Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

41 EpisodesProduced by Alex and Christine Schiefer

A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems.

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34: Walmarts in Sioux Falls, SD

July 17th, 2019


Calling all Walmartians! We came out of our basement to bring you an episode chock full of glory holes and racism. But don't worry, Christine left …

33: Bars in Columbus, OH

July 10th, 2019


In this week's episode we visit bars in Columbus to perfect our espionage techniques. It turns out, Christine is not a master criminal. Flip on your …

Between You And Us: Episode 6

July 8th, 2019


We've intercepted Bob Schieffer's emails to bring you this very important episode. He'd probably give this podcast 0 bombs if he could.  But we hope …

32: Sporting Goods Stores in Anchorage, AK

July 3rd, 2019


We're bringing you another episode of Beach Too Sandy! We explore the sporting goods stores of Anchorage and get diplomatic about Alaskan weather. Then, Alex reads reviews written by the hardest criminals around: …

31: Breweries in Little Rock, AR

June 26th, 2019


Grab your tweens and make them listen to our wildest episode yet! Something is absolutely in the water supply and it's not making anyone more sane. …

30: Crab Houses in Baltimore, MD

June 19th, 2019


Hi! We’re new and we don’t know a lot. What we do know is that these reviews are ridiculous as always. We read reviews written by some very crabby …

Between You And Us: Episode 5

June 17th, 2019


A Beach Too Sandy love story: We love you very much and we will never hurt you.

Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best citizen reviews!

If you'd like to submit a funny review, email …

29: Movie Theaters in Providence, RI

June 12th, 2019


We're back with another episode for your listening displeasure. We read the worst reviews of movie theaters in Providence, RI, and Christine reads …

28: Tattoo Shops in Tulsa, OK

June 5th, 2019


Between all the talk of pearls and jumper cables, this episode is particularly heinous. For that reason, we're officially putting a ban on 13-19 year …

27: Ghost Tours in New Orleans, LA

May 29th, 2019


Welcome to our morning morbid show with morning joe. In today's episode, we're taking you on a very bumpy ride through New Orleans. Please refrain from peeing or exposing yourself, no matter what we say in the show. …

26: Parks in Milwaukee, WI

May 22nd, 2019


Is it possible for people to give their local parks bad reviews? Yes. And it's as crazy as you'd think! Alex then reads conspiracy theory reviews that no one needs to hear. Whether you listen to this in your home, …

25: DMVs in Phoenix, AZ

May 15th, 2019


Get your sunglasses emoji ready, because we've got some "cool" reviews for you. We're reading the worst reviews of DMVs in Phoenix, AZ. Now imagine …

Between You And Us: Episode 4

May 13th, 2019


Ghosts, choking, vampires... wait, what podcast is this again? Oh yeah, the one where we take the mask off of humanity and reveal its truest form. And in this episode, we're back to reading reviews sent in by our …

24: Post Offices in Washington, DC

May 8th, 2019


In our most educational episode yet, we broaden your vocabulary as well as your understanding of the Geneva Convention. But don't worry, there's …

23: Toy Stores in Chicago, IL

May 1st, 2019


Welcome to Geppetto's Geriatric Sex Dungeon. Grab a doll, pick a booth, and enjoy our tastiest episode yet! We learn about all the toys Chicago has …

22: Beaches in Honolulu, HI

April 24th, 2019


In this week's episode, we reveal our titular story. We also discuss condoms, feces, and panty liners. So basically... we're discussing humanity this …

21: Elementary Schools in Pittsburgh, PA

April 17th, 2019


This podcast made me laugh so bad!!! I threw up. It's time to kick off your Skechers and enjoy a new episode of Beach Too Sandy. While exploring …

20: Nostalgia in Los Angeles, CA

April 11th, 2019


Episode 20 is the extravaganza you didn't know you needed! To mark the special occasion, we surprise each other with reviews of places that are close to our hearts. Hop in Guy Fieri's convertible and take this trip down …

Between You And Us: Episode 3

April 8th, 2019


Cover your trouser! We're back with some PHAT reviews, ranging from Starbucks to Mount Rushmore. This episode = was passable. Just don't laugh too loudly or we'll call security... and remember, fishing is NOT a crime.

19: Coffee Shops in Seattle, WA

April 3rd, 2019


In our quest to find the worst reviews, we may have found the worst one yet. As difficult as that was, we make it through. Next in our journey, we …

18: Comedy Clubs in Hartford, CT

March 27th, 2019


This week, Lisa Lampanelli graces us with her voice... and a plea to our beautiful listeners. This is followed by plenty of tallywagging from Alex …

17: Hospitals in Boston, MA

March 20th, 2019


In this week's episode, we take on communism, mary-juana, and the feminist agenda. It's truly an episode for the ages. But don't worry, we bleep out …

16: Hardware Stores in Nashville, TN

March 13th, 2019


If you ever want to blackmail us with fake audio pulled from various sound bites, boy do we have the episode for you! We provide you with amazing …

Between You And Us: Episode 2

March 11th, 2019


The voices of a generation reading reviews sent in by fans of a generation. That's right, we're back and we're engaging in civil dialogue. We're reading what YOU want us to read. Instead of spending your hard earned …

15: Record Stores in Indianapolis, IN

March 6th, 2019


RudeJuggalo, WeedLMFAO, alxdude9, and imalwayzcrazy444. Which ones are our old AIM accounts and which are new? You have to listen to find out! This …

14: Libraries in Los Angeles, CA

February 27th, 2019


Hooded figures, dead bodies, and squirt machines. Or, your average Beach Too Sandy episode. If you think this episode stinks, watch out for our next …

13: Comic Book Shops in New York, NY

February 20th, 2019


Hear ye hear ye! Green grocers and proprietors alike! We have an episode  that will surely challenge your views and give you a bad case of the sweats. Gather yourself below one of the Brooklyn Bridges, open up to page 1 …

12: Liquor Stores in Louisville, KY

February 13th, 2019


In this week's episode, the gang announces their next venture (unfortunately it's not a liquor store in Louisville, KY). Please wish us luck on our imminent future as born again Belgians, and please enjoy this episode …

Between You And Us: Episode 1

February 11th, 2019


In the first edition of our monthly Between You And Us episodes, we read reviews of your most suggested item. This episode is an exploration of the human body and its limits. You will learn so much from this episode, …

11: Strip Clubs in Las Vegas, NV

February 6th, 2019


WARNING! Do not let your ladies listen to this show. We will steal them from you. In episode 11 we go back to our roots: Vegas strip clubs. More specifically, the Chippendales show which helped launch the idea for this …

10: Museums in Boise, ID

January 30th, 2019


Welcome to episode 10 of the podcast where a couple of poorly dressed jobsworths read awful reviews. This very special episode is full of big …

9: Waffle Houses in Atlanta, GA

January 23rd, 2019


What's the difference between Waffle House and your friendly neighborhood orgy? According to this week's reviews, possibly nothing. Whichever one you're going to, be sure to watch out for pink eye!


8: Dentists in Denver, CO

January 16th, 2019


Psst... yeah you... ever heard of... Presbyterianism? Then do we have the episode for you. We explore Denver for the worst reviews of dentists. Then we spread the good word of Ouija board reviewers. Take a break from …

7: Bridal Shops in Houston, TX

January 9th, 2019


Buckle up, folks, because things are about to get "unsettling." Tune in to hear bridal store reviews from angry brides-to-be in Houston...and their …

6: Pet Stores in Salt Lake City, UT

January 2nd, 2019


Lost the instruction manual for your new pet bird? You’ve come to the right place! This week we read pet store reviews in Salt Lake City before trailBLAZing down an uncomfortable path of sci-fi erotic fiction…kindle …

5: Hair Salons in Ann Arbor, MI

December 26th, 2018


Join us this week as we head to Ann Arbor to hear what people think of their local hair salons. Please enjoy, but watch out for the dead body out back. 

--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to …

4: Tech Stores in Jacksonville, FL

December 19th, 2018


Wuz up! In episode 4 we explore the world of tech stores in Jacksonville, FL.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.


This episode is sponsored by
· Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast.

3: Car Washes in Minneapolis, MN

December 12th, 2018


It's episode three, y'all! Tune in for of car washes in Minneapolis, MN.

Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.

2: Hotels in Kansas City, MO

December 12th, 2018


Episode two is here! We cover 1-star reviews of hotels in Kansas City, MO.

Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.


This episode is sponsored by
· Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast.

1: Grocery Stores in Cincinnati, OH

December 12th, 2018


Welcome to the first official episode of BTSWTW, featuring 1-star reviews of grocery stores in Cincinnati, OH.

Logo design by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.


This episode is sponsored by
· Anchor: The …


December 7th, 2018


Episodes 1-3 coming 12/12!

Logo designed by Courtney DeKorte
Theme by Mavus White

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