Afterbite

Kai's in a new era, both in his evil and also his sexuality. Delena takes a firm right turn into annoying again. Liz and Caroline break our hearts.

He’s gay, he’s evil, he’s mostly always right. I didn’t say his name but he popped into your head, didn’t he? Caroline’s not in her right mind. …

Damon’s the voice of reason for once, so color us surprised. Bonnie is doing a Taylor Swift music video. Luke is gay and he’s right but that doesn’t …

Caroline’s not in this episode so of course crimes occur. Arson, insurance fraud, murder, you name a major crime, we’ve got it! Tyler’s getting back …

Our schedule is changing! We're going to an every other Friday schedule, just to account for the fact that we're all a lot more busy than we've ever …

TVD 06x07 | We're back this week and we're thriving! Elena, however, is not. Bonnie also is not thriving. Caroline though? Caroline's thriving.

TVD 06x06 | Bee and Brian are clearly going through it this week, because they say that they kinda like Damon at least three times. Elena’s making terrible choices (like jumping out of windows) and great choices (like …

TVD 06x05 | Bee tells like three insane stories back to back and thinks nothing of it. We’re Bamon shippers now, against all odds. Tyler’s having a no good very bad day. Liam’s most exciting character moment is when …

TVD 06x04 | The worst day of Damon’s life is like… a regular Thursday. Elena’s really good at yes and-ing. Kai remains wonderful and terrible.

TVD 06x03 | Stefan’s out of his bit era and into his being a douchebag era. Elena’s in her sitcom era. Jeremy’s in his hoe era. Everybody’s in some sort of era, and very very few of them are good!

TVD 06x02 | Enzo is the ultimate feminist. Caroline hurts some feelings. Elena finally forgets Damon. Brian imparts some incredible Comic Con deep …

TVD 06x01 | AND WE'RE BACK! Someone looks like Idina Menzel but Brian's not sure who, Matt Donovan's a vampire racist, and Nina Dobrev had an insane time at Comic Con in 2014. 

Link to the HitFix interview we talk about …

Bee and Brian bring u the final wrap up of this season of Afterbite: Season 5 of The Vampire Diaries! This was easier than we thought, actually, once you discard all the really really bad episodes you're left with just …

We're finally here with our Originals season one wrap up episode! We  talk about how this might just be the best season of a tvdu show...  ever. We rank every episode, we ask "wait what was this episode about" like a …

TVD 5x22 | Jourdann forgot to watch the finale before we sat down to record this episode, and things really do not get better from there.  Damon's obnoxious but he's really making it work for him this episode I'm not …

TO 1x22 | Brian is booboo the fool this week! Bee loses her mind, Hayley  loses her life, Klaus loses his house to the debt collectors. The whole …

TVD 5x21 | Listen, nobody is more surprised then me that I ended up actually liking  this episode. Join Bee and Brian as they talk buckets o' blood, …

TO 1x21 | The whole gang is back and we have a banger episode for ya! Bee and Brian are terrified of a 90's children's cartoon, Jourdann is a library …

TVD 5x20 | Bee and Brian are breaking down hard this week. We talk about YASCAR,  the spiral mac and cheese being far superior, and Jeremy's inevitable  and eventual bisexuality.

Crack open a ceremonial V8 because we are BACK, BABES! Bee and Bri talk The Orignials, Brian's Christian Hymn Mashup of the Century, and that Klaus …

TVD 5x19 | Listen. I don't know what's going on in this episode either. Somehow, despite it being an episode about the vampire diaries, we ended up talking about Legacies more. Enzo and Damon continue to be gay best …

TO 1x19 | The Legacies news had not broken when we were recording this, oops. We've got real sleepy energy in this episode, so prepare for a laidback experience this week on Afterbite! Brian's on his criminal mastermind …

Bee and Brian make their way through Paul Wesley's directorial debut! Delena breaks up for the 7th time. We have a crushing realizaiton about how …

The gang's all here and we get playfully blasphemous! Someday we may answer for our sins but that day sure isn't today! Bee hates Pope Gregory I, …

TVD 05 x 17 | Bee has extreme sleepy energy this episode so we're just taking it easy this week on Afterbite! This episode of TVD kinda sucks and we're not afraid to say it. We talk Delena, whatever Liv is up to, Bonnie …

TO 1x17 | Bee and Jourdann make soup! We talk about found family and how it really does hit different when you're queer. Marcel's up to some shit, Cami's on the struggle bus, Genevieve is still here somehow? It's a wild …

Holy shit I can't believe we made it to episode 100. They said it couldn't be done, they said it wouldn't be fun but boy howdy we've DONE IT and had …

Bee and Jourdann... well... you can probably tell from the title that Bee and Jourdann go fucking through it this episode. The Travelers remain nefarious for like no real reason. We decide what the k-pop group for tvd …

TO 01x16 | Bee and Brain talk storyville, red doors, and ace attorney twists! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod Support us on Patreon: …

TVD 05x15 | We recorded this episode LIVE on our patreon! Things are BRUTAL in the vampire diaries podcasting industry, very cutthroat. Brian is here for like 3 minutes and then vanishes, Nia is here in spirit, and …

TO 0x15 | Bee's losing their voice, Brian is tying women to train tracks like an old-timey french-coded villain, Jourdann doesn't know basic …

Stefan and Caroline co-parent the Mystic Falls gang. Bee unveils their twelve step plan for fixing Tyler Lockwood. Step 1: actually, genuinely, …

Seriously, did Celeste need to go through that many bodies? Rebekah is a little bit brutal. Klaus and Genevieve have some wild energy in the studio. …

This episode does its job and leaves so honestly? not half bad! Bee and Brian say like 4 complete sentences this entire hour, they were NOT on their A game. They didn't show up to WORK but this episode did.

Support us …

There's SOME sort of joke here, I'm SURE OF IT. We get playfully anti-catholic. Bee says the phrase "Iconographically Recognizable" like it's a real …

Bee and Jourdann have a good good time with a good bad episode. We actually like Damon for once? Trust me we're as confused by this as you are. Bee …

Bee and Brian REALLY like The Originals this week! Papa Tunde is one of the best villains a TVDu show has ever had. I'm gonna be honest with you, dear listeners, I don't really have a witty description this week. I …

The whole gang is back so you know this episode is gonna have entirely too much chaos. To honor the 100th episode of The Vampire Diaries we decide to …

Nothin' else to say other than that this episode is a banger through and through. This is our last episode for the year, we'll be back in January!

Find us on twitter | patreon 

Damon and Enzo are exes according to us, we’re doing what Julie Plec would NEVER. Katherine is the funniest character on this show. We learn some …

TO 5x10 | The Gang Tries Feminism! This week is all about women and GIRLPOWER and BEING A GIRLBOSS. Klaus threatens to kill a child (again), Davina girlbosses girlbossily, Rebekah invents feminism. Bee and Jourdann make …

TVD 5x09 | Enzo ALWAYS drinks his respect women juice. Bee gets really protective of her boys. Brian ranked an episode under 5 for ONCE. It's a wild time all around. New episodes every Friday! Get episodes early and …

TO 1x09 | Bee is coming out.... as a Klaus Mikaelson apologist. We can all agree Hayley and Elijah is like,,, a little weird right? Rebekah's an …

TVD 5X08 | We had A TOUGH TIME recording this episode, because A) vibes were bad and B) technical difficulties. We’re encouraging characters to get …

We’re back with a BANGER episode! Elijah is both a foot fetishist AND Sisyphus. He has the range. Klaus is a fucking insane person. Bee loses her shit over wikifeet. Rebekah’s a girlboss. “You’re a shithead, Major …

We'll be back on FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15TH! Need your Afterbite fix while we're gone? Check us out on patreon.com/afterbite! I'm going to sleep for a YEAR within these three weeks. You'll be alright without me for a bit, …

Welcome to Sweetwater Sweeties, our Riverdale fancast that’s only 4 years too late. Hey you remember that one rabies episode of Criminal Minds where the unsub gave the victims rabies? That was fucked up right? We also …

Welcome to the CLENCU (Comically Large Evil Needle Cinematic Universe). Continuity doesn’t exist here, it’s a godless land. Tyler Lockwood jumps off a character cliff. Bee says some shit about science that might not be …

TVD 5x07 | Bee’s cancelled because she hates New Jersey. Pineapple on pizza is bad, the B-team will fight you on this. Girlbosses do girlboss things, Silas is a misogynist, all in all a pretty normal episode. New …

Welcome to Klaus Mikaelson’s art class this week, we’re talking about symbolism and also maybe killing your brother who knows! Elijah would’ve made a …

TVD 5x05 | Damon as Henry VIII is a little too on the nose for our tastes. Tyler swings for the fences with his new character arc and misses. Elena is faced with a mirror of herself and is like "woah was I this sad and …

TO 1x05 | The episode of (Not As) Young Adult podcast that Bee was on is here! https://spoti.fi/3Copyhy 

Hey did you know that gay people started to …

TVD 5x04 | This week is a LOT to take in. Brotherly bonding, Stelena soulmates, Bonnie finally being Dead Dead, Matt and his terrible Eastern …

TO 1x04 | Bee and Brian are having a chill, business casual brunch with this episode of The Originals! Davina's a girlboss, Klaus is a manipulator, …

TVD 5x03 | Bee and Brian are on the wild wild TVD season 5 express and this train is running away faster than we can handle it. We talk how pretty Janina Gavankar is, how dramatic Qetsiyah is, and how gay Bee is. It’s a …

TO 1x03 | Bee has some uninvited guests. Teen Sherlock Holmes is Britain's next top boy genius detective! We get genuinely emotional over Klaus. Bee …

TVD 5x02 | We get a little NSFW in this episode, so apologies for that. It starts at about 24 minutes and ends at 28 minutes, skip over that if it’s …

TO 1x02 | Bee pronounces French words wrong, probably. This white savior storyline is… a lot. Jourdann isn’t mad, she’s just disappointed. Brian’s a corporate buffoon. We take a short little walk down to the Vampire …

TVD 5x01 | Hope you all had fun during your hot girl summer because we’re jumping RIGHT back into the thick of things with the season 5 premiere of the vampire diaries. It’s a little messy, and we only like about 60% of …

TO 1x01 | Brian and Bee are the only ones in the metaphorical Afterbite studio this week so welcome to The B-Team special edition of Afterbite! We chat about the Originals, New Orleans, and how much we love every dang …

It's Bee's birthday today so what better way to celebrate than by listening to the season 4 bonus episode where Jourdann and Bee wrap up the WHOLE DANG SEASON! WOW! INCREDIBLE! AMAZING! NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE!

We …

TVD 4x23 | Oh boy HOWDY it's a banger of an episode for our season 4 finale. We talk Kalus Mikaelson: Sugar Daddy, Delena: why, and how truly truly …

TVD 4x22 | All Powerful and Incredible Girlboss Bonnie Bennett causes problems on purpose and we love it! We finally figure out wtf Silas is doing …

TVD 4x21 | Welcome to Vampire Biology 101, your first foray into the wild world of how the fuck vampires do literally anything! How does the blood …

TVD 4x20 | We’re in New Orleans baby! Klaus has a friend?!? Nature historically said “Hey gang! Check out this cool new thing I made!” and I love …

TVD 4x19 | Now is a GREAT time to join our patreon @ patreon.com/afterbite because we have some VERY exciting things coming next week. This episode is fucking SICK and TWISTED for playing with our emotions like this. …

TVD 4x18 | Damon, the emotional equivalent of a puddle, makes annoying comments on other people’s depth. Elena has A Time this episode. Elijah's back! This episode is a soft 10 then a hard 9 then a soft 10 again, but …

TVD 4x17 | We wish the TVD writers had kept this one to themselves! Klaus gets knocked down a peg before The Originals builds him up a whole bunch. …

TVD 4x16 | Hayley is back on our screens and we couldn’t be happier about it! People stand in places and have conversations this week, and it’s …

TVD 4x15 | Back from the abyss this week: It’s Brian! We’re in the hurt no comfort tag and there’s no end in sight. There’s a line in this episode that WILL live rent free in Bee’s head forever! Nina Dobrev is so …

TVD 4x14 | Caroline channels her inner Lara Croft! Bee and Jourdann lose it over the YEARNING. King Lear made Klaus into a drama queen, pass it on. …

TVD 4x13 | Hey I (Bee) had a lil bit of a cold when we recorded this so I’m sorry for all my snuffling in this ep. This week the gang goes to the …

TVD 4x12 | The gang rediscovers the wonderful nature of the Goldfinger cover of 99 Red Balloons and it’s A Whole Thing. Sometimes you just gotta find …

This week we’re having a sleepover so grab your comfy pjs, pop some popcorn, and settle down ladies, theydies, and everyone in between, we’re gonna …

TVD 4x10 | This week tvd gifted us a a recap episode and we're not gonna let it go to waste! Talking points: Jeremy's weird hair, our unending love for Rebekah Mikaelson, and how weird it is when Damon talks like he's …

TVD 4x09 | It’s a Non-Denominational Winter Holiday Spectacular this week! It’s not really non-denominational, it's really just christmas. I’m sorry …

TVD 4x08 | Just two dudes, talkin’ about war ‘n stuff, y’know… just guy things. Professor Shane is selling us creepy tea and we’re not buying it! We’re 95% sure the CW network is just a bad dating service. A woman gets …

TVD 4x07 | The Murder Train is leaving the station! XOXO Gossip Klaus. Get the episodes early on our patreon! New episodes every Friday! Follow us on …

TVD 4x06 | Klaus has a better PR agent than Damon. We get way too into big character arcs. It’s not Elena’s fault! Klaus is a feminist now? Stefan’s …

TVD 4x05 | Someone give Elena Gilbert a hug PLEASE. The Underground Railroad wasn’t actually underground, please tell me you understand that. Bee makes a new measurement! We focus on the women in this episode, …

TVD 4x04 | This episode has it all! Big bulging muscles? Check! Rebekah Mikaelson stealing our hearts? Check! Men causing problems on purpose? Check! …

TVD 4x03 | We take a 10 minute detour to talk about The Lumineers. Phoebe Tonkin is here and she’s VERY Australian.  Jourdann is finally in on the …

TVD 4x02 | The Vampire Diaries is good?!? Honestly we’re shocked too. Bee has a giggle fit! Bonnie is depressed. Friendship is just so powerful! …

TVD 4x01 | This episode is the Super Smash Bros Ultimate of the vampire diaries universe. Everyone’s here! This episode has it all: our triumphant return to season 4, Jourdann and I mercilessly roasting Brian, and a …

TVD Season 3 | Bee and Jourdann are here to wrap up season 3 with you by ranking every episode! We talk Brian's whack rankings, our favorite and least favorite eps of season 3, and a very heartfelt voice message from …

TVD 3x22 | It’s the season 3 finale and boy HOWDY do we have a banger of an episode for y’all! Bonnie disappears into thin air. Damon’s out of character! Jeremy and Matt make some Decisions. Alaric breaks our hearts. …

TVD 3x21 | Klaus is a 2010 gossip blogger. Stefan and Damon have Main Character Syndrome! The Vampire Diaries is a straight show for straight people …

TVD 3x20 | Alaric and his evil alter ego get pedicures. Rebekah has a terrible track record with dances. Your actions will not have any consequences …

TVD 3x19 | This episode was not sponsored by V8 but I wish it was. Frankly things that happen in this episode are homophobic to us personally. We try our best in the face of Delena. We think this is the plot of Kingdom …

TVD 3x18 | It is a miracle this episode ever saw the light of day. Sage and Finn may be the healthiest couple on tvd? Bee bans some phrases which …

TVD 3x17 | Damon’s got the power of god and anime on his side! It doesn’t turn out well for him. We love Meredith now! We all saw this one coming but it still hurts! Bee’s wrong about the dog, we’re sorry about that …

TVD 3x16 | Do you think Samantha Gilbert utilized girlpower when she went on a killing spree in 1912? Damon is tolerable for once and I don’t know …

TVD 3x15 | Bee and Jourdann talk about a lot of things that are vaguely Vampire Diaries adjacent. Some talking points: Julie Plec owes Jourdann an …

TVD 3x14 | Elena and Elijah reprise their roles as the best buddy cops in Mystic Falls! We talk about witches a lot! Why were there horses there? We …

TVD 3x13 | Hey did you know this is a vampire show? We’re trying not to make Elijah late for his 3 pm. The answer to all your questions is PAIN. New …

TVD 3x12 | This week, we're barn adjacent! For some reason vampires and wooden buckshot AREN'T the weirdest thing Bee’s seen in a barn. We unfortunately start a Bonnie kidnap counter. Bennett flex tape is really the …

TVD 3x11 | The Mystic Falls gang grows up big time! Joseph Morgan acts with his face (and his other body parts too, I guess). We say goodbye, but …

TVD 3x10 | The whole Mystic Falls gang needs therapy really bad, but are they going to get it? No! Stefan’s a rowdy boy now, and it goes very poorly! …

TVD 3x9 | There’s plans on top of plans on top of plans. Mikael is here and then not here, like a thief in the night. It would’ve worked if it …

TVD 3x8 | We’re playing bingo this week! The Salvatore brothers don’t tip, pass it on. Elijah has a piano recital and we’re all very proud of him. …

TVD 3x7 | It's a ghost world baby! There’s a haunted JCPenneys. Jeremy’s himbo card gets revoked. Sheila Bennett is back! Ghost! World! New episodes …

TVD 3x6 | We make our own alignment charts! Copyright’s gonna get us. Brian just stays things! Bee loves a good puzzle. We don’t really talk about the episode? Or do we? You’ll never know unless you listen! New episodes …

TVD 3x5 | Klaus blesses us with his American accent again. Matt drowns in the Vicki Donovan Memorial Pool. Jeremy's a ghostie boy! This one’s for the …

TVD 3x4 | We talk an unfortunate amount about Chili. Bee’s a mime now! Damon and Elena are hip-bumpin besties! Bill Forbes is Megamind? The energy is big. The brain is small. New episodes every Tuesday and Friday! …

TVD 3x3 | Trigger warning for conversion therapy. We had cocaine for breakfast! This episode was brought to you by prohibition, tax evasion, and an IRS agent with a GUN. Damon’s committing jean crimes. Nobody ever …

TVD 3x2 | We’re bringing in funky fresh new Tuesday energy! Elena is a train conductor. We talk a surprising amount of Shakespeare! Matt Donovan is a …

TVD 3x1 | It’s season 3 and we’re back! We're green now! Stefan is very spooky but still sweet? Klaus has a yeehaw accent! Bee fully cries. Brian’s …

We did the math, we crunched the numbers, we said Some Shit. This is the definitive ranking of season two of the vampire diaries. Follow us on …

TVD 2x21 & 2x22 | Black Lives Matter. Today. Tomorrow. Every day after that.

Donate. Protest. Stand up.

Black-led LGBTQ organizations: https://www.snap4freedom.org/ https://blackaids.org/ https://www.lgbtqfund.org/ …

TVD 2x19 & 2x20 | Why and where and no? Joseph Morgan is finally here! Elijah and Elena play Let’s Make A Deal. Damon is problematic. The gang …

TVD 2x17 & 2x18 | Jenna starts the episode in pain and it does not get better from there. We say a big fuck you to John Gilbert. Call your mom! Brian’s admitting to crimes. Bee gets robbed by her boobs. Elena gets a …

TVD 2x15 & 2x16 | We unleash plagues upon this land! There are murderous intentions. Elena makes a power play! Elijah gets toasty. This one has a bleep. We’re sorry. We’re actually not sorry.  New episode every …

TVD 2x13 & 2x14 | We as a podcast can vote! Stefan goes off his shits with his respect women juice! Generic Terminator is here and he’s obnoxious.  Fuck John Gilbert! Tyler doesn’t usually do drugs. Damon thinks …

TVD 2x11 & 2x12 | We visit the Mystic Falls hardware store! This is a Horny Free Zone! The Martins drink some good good plot juice. Elijah plays Let’s Make A Deal! Damon might’ve kidnapped the Property Brothers. …

TVD 2x9 & 2x10 | Elijah causes chaos with coinage. Bee’s very sorry for the ‘plosive p’s in this episode. Katherine relives her past traumas. …

TVD 2x7 & 2x8 | Alaric Saltzman probably has a doomsday bunker. Bonnie vibe checks the town of Mystic Falls and DOES NOT LIKE WHAT SHE FEELS. Bee’s way too into the fire pirate guy and his entire aesthetic. …

TVD 2x5 & 2x6 | Brian is here with airpods and coconut head vibes. We love a good Macguffin! Nina Dobrev deserves a raise. Stefan’s eyebrows are out of CONTROL. Jenna do be out here knowing things. We purchased some …

TVD 2x3 & 2x4 | The gang’s in lockdown so things are gonna get a little weird. Brian’s back and his train of thought has left the station and we can't stop it oh no watch out! Damon has a really clever reference and …

TVD 2x01 & 2x02 | The gang is back on the road again! Bonnie makes a BIG Boo Boo. Stefan plays a wicked game of UNO. Jeremy has a license to …

TVD 1x21 & 1x22 | Layne Morgan is here! This episode includes: my dad’s gaydar, stationary marching bands, LaCroix, extremely Iowa bullshit, …

TVD 1x19 & 1x20 | If both Salvatore brothers are emo at the same time it actually causes a rip in the space time continuum and the vampire …

TVD 1x17 & 1x18 | Damon is an unruly cat. The vampires make a group shopping trip! Bee shouldn’t go to Walmart. Brick by Boring Brick by Paramore …

TVD 1x15 & 1x16 | Damon drags himself. Brian is the new grim reaper. Matt Donovan is safe for work. Bee’s jumping on and off trains. Jeremy …

TVD 1x13 & 1x14 | There’s gender inequality in the grave robbing industry and that needs to change. Give us more female grave robbers, cowards! …

TVD 1x11 & 1x12 | Our eternal crusade against the netflix description writer continues. Elena makes some power moves. We have some serious concerns about Jenna’s parenting techniques. Stefan’s etsy shop is really …

TVD 1x9 & 1x10 | Bonnie’s got a case of the heebie jeebies. Alaric is entering the x-games. Julie Plec is our mom now! Bee teaches Jourdann about …

TVD 1x7 & 1x8 | Vickie meets an unfortunate end. Stefan has a birthday! Tyler is a muscle wizard. Our parents are getting a divorce. Brian gives …

TVD 1x5 & 1x6 | Damon spends some time in vampire jail. Stefan’s greatest enemy is finally unveiled. Vicki is dead to us, then undead to us, then driving a bus like she’s Keanu Reeves in the 1994 classic action film …

TVD 1x3 & 1x4 | Trigger warning: mentions of sexual assault. 

Stefan earns some smart boy brain coins! If you can’t get any brain coins from the …

TVD 1x1 & 1x2 | Bee and Jourdann take their first small steps into the dramatic world of The Vampire Diaries this week! Jourdann watches too much TikTok. Bee's starting a vampire Olympics. Jeremy Gilbert's hair …

Welcome to Afterbite, a new vampire diaries universe fancast that's only 10 years late! Follow us on twitter: @AfterbitePod This week we just have …