Bat Minute

OUR PATREON REVIEW NOW AVAILABLE FOR FREE

Originally released on 07/03/22, just after the movie had hit cinemas.

UNMASK THE TRUTH

It's finally here - THE Batman is upon us! Hear Jon and Niall's first, initial, …

Is it bright where you are
Now the people changed?
Does it make you happy, you're so strange?
And in your darkest hour
I hold secret's flame
We can …

Scrolling, scrolling, our life scrolls on by.

From Inferno to Goo Goo... from Moloko to Underworld... we're taking you on a text-based journey.

The …

We tick along with torrents of text once more as we delve into the mysteries of ADR, R. Kelly and real quality in visual effects!

Back once again are …

COOL... AS... ICE!

Whassup fellas?

We're rollin’ into a new town today. This place looks WHACK! There’s nothing to do! Hold it - Johnny spots a …

Today we hold secret’s flame aloft for all to see as the credits continue unabated.

You've got a plethora of Pumpkins, heroic hairstylists and one …

Today, Zero, Bullet, Disarm, The End... we're Smashing some Pumpkins today, faithful listeners! It's Zwan-tastic!

In our (haunted) house is the …

Fiends of Dorothy.

Who? What? Where? When?

Barbara extends her hand to Dick… partners? She should be heading to school, but okay, sure, whatever. Regardless, he's totally in the friend zone …

Barbara wakes up to spot Alfred doing a-okay. He's FUMIN’ though! THE HOUSE IS A PIG STY! Ah, it's all tongue-in-cheek... phew!

Bruce and Dick give each other mad props for the good job they did. Dick has a question …

Ivy is in prison, but she has a visitor… SURPRISE! The legal system is a sham! NOT GOOD!

The Wayne crew are having a nice little sleepover in the living room - how cute. They've had pizza and some drinks... but the one …

A glowing, clearly-Mr Freeze-created, chemical is plugged in to Alfred’s drip. All we can do now is wait, I guess...

Ivy is behind bars and is supposed to be a tad dishevelled... however she looks just as amazing as …

God Doggett!

Mask 4 Mask.

Batman pleads his case and asks “will you help me… doctor?” Reminding him of his Hippocratic oath there - very smooth move, Bats.

Voila! Gauntlet vials to the rescue! Take two of these and call the good doctor in the …

Arnold SMASH!

Pam Pam please!

Arnold basically does an impression of himself, some self mockery. ARRRRRAAAAARRRAAGGGHHH!

We laugh, but it’s from pain. He discovers that not only …

I beg your pudding? Watch your language!

Capitalist schemes and animal dreams.

We’re back as the city continues to thaw unabated. The most important thing? THE DOG IS ALIVE! YES! GO DOGGO GO! Shake it!

“Looks like it’s gonna be …

Trophies for riddles! Get your trophies here!

On today's investigation, Robin and Batgirl go to hack the computer that controls the satellites... BUT THEY'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO IT UPSIDE DOWN! …

Aaaaayyyyy! The Dark Knight of Kool!

Everybody is falling, going to die… unless Batman can come up with something! Oh, he does? I guess we should have expected that. IT'S GRAPPLIN' TIME! …

Freeze blows things sky high! Well… uhh… kind of… explodes it a bit. BOMBS AWAY. BATMAN! But do ice bombs melt steel beams? Join the team on our journey through every level of Dante's Inferno! With added telescopes.

…

Bats asks the scientists if they’re okay and their response doesn’t fill us with much hope really. They don’t SOUND okay! Batman is going to try to save them anyway, damn it. OH WAIT, NO HE ISN’T! To be fair, he's got …

Our swinging scientists call out a dirty fighter! Where's the class? The decorum?

Robin goes totally tubular - that is, he takes out the tube... ON …

Love's Labour's Clueless.

Dead-On Humour and Horror!

We’re back as Batman dangles precariously from the spinning telescope! JUST LIKE A BAT! I guess it's just one of those days.

After freeing himself, our Bruce now has to save the scientists too! Can't a (bat)man catch a …

Check out your dad with the swag on the floor
Momma gon' brag when I walk in the door
Y'all ain't never seen a guerrilla in the mist
Walk the line so …

Batman finalises his calibration of the telescope… only to be rudely interrupted. It's just not on! Tonight's forecast though? A FREEZE IS COMING! And it's going to send our heroes a-fallin' and a-tumblin'!

Back again …

Fancy a trim?

Bat-themed heating pods? SIGN ME UP! I'll take ten! Though there’s only eight more minutes until every single Gothamite is an ice cube! Our heroes have a plan. They're going to relay the sunlight from the Congo… via …

Freeze’s goon leaps from his now icebound machine and seeks freedom. But there is no freedom. Not… from The Bat. Just ask Johnny Gobs!

Victor sends Bane to take out Robin and Batgirl, but he himself wants Batman AND he …

Our heroic gang rocket into action on their sexy new rides... BUT THERE'S ONLY ELEVEN MINUTES LEFT! You know what would be terrible right about now? …

What’s this? A new toy… sorry… vehicle arrives on the scene. Make that TWO! MAKE THAT THREE! Stop - …

We meet a lot of people, we drink lots of stuff and have lots of fun...

Batgirl introduces herself to the team... but it's apparently totally un-PC! I'm not sure you really 'get' this, Bats, but okay. 

Wait a second - …

“As I told Lady Freeze when I …

One Clueless Goth...

Ivy swans off having KILLED ROBIN! NNNNOOOOO! But Batman stops her! He’s here to save his… friend? Brother? Son? She can't be doing with this, however - after all, there's so many people to KILL, so little time.

How …

I am no (Charlie's) Angel!

May the best moves win... again... for some reason.

“Kiss me and I’ll tell you” - “Tell me and I’ll kiss you”. And that sax! WHAT AN EPISODE!

Robin decides he’s got to stop Freeze and the plan, so Ivy requests one thing… to be able to give him a kiss, for luck. BAD LUCK …

Robin begins his exploration of Ivy’s garden and leafy curtains. Oh and there she is, the Queen herself! TAKE IT ALL IN! But can Dick help her turn over a new leaf?

Gliding back into action is the Cabin Queen herself, …

Alfred has become a virtual simulation, trapping his consciousness in a terrifying digital cyber hellscape for all eternity!

Barbara says how she …

BettyMania runnin' wild!

A cultural exchange! Of confusion!

It's Kimble Time.

We discover what’s happening to hell: it’s freezing over. Original, man.

Cut back to the Batcave and we see Barbara standing between lasers. They’re going to kill her, Resident Evil style. The movie though, not the... …

Freeze has… well… frozen the scientists! Bane starts setting up… icicles? BOMBS? Bombs.

Put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast!

Get in loser, we're going crime fighting! Returning to the case is Liz Whitaker! …

Well let me tell you something, brother! Bruce finishes explaining to Dick that, hey, a team is all about, you know, TEAMWORK! Trust! Has Dick's cold …

Barbara is delighted with both her work and the trajectory of sweet Al’s life after all... but we don't have time for this! We need to hit those city streets. The Freeze tank is just casually driving about the place. …

Bruce embraces the man he considers in many ways to be his father. Alfred is not long for this world, it seems.

Our Babs and she’s still trying to crack the password on Alfred’s disc. ENGLAND! What a great choice, but …

Today we find out where victory comes from… Alfred tells us that it’s defending what we know is right, while we still live. Is… is it? Is it really?

…

Wonder hacker Barbara tries to break into Al’s PC with the password… “Alfred”. Uhh… nice try.

Bruce may have Ivy on the brain but he's got sweet Alfie in his heart as the two share a tender moment and our hosts get …

Freeze has his power back and now these Power Rangers villains are preparing to go to war! There's a storm coming...

Ivy and Bane have made their way …

Gordon BRAGS about being police commissioner. Nobody cares, dude, just hand over the keys. Smelt it? Dealt it. Also: TOO OLD!

Bruce continues to be …

Bruce Wayne appears at the shindig to break in this telescope or whatever the hell you do with these things. This schmoozing about makes me SICK!

Pamela arrives on the scene. Doesn't she look a lot like Ivy? Wow, weird. …

Alfred continues explaining Barbara’s new quest - find Wilfred, wherever he is and hand him this secret parcel! But he does also say how much she looks like her mother. That mother he clearly loves. Weird.

“Bonsoir, …

Dick and Bruce are still arguing about Ivy. Boys, please, calm down - she doesn’t want either of you anyway!

Brucie boy DOES want her all for himself and that’s precisely the problem. Why? WHAT HAS SHE DONE? Something …

“I don’t care if I die at all. Everything has sucked lately.”

- Detective Crashmore

Alfred is really not doing well - in fact, he’s pretty much incapable of getting out of bed. Same, dude... same. At least they're making him comfortable.

Wait a minute... MACGREGOR’S SYNDROME?!?!?

Ivy has got under the …

Freeze finishes his breakdown and reveals that first it’s Gotham… then.. THE WORLD!

Ivy has JUST what she wanted now and reveals what seems to be a NEW scheme - kill every single thing on the planet and start over! A …

You've made... uhh... quite the choice there, lad.

Things get emotional today as Mrs Freeze is mourned with one final tear. Time to make them all pay. Release the beast! TURN THEIR BONES TO ICE!

"Sorry"? Really? I don't buy it, sister.

Joining the investigation is a new …

It's Turbo Time one final time as the Bat gang reunite to finish off their ridiculous review of this holiday classic! Just don't miss our karate …

You made it through another wild year, so congratulations you! It's been tough, it's been rough... but you know what's even more difficult? That's …

An OTT walk leads to an OTT reaction - one... of doom! For Nora that is. Who needs a frigid wife anyway?

While attempted murder is occurring, Freeze has made himself right at home in the Turkish baths - he's got the …

The toxins are being delivered mouth-to-mouth! OF COURSE! How could they have missed it?!?! Well Robin is still missing the point and the heroic duo …

Freeze is gathering his chilly booty with those cops in hot pursuit... only for them to fall like a house of cards. OOPS! Stick around?

Batman and Bane are still brawling. It’s a hoss fight, bah gawd! LET OFF SOME …

We're making a few... improvements.

Our leafy lady takes another stab at seduction, but Batman just cannot abide the homicidal ones.

While this sexy time is going on Robin is getting pummelled! Somebody save this boy from Bane, good god almighty!

At least …

Batman and Robin descend the ladder in their pursuit of the scent of a woman. They're not looking too hard though, are they? Put some effort in!

No beauty... but ALL beast! BANE IS ON THE SCENE! RAAAAR!

Meanwhile, Ivy …

As Ivy sends Freeze off on his little errand, our heroes catch a whiff of some interesting pheromones. Where do they know this delightful scent …

Soup... or ice cream? Why not both?!?!?

Batman and Robin are both puzzled as to how their feelings for Ivy just vanished. I’m puzzled too, my feelings for her have never faltered, never waned. Hehe - Wayned. Anyway, she's packing those great stems and …

Food, get your food here! Parcels? Those too!

Jungkook... Batmobile... Batmobile... Jungkook...

We’re back as Bruce and Alfred have the closest these two probably ever get to a back-slapping hug. Aww.

Dick bursts in and ruins the moment but he’s got good cause to be fair - FREEZE HAS ESCAPED! He’s heard the news… …

Zany meets... zany? No, no, NO!

The security guards break in - they’re gonna grab Bane! RUN, MY PRETTY! FLY! THEY'RE GOING TO SHOOT!

Bruce asks “Alfred, are you well?”. A weird question considering we know that he’s not, but okay. He isn't going to …

DO NOT FORGET MY SOAP! DO NOT FORGET MY WOOD!

Freeze has the solution to his power problem - he needs his diamonds! They power the suit, remember. A slightly costly fuel this, man, but okay. …

Ivy proposes! A pairing, that is. Meanwhile, Bane sprints through the corridors with Freeze’s suit in a trolley. Countless ineffectual guards just …

Ivy thinks that men are rather absurd creatures. Is she wrong? She IS to die for, after all!

The Riddler and Two-Face make a return to the franchise! IN A WAY?!?!? Impressive. Most impressive...

Joining the …

Freeze continues his little craft lesson. Following a YouTube tutorial or something I guess, 'The Lighthouse' style.

Our Icehead has a visitor... …

Barbara continues to be a little ignorant of Dick’s distress... but she drops a bombshell of her own - her own distress, her own pain. Alfred is sick …

Dick wants to know how long Barb has been racing. She ain’t no noob, man... but you wouldn't understand!

Things get a little 'Depeche Mode' as our …

Guzzle it down, sucka!

We’re back as some hooligans are going to add a little life to this party - with chains and bombs, bay-bay.

Sebulba crashes his pod - poodoo!

Just as …

It's-a-me - Vin Diesel!

It's that Juggalo Call: Whoop Whoop!

It seems like Dick is attempting to ‘save’ Barbara, a woman who clearly doesn’t need his help whatsoever. Good move, dude.

As the racers head over a bridge we see the Sand People are …

Classy... yet blue.

Let the grand race... BEGIN!

The throng release dollar balloons… for some reason… and Coolio starts the race with a BANG!

We've got some Mario Kart …

The gangs all get ready for the big race. RACE WARS (not that kind)! Welcome to a gangster's paradise!

We discover that Barbara is a seasoned pro. She won the Tunnel Run two nights ago so now it's time for the Kessel …

Bruce wants to know her... and he wants to KNOW her - wink, wink. This mystical, mystery, lady sure is seductive.  SHE'S EVEN THE MYSTERY GUEST!

An intruder is in the garage… an intruder with long hair… WHO COULD IT …

Bruce may be prime hubby material, but this lady can't wait forever!

Meanwhile, a Peeping Tomasina spies all of this strife... or does she? Is she even there? GET YOUR MIND ON THE PRIZE, BRUCIE BOY! GET OUT, GIRL!

…

Moving can be a stressful time for all concerned, so we're glad to see that this duo have taken it in their stride. Bravo.

Meanwhile, Bruce and his …

Ivy and Bane begin their new version of Extreme Makeovers: Home Edition. The best renovation show, can I add?

Bane takes Ivy's water love rather literally and irrigates the place. Not a bad gardener, this Luchadore chap.

We visit the most sensual of all locations, the bathhouse and attempt to evict the neon luchadore/sugar skull patrons. Yeet the tenants!

Slap that …

Evacuation... complete.

Freeze cannot breathe and the guards couldn't be more pleased - a weak Arnold is a vulnerable Arnold.

Ivy can't believe it - the dynamic duo resisted …

We’re back as the FREEZer is dragged further and further through Arkham’s cold corridors. Get this sucker into the beam!

Bad move. This is the …

Some Judo lessons here and there - that's how our Babs got these tight skills! It's not THAT hard, come on! Not when you gotta survive those mean streets anyway - it kind of comes naturally then.

A little bit of Dick …

Alfred talks of controlling death... but can it truly be defied? Perhaps not.

Mentally, spiritually, but perhaps not physically we travel back in …

Let the wars... RESUME!

Alfred's latest release is about to drop and there's even a deluxe Kickstarter edition! Ahead of the game, this guy.

Bruce waltzes in, towelling down and wants to know if he's pig headed. "YES" confirms our shady queen …

Dick is emasculated and flies into a rage - how dare Batman stop his show-off moment!

Bruce thinks his head ain't in the game - it's on the Ivy. Look …

The pints are on me, guv'nor.

It's one giant leap for frozen kind as Victor and the crew get ready to soar through the skies. Well they WOULD be about to, but the goons have lost faith! BELIEVE IN YOUR MASTER, FOOLS!

Just as Robin is about to show …

FREEZE, BROTHER! HAVE A NICE DAY!

We’re back as Freeze and his rejected extras from Mad Max very slowly make their getaway. That’s the price for driving a tank, dude.

Things go full …

The best genre of all!

It's called fashion, hunty. ELEGANZA!

Freeze makes his grand (and cool) exit and Ivy seems... intrigued. This is a GOD!

There's only eleven minutes left to thaw these party people - get a …

MULCH! That's the threat of the day as Freeze goes on the (verbal) attack! Ivy retaliates with some pheromone blow... but our Vic knows this trick …

ARRYYYEUGH! Victor is disarmed by The Bat. When technology fails? Brute force!

Robin finally shows us some acrobatics, which is kind of supposed to …

The auction continues in earnest! A mighty fee for our mighty... tree? That almost worked, shut up. Plant, fine, whatever.

Batman decides to take his …

Our hero is entranced once more, but does something else stir within? Is he figuring out the magic of the Ivy? There's no time for that as the green goddess has wild oats to sow and Robin may fit the bill even better …

Disasterina is on to you, Hollywood execs!

Well, well, well... what have we here?

You know EXACTLY what we're talking about!

Ivy enters the scene to seduce our heroic team... as well as the rest of the room and the entire damn planet! After ensnaring the Drag Race Pit Crew with her charms and using them as a walkway, Mother Earth's arm sets …

The gorilla groove goes on as a leafy goddess is revealed to the world at last - who is this astonishing ape? What are these magical pheromones that …

The best we can do is a gigantic outtake.

I don't think we can even say anything witty or cryptic about this one.

Watch out for that cult!

Bruce has raided the tomb of a house he resides in once more to provide these diamonds that he probably forgot he even had. Thanks ma, thanks pa! He's also willing to endanger hundreds of lives to take this one shot at …

Daddy WHO? Barrie, Zaddy.

It's time to go down, down, down... TO THE FUNCTION! THIS IS LEGENDARY!

Strike a pose and hit the ballroom floor in your jungle finest. There's nothing finer than those Wayne diamonds, however... in fact, they may be at …

Very well then, instead of fleeing this town, I'll stay here and grow fat off kickbacks and slush funds.

Don't cut my Kylo.

Seed the World.

Do you even argue, bro (du soleil)?

He's a real Hot One(s).

Freeze may be lost in thought but there's work to do - the Wayne diamonds are now up for grabs! Just don't talk during the movie. Those people are scum... subhuman scum. Still, thanks Mr Goon!

This week's returning …

Bruce turns this interaction into a plug for his event, thus proving his fantastic podcasting capabilities. Pamela isn't having it though - after all, the fascists Batman and Robin will be in attendance! WITH THEIR WARM …

Beauty. Brains. Black Belt.

Ivy is right. Let's just get that out there - she's correct... to a point. The flaw in her grand plan is revealed today as she lets slip that it …

MAKE CLOONEY MANBAT, YOU COWARDS! And, while we're at it...

Bruce viciously and unnecessarily berates his lovely lady friend but Ivy bursts in to take down the bully boys! ACAB! Her main mission? To protect …

How can just one calorie taste so good?

FOLLOW YOUR OWN STAR! LIVE LAUGH LOVE! All with the power of telescopes, of course.

Apparently Bruce has been seeing Julie forever at this point. We …

Screw you, Robin, you've ruined it!

We love misery.

Ivy slaps a wig right on that bonce and she's ready to roll! Bane is serving his own fresh looks - complete with coat and hat! IT'S FASHION, SWEATY, …

Barbara really has to put her foot down here - get off that computer and go to bed, old man! On her way out she disrobes to reveal... she's fully …

Hey there puddin' podders.

You only Liv once.

Barbs arrives to tuck an old man into his cosy bed, but he's busy tracking down his long lost butler bro. The whole family butles.

We also see how …

Ra's al... what now?

Barbara takes in all of the beauty - only, it's not Dick's! BURN! She's more interested in these sick wheels than those hard abs. Still, he's not totally out of contention - after all, she has accepted the offer to stay …

Who better than Chan?

The mystery woman reveals all - she's not there for Dick, she's here for her sweet Uncle Al. Better luck next time, loser.

A nice stroll around the …

The pleasure of tsundoku.

The only answer is hate.

Freeze pines for his watery wife but we haven't got time for that - a schoolgirl is being rather suspicious at Stately Wayne Manor. Dick reluctantly …

Freeze reveals all - the plan is to ice the city and ransom it back so he can then fund his research! Hey, this doesn't sound too evil!

He plans that soon he and his lady shall be together once more. After all, nothing …

SING! SING! Actually, no, how about you chill dude?

It's time for a little Ms B. Haven but certainly not for Freeze - his heart and loins are frozen …

As I terrorize Gotham I will feed its people hope to poison their souls.

Blurred lines.

You'll do the WHAT?

Ivy's gone full plant. You never go full plant. Regardless, it's time to take back this planet! The first step? Bane on a plane, of course.

…

We have been banging our heads against the wall for 25 years. And I’m tired, dude.

The toxins have had a rather unique effect on Pamela... they've turned her into a drag queen! Into Mae West! Into... A GODDESS! And one who knows just the thing to take care of Woodrue to boot.

She is nature's arm, her …

"You mis-pronounced 'Batman '89' for some reason".

The past, the present, the future... it's all on Bruce's mind today, Bat Mites!

Back to Woodrue and the phone bidder has won! Screw the eBay rules - …

FREE PATREON EPISODE!

Bat Minute '89 is back in action, Bat Mites! We're going old school today as we return to the Keaton/Burtonverse once more - in …

It's West Wing time as get the ol' walk and talk. Classic.

Bruce needs to trust his family, those around him... that annoying ward he's taken on? …

Poor Alfred walks into the cave looking... well... poorly. Still, he'd better move fast because Bruce has a cunning plan - FETCH THE WAYNE DIAMONDS, MR BUTLER!

Dick ain't happy, not one iota. Bruce is a novice in the …

It's time for a lovely footbath and pamper session with our dear Dicky. While chilling out we'll also learn about decathlons, MacGregor's Syndrome (is it even real?) as well as how Freeze's heart became frozen.

Joining …

The quintessential poster child.

F THIS!

Greetings, fellow Maniacs! Woodrue is very sorry today, very sorry indeed. Unfortunately dear Pamela... HAS TO DIE!

And die she shall... from a certain point of view.

LET THE BIDDING BEGIN!

Concluding this week's …

The new and improved Bane rises! THIS MAN IS A JEEP OF A HUMAN!

Woodrue, meanwhile, welcomes Pamela to his... parlour? Is that what we're going with? Really?

We're also going with military applications, apparently!

…

BEHOLD, THE IDEAL KILLING MACHINE!

Is he though?

Well, he's the Bane of humanity, that's for sure! LET THE BIDS COMMENCE!

Joining the investigation is a man with something of a speciality when it comes to this …

We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice.

Limbic systems are drilled, reptilians are poked and mammalians are sliced - it's not brain surgery! Take a little juice, why don't ya?

Finally... he is ready... HE'S ALIVE! ARISE, PROMETHEAN CHILD!

Back once more to …

Hold on to your butts!

It's time to get Mesopotamian up in this hizzouse! Bat Minute is here to serve it to you, ancient city style.

Not only that, but things are about to get decidedly... UNIVERSAL.

WITNESS ANTONIO!

Returning to the team …

ROCKY! BRAD! JANET! HEDWIG! KURTZ?

We thaw the bird with seemingly no ill effects - this meal can certainly be frozen.

Also today we are introduced to the one, the only, PAMELA ISLEY! Scientist, environmentalist, sexy weirdo... we all love our dear Pam.

ZED! ZED! ZED!

Open the door, get on the floor
Everybody walk the dinosaur.

To be cold or not to be cold? That is the question. ONE WHICH OUR HERO ONLY HAS ELEVEN MINUTES TO ANSWER! Tick tock, tick tock.

Time to take a quick …

Hooks and fillers.

“HE’S FREEZING THE FURRRRNAAAAAACE!”.

I'm genuinely glad you pointed that out because I didn't have the slightest idea!

Freeze also defies all logic by slowly his descent with this freeze gun which is basically the …

Sloppy kisses and snortin' candies.

It's time to blow this popsicle stand! BLOW IT SKY HIGH! Sky... higher?

COWABUNGA, DUDES! LET'S GET RADICAL!

Batman's grand plan this time? Let's just fall on top of Freeze and straight up murder him - no biggie.

…

Thanos has got nothin' on this guy.

It's a very sexual accent.

Freeze well, suckas - the good doctor is outta here - Mothra style! It's now down to Robin to use that famous laser of his (you know the one, he always has it) to free Batman before the pair are put on ice for good!

…

FREE THE NIPPLE!

Freeze's North Korean rocket... well... rockets into the sky - only Batman and Robin are clinging to the damn thing! YOU GUYS ARE CRAY-CRAY!

Speaking of crazy - Viktor goes wild and blasts Bats to the spot with that …

Where does he get these wonderful... hooks?

Freeze continues to make his chilling escape! He might miss his chance to make a a further ice pun but at least he manages to squeeze in a hockey …

Eddie Carr deserves revenge!

Mr Freeze gives us a chilling history lesson about our favourite sauropod and it is decidedly NOT COOL. He's definitely extinct - especially after being blasted into oblivion! But can our Germanic monster escape a …

Batman has invented another work of genius in the form of these new boots and they're really poppin', I must say! But can our pros prevent the pass of the puck?

Returning to the investigation are this week's heroes - …

LET'S HIT THE ICE, SK8ER BOIS!

The Mighty Ducks are on hand to dish out some destructive punishment - but can the hockey team from hell deal with our heroes once and for all?

Joining the investigation this week is a …

APOCALYPSE TIME!

Very droll.

Everything finally freezes today as Fries fully grasps the fantastic jewel.

The Flintstones meet Denver as Batman rides some tail!

Kill the heroes! …

We enter the Gotham Museum of Art... and entering into THAT is none other than FRRRREEEEEZZZZZEEEEE. Learn that name well. It's ice to see you, but will you be granted meeeeaaaaarrrrrccccyyyy?

Continuing with the …

WHAT THE **** HAPPENED?!?!?

It's Redbird time! Apparently this is a thing - who knew?!?!?

The most upsetting thing in the entire Batman franchise falls upon us this minute as Alfred has to cancel the pizza. Press F.

Our heroes have their mission, …

Can we get that pants money now, please?

Doc Brown's Batmobile is ready to roll! Robin relishes this - after all, chicks DIG the car!

Sassy Alfred has a sly little dig at our heroes for …

The campy fight of the century!

CGI hell leads us to Bat butt heaven and beyond! Our heroes go full 'Commando' then prepare to cruise right outta here.

Val is looking a little …

Let off some steam.

Strength. Courage. Honour. And loyalty. On June 21st, it ALL comes together...

That's right - Bat Minute is back! WITH ROBIN TOO! IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING, BAT MITES!

Bats looks a little different yet again, but we won't …

Get down and funky! That's what rappers say, right? That's current?

Evil's in the house once more as we're onto minute twenty four!

Dear lil' Lep is a big fan of the green if you know what I mean and Ice T is only happy to supply to save his life. Smoke 'em if you got 'em! But is he …

Welcome to Bat Minute's next hiatus episode. We're dead! That's right... DEAD EXCITED TO PRESENT THIS MASTERPIECE TO YOU ALL!

Join us in rain-soaked Ireland, where everybody's accent is totally authentic and not at all …

This group of degenerates are back once more to discuss Real Genius (because they're geniuses themselves, after all). Along the way they just might strip off with nothing but a bowl of Jell-O, make you sniff their …

Jon decided to give you all a rather terrible reading of the wonderful book 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas!' just for... well... Christmas! Enjoy, …

Bat Minute is here as your reward for getting through this year. Unwrap your audio gift and enjoy Jon, Niall, Dael and Omar talking about THE …

The Bat is back! The Turtles are... completing the circle? I don't know, nothing sounds good with "turtle".

Our super team-up are here once again to complete their sewer-diving journey through Gotham City!

Back again …

The Dark Knight meets mutant mayhem!

A devilish team-up of The Shredder and Ra's al Ghul is running rampant in Gotham City. Desperate times call for …

The line that separates man from beast has been crossed!

I have almost achieved perfection you see, of a divine creature that is pure, harmonious, …

Sparrow... or Fingerling? Fingerling... or Sparrow? The answer is in the text... always returning to the text.

This is a tale of mystery, of murder, of pointless saxophones and NUMBERS THAT HUNT! NUMBERS THAT HAUNT! THE …

A BONUS FROM JON'S OTHER PODCAST - HEDWIG: INCH BY ANGRY INCH! If you're interested that is. If not... well... move along, I guess!

The show discusses the rock musical 'Hedwig & The Angry Inch' chapter-by-chapter …

For the Movies by Minutes at Home festival, an all-star cast got together to read an early draft of a script for a Batman movie, written in 1984! Want to know a little secret? Well, there is a deleted scene of sorts! …

There is so much a man can tell you, so much he can say
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain
To me, you're like a growing, addiction that I can't deny (yeah)
Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby?
But did you …

Ultra Bat Minute 3 Turbo: Hyper Fighting.

Who's so vain?

Baby! Miniatures needed photographing, effects needed digitising and roses needed to deliver kisses - it's more wonderful credits action!

Returning …

These guys all look the same to me, I dunno...

ROBOTS ARE GOING TO KILL US ALL!

Scripts needed supervising, persons needed leading and dialogues needed coaching - it's moar credits! MOAR!

Joining the investigation today is a Bat Minute credits veteran - it's Matthew Soto of the Roughneck Minute and …

It's the end, the end of the century...

From body shaming to Two Tonne Thugs. From a true Diamond to JAG. We're deep in credit town now!

Joining our happy family all the way from Rockaway Beach is a guy who sure ain't no cretin - it's Phillip Mottaz of the …

Chase and Bruce enjoy a nice smile... before Batman and Robin are finally fully in action, baby! RUN, RUN, RUN! The '60s want their gimmick back. But …

After a brief game of Flappy Bird with Ed, Chase heads back to Alfred and Bruce who are practically hiding in the bushes. Master Wayne's secret is safe as Nygma is definitely A WHACKO. Scientific.

“Thank you… for giving …

Nygma knows who The Batman is! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! THE REVEAL IS COMING!

Who is it? EDWARD! IS BATMAAAaaaAAAN! Oh... better just flap then, I guess.

Back to direct this madness once more is filmmaker Natasha Kermani! …

The Riddler just can't seal the deal. He's had about six million chances and screwed each and every one up. The shame of it all.

Bruce has made a decision. A revelation. He has made piece with his fractured self and …

To the moon... and beyond!

Bruce is right... emotion HAS always the enemy of true justice! How did we not see it before? BRING ON THE COIN! COINS! TOO MANY COINS!

As our Reverse Joker sinks below, Batman realises that he still has more to do - he …

Who could this be? Could it be?

I hope people remember me as a guy who brought magic to the people. You know, pushed the boundaries of wonder.

Robin has managed to free his feet of his bonds! He’s an escape artist! A regular Houdini! DAVID BLAINE! And what upper body strength!

Batman feels …

The Riddler’s terrordome begins its collapse! It’s over! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES FROM THIS TESLA COIL NIGHTMARE!

A distraught Nygma... distorts. UNLIMITED …

They're a total wacko.

Who lives? Who dies? It's a Telltale game, people!

Nygma is stopped in his tracks by an intriguing proposition - Batman has a riddle for HIM. FOR THE RIDDLER!

It's blind time. Kind of.

Back again as Special Guest …

Hand her the god-damn Sonic Screwdriver, jerkwad.

Nom-nom-nom.

The Riddler mocks Ms Meridian, saying how she is just DESPERATE to be the love of Bruce’s life! I get it… but lots of women have tried, Chase! It's not going to happen! RUN!

What’s behind curtain number two? Let Spice …

The Riddler continues to gloat about his UNLIMITED POWAAAAA! Cool it, man. We get it. It WAS over the top!

He also decides that a little kink shaming …

Wise Old Ben.

Names - what's in a name anyway?

Batman heads straight into the enemy lair... head first too! Somehow.

GOZER BACK IN THE HOUSE, BABY! BUT DON'T FORGET OL' HARV!

Our riddling Sith …

"Clearly I have chosen the wrong pressure point. Perhaps I can find a more sensitive one."

We’re back as Batman is still dealing with a PRESSING matter. He's really feeling the squeeze today, folks!

Harvey doesn’t care if he dies or not… …

Nobody does it better...

AH-HA! IT'S HAAAAAARRRVEEEEEYYY!

He attacks... but fails within seconds. Watch out for those spin-kicks, dude.

A GLASGAE KISS! Robin is a Scotsman at heart. He’s THERE - he’s a hero now. The transformation is complete.

…

HOLY MOLY! AN EARTHQUAKE! The Riddle Pipe doth rise. Sadly it's not brain-shaped.

Batman heads inside the unearthed structure... but is that wise, man? Really queen?

Back with parry and reposte to defeat these …

James Bond has returned in... BATWING! And he's torpedo-ing straight out of the damn thing and into battle! What a guy!

Metal full of holes? Now… the …

Robin's Rocket is blown sky high! Rest in peace, little bird. Our villains have murdered a poor orphan and it’s the highlight of their week.

Our battle takes a deep-sea turn as The Bat descends into the realm of …

Robin rockets into action, but a quick game of Battleships is still in order - there's time for that, right?

B-12? Is it important? Is it nonsense? WHO CAN SAY?!?!?

Robin takes a mean blow but manages to eject from the …

Buff Robin, come out and play!

We swoop, we dive... we burst out of the sewers! BAT CREW IN FULL EFFECT!

Our hero begins his run on the Death Star's main reactor - and Gordon is the chief summoner.

We're also in meme town now, baby! THUMBS UP! …

Today sees a difficult travel decision - sea or air? The Batwing is akin to a TIE Fighter, which adds a certain je ne sais quoi.

Bats is impressed …

Chris, Chris, or Chris?

THE ALPHABET! OF COURSE! HOW STUPID OF US ALL!

Mr E. Could this be the key?

Most importantly of all, Stickley’s suicide was obviously a computer …

Three pillows? Get outta here! One? BEGONE!

Chase is in dire need of some Batman! BATMAN YOU SAY?!?!?

Five little items of an everyday sort - you’ll find them all in a tennis court... what the hell is he talking about?

13, 1, 8 and 5… WHAT COULD THEY MEAN?!?!?

…

Bruce wakes up on the sofa after a tough night - we’ve all been there, dude.

Alfred fills him in with all the depressing news - they’ve taken Chase, Dick’s done a runner and the cave is kaput.

“I’m coming my sweet!”

Oh …

“Don’t kill him… if you kill him… you won’t learn nothin’”. They should probably just shoot him and get it done, but okay - this is certainly an …

Bruce and Chase are on the staircase and they're kicking some keister! Those Putty Men go DOWN!

Harvey FINALLY gets the coin toss he’s been waiting for. He wasn’t allowed to act until this came up. IT’S STILL CHEATING, …

Goons go flying and poor pumpkins take a beating - the home invasion continues.

The Riddler and his comedy bombs do a number on The Bat's gear - good …

"Intruder alert, intruder alert" - SHUUUT UUUUUP!

The Riddler wields his skeleton-key-cane with precision and spanks his way through Wayne's security. Bruce's chance to reveal himself is ruined! RUINED! AND CHASE IS …

"Like it or not, we are all insectoid aliens burrowing within our urbaniod bodies"

Of course you're not shy
You don't have to deny love
Hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me

He's a one stop shop, makes my cherry pop
He's a sweet talkin' sugar coated candy man (oh)
A sweet talkin' sugar coated candy man

We’re back as Bruce struggles to talk about his memories, his past, his emotions… TYPICAL MAN! Chase shuts him up by leaning in for the kiss - anything to get out of this situation, I guess. She got DEM LIPS, YO!

…

Sky > Terrestrial.

The version we never got to see...

I can make a Bat(man) out of you!

Bruce is running, running, running… then falling, falling, falling! FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER! Even worse though? A GIANT BAT IS FLYING RIGHT FOR HIM! But is it a representative of his destiny? The Batman is born.

…

“I want to tell you something… something I’ve never told anyone”. He's not married, is he?!?!?

Bruce time travels and ends up back and his parents' …

RIP Joel.

Keaton is back (?).

Suicide Squad game.

What a roller coaster of a day!

Join us on Facebook at the Bat Minute Listener's Cave!

Subscribe to …

If only Alfred hadn't dedicated his life to the ancient art of Butlering, he would have made a great father. The ship has sailed.

Kids show up for …

Teenage tantrums! Dick is on the loose.

No time to look for Dick, however - Bruce has his hot date with Chase and he's going to reveal all!

Chase sends some flowers spinning to the ground in smashing style. Bruce …

Hugo or the Good Doctor?

Bruce won’t be swayed by Dick’s pleas - he’s stopping it all TONIGHT. To top it all off, despite only knowing Chase for a few days she's gonna learn …

BATMAN IS NO MORE! All of this stuff has been turned off... I mean, there's no going back from that!

Dick cannot stop, cannot relent... his Japanese …

Batman's grin burns itself into our very souls as he shuffles away. Horrifying. Just... horrifying.

PRODIGY CHILD WINS EVERY AWARD GIVEN! READ ALL …

His eyes… his lips… DEM LIPS, BABY! Oh and the body... whatever. It could be a hog body under there for all we know.

Chase isn't too into this …

Chase slaps some lipstick on and heads to bed... only to be sensually roused from slumber by her winged wonderman. How romantic. SWOON TIME!

Chase is SHOOK. She can’t believe that this is finally happening! I sense a …

Dick wants Al to hang his crappy Robin costume up next to the Batsuit “where it belongs”. I like the sentiment, kid, but THAT thing next to Bruce’s work of art? No, no, no.

Bruce also reveals that he's never been in …

We’re back as Batman is no more… again. For the tenth time. Or he would be... if not for a little helping hand! Or should we say wing?

Dick wants a …

DUCK AND COVER! Do as Bert the Turtles does and DUCK AND COVER! Hey, it works for Batman! Why can't he just die?!?

Two Face's solution? More wild …

Sugar and Harvey? Spice and Two Face? Two Face and Sugar? Harvey and Spice?

Two Face becomes the very symbol of America - a cowboy wildly firing a gun into the air and he flees the scene victorious. Our Bat is in hot pursuit.

Somebody stop me!

There... is... another...

Showmanship! That's what it's all about, Harvey, honey! AND YOU AIN'T GOT IT! Wait... what?

It's okay folks, the emergency is over. A man-child …

To Tim Burton... AND BEYOND! With added Keaton.

Bruce slips away to change costume once again like he's Marilyn Manson. Most importantly, he's informed Alfred of the IMMINENT DANGER EVERYBODY IS IN!

The bifurcated one must learn patience - Harvey rash move is …

Vroom vroom! Got room for another tank?

Bruce brain break-in! The cortex is compromised! Meanwhile, the Two-Tonne Gang burst onto the scene, with added Spice! Two Face didn't get the memo - …

They gab now? They gab now!

Sugar is onto our hero, the Lurkmaster General! Bruce's excuse? He wants to figure out how to switch this Box off. Good cover, dude. Smart.

Sneaking backstage affords Mr Wayne the chance to give this thing a test drive. …

Bruce is suspicious of the tech on show, but Nygma is in full gloat mode. What's stopping him from stealing thoughts, though?

Eddie steals Chase away …

Bruce and Sugar hit it off - a little too well, if you ask me! I don't even think that this is a trick anymore!

Gordon the Guinea Pig is brought to …

We’re back at Canto Bight as Edward Nygma is celebrating his big release - it's Box time!

Look how spiffy he is now. What a charmer. It’s almost as if… HE’S BRUCE WAYNE! Time for a little interview...

We wanted the …

Dick has demands: train me, damn it!

As Emperor Pennyworth surveys the worsening situation with glee, our young ward storms off like a little brat after Bruce's refusal.

Mr Wayne decides to take his mind off matters by …

Dick wants to deal the damage, but Bruce is bringing up some brilliant points - revenge will become his whole life. Who knows more about this than …

It's minute 69, dudes (nice) - and it's OG style!

Robin on the run! The Skeletal Mexican Punk Gang are in hot pursuit of our new hero, but a winged friend is watching closely... then he decides that this kid is a loser …

Pretty, pretty, pretty... good?

Tonight, a Dick becomes a Robin - it’s fightin’ time! GYMKATA!

As the Boy Wonder takes down the St Pauli Macho Men Gang, reinforcements are waiting …

It's cheat day, losers - yes it is!

Bat Boy in the house! Well, kind of! These ladies are NOT impressed!

A scream screeches out and Dick leaps into action - time to become the hero he …

Joyriding Dick is running rampant! He ain't in no Jag, baby! HE'S ALL ABOUT THAT BAT! TIME TO SMASH IT UP!

His fun is cut short, however, when some '90s honeys don't take too kindly to his little masquerade.

Back for …

Chase enjoys the jealousy - Bruce envious of Batman? It's not possible... or is it?!?!?

We're all two people... apparently. Harvey would totally be …

As Chase attends to her stupid kettle, Bruce has a little snoop... and uncovers a super fan! A super fan who thinks he's schizophrenic. You can't …

Thirsty? It's urine time.

Hungry? Gimme that Grizzly Man.

A Worry Doll! GEE, THANKS! IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED!

We learn of a red leather book. Will it be important later on? Uhh... no...

While we learn of …

Are you a member of the slacker community?

Alfred's sleazy dungeon is now within Dick's grasp! Like the Prince of Persia, our little Robin leaps and slides and rolls... right down the stairs. …

Things turn a little Sumerian as a Gozer-like energy entity attacks the city! Oh, wait, that's just flying brainwaves? Nothing to see here then, people - move along.

Edward 'Snoke' Nygma sits atop his throne (not made …

Does Dick want a nice simple life... or does he want what's behind THE MYSTERY DOOR?!?!?

Nygma Tech is unveiled! This guy has really made it now, right? He might as well just stop here. Another unveiling is here in the …

The doctor is IN.

Watch out for that... podcast?

Criminal casino carnage! Carrey and the crooks crack some faces... as well as their own hands! Two Face is looking mighty stylish though - sparkle sparkle.

Meanwhile, Bruce's intellect is being challenged... it ain't …

There's only one way to find out... FIGHT!

EGADS! IS THAT THE CULLINAN DIAMOND? Eh, close enough.

The raid continues unabated but Alfred has more pressing matters at hand - the ironing. Not one to be outdone, Dick displays the destructive power of Robin Style …

Annie Lennox is on hand to detail her grand plan - theft to finance... business. Then, together, they can unravel the grand mystery of The Bat!

Along …

Today we got a little something for everybody - it's so... YOOOOOU! And yet, so... YOOOOOOOOOOOUUU! Jeez - somebody stop him!

This dastardly duo delve into the pleasures of The Box - this thing is a narcotic! The new …

FINISH HIM! Or so the plan goes. When Bats is weak, he shall be crushed! Whenever that is, of course.

The Riddler gets cocky and begins his takeover. This is his town now, baby.

Joining the investigation is a mighty one …

Two Face is furious - how did this quizzical little man penetrate his inner sanctum? The segregated one is ready to end this trickster.

The Riddler has a challenge to present, however... KILL THE BAT! How original - yet …

With the April Fools out of the way, we can hang out once more with a man who absolutely cannot abide tomfoolery (or buffoonery) - we enter Harvey's …

The case proceeds and adds in a little danger... BEAR with us, Bee Brethren!

Next up to the stand is one Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner CBE... otherwise known as... STING! The nerve on this guy.

The trial also takes in a …

Bats (and cats) of the world, unite!

SHE'S ACTUALLY ALIVE?!?!?

Eddie hits the Photoshop hard in his attempt to solidify a new identity. A lot of duds here, but the dude is on the right track. I'm not sure if …

Have you tried switching him off and on again?

The goons open fire! Did they learn nothing from the past two seasons of this show?

To escape, Bats takes to the sky... well, his whole damn car …

So... you're going with that, huh?

Could we maybe get a little break? As a treat.

The shade of it all!

Two Face has had a little accident! OOPSIE! They're ready to make amends, however... by killing The Bat! Can Brucie Boy be stopped from Tokyo Drifting his way to safety?

Returning to the case is The One, the man himself …

Old is the word.

Alfred lets the young ward know that everything is going to be A-OK. He WILL fly again!

Dick broods in a turtleneck, thus confirming that he is …

Have you done a Neville Longbottom?

Robin: Origins.

Dick flip-flops once more and reveals all - he won't be hanging around too long! What a nice helmet, however.

Alfred reveals his knowledge of avian anatomy. I think it was his major or something.

Once …

We venture deep into the chambers of Bruce's personal memory palace today - The Bat is crossing the hedge!

With regards to Dick? It is... happening... again...

The signal shines bright and a hero is called upon once …

We’re back in THAT alleyway! The Wayne’s are dead. As sad as this is, do you think we could maybe get outta here for once?

On the plus side, we learn …

You can leave your hat on...

We've had First Comic Con, but what about Second Comic Con?

Alfred teases Dick with his wondrous tray of delights! Then he ruins it with milk. It doesn't stop our Grayson from making his move on that meat - not for the dogs! NO!

Bruce is remembering THAT night once again. This …

If you're here, you're family.

As long as you're drinking a Corona.

Run, Neil, run!

It's gear head mania this minute, folks! Time to rev that Harley!

Hold it. You can't do that - most of them won't run. WHO COULD POSSIBLY STICK …

Dick is a lost man. Sorry, kid. Kid. Drill that into your heads, people. Anyway, he can't catch up with the circus now! They're a whole damn town …

The Graysons are broken, never to soar again.

After this disaster, we apparently learn that Bruce just commutes daily from England. He offers to adopt a grown man, which is acceptable for some reason. For Dick though? …

The name's Man... Super... Man.

Get your cappuccino now!

Young Dick detaches the bomb and rolls it into the ocean, merely committing atrocities against sea life - which is apparently fine. Nice work.

Poppa …

IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY! Bat Minute is back with a bang - well, hopefully not!

The Grayson family are advancing on the comedy, 1960s, bomb but Two Face …

Hey, man! These Sleepy Charlie releases are a triumph of podcasting.

Listeners - who IS Batman, anyway? Perhaps it's one of you pasty-faced twits, eh? I joke, I joke... but something tells me that Harvey isn't kidding at all.

Bruce tries to reveal himself but is stopped by the crowds! …

'Cause I... wanna be... HAAAAAARRRRRVVVVVEEEEEEEEYYYYY!

Johnny Rotten is in the house, people! Well, close enough.

Nygma is watching the circus showdown via Twitch stream and is giddy with glee - THIS is what he's …

DISASTER LOOMS!

Despite an IMPRESSIVE display from the fantastic FLYING GRAYSONS, the vile gangster TWO FACE invades Gotham's hippodrome! This act surely spells certain doom for everybody not looking for GOOD, CLEAN, …

Chase turns down the date... because she's met someone! Tall, dark, handsome... a little flighty. AWKWARD!

We are introduced to one "Richard". This kid's got a future, huh? Such style.

Tim Burton then assumes his dream …

John, Mary, Mitch and Dick. The Family is in full effect. Get Dom Toretto on the horn. With their old-school looks, they're ready to take to the …

We're the hosts with the most, babe!

Bruce clarifies that he's NOT a dirty, dirty, dog and we then all head out on a date to the Hippodrome - that old cliche! It's time to get down with …

Do YOU have a thing for bats? Well, you're in the right place, Mr Rorschach!

Meanwhile, Bruce mocks Chase's love of dolls. Not cool, dude... let …

“Tear one off and scratch my head. What once was red is black instead”.

I bet this one is going to take WEEKS to solve! WEEKS I SAY!

Chase gives her …

Bruce starts this professional relationship with a bang! AND A CRASH! I'm not so sure this was a smooth move...

Chase doesn't seem interested in anything but a new damn door! These things ain't cheap! And that's her …

"i draw this car when i was young...for me the body of this car is specially sexy...if a car could be ''sexy''

- Guy on the Internet Movie Car …

Nygma's den is something to behold... but he's got a great taste in magazines. Ms. Gotham? Save us a copy!

Want to go one better? He's got Zoltar …

The Riddler vs John 'The Roman' Turturro.

BRUCE TO YA FACE! BOING!

As a familiar visage flies towards us, Bruce tries to crack a not-so-tough riddle. He's going to be getting VERY familiar …

To: Whom it may concern

From: Fred Stickley

RE: My suicide

GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD!

Something smells... fishy. There are many question marks here...

Returning from the depths of the ocean to tackle this case once more are …

Well, I'm Pennywise the Dancing Butler.

Artwork by Kubi-Wan on Deviant Art.

Chow down.

Harvey Dent is on fire... or it sure feels like it!

As his career takes a turn for the worse, the DA's brain suffers the consequences!

Joining our top team of investigative talent are two newbies to the case - we have …

Incoming message from the Big Giant Bat!

Fred… BAAAAABE… you, are, fired! SURF'S UP!

Stickley takes a nose dive straight to the watery depths below. Nygma is just glad that he rescued his …

This toad is to be reported - FCC-bound, baby! Uhh... I'm not so sure that it's a smart move to threaten somebody who is clearly so absurdly out of …

Aerials in the sky
When you lose small mind
You free your life
Aerials so up high
When you free your eyes
Eternal prize

What do we got this episode, eh? A FLOCK OF FREAKIN' FREUDS! FANTASTIC!

After a quick cortex vaccum, Eddie's boss ain't quite serving up some brain deep-fry - in fact, he seems... fine? We shall see.

Returning to the …

It's so deadly my dear
The power of having you near
Until that day
Until the world falls away
Until you say there'll be no more goodbyes
I see it in your eyes
Batman never dies

LOSING... RESOLUTION...  but that can't stop this show, baby! We're coming through loud and clear and we're ready to rock and roll here on the BRAIN …

To creep, or not to creep?

What was I laughing at again?

I... AM... AN... ACTOR!

Edward is going to show Bruce! He's gonna show that it works, damn it! First, it's time to go Full Carrey...

Begley is back! But caffeine'll kill …

Chase knows that Bats likes a strong woman - but does she need to WHIP out a new costume for total seduction?

Gordon bursts onto the scene, …

Johnny the Joker.

The Bat Signal is NOT a beeper! But how exactly do you get in touch for a Batman booty call anyway? Chase's interest here sure isn't professional! …

WKD, WKD... Bat Minute massive.

As Iron Man rockets towards his cave, Alfred stands ready to remove his clothing for him.

The Batmobile hits the streets - shake ya tail fin!

Our hero arrives at the Bat Signal to find a certain somebody waiting, …

Sorry Eddie - no dice. No moolah. Zilch. The Bat has left the building.

Nygma ain't letting it go, however - he's going to MAKE Bruce understand. Not …

4DX, baby!

Why be brutalised by an uncaring world? You COULD be listening to Bat Minute instead!

Nygma reveals his intentions - brainwave fiddling! He may be a …

A SUPER casting?

Edward eschewed the Japanese method last week but he's finally convinced to release his creepy and no doubt sweaty iron grip. I think we got a stalker on our hands.

His grand plan to woo? A BLENDER ON A HELMET, BABY! …

To Chris, or not to Chris?

Bruce bobbles around the R&D department and encounters the ultimate fanboy - Lyle Heckendorf. Or something like that anyway. This man is …

Harvey Two-Face is making Mr Wing proud with his parachute style - he's bringing that yin and yang energy as he escapes the chopper.

Meanwhile, Batman careens into a horrendous wreck! He's ruined a monument! Way to go, …

"Ah, to finally be rid of that pointy eared, steroid eating, rubber suited, cross dressing, night rat..."

Not quite, Harvey. Hold that chopper one …

Listen up, Fleabags.

Gordon and co. hit the scene! Gordon Gang in full effect!

Despite all the changes that Gotham has been through, they certainly still love ENORMOUS …

Once again Bat Minute is here to blow all of those other gifts out of the water. As you unwrap this audio delight, prepare to cast everything else into the fire! KRAMPUS TAKE THEM!

Jon and Niall venture into the fun and …

WITNESS STRINGFELLOW!

The shoes, they are a-meltin'. Unfortunately it's not through some fancy footwork - oh no, it's that BOILING ACID again!

Batman cracks the safe in record time - there was no hours-long marathon for this hero.

Get Miley …

WE'RE BACK IN DA CHOPPA!

As Two Face reveals that he is in fact after the cash, we also learn that his plan also involves BOILING ACID! OH NO!

Can …

Outworld has invaded Earthrealm! Baraka is on the scene!

How to stop a deranged Tarkatan? It's taser-time!

Bats enters the vault... but, incoming …

BLAST HIM!

Or... not? Batman ain't going down that easily!

Two Face does a runner and our hero has to lay the smack down on some jabronis.

Joining this week's investigation is a Bat Minute veteran - it's singer and …

The rules of right and wrong no longer apply and our former D.A. is now a loose cannon!

Despite confusing a bat for a rodent, Chase is ready to get …

GORDON IS BACK ON THE SCENE, BAY-BAY! He's got a great plan to solve this stand-off. He needs... a horn? That's it? That's your solution? God damn …

Your arbiters of true justice are here to dispense the judgement of fate upon the populace - YOU GOOD PEOPLE!

What controls it all? It's blind, …

If you like driving, boy do we got driving today! Wobbly cars galore! Where my gear heads at?

Billy Dee is back on the scene in the role of Harvey …

Jeeves? Winston? MR FREEZE.

Our Bat Boys get suited and booted today as we're already right into the action! This ain't your momma's Batman.

As our hero goes all Commando on us (the movie, not the other thing!) we catch our first glimpse of a …

We're like a growing addiction that you can't deny...

That's right - Bat Minute is back! BAT MINUTE IS FOREVER!

Some things have changed, while others remain the same. Bruce might look a little different, but no matter …

ACK! ACK! ACK!

The Bat Boys are back and this time their mission is to save the entire planet! Along the way they'll encounter saucer people, doughnuts, Egyptians and... Tom Jones with an eagle? Hey, it ain't unusual to …

Joker

The King of Comedy is back as you've never seen him before! Hear us discuss Arthur's Taxi Drive along the downward spiral that leads him to the edge and beyond!

Love it or hate it - this is a movie that is getting …

Johnny Dangerously

This is the life, folks - Johnny Dangerously is here to show you all just how fun DISorganised crime can really be!

Along the way …

Your Patience has been rewarded once more... PART DEUX is now! What a purrfect time.

The Bat Minute crew are not contained by the rules of society. …

Your Patience has been rewarded, loyal listeners... the hiatus is here, the hiatus is now.

Bat Minute episodes come when they feel like it, not when …

Bat Minute is now on Patreon too! Huzzah! Simply click the link or go to https://www.patreon.com/batminute .

Here is a message from the dynamic duo themselves:

"Hello, loyal listeners! Thank you for joining us now here …

The next episode …

And now, the end is near
And so we face the final curtain
My friend, we'll say it clear
We'll state our case, of which we're certain
We've lived a …

The Bat Minute crew are back and kickin' it old school as they begin to close out this delightful tale as the OG tandem.

If you thought chatting …

They're back? Again? Inconceivable!

We are podcasters of action - lies do not become us. We said we'd do these damn credits and we certainly are! The names keep on comin'!

We saved a special guest for last, Bat fans - …

The Bat Minute crew are wading through the credits once again - but they're not alone!

Joining the case is a first-time investigator - it's vocal coach, musical director, YouTuber AND podcaster (what can't she do?) Beth …

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!

What's that? We're releasing this in June? Whatever, square!

Good will to all men... and women... but seemingly, not cats. Bad form, Brucie!

As the Bat Signal once again lights up the Gotham …

Miss Kitty Returns! Or does she? Is she back? Is this a total stranger? Who the hell knows?!?!? Does Bruce even care at this point?

Bruce takes in the stray and it suddenly dawns on Alfred that he's going to have to …

With the utmost of respect, the gathered masses of penguins see their wayward son off for the final time. As the black ooze seeps from his mouth, the life leaves him... to then enter some gingerbread or not is up for …

Press F to pay respects. The Penguin... is gone.

As tears fall down all of our cheeks, the Grand Council of Penguinkind arrive to send their wayward son on his final journey. He may have lost his way, but he never lost …

Today sees a mistreated Penguin man dying amidst the ruins of his broken dreams. I feel so emotional, baby!

Before that, he advances on our hero! Batman is unaware as his desperate search for Selina merely turns up a …

Selina might be dying on her feet at this point, but it's not stopping her from making plans for NEXT Christmas! Gotta keep positive, girl!

She makes …

YYYYOOOOUUUUU'RRRREEE FFFFIIIIRRRREEEEEED!

Vince McMahon strikes! Or is it Max?

Catwoman shows what Sesame Street taught her and impresses us all with her counting skills. One life down, two lives down, three lives …

That little guy hasn't done anything yet. Look at him, he's gonna do something, and you know it's gonna be good.

Batman and Catwoman are split right down the centre! Good god, can somebody clean this mess up?

It seems that they're actually fine. Way to scare us. …

It's a die for a die and the Bat is ready to fly - via zip wire at least. Brucie boy has Max sorted, done and dusted so his attentions are elsewhere …

Max escapes the cage! He's safe! Or so he thinks - instead he's pulled down into that suspiciously clean water.

The Battle of Arctic World rages on …

The Penguin shows his combat skills... which... are sorely lacking. But he's got the passion, baby! The heart of a champion!

Batman reveals his secret weapon - bats in the trunk. That's certainly unexpected - to Oswald …

Within the wreckage of the Penguinmobile... Batman finds... no corpse? COBBLEPOT IS LOOSE! FROM OUT OF NOWHERE! PENGUIN FROM THE TOP ROPE!

It's 'Genuine Freak vs Masked Freak' in the battle of the century! But what it …

You know the ones.

Circus-folk cartwheel out of the picture and even the Poodle Lady slinks off into the darkness. The Penguin... is alone. He invents a DC Kart Racing …

The Penguin chews like never before - both the scenery and whatever the hell is in his mouth. He knows what's coming, but doesn't want to face it.

Max plots his monkey-based escape! Can he woo the simian to his cause?

…

The countdown begins... 10... 9... you know the rest.

But Alfred goes all Hackers (1995) on us and jams the signal, yo! Totally radical, old man. …

The Penguin is gonna lay you all on a cold, hard, slab - why didn't we all support his insane plans, eh? If only we had!

As more super soldiers …

With a hop, a skip and a jump the battle is ON!

Meanwhile, the Batskiboatthingamabob is en route, ready and willing to save the day as only Brucie baby can.

The Penguin Liberation Army spring forth from their shadowy …

THE LIBERATION OF GOTHAM HAS BEGUN!

Commissar Cobblepott rallies his troops - the time is now! DEATH TO ALL OF GOD'S CHILDREN! IN THE NAME OF ALL BIRD-KIND!

Returning to the investigation is the podcaster who is neither …

The Bat strikes! The Organ Grinder is... ground? I don't know. We're not seeing him again is the point.

We get a demonstration of evil from ol' …

Today sees a little Pied Penguin action as Oswald tells all - leading a children's crusade? Well, kind of! BUT WITH MORE TOXICITY!

The Organ Grinder is enjoying a lovely train ride with the kids when he's ambushed by a …

Max reveals the weird thing he does for fun... or something. Being submerged in raw sewage? Okay, dude...

The Penguin is game for this idea and chooses to go with it and let the prince live. GET IN THE DUCK, KNUTE …

We begin this week with a cute duck wearing a hat. It can't go down from here, can it? Oh boy... it sure can! PENGIE IS IN THE HOUSE! And he's snatchin' up yo' kids!

To be fair, it sounds like every single parent in …

The revelation is too much for either party to take - Selina has gone so far beyond sanity at this point that I'm not sure if Brucie-baby can reel her back in!

As they go to take things outside there's another startling …

Selina is absolutely losing it today as she reveals her new plan - to put an end to Max and his evil once and for all! Ms Kyle has lost herself …

Selina amps up the sensual, seductive, chat and invites Bruce to join her in the bedding department! Doing it right here in the store? Whatever floats your boat!

They're both tired of wearing masks and want to remove …

The Podcasting Calendar Men Strike Again.

Bruce is face to face with his lovely foe - as is Selina! This bitter sweet encounter turns into a game of tic tac toe! No hard feelings though... or is there?

Tackling this minute once again are the most perfect duo - …

WHY ON EARTH WOULD BRUCE ATTEND SUCH A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PARTY?!?!? Alfred knows the real spots that are poppin' this weekend - trust this party …

Minute 94 (94) starts with a bang as The Penguin reveals the plan - kidnap them kids and make the folks pay! DEARLY! WITH DEATH!

A vocal dissenter is …

Brother Crow or Feathery Dino Tails?

DID YOU MISS US? Of course you did! What about Pengie? Maybe not so much... his crew certainly seem to be starting to think a little differently at least!

OSWALD IS NO MORE! He's dead. Done. Finished. Over. Cancelled. …

Fruit, veg... baby, we got a salad going on! FOOOOOOODDD FIIIIIGGGHHHTTTT!

To top it off we got a Penguin on the move! Look at that sucker fly! AND DIVE! Ker-splash indeed.

There ain't no surfing, there ain't no sweet …

A HARP FROM HELL! VENTRILOQUISM! And once more Bruce is hitting those decks like the DJ devil he is. Scratch that CD, mix-master!

It doesn't win any favours with Max - he's outta here! Sorry buddy, it's just business!

…

Hawkers' anonymous.

FOR THE GLORY OF GOTHAM! Oswald delivers a rousing speech to the masses.

Bruce is watching the TV. Again. Does this guy have time to fight crime with the amount of programming he consumes? It turns out it's for a good …

The Batmobile is no more! That is, unless Bruce and Alfred can cobble something together - and fast! They can do that, right? Easy enough.

Bruce decides to plunge his hand into a fish tank containing a model of his own …

"If it works, don't fix it". Close enough. That'll do.

The MAXquerade ball is here, people! IT'S FINALLY HERE! Wait... Max... que...rade?

COBBLEPOT CAN CLEAN IT UP! Which is hilarious considering the mess he makes on a …

The Bat is back and he's in control! In control of his totally trashed ride that is! ROCKET LUGE TIME, BAY-BAY!

Oswald laments the lack of bladder …

A HARP FROM HELL! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!

But that isn't what's controlling the car - oh no. Bats has it all figured out now - some damn circus ball... …

BATMAN IS OUT OF CONTROL! Is he drunk, or is a mysterious force in command?

Pengie says RELAX!

Relax? Not in this car-based chaos!

Joining the investigation are a new dynamic duo - it's the mime master general, Sean …

Sweep the leg.

Aniseed, anyone?

WOOP WOOP! IT'S THE SOUND OF THE PO-LICE!

It's po-po panic today as Batman is pursued into his waiting little tankie, desperate to survive. It was a …

Catwoman takes to the skies - though perhaps a little forcibly!

SHE FALLS! RIGHT THROUGH A GREENHOUSE! And with a scream to break even glass. Is this kitty down for the count, or does she have an extra life tucked away?

Pengie breaks out the bubbly! It's Moët time, bay-bay! Oswald has a few other ideas of how to celebrate, however... and Selina is having NONE of it! …

Catwoman has found the way to Batman's heart - through his damn chest, of course! Those claws have gotta hurt!

Bruce has had enough - he exits the scene in the most absurd fashion imaginable. Way to think outside of the …

Things get more intimate than ever before today on the show as the Cat and the Bat engage in a little playtime. Bruce is licked!

Is this a fight? Is it enticing? For these two, it's gotta be both!

Eroticism that cannot …

You won't suffer in silence
You're a talent
You know that I've noticed
You'd like to be a legend
A big star over night!
I can't answer your question
- I can't wait -
It's driving me insane
And you're impossible in …

Hang Time
Running together
Putting it on the line

Hang Time
Jammin' forever
Taking it up for hang time

We're hot, we're in the zone
Part of a team, never alone

Hang Time
Hangin' together
Sharing a dream so fine
I'll …

The Ice Princess is hanging by a fingertip, by a nail! Wait a minute... LAWN DART! These things are god-damn deadly!

As a swarm of bats bursts forth …

Indy & Han: Up in Smoke!

Catwoman has been going hungry this whole damn time. Bruce, dude - what were you doing on this little date of yours earlier? FEED THIS CAT!

Oh, wait, …

THE GANG ARE IN! RED ALERT! THE BATMOBILE IS BREACHED! This Thanksgiving turkey is taking a real basting thanks to the incredible engineers and scientists of the Red Triangle Circus.

Meanwhile, our hero walks into what …

You imagine three fools talking. I hear it. I hear the podcast.

Selina speeds and changes outfit at the same time - what a talent! I wish I could do the same, damn it.

Batman preps in similar fashion. Little do …

Selina is trying to evacuate the area as fast as possible but nothing gets by the watchful eye of our favourite butler!

He has been tasked with …

Bruce and Selina have paused their passions to hear the news about the Ice Princess. A Batarang has been found at the scene and this can mean only one thing, right? Uh, wait a minute... no...

Both parties know that the …

This house date is getting a little more hot and heavy on the sofa this week and Selina reveals that she's not so into the normal guys... she prefers a real sicko! They got commitment in spades, baby!

As our duo fondle …

This passionate couple unleash their desires by... having a lovely fireside chat. How civilised.

Is Bruce about to reveal that he's some kind of serial cheat or something? After all, "there are two truths". But, are …

OUR BELOVED ICE PRINCESS IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT! IS THIS THE END OF OUR CITY'S MOST HONOURABLE REPRESENTATIVE?!?!?

Never mind that... Bruce and Selina are on a date! Oooooh yeah - this is the stuff, baby - and the eggnog …

We've got a flirt-off, folks! Bruce and Selina duking it out! Wayne secures a victory by landing a dinner date. An EARLY dinner date - be precise …

It's minute 69 once again, dudes! ALRIGHT!

Bruce is putting the moves on Selina right here. He's got his Wooing Cravat on and everything! You sly …

The Cat takes a bath. Ooooookaaaaayyy...

The Penguin challenges the mayor! To a duel? To fisticuffs? Nah - it's a challenge to relight the Christmas tree. Ooooookaaaaayyy...

WHAT AN AMAZING COAT, HENNY!

Returning as …

Welcome to yet another episode of culinary delights! It's no vichyssoise today - instead, Chef Selina is serving up... BUDGIE?!?!?

The Penguin …

Hey kitty girl
It's your world
When you walk the street
Steppin' to the beat
Hey kitty girl
Get your twirl
In the disco heat
You're the boogie-body-rockin' queen

Also join us on Facebook at the Bat Minute Listener's …

Atomic bombs? No! HYDROGEN, BABY! We're talking heavy duty this Friday, Bat Minute Mites.

Pengie has had just about enough of this screwed up sorority chick, but Catwoman has special methods to ensnare this bird... and …

Let's get sweaty.

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The Penguin offers to warm up our lil' kitty. Aww, how sweet of him! Nothing untoward is happening whatsoever...

NO! DOWN BOY! STOP! GET AWAY FROM THOSE FEET!

Selina has just about had enough. Shut it, bird brain - this …

FLAWLESS VICTORY!

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Things start and end in rather perverse fashion in this minute, folks. We can only apologise on behalf of Mr Cobblepot and Ms Kyle. This is meant to …

The Bat is taken aback. This claw, this woman, this cat - our hero is having certain... feelings.

Elsewhere, the Cobblepot campaign is in full flow …

Who doesn't love a good monocle?

Oh, wait, the Bat Minute crew, it seems!

Also join us on Facebook at the Bat Minute Listener's Cave!

Things get intimate today. They get up-close and personal. Things are grabbed. *Ahem*

Kitty litter saves the day once again! Is there anything this …

The Bat and the Cat get physical! How DARE he strike a lady?

In a world of 'wrong' and 'hate', Selina is out to prove that 'irrelevant' is Batman's most notable trait.

What is his response to this challenge? Oh yeah, …

It's the meow of DOOM as our little kitty purrs the house down!

Sadly, amidst all of this Pengie's gotta fly. Up and at 'em!

Batman tastes a little …

IT'S HAPPENING PEOPLE! Bat meets Penguin - master of the skies meets ruler of the seas! Kind of.

Cobblepot is on the streets to do good deeds, it …

Don't hurt these guys, Catwoman - they're the poor proletariat! Their take home is NOTHING, damn it!

She sees sense and sends the poor suckers on …

This kitty is on the prowl!

Catwoman unleashes her fury towards Shreck, the city and the concept of weak women. Pretty deep for a scene about smashing stuff up, right? She also attracts the attention of two rather …

Niall and Jon bringing up Mystery Men? While Dave is the guest? On THIS show?

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Bumping heads! Bazookas! Knives! Swords! Sword swallowing! Batarangs! Suicide bombers! POODLES! This minute is a damn roller coaster!

While all of …

BURN, BABY, BURN! It ain't gonna be no disco inferno, but this city sure is gonna feel the heat!

Part of Penguin's plan involves a poodle and a …

The Penguin gives us a breakdown of his enormous (and I mean ENORMOUS) parasol, but Max has other things in mind... namely, a plan to trick this …

Space Jam? Star Trek? What would be better than combining these two?

Your intrepid hosts talking about it all, of course!

Also join us on Facebook at …

Look, let's all try to move past that unfortunate 'incident', okay? Oswald can't do anything else this bizarre, can he?

Oh, he's talking about filling voids now? And weird hand techniques? Oh boy...

Joining our team as …

Research shows that voters like fingers! But do they like twisted, vile, perverts? It seems so. There ain't no cleanin' up this image!

Our Pengie then bites off precisely the right amount that he can chew - of human …

Max is serving fish and the lure of it is enough to get Pengie to waddle down his stairs, carefully avoiding a death drop... only to discover he has …

Max penetrates The Penguins precious, private, sanctum! He sure ain't happy about it.

How will Max make it up to him? With a good ol' stinkin' fish, …

Bruce is smitten and almost speechless, but he does manage to ask Selina out. She can't - she's washing her hair, or working or something. What a shame!

Chip and Max are wary of Selina's amnesia. Are they right to be? …

WHAT A HOOT!

Selina has amnesia and her underpants are long gone. Is all really what it seems?

No matter - Bruce is enamoured immediately! What can he sense within her?

Back one more time is Alex Thompson of Galaxy …

Selina's got sass! And a new lease on... life?

As Bruce mistakes Bruce for somebody who is not Bruce, Ms Kyle wraps him around her little finger. He's hooked!

Back to investigate these happenings that have galactic …

"One can never have too much power".

If that ain't suspicious, I don't know what is!

The challenge is set - will Bruce accept this or go fifteen …

A new challenger appears! Catwoman comes roaring onto the scene but has no time for weak women - such as Selina Kyle.

Max is back in the house and he's wearing the most incredible suit known to man. This guy is a style …

Is our little Bird Boy all that he seems? He's sure playing those heartstrings of America! “You don’t need hands as long as you have heart”!

In sharp …

HO, HO, HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS, BAT MINUTE MITES!

Has Santa brought you all some Bat-tastic gifts this year? If not, fret not... we've got you covered with the greatest gift of all! A BAT MINUTE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!

So, …

Join us on Facebook at the Bat Minute Listener's Cave!

The Bat Minute theme song is by the band Rat Bit Kit and Ash Lerczak (aka Doc Horror) of …

Penguin has discovered his past, his identiy... his name. He is rather bafflingly named OSWALD COBBLEPOT. I think I preferred 'The Penguin', jeez.

…

Our morose Penguin lays a flower at his parents' grave... he's a family man after all.

Clad in a beautiful fur coat and delightful long johns, our …

Batman manages the impossible - he sneaks up on somebody in that damn rocket car of his. Good work!

The Penguin then heads to the local cemetery to tackle his past. Or is this all for show? The groupies are certainly …

The Only Lonely Man Beast in Town. No, it's not the latest Morrissey number, but thanks for the great words Alfred.

Bruce's microfiche findings are …

THE GREAT EMU WAR IS UPON US! FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES!

Peruse the wiki for more information about this terrible, shocking, crushing, total, defeat.

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This minute sure ain't cold - it's hot, hot, hot!

Today features all kinds of wonders: A Gorilla Girl! The return of the microfiche! SOUP!

Ever …

IT'S THE HALL OF RECORDS! THE HALL OF RECORDS! HALL! OF! RECORDS!

The Penguin's pursuit of his family history continues, complete with feet and corrective eyewear, as Max fends off nosy press snoops!

Chill, Man! Back …

The Penguin is a simple man. All he wants is to find out who his folks were! Aww! Who knew he was such a nice guy, eh? Nature vs Nurture takes centre …

The Dark Duck Rises! The Penguin is a hero! Or is he?

The crowd goes wild, the flash bulbs explode and our chap is startled and bemused.

Meanwhile, …

Hello there, Mr Mayor! You seem different to last time...

No matter. He reassures us that everything is under control and the MADNESS of the previous …

"There's a brand new dance but I don't know its name 
That people from bad homes do again and again 
It's big and it's bland, full of tension and …

Hell(o) (t)here, General Kenobi!

Selina hits the workroom in a bid to wow Momma Ru. This Kitty Girl can fashion a lot from little! Toot or boot those nails, nails, nails?

Either way, we're all feeling YUMMY.

Returning …

CHAOS! DESTRUCTION! FLUFFY ANIMALS!

Selina smashes everything in sight - she can't take it anymore. Did she die? Did she survive? Either way, Ms Kyle ain't never gonna be the same!

Back again as Special Guest …

Selina Kyle may be the walking dead, but she still looks after her pet - THAT'S commitment! DON'T GIVE HER MILK THOUGH, DAMN IT! Bad kitty.

Suddenly it's all too much for our poor Selina, however and the string SNAPS.

…

It's a feast fit for a kitten as these fancy felines snack away on our poor Selina! There's something a little magical about these moggies, however...

CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! Selina does her best Mankind impression and takes one hell of a dive! SHE'S BROKEN IN HALF! Our beauty is broken.

Are kitties …

It's predation galore today as Max terrifies Selina into fessing up! Curiosity clearly got the better of this cat (sorry - secretary), but she's going to try her best to weasel her way out of this one.

MAX IS DOING IT …

Selina the hacker! HACK THE PLANET!

Unfortunately, her boss doesn't seem all that enthused about this wake-up call from the Nintendo generation. Will fond memories of Geraldo be enough to keep Ms Kyle out of trouble?

…

Selina's exciting phone call is for... puuuuuurrrrrfume. HOW WONDERFUL! Things get even worse when she realises that she didn't prep the Bruce Wayne file for the big meeting! YOU DITZ!

Max heads to the office but finds …

HELLO THERE!

No, it isn't Mr Kenobi - it's Selina's apartment! As she kicks off her heels and checks her messages there's one from her useless appendage... sorry... from her boyfriend - Selina has been kicked to the …

A deal is struck! Hands are shook! Selina is full of luck!

Honey... this cat's alive!

Back for one more crack of our feline friend's investigative …

The Penguin has been a crafty little fella and introduces us to his latest project - one that Max will be especially intrigued by! It's a shame we …

Pengie tells us what he wants (what he really, really, wants) - to find out his name! He wants to be a real boy!

Why would Max help him out though? …

Samhain is over and now Max has a splitting headache - aww, poor guy! What would help this? Hypnosis?

The Penguin has his own scheme - one to …

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Our dear, sweet, Pengie has a wonderful session of show and tell for us as we get the opportunity to peruse his unimaginable …

Max opens his eyes and is greeted by quite a sight - it's the Red Triangle Gang, baby! Poodle and all! ARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!

The Penguin appears to be an environmentalist - this guy is out to stop the carcinogens! He …

It's official: THE CIRCUS GANG IS BACK! If Gordon says it, it must be true.

Max runs for his life but falls into some... complications. Stinky ones at that.

WE ALSO GET A TRIP TO THE ZOO! AWW!

Making his final …

CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! WHAT A MANOEUVRE! That crook is toast!

Selina is saved by The Bat but he has no time for chit-chat as he promptly exits the scene - leaving Ms Kyle to toy with a taser. Is she more mischievous than …

Batman burns the bad guys! FATALITY!

He also takes out the Devil himself - what a hero! Not today, Satan!

Sadly, Selina is seized by a shady scoundrel! AND BATMAN MISSES WITH HIS GRAPPLING HOOK! Some save, Bats.

Joining …

Max gets rammed! Happy Hallowmas!

SWEEP THE LEG!

It's all out chaos as The Red Triangle Gang are unleashed and the streets look set to run red with the blood of the innocent. Or is there a more cunning plan at play?

…

THE BAT IS BACK!

The beacon is alight and Bruce must bounce!

Meanwhile, Chip is seconds away from being chopped - unless he coughs up pops, that is.

Back to slice and dice her way to the truth on this investigation is …

The surprise is sprung! The trap is tripped! CARNY'S! What is it with this city and clowns, eh?

The Red Triangle Gang terrorise Gotham's streets. Organs will be ground. Skeletons will indeed ride motorcycles. Hot dogs …

Max ain't no Santa, just a schmo. Ha - he's playing you all, folks! He's distracting you with his expensive bAUbles.

Breaking up this scintillating …

Santa Shreck is in the house to spread some Christmas cheer... and soak up that good PR. Sadly, Selina's mind slipped and she neglected to hand him his speech! He's gonna have to improv his way out of this one.

Throw in …

Chip asks his father to speak to the masses as if he's Lenin or something.

Selina is saved from her situation, though still feels somewhat like a …

Minor sexism gives way to rather extreme sexism as Mr. Shreck laments the failure to have Selina properly "housebroken". If only she had some way of getting back at him...

Along the way our intrepid investigators sleuth …

As a stinky sewer pervert spies on our good butler, the sky-dwelling elites of Gotham are plotting and scheming - with added swelling.

Selina Kyle awkwardly enters the scene, making a real meal out of tea prep. Who is …

Our warm-hearted Ice Princess lights the tree to begin the festivities! Nothing can go wrong this time, right?

As a mysterious onlooker surveys the city from down below, Alfred does a little shopping. For Bruce? For a …

The action returns!

Our watery wain completes his journey in one piece and is rescued by some rather p-p-peculiar customers.

We also re-enter …

We all float down here... on water! WITH STARS IN OUR EYES!

THE CREDITS ROLL ON, BABY!

Stan Winston is in the house (via our crew uttering his name, at least) and joining him are verbal nods to costume designers, …

We're floatin' through the filth, we're Walken through the waste as today's episode is a credits bonanza! Our Bat Boys discuss Big Chris, Natalie Wood, Pat Hingle Returns and the madness of Andrew Bryniarski.

Our …

You thought the last movie was dark? You ain't seen nothin' yet, Bat Minute Mites! We start today's episode with our bad baby BEING THROWN INTO THE RIVER.

As our monstrous Moses floats away, we finally begin everybody's …

Christmas time, mistletoe and wine... children killing all the felines.

BAH GAWD! HE KILLED HIM! HE'S BROKEN IN HALF!

Minute 2 hits us hard and fast as a nefarious newborn appears to bump off a cat! There's something …

Fear no longer, citizens! Your days may have been dreary and your nights dark, but the end is in sight. The hiatus is over. The boys are back in town!

BAT MINUTE... RETURNS!

There's no confusion at the start of this one …

The Kid is back... and much, much, worse!

That's right, folks - it's the sequel to Purple Rain! The sequel that nobody asked for. Join us as we …

Everyone come behold the Bat Minute parade!

The boys are back and this time they're tackling an investigation Under a Cherry Moon.

Give what you can, …

PART 2 of 2

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to finish off the greatest story ever told. The Kid is back to turn things around, wow the …

PART 1 of 2

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to go crazy. One could even say "nuts". We are here to Take U Beautiful Ones on a purple ride …

The Bat boys are back in action! Only this time they've been transported back to feudal Japan! Thankfully, Special Guest Investigator, film maker and …

"This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend, the end"

Back for one last time this season, Jon and Niall take a look at the …

As the list of names inches closer to a conclusion, we are played out by the smoooooth stylings of everybody's favourite sexy beast... no, not our Jon, but PRINCE, ladies, gentlemen and everybody else.

Along the way you …

The credits roll on and take us gasping and wheezing towards the finish line. Will our team make it or collapse at the last second? Hopefully they'll …

The action is over, folks, but certainly not the scintillating Bat chat! We get one final shot of our victorious hero, the man of the hour himself …

Does Vicki look up at the Bat signal thinking of her lovely future with Bruce, or does she glance upon it and realise that their courtship is already doomed?

No matter - Alfred has brought the drinks, bay-bay! Mr Wayne …

Public safety used to be a laughing matter, it seems... but no longer! Thank god! Or the Borg, at least.

Vicki blows off Allie with a "see ya, sport" as Lando reveals a letter and rather special gift from the Bat …

A near-death experience is followed by a sweet bit of romantic hugging and deep stares. Aww.

Things quickly change as we see it... the body of the …

Gargoyles? No! THE TRUTH WILL SHOCK YOU! Or not, I dunno.

Joker clings to dear life as he dangles dangerously in the air, holding on to the ladder! …