's Day Reviews

February 24th, 2021

38:17

This episode will have you believing in love and God. We hope it makes you ripple ;)

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116: Poutineries in Canada

February 17th, 2021

55:38

A lot is resting on this wiener.

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115: Reviews of Girl Scout Cookies

February 10th, 2021

1:09:08

We almost titled this episode "The Girl Scouts Trip to the Slaughterhouse."

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Between You And Us: Episode 21

February 8th, 2021

40:42

We're reading reviews sent in by you! Including possibly our least favorite review of all time... #FrozenHaters #IHateFrozen To send your favorite reviews in, write to beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject "Between …

114: Reviews of Renaissance Fairs

February 3rd, 2021

1:00:55

Warning: atheists and jugglers ahead. Don't say the town crier didn't warn you...

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113: Government Buildings in Hawaii

January 27th, 2021

46:48

I would not buy this for my cat. I would not buy this for my hat. I do not like it, Sam I am.

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112: Reviews of Music Venues

January 20th, 2021

58:39

Please consider contributing to the fundraiser for Milan Loncar: https://www.gofundme.com/f/milans-memory

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Between You And Us: Episode 20

January 18th, 2021

28:02

Hello plebs.. plubs? We're ready reviews you found on the internet and sent to us! To send yours in write to beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject …

111: Reviews of Golden Corral

January 13th, 2021

1:07:27

Grab your pizgetlovy and stay close to the bathroom, because we've immune system compromising reviews to read ya!

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110: Ghost Towns in Texas

January 6th, 2021

49:00

Wait... what's that noise? Oh god Vicki's coming! Hurry, climb up the rocks. No, the colorful ones! But wait, don't forget to ask first. Oh no it's …

109: New Year Reviews

December 30th, 2020

59:02

*bomb* *cross* *airplane* if you know what we mean :grin:

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108: Holiday Reviews

December 23rd, 2020

1:04:56

Four days and seven scores ago, Tim Allen learned the secrets of Santa Claus from his father. And now we’re here to pass those secrets on to you. Enjoy!

Support us on Patreon to listen to the bonus episode!

107: Reviews of Driving Schools

December 16th, 2020

51:03

We're just two podcasters trying to make an honest living. So what if we like looking at hotties with honkers?

Get your Karma Back To You pin before …

106: MLMs in Utah

December 9th, 2020

1:00:47

If you can get past our weird improv, you'll get to hear all about a great opportunity. Get in on the ground floor of our new oat milk multilevel …

Between You And Us: Episode 19

December 7th, 2020

45:56

We're back with Between You And Us and it's amazing, crazing, looking for the mazing! Sorry we haven't been releasing these, we've just been so busy …

105: Reviews of Target

December 2nd, 2020

1:04:54

This episode is brought to you by refrigeration and Gucci. Learn more at this year's Downton Abbey expo in Minot, ND.

Follow Alex's Twitch stream to …

104: Black Friday Reviews

November 25th, 2020

56:40

This episode is sponsored by corporations that would probably not approve of our content. Just kidding, it's sponsored by the holy trinity of luxury: …

103: Tourist Attractions in South Dakota

November 18th, 2020

58:10

While we set the bar merely a millimeter above the ground, you can't deny this is the absolute BEST podcast hosted by siblings with the last name …

102: Reviews of Private Investigators

November 11th, 2020

1:05:42

Or are they private dicks? Regardless, we're scared of them almost as much as we are of the idea that there won't be a Santa Clause 4 #TimAllenForSC4

101: Autumnal Reviews

November 4th, 2020

1:13:02

This week we explore our new favorite place to find reviews: QVC. It inspires Alex to start his campaign to become one of their next presenters, and it inspires Christine to start writing her new screenplay Alvin and …

100: THE WORST OF BEACH TOO SANDY, WATER TOO WET

October 28th, 2020

2:31:50

We did the unthinkable! We made it to 100 episodes. Take a horrifying stroll down memory lane with us as we revisit the funniest, most cringe-worthy …

99: Halloween Reviews

October 21st, 2020

1:04:53

WARNING: CONTAINS SEXY STUFF. Which basically just means we talk about Charlie Brown and Spooky Buddies. Please be safe this Halloween season and don't summon Satin and keep your wife away from lovely yellow minions. 

98: Cemeteries in Louisiana

October 14th, 2020

52:38

Hey ghostie, bring that thicc smoky body this way ;)

Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out!

97: Apple Orchards in New Hampshire

October 7th, 2020

53:02

Welcome to Asparagus: Fully Plucked, where we provide educational agriculture content to all members of Pat's Kingdom. So sit back, roll a rug in a …

96: Corn Mazes in Iowa

September 30th, 2020

1:02:37

Normally since it's his birthday, we'd say 'All hail Xandy!' but we're over here hailing the corn cob cannon king instead. Maybe next year, Xandy. Maybe.

Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human:

95: Daycares in Indiana

September 23rd, 2020

54:30

Thanks for tuning in to episode 1 of Dilbert + Smash Mouth: A Haunting. We hope you enjoy the nonsensical ramblings of a former Indiana model and his M&M loving sister.

Get your Karma Back To You pin before they …

94: Airports in North Carolina

September 16th, 2020

53:53

You give podcasters a listen, you feed them a meal. Teach podcasters to steal listens, they probably get kicked off their platform. This made slightly more sense with apple sauce... 

Get your Karma Back To You pin before …

93: Malls in New Jersey

September 9th, 2020

1:02:15

Well this was a weird one, so I'm not sure what to say here. Something something IKEA gnomes and bread bowls. Y'all know.

Get your Karma Back To You …

92: Parking Violations Bureaus in Los Angeles, CA

September 2nd, 2020

55:15

Christine and Alex, the scum of the earth, are back to discuss communism, Kafka, and The Parking Enforcement Agenda (PEA). Christine also throws curses around like they're nothing, so we're sorry in advance if we ruin …

91: Beaches in Rhode Island

August 26th, 2020

1:02:43

Hey all you naughty gulls, thanks for tuning in to Christine's National Convention. She has only one platform: Eradicate All Ocean Worms. Please …

90: Small Towns in Ohio

August 19th, 2020

1:02:32

We're going through our lives as a couple of dunk clowns: We think too highly of ourselves and we laugh at our own jokes. 

Get your Karma Back To You …

Between You And Us: Episode 18

August 17th, 2020

25:52

Need more of life's sweet substance? We got you covered. We're back with another episode where we read reviews that you found and sent in to us!

Email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject "Between You And Us" …

89: Lighthouses in Maine

August 12th, 2020

59:34

After years of perfecting our popsicle stick versions of episode 89, we've finally released the finished product. In this episode, we read reviews of lighthouses worthy of Steven King's editor. So sit down, heat up your …

88: Adult Video Stores in Missouri

August 5th, 2020

55:18

Welcome to rush week! There's only one option and it's They-ta They-ta They-ta. And everyone is invited to join! The only hazing will be us forcing you to watch Ants With No Pants on DVD. Welcome!

Get 15% off your merch …

87: Cowboy Boots in Texas

July 29th, 2020

1:00:26

If you're wondering what Jimmy Fingers is up to, he's using those fingers of his to go to https://www.raicestexas.org/ways-to-give/bond-fund/ to donate to the RAICES Texas Bond Fund! They are a nonprofit agency that …

86: Climbing Gyms in Colorado Springs, Colorado

July 22nd, 2020

51:51

We're back with possibly the most garrulous podcast in existence. Are we using that right? Anyway, help Christine reach her goal of terminal velocity …

Between You And Us: Episode 17

July 20th, 2020

37:59

This is a historic moment in Beach Too Sandy history. We read the first review where the reviewer changes their own mind while writing the review. Almost as breathtaking as seeing a grackle in the wild. Listen and …

85: Garbage Plates in Rochester, NY

July 15th, 2020

52:58

Think people can't possibly be snobs about something called a 'garbage plate?' Think again, then update your Rolodex. Also, fair warning to people …

84: Historical Sites in Italy

July 8th, 2020

1:00:34

After the success of our Disney Parks episode, we decided to do another one! Oh wait, never mind, these reviews are of Pompeii. But apparently some people can't tell the difference. In an attempt to redeem the …

83: Zoos in Norway

July 1st, 2020

1:06:32

Don't be too surprised if we rename our podcast to The Shanti Chronicles, because Alex loves his new adopted Gibbon daughter. The news about her might be the most important part of our episode, but it doesn't take away …

82: Scuba Diving in Guam

June 24th, 2020

1:06:52

Disclaimer: These Podcast Hosts Be Wildin'. Wait, what does that even mean? Anyway, we're reviews of scuba diving in Guam, then Alex reads reviews where the reviewer vows never to return to a state/country. It's just as …

81: Adventure Parks in Puerto Rico

June 17th, 2020

1:05:15

Who the hell gave us this platform? Oh yeah, you all did... Well thank you for having an IQ higher than a crab and being an outlet for our boring childhood stories. We'll post proof of our "extreme skill and …

80: KFC in Japan

June 10th, 2020

50:17

Welcome to the Church of Yelp, where we teach you everything it takes to get yourself into hell. We're reading reviews of the "benign personality …

Podcast Blackout

June 3rd, 2020

3:23

We will not be releasing a regular episode this week in an effort to listen to, learn from, and amplify Black voices. Tune in to this brief …

79: Reviews of Water Parks

May 27th, 2020

58:01

Between the indiscriminate pooping, tea bags, and bodily excreted waste... this might be our grossest episode yet. But if you can make it through, you can hear our mother's favorite joke. Well, maybe that's the worst …

Schiefer Madness: Few Things Considered

May 22nd, 2020

35:26

Welcome to our first weekly Winnie-sode! We discuss jellybean storage, dried up condoms, and we touch on what it's like to be an oxygen-dependent …

78: Craft Stores in Raleigh, NC

May 20th, 2020

48:01

The Schiefer Siblings are coming out to play! And they're on a mission... to normalize... constipation? God this episode is messy. If you want, you're welcome to dive headfirst into this mess of crazy craft store …

Schiefer Madness: Karma Will Prevail

May 15th, 2020

37:32

From bidets to porn sites, we talk about pretty much everything this episode. Thankfully it's a bonus episode, so we can do what we want! And so can …

77: Lakes in Minnesota

May 13th, 2020

1:01:25

Turn off your Jimmy Buffet and hop aboard the Silky Pig, because we're going yelping! Join us on this amazing natural journey where we discover all …

Between You And Us: Episode 16

May 11th, 2020

45:01

Before you listen to this episode, we've gotta lay down some ground rules. We expect you to either write us a poem or give us a dollar. And once you …

76: Bowling Alleys in Philadelphia, PA

May 6th, 2020

1:03:52

We've got new merch!! Head over to bit.ly/beachtoosandymerch for a "Lunatic Leftwing Liberal Loser" pin, a "Baron of Cream" shirt or a Beach Too Sandy decal! If you've ever eaten calamari at a bowling alley, this …

Between You And Us: Episode 15

May 1st, 2020

53:41

Since this was released at 11 PM our time on April 30th, we're counting it as the April Between You And Us. Deal with it or face us and our spirited personalities.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for …

75: Buffalo Wings in Buffalo, NY

April 29th, 2020

1:07:48

We hope after listening to this episode, you tell everyone how much we mind blew you with our talk of mutant chickens and souvlaki

Schiefer Madness: Animal Crossing

April 25th, 2020

39:40

Listen to this week's episode to find out how you can win a copy of Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the Nintendo Switch! If you already own a copy, …

74: Cigar Shops in Cuba

April 22nd, 2020

55:47

Years from now, we believe someone will wonder if Tim Allen was one of the hosts of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. And that person is Christine Schiefer. Find out what else she thinks Tim Allen was in on this episode …

Schiefer Madness: it's about GI troubles that we all have

April 18th, 2020

43:06

Calling all iron maiden fans! Whether that's of the band, the medieval torture device, or our mother. We've got an uplifting? bonus episode for you where we only read the positive reviews (mostly)!!!! So come join us …

73: Monuments in Washington, D.C.

April 15th, 2020

58:35

YEGADS! In this week's episode, Christine philosophizes and Alex waxes poetic. If that doesn't convince you to listen to this one, then we don't blame you. But we hope you give us the chance to warn you about big …

Schiefer Madness: Erotic Hand Sanitizer

April 10th, 2020

30:45

Is that title really not enough for you?

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!

Go subscribe to our …

72: Resorts in Mexico

April 8th, 2020

1:06:37

Let me tell you something, bro... *thumbs down emoji* *poop emoji *coffin emoji* *nails emoji* *baby bottle emoji* *pill emoji* *wrench emoji* KARMA BACK AT YOU!

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a …

Schiefer Madness: Tiger King

April 3rd, 2020

54:39

Hey all you cool cats and kittens! If you haven't watched Tiger King, give in to all the pressure and watch it. Otherwise, this episode is gonna be …

71: Universities in England

April 1st, 2020

1:03:12

Love a good panto? That must mean you're British! So stop whatever yawn-fest you're participating in, and join us as we read reviews of universities in England. Christine also reads some of the worst reviews we've had …

Schiefer Madness: Quarantine Cuties

March 28th, 2020

42:46

You should really listen to this episode, but keep in mind that it won't save your life. Only Lysol can do that apparently. We hope you enjoy this …

70: Lord of the Rings in New Zealand

March 25th, 2020

56:18

Dear Webmaster, Please enjoy this episode of us speaking in runes about Lord of the Rings. After that, Alex gives us a much needed pick me up when he reads reviews mentioning bodega cats, who are as fuzzy as the ham …

Schiefer Madness: Social Distancing

March 20th, 2020

1:05:27

Things you can do during the COVID-19 epidemic:

Donate to help kids who depend on school lunches at http://www.nokidhungry.org

Avoid purchasing WIC …

69: Saint Patrick's Day Reviews Extravaganza

March 18th, 2020

1:22:33

If you've never listened to Beach Too Sandy, prepare yourself by imagining you're meeting a 6-foot tall teddy bear with titanium legs. We're reading all sorts of reviews that are related (very loosely) to Saint …

68: Beaches in Australia

March 11th, 2020

1:02:47

If you're considering writing a review of our show while hospitalized, be sure to wait until the morphine has kicked in. Because you might not be happy with us after this episode, especially if you live in Australia. …

Between You And Us: Episode 14

March 9th, 2020

42:15

If you normally listen to our show in the presence of family, we'd recommend switching that up for this episode. And if for some reason you let your children listen to this explicit podcast, DEFINITELY keep them far …

67: Reviews of Disney Parks

March 4th, 2020

1:12:20

Sure, we're probably the last people on the planet who should be hosting a podcast episode about Disney, but we still had a blast reading terrible …

66: Nightclubs in Berlin, Germany

February 26th, 2020

58:25

Welcome to Schiefer Family Therapy, where the very hot and extremely humble Alex and croissant-phobic Christine tackle their biggest issues. If you're a family member of ours, please know we are terribly sorry for what …

65: Tescos in Dublin, Ireland

February 19th, 2020

1:05:38

You're joining us live from the travelator in Tesco, where a follower of Christ and her alien intern brother are reading terrible reviews. These two …

64: Valentine's Day Reviews Extravaganza

February 12th, 2020

59:11

The Valentine's Lorax has a warning for you: If you were hoping for our Ireland episode, don't listen to this one because you'll have to wait another week. Surprise! It's a Valentine's Day episode! We read reviews of …

Between You And Us: Episode 13

February 10th, 2020

29:41

If you look in the mirror and say "RED RAW' three times while spinning, Bernie Schiefer will appear behind you or your money back.

Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!

Go …

Live at Spotify HQ in New York, NY

February 7th, 2020

36:02

We made it through our first live show ever!! And now you have the chance to experience our discomfort from the comfort of your home. We had an …

63: Karaoke Bars in Halifax, NS

February 5th, 2020

58:22

We're going international! We visit our neighbors to the north, Canada, to find out how they feel about their karaoke bars. Then, Christine shares reviews of escape rooms written by people who had no business being in …

62: Dunkin' Donuts in Concord, NH

January 29th, 2020

1:01:34

Grab your plain sticks and your snotty coffee, because we're about to go on quite the journey. First, we read reviews of good old Dunkin' Donuts in …

61: Casinos in Biloxi, MS

January 22nd, 2020

58:01

Welcome to the Schiefer Casino! We've got Mark who has a gaming license from eBay and Braley is behind the bar serving up only top shelf drinks! We are also known for rewriting LGBT history and for hiding Steak 'n …

60: Pizza Places in Wichita, KS

January 15th, 2020

1:00:35

After forgetting it existed, we finally find ourselves in Kansas! We read reviews of pizza places and discuss the future of the Tootise film franchise. Then, Alex reads a variety of reviews of gay bars and they're just …

Between You And Us: Episode 12

January 13th, 2020

1:01:06

Greetings from the Schiefer Sisters! We're back for another episode where we read reviews sent in by you, our lovely listeners! So stop smelling …

59: Resorts in Charleston, SC

January 8th, 2020

55:57

We have some actual exciting news this episode, so listen up! Then listen to us read some ridiculous reviews written by both real and not so real …

58: Arcades in Nashville, TN

January 1st, 2020

1:03:33

Christine (cactus print) and Alex (stripper scent) bring you the first Beach Too Sandy episode of a new decade. We read reviews of arcades, arcade bars, and dueling piano bars (for some reason) in Nashville, TN. Then …

57: Holiday Reviews Extravaganza

December 25th, 2019

1:16:46

This week, CHRISTine and Alex reveal what is causing the death of all humans... at least according to a single reviewer. Believe it or not, it's not …

56: Ski Resorts in Burlington, VT

December 18th, 2019

1:09:12

This week, we rewrite The Grinch, repurpose Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and share other valuable pieces of media in the form of Yelp reviews. …

55: Car Dealerships in Fargo, ND

December 11th, 2019

56:05

Happy podversary!! We're celebrating one year of Beach Too Sandy nonsense! Thank you so much for your support this past year. As a special gift, we've finally revealed the identity of the man behind our intro. And no, …

Between You And Us: Episode 11

December 9th, 2019

1:08:41

All hail King Salmon! Just... don't order him on a cinnamon raisin bagel. In this month's episode, we read some of the worst reviews you've ever sent …

54: Menards in Eau Claire, WI

December 4th, 2019

55:02

Don't do us bogus and give this week's episode a listen. If you don't, Alex is going to take Christine's bathroom breaks away. So hear all about how the state of your local Menards means America is dead, and about how …

53: Thanksgiving Reviews Extravaganza

November 27th, 2019

1:18:11

*Insert Favorite Turkey Noise Here* Welcome to our Thanksgiving special! Now as a fireside chat! Your holiday is about to be ruined by the cornucopia …

52: Dry Cleaners in Columbia, MD

November 20th, 2019

1:00:51

Happy Wonderwall! Throw on your favorite Armani underwear, grab your hottest rock, and enjoy the premiere of Pretty Mayor - the opposite of …

51: Golf Courses in Des Moines, IA

November 13th, 2019

1:04:08

*golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *golfer emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *hole-in-one emoji* *frisbee emoji* *frisbee emoji* *frisbee …

Between You And Us: Episode 10

November 11th, 2019

41:49

If you're reading this, you are officially banned from LeanCuisine.com. Feeling doo-doo trash about that? Then listen to us read reviews sent in by YOU, our lovely listeners. We hope you love this month's episode, but …

50: Apartment Complexes in Grand Rapids, MI

November 6th, 2019

1:13:01

This week's episode is dedicated to Fat Cat Cora. Remember that time when we exposed a hairy underbelly? Well, this week's underbelly is even hairier. If you're looking for an apartment in Grand Rapids, we hope you …

49: Spooky Spots in Salem, MA

October 30th, 2019

2:05:39

Welcome to the Beach Too Sandy Halloween Extravaganza!! We have such an exciting show featuring three very special guests! We bet you're reading this looking for a spoiler of who those guests are. Well guess what, we're …

48: Halloween Stores in Virginia Beach, VA

October 23rd, 2019

50:38

WHEN YOU YELL, I YELP! Looking for a nose to pick? You've come to the right place. Turn up the Ziggy Idol, put on your star costume, and join us as …

47: Wineries in Los Gatos, CA

October 16th, 2019

50:04

Hello lovely listeners. Enjoying the table wine? Well why don't we take this back to our garden. We've got plenty of steamed salami to go around ;) Just don't let Louis out, we're happy he left his post at the winery …

Between You And Us: Episode 9

October 14th, 2019

48:39

Locusts, cicadas, and hard hats oh my! We're reading the reviews you want to hear! This time we read everything from book reviews to communion wafers. Listen now, because THIS. IS. CRITICAL.


Support us on …

46: Fitness Centers in Cheyenne, WY

October 9th, 2019

1:01:32

Welcome to the start of our podcast recording marathon, AKA our descent into madness, AKA our descent into Christine's basement full of teens. Listen …

45: Tanning Salons in Huntington Beach, CA

October 2nd, 2019

1:04:30

It's Alex's birthday episode and we certainly made the most of it. We discuss killing penguins and the miracle of childbirth, all while Alex intimately sings the praises of Scrub Daddy. Listen to your Podcast Messiah …

44: Runzas in Lincoln, NE

September 25th, 2019

56:31

Don't know what a runza is? Don't listen to us, because we think it's a hot dog bun sewn shut and filled with questionable ingredients. We don't have personal experience because we don't even know where Nebraska is. …

43: Antique Stores in Portland, ME

September 18th, 2019

1:03:27

We're heading to Maine on the Gossip Train! We're stopping at the Charles Inn for a ghost made breakfast. Then we'll tour the basement where Stephen King lives, butchering the name of the town while we do it. Enjoy …

42: Ice Cream Parlors in Charleston, WV

September 11th, 2019

47:59

Adjust your husky pants and let us show you the world, shining glimmering... something. We're back and we're hungry for what West Virginia has to offer, hairy underbelly and all. So turn your ;( upside down and let …

Between You And Us: Episode 8

September 9th, 2019

33:32

If you’ve ever read the name of our podcast and thought to yourself, "No one would ever complain that their water is too wet..." then boy do we have …

41: Psychics in Albuquerque, NM

September 4th, 2019

1:00:41

This week, we explore the underbelly (and overbelly) of Albuquerque. No clue what that means? Let's just say one has high metaphysical prices while …

40: Gas Stations in Wilmington, DE

August 28th, 2019

1:17:14

We're forty, flirty, and friving! In this very special episodes, our jet lagged selves offer you a glimpse into what a Schiefer vacation is like. …

39: Bookstores in Portland, OR

August 21st, 2019

1:11:16

Witness if you will a subway tunnel, long abandoned below the bustling streets of Cincinnati. These tunnels have residents: Yelp reviewers. Let it be known that these reviewers have a disdain for soup and an affinity …

38: McDonald's Restaurants in Billings, MT

August 14th, 2019

57:17

This episode is dedicated to all the Tonys out there! Gather your escargatoire, put the salt away, and unfriend all Pauls, because it's time for …

Between You And Us: Episode 7

August 12th, 2019

49:30

Slip on some lulus, take a sip of yuppie crack, and dive into another week of crazy reviews sent in by you! Whether your name is Shinny or Sheenad, …

37: Dollar Stores in Birmingham, AL

August 7th, 2019

54:16

Hello sweet children of a friend of ours, we hope you're having the BDE. Unfortunately ours is the WDE, because our Hot Bunz aren't working and Christine won't let Alex sell his Ten Renaissance Paintings. While we …

36: Banks in Charlotte, NC

July 31st, 2019

1:04:35

Welcome to Christine's Unnamed Game Show featuring Skeeve Harvey! In this episode, we cover finance, art history, sports, and rats. And Christine gives us some fascinating insight into her life: she's been to a bank. So …

35: Souvenir Shops in Atlantic City, NJ

July 24th, 2019

1:15:24

Alex: *loudly and desperately* "I FOLLOWED NONE OF THAT, BUT I HATED ALL OF THAT" *breaks into a sweat* Christine: *pulls up barstool* "EEK!!" …

34: Walmarts in Sioux Falls, SD

July 17th, 2019

1:00:15

Calling all Walmartians! We came out of our basement to bring you an episode chock full of glory holes and racism. But don't worry, Christine left …

33: Bars in Columbus, OH

July 10th, 2019

51:55

In this week's episode we visit bars in Columbus to perfect our espionage techniques. It turns out, Christine is not a master criminal. Flip on your …

Between You And Us: Episode 6

July 8th, 2019

49:10

We've intercepted Bob Schieffer's emails to bring you this very important episode. He'd probably give this podcast 0 bombs if he could. But we hope …

32: Sporting Goods Stores in Anchorage, AK

July 3rd, 2019

46:03

We're bringing you another episode of Beach Too Sandy! We explore the sporting goods stores of Anchorage and get diplomatic about Alaskan weather. Then, Alex reads reviews written by the hardest criminals around: …

31: Breweries in Little Rock, AR

June 26th, 2019

1:05:04

Grab your tweens and make them listen to our wildest episode yet! Something is absolutely in the water supply and it's not making anyone more sane. …

30: Crab Houses in Baltimore, MD

June 19th, 2019

59:27

Hi! We’re new and we don’t know a lot. What we do know is that these reviews are ridiculous as always. We read reviews written by some very crabby …

Between You And Us: Episode 5

June 17th, 2019

47:17

A Beach Too Sandy love story: We love you very much and we will never hurt you.

Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best citizen reviews!

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us …

29: Movie Theaters in Providence, RI

June 12th, 2019

56:07

We're back with another episode for your listening displeasure. We read the worst reviews of movie theaters in Providence, RI, and Christine reads …

28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK

June 5th, 2019

56:53

Between all the talk of pearls and jumper cables, this episode is particularly heinous. For that reason, we're officially putting a ban on 13-19 year …

27: Ghost Tours in New Orleans, LA

May 29th, 2019

55:23

Welcome to our morning morbid show with morning joe. In today's episode, we're taking you on a very bumpy ride through New Orleans. Please refrain from peeing or exposing yourself, no matter what we say in the show. …

26: Parks in Milwaukee, WI

May 22nd, 2019

50:33

Is it possible for people to give their local parks bad reviews? Yes. And it's as crazy as you'd think! Alex then reads conspiracy theory reviews that no one needs to hear. Whether you listen to this in your home, …

25: DMVs in Phoenix, AZ

May 15th, 2019

34:39

Get your sunglasses emoji ready, because we've got some "cool" reviews for you. We're reading the worst reviews of DMVs in Phoenix, AZ. Now imagine …

Between You And Us: Episode 4

May 13th, 2019

32:54

Ghosts, choking, vampires... wait, what podcast is this again? Oh yeah, the one where we take the mask off of humanity and reveal its truest form. And in this episode, we're back to reading reviews sent in by our …

24: Post Offices in Washington, DC

May 8th, 2019

39:19

In our most educational episode yet, we broaden your vocabulary as well as your understanding of the Geneva Convention. But don't worry, there's …

23: Toy Stores in Chicago, IL

May 1st, 2019

42:26

Welcome to Geppetto's Geriatric Sex Dungeon. Grab a doll, pick a booth, and enjoy our tastiest episode yet! We learn about all the toys Chicago has …

22: Beaches in Honolulu, HI

April 24th, 2019

45:26

In this week's episode, we reveal our titular story. We also discuss condoms, feces, and panty liners. So basically... we're discussing humanity this …

21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA

April 17th, 2019

46:51

This podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach Too Sandy. While exploring …

20: Nostalgia in Los Angeles, CA

April 11th, 2019

52:54

Episode 20 is the extravaganza you didn't know you needed! To mark the special occasion, we surprise each other with reviews of places that are close to our hearts. Hop in Guy Fieri's convertible and take this trip down …

Between You And Us: Episode 3

April 8th, 2019

27:14

Cover your trouser! We're back with some PHAT reviews, ranging from Starbucks to Mount Rushmore. This episode = was passable. Just don't laugh too loudly or we'll call security... and remember, fishing is NOT a crime.

If …

19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA

April 3rd, 2019

53:27

In our quest to find the worst reviews, we may have found the worst one yet. As difficult as that was, we make it through. Next in our journey, we …

18: Comedy Clubs in Hartford, CT

March 27th, 2019

45:44

This week, Lisa Lampanelli graces us with her voice... and a plea to our beautiful listeners. This is followed by plenty of tallywagging from Alex …

17: Hospitals in Boston, MA

March 20th, 2019

41:31

In this week's episode, we take on communism, mary-juana, and the feminist agenda. It's truly an episode for the ages. But don't worry, we bleep out …

16: Hardware Stores in Nashville, TN

March 13th, 2019

50:00

If you ever want to blackmail us with fake audio pulled from various sound bites, boy do we have the episode for you! We provide you with amazing …

Between You And Us: Episode 2

March 11th, 2019

23:17

The voices of a generation reading reviews sent in by fans of a generation. That's right, we're back and we're engaging in civil dialogue. We're reading what YOU want us to read. Instead of spending your hard earned …

15: Record Stores in Indianapolis, IN

March 6th, 2019

48:49

RudeJuggalo, WeedLMFAO, alxdude9, and imalwayzcrazy444. Which ones are our old AIM accounts and which are new? You have to listen to find out! This …

14: Libraries in Los Angeles, CA

February 27th, 2019

40:14

Hooded figures, dead bodies, and squirt machines. Or, your average Beach Too Sandy episode. If you think this episode stinks, watch out for our next …

13: Comic Book Shops in New York, NY

February 20th, 2019

50:15

Hear ye hear ye! Green grocers and proprietors alike! We have an episode that will surely challenge your views and give you a bad case of the sweats. Gather yourself below one of the Brooklyn Bridges, open up to page 1 …

12: Liquor Stores in Louisville, KY

February 13th, 2019

35:25

In this week's episode, the gang announces their next venture (unfortunately it's not a liquor store in Louisville, KY). Please wish us luck on our imminent future as born again Belgians, and please enjoy this episode …

Between You And Us: Episode 1

February 11th, 2019

16:22

In the first edition of our monthly Between You And Us episodes, we read reviews of your most suggested item. This episode is an exploration of the human body and its limits. You will learn so much from this episode, …

11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV

February 6th, 2019

35:46

WARNING! Do not let your ladies listen to this show. We will steal them from you. In episode 11 we go back to our roots: Vegas strip clubs. More specifically, the Chippendales show which helped launch the idea for this …

10: Museums in Boise, ID

January 30th, 2019

45:56

Welcome to episode 10 of the podcast where a couple of poorly dressed jobsworths read awful reviews. This very special episode is full of big …

9: Waffle Houses in Atlanta, GA

January 23rd, 2019

31:01

What's the difference between Waffle House and your friendly neighborhood orgy? According to this week's reviews, possibly nothing. Whichever one you're going to, be sure to watch out for pink eye!

"SIGNED ALEX AND …

8: Dentists in Denver, CO

January 16th, 2019

38:38

Psst... yeah you... ever heard of... Presbyterianism? Then do we have the episode for you. We explore Denver for the worst reviews of dentists. Then we spread the good word of Ouija board reviewers. Take a break from …

7: Bridal Shops in Houston, TX

January 9th, 2019

27:05

Buckle up, folks, because things are about to get "unsettling." Tune in to hear bridal store reviews from angry brides-to-be in Houston...and their …

6: Pet Stores in Salt Lake City, UT

January 2nd, 2019

33:17

Lost the instruction manual for your new pet bird? You’ve come to the right place! This week we read pet store reviews in Salt Lake City before trailBLAZing down an uncomfortable path of sci-fi erotic fiction…kindle …

5: Hair Salons in Ann Arbor, MI

December 26th, 2018

16:51

Join us this week as we head to Ann Arbor to hear what people think of their local hair salons. Please enjoy, but watch out for the dead body out …

4: Tech Stores in Jacksonville, FL

December 19th, 2018

20:44

Wuz up! In episode 4 we explore the world of tech stores in Jacksonville, FL. 

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1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH

December 12th, 2018

20:49

Welcome to the first official episode of BTSWTW, featuring 1-star reviews of grocery stores in Cincinnati, OH. 

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3: Car Washes in Minneapolis, MN

December 12th, 2018

21:23

It's episode three, y'all! Tune in for some...interesting...reviews of car washes in Minneapolis, MN. 

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2: Hotels in Kansas City, MO

December 12th, 2018

24:27

Episode two is here! We cover 1-star reviews of hotels in Kansas City, MO. 

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TRAILER

December 7th, 2018

2:15

Is your beach too sandy? Water too wet? Ice too cold? More importantly, do you feel like yelling about it on the internet? We’re here to …

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