Cover art for podcast Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

80 EpisodesProduced by Esther Perel Global MediaWebsite

Every Monday morning step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to h… read more

80 Episodes | 2017 - 2024

Prologue

May 17th, 2017

2:16

Step into iconic relationship therapist Esther Perel’s office and listen as 10 anonymous couples in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their story. From infidelity to sexlessness to loss, …

Speak to Me in French

October 8th, 2017

43:31

[Contains mature themes] A husband and wife met while deeply committed to the evangelical faith and didn’t kiss until their wedding day; for her, that kiss felt like “kissing her brother.” Esther gets creative in an …

I've Had 100 Conversations with You in My Head

April 20th, 2018

49:39

[Contains mature themes] After a discovery in her doctor's office, a woman realizes her husband has been unfaithful. While betrayed and angry, she …

Couples Under Lockdown: Sicily, Italy

March 24th, 2020

49:40

They left each other emotionally years ago, but with three kids they have been trying to keep it together. For the last two weeks they find themselves confined to a small apartment in Sicily, Italy — he bears the brunt …

Couples Under Lockdown: Bavaria, Germany

April 2nd, 2020

56:26

For the last year they have lived in separate countries. She took a dream job closer to where she grew up in Germany and he stayed behind with the …

Couples Under Lockdown: New York, New York

April 16th, 2020

50:36

They have three kids and their volatile marriage has fallen apart. She still hopes to rebuild. He can't get out of there fast enough. Two weeks …

Couples Under Lockdown: Lagos, Nigeria

May 14th, 2020

56:13

Last summer they left everything they'd built in Seattle for a chance at a very different life. He took a dream turn to expand his company and be closer to home; she gave up her nursing job to manage their girls and …

You Want Me To Watch The Kids While You Go Out With Another Guy?

July 9th, 2020

47:56

They met as religious teenagers and married as virgins. It's the age old story — once you're allowed to be intimate, you no longer want to be. …

What Would It Take For You to Come Out?

July 9th, 2020

50:20

Four years in, she can't admit she's attracted to her girlfriend, and her family still doesn't know.

Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

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The Chronic Philanderer

July 16th, 2020

47:37

He's been cheating on her for years, and she's had enough. Now she wants to know: is he in or is he out?

Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

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In This Relationship What Is "I" and What Is "We"?

July 23rd, 2020

47:30

They grew up with traumatic backgrounds, met in college and immigrated to the U.S. together. They've built stability and security, and now one of …

It's Very Hard to Live with a Saint

August 6th, 2020

43:53

Barely a year into marriage, they're trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong.

Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

Learn more about …

When I'm Manic I Cheat

August 13th, 2020

51:48

Bipolar, infidelity, open relationships: they're stuck in a world of loaded words. Her friends are convinced she should leave, but she doesn't want …

He Loves Her, His Family Rejects Her

August 20th, 2020

45:09

She left her life, her family and her country for a man she met on Reddit. Their love is real, but his family has been hell.

Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

Learn more about …

Burdens of the Family

August 27th, 2020

42:58

They share a legacy of war, a refugee upbringing, and family trauma. Their marriage was seen as taboo, and now they're trying to build a happier relationship for their child.

Programming note: This conversation was …

Trapped in Their Own Story

September 3rd, 2020

48:15

Their whole relationship is based on one big misunderstanding, with infidelity and blame on both sides. Years later, they still can't see the other's …

On Again/Off Again

September 10th, 2020

54:12

They've been on and off for almost 20 years. While she takes cares of his and their child, she wants to know that he's also there for her. He's been battling depression for years. And the shame that comes with it.

Learn …

If I Quit, What Will People Say? | How's Work?

September 30th, 2021

57:55

He’s a doctor, she works for the government. Her job is one thing on paper, and another thing in secret. He wants to leave his job, but doesn’t know how. When their busy careers come crashing to a halt because of the …

He Gets the Respect, She Gets the Toilet Paper | How's Work?

October 7th, 2021

58:57

Married for ten years and co-owners for seven, they bring their home dynamic to work with them. Their employees are sick of the fights and the …

Esther Calling - My Partner's Privilege

November 11th, 2021

19:19

This time there is no couch, but instead an unexpected phone call from Esther to a woman who is struggling with the differences between her and her partner's upbringing. He grew up in a comfortable suburb, she grew up …

Esther Calling - Losing My Best Friend

November 18th, 2021

19:11

In this second episode of Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels she is losing her best friend. The caller feels that her friend is rushing into a marriage to someone she doesn’t approve of. During the call Esther …

Friendship - My Reliable Gift

November 25th, 2021

59:37

In a Where Should We Begin first, Esther sits down with two friends. They’ve been close for so long they feel like brothers, with all of the baggage …

Where Are They Now - A Romantic Revival

December 2nd, 2021

53:18

For the first time on the podcast, Esther invites a couple back to her office for a second session. 10 years ago, his first wife took her own life. A year later he met his current wife and she became an overnight …

Before We Got Together I Identified As Gay

December 9th, 2021

57:44

Before they got together, he identified as straight and they identified as gay. What does it mean to make space for their queer identity while they date a straight man? And is that possible as they move into a more …

An Intimate Evening with Esther Perel

December 16th, 2021

17:07

You are invited to an intimate evening with Esther Perel. In place of this week's session we gather for a few rounds of Where Should We Begin, A Game …

I Don't Mean to Be Mean, But...

December 23rd, 2021

1:06:02

She has no boundaries, he’s walled off. And their opposing communication styles cause immediate tension in this explosive session. So much so, that Esther finds herself adding to the chorus of angry voices. There might …

I Can Be Strong and Be Taken Care Of

December 30th, 2021

58:01

As Esther says, love is at once an affirmation and a transcendence of who we are. But when one partner grows up as the child taking care of his mother is it any surprise that he experiences the romantic needs of his …

Esther Calling - It's a Matter of Pride

January 13th, 2022

19:18

In another episode of Esther Calling, he worries his desire for a serious relationship is putting women off. But early in their phone call, it …

Esther Calling - Will He Make The Space For Me

January 20th, 2022

17:00

Her new boyfriend’s wife died four years ago. Reminders of her are all over his house, from her clothes in the closet to her photos on the wall. It makes the caller feel uncomfortable and inadequate. She wonders if …

Twice Married, To Each Other

April 28th, 2022

56:20

They were married, divorced, and then married again. And with four kids between them, tensions run high. They fight about everything: the chores, the cats, who gets to tell who what to do. They come into the session …

My Orgasm Is Not Just For Me

May 5th, 2022

57:15

What starts as a story of sexual incompatibility and a difference in life goals for these two women takes a wildly unexpected turn during this session. Esther finds herself witness to a fantasy ritual unlike anything …

Esther Calling - Having Needs Doesn't Make You Needy

May 12th, 2022

18:00

He’s in a new relationship and wants it to be exclusive, but he can’t get a read on his partner's feelings. It’s hard for him to have an open honest conversation about his needs without feeling weak, especially when …

You Want Me to Watch the Kids While You Go Out With Other Men?, Where Are They Now

May 19th, 2022

58:24

When Esther first met with them two years ago, they’d recently opened up the marriage. At the time only she had ventured out, and after a lifetime of feeling her sexuality wasn’t her own, she felt an awakening. But at …

Esther Calling - I Deserve to Be a Mother

May 26th, 2022

31:40

She longs for a child, but her partner isn’t there yet, and as a trans woman she already faces other barriers to parenthood. She worries she’s letting her partner’s indecision dictate her own future happiness. She and …

Esther Calling - Stuck In the Middle

June 2nd, 2022

25:18

He prides himself on being an empathic confidante to his friends…but is it to a fault? In this episode of Esther Calling, we meet a man fed up with …

We Started As An Affair

June 9th, 2022

56:33

Esther says in this session, “a love story is between two people, a marriage engages an entire community of people.“ Here we see how that plays out …

Esther Calling - Still Single at 40

June 16th, 2022

27:33

In this episode of Esther Calling, Esther meets a man who’s never been in a relationship for more than five months. As he approaches age 40, he knows the reason lies with him, and not the women he’s dating. Esther …

Esther Calling - I Need Her to See Me

June 23rd, 2022

27:49

In this latest episode of Esther Calling, we meet a young woman looking for advice on how to stand up for herself in a fraught and traumatic …

I've Had 100 Conversations With You In My Head, Part 2

June 30th, 2022

55:56

We first met them three seasons ago in the painful aftermath of an infidelity. She was diagnosed with an STD during a routine visit to her OBGYN, …

Love In War with Esther Perel: Ukraine

March 11th, 2023

59:18

In this session Esther counsels a couple torn apart by the war in Ukraine. Young sons divided between a mother who leaves for the sake of her …

Where Should We Begin? is coming back… weekly

June 27th, 2023

2:26

Every Monday morning step into the office of psychotherapist Esther Perel. Each week on Where Should We Begin?, hear real couples in search of …

Donor Daddy

July 10th, 2023

53:06

He donated sperm to help a friend start her family. A decade later that gift shattered his own. Esther talks through the consequences of a secret.

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Esther Calling - Am I Being Gaslit?

July 17th, 2023

36:31

In this Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting …

Long Distance and Lost

July 24th, 2023

53:47

They knew each other as kids. He grew up in a house where love was never a guarantee. She had the seemingly perfect family and all the love in the …

I've Had Better

July 31st, 2023

49:50

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A couple, together a decade, with three young children. He reached out …

Esther Calling - I Crossed a Line I Never Thought I Would Cross

August 7th, 2023

32:20

What happens when you transgress the one boundary you never thought you would? In this week's Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman who began an …

Esther Calling- I Want Her to Like Me Less

August 14th, 2023

28:22

A woman in her 40s talks to Esther about a crossroads in her life. She has begun a relationship with a supportive and loving partner, but without the …

The Addict

August 21st, 2023

42:02

This episode is a classic session of Where Should We Begin from season 1. They're grandparents, with a 40+ year love story and a stable, happy …

Esther Calling - My Brother's Wife Ruined Our Relationship

August 28th, 2023

27:53

In this Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels that her brother's wife is standing in the way of her relationship with her brother. For years, she has compared the closeness she shares with her brother to all of her …

How's Work? - The Preacher's Wife

September 11th, 2023

52:16

She has never quite fit into the mold of the preacher's wife in their small town. He has put his self-worth solely into his career, as a bandaid over …

How's Work? - The Preacher's Wife Part Two

September 18th, 2023

42:08

When a tragedy shakes their church and their community, both the preacher and his wife try to put the pieces back together for themselves and his congregation. This is the second part of a special two-part episode. This …

Esther Calling - Self Love Isn't Something I Grew Up With

September 25th, 2023

38:40

Esther talks to a woman who was passed over for a promotion, again. She straddles two cultures and finds that it is impacting her work and her …

Tell Me I'm Not Alone

October 2nd, 2023

43:00

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A young family, a ten-year age difference, and a wife who used an …

Esther Calling - I Left. Now I Want My Wife Back.

October 9th, 2023

43:00

He fell in love with someone at work and left his wife. Fast forward a year, he's engaged and realizes he's made a mistake. Now he wants his wife and his life back—but even if she takes him back, he tells Esther he …

A Hospital Divided

October 16th, 2023

58:35

They're best friends and ER doctors at a small hospital. During the pandemic, they experienced a fracturing among their coworkers, who they once thought of as family. After one of them develops an autoimmune disease …

Sexlessness

October 23rd, 2023

37:16

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A new marriage and a young child—both are first-generation children of …

A Marriage Organized Around Trauma

October 30th, 2023

56:12

He was deployed to Fallujah, Iraq in 2004. In the 20 years since, he has struggled with PTSD and addiction. She has long taken on the role of his …

Esther Calling - Depleted Mothers Club

November 6th, 2023

31:20

How do you begin to define a new identity for yourself when you've left the comforts of the world you've known in search of a bigger life? This is what Esther helps a new mom of two figure out as she navigates a new …

She's Out, He's Still In.

November 13th, 2023

58:29

After 20 years together, they wonder if their marriage has run its course? She is too unhappy to stay together and doubts if she ever felt true …

Motherless Women

November 20th, 2023

38:47

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A couple with two small children are at physical and emotional odds in …

Esther Calling - Is This Survivor's Guilt?

November 27th, 2023

40:46

Esther speaks to a man struggling to live a life he can enjoy. He feels wracked with guilt over a troubled history with his birth mother and her life of suffering. She was unable to raise him, but now she needs him to …

Esther Calling - My Emotional Inheritance

December 4th, 2023

41:58

A woman comes to Esther with a question about how to move on from the pain that her parents have caused her. They’ve begun family therapy but she wonders if she can continue to have a relationship with her father when …

You Can Be Right, Or You Can Be Married.

December 11th, 2023

46:52

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin?. They’ve been together for more than a decade, but this isn’t the first …

Say More - Neil Patrick Harris on Friendship

December 18th, 2023

33:37

Friendships are their own love stories. Our friends provide continuity in an ever-changing world. They accompany us through the trials and …

Non-Negotiables in the New Year | From Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

January 3rd, 2024

56:32

Our friend Dan Harris hosts the Ten Percent Happier podcast. A skeptical journalist, Dan had a panic attack on live TV that sent him on a journey …

Esther Calling - Am I Just Your Placeholder?

January 8th, 2024

32:46

Esther speaks to a woman who seems to get to a certain place within a relationship and then they end it. In her words, she seems to keep finding herself in the friend zone. In her latest relationship, she felt he took …

Now That I Have A Girlfriend, I Never Want To Leave My Wife

January 15th, 2024

58:02

For years she has been the breadwinner while he has felt like a failure at home raising their daughter. After he found a new career and subsequently, a new lease on life, this couple has been erotically invigorated …

Esther Calling - Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part One

January 22nd, 2024

45:03

This episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. A woman in a healthy and loving relationship talks to Esther about the fantasies she has of cheating on her partner. Together they delve …

Esther Calling - Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part Two

January 25th, 2024

34:21

This episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. This is the second part of a special two part conversation. Certain conversations stay with Esther long after the caller has hung up. And …

As They Like Me More, I Like Myself Less

January 29th, 2024

59:28

They are new mothers after a long wait and they are both struggling in their roles at the same international organization. One can't seem to get out …

He Wants it Everyday, She Wants it Never

February 5th, 2024

55:15

They find themselves at an erotic stalemate. Married for 20 years with four children, they have lost their way with each other. He wants it all the time, and she seems to want it never. Esther encourages them to create …

Esther Calling - I Lost Him, But I Lost Myself Too

February 12th, 2024

46:23

She lost her husband five years ago. Now, she's finally ready to start picking up the pieces of her life to begin dating. Esther talks her through what it might mean to reframe her memories of their relationship. This …

I Trust You to Always Tell Me When I'm Wrong

February 19th, 2024

56:35

Too often we can focus on troubles in our relationships and not what happens when the relationship goes right. This week, Esther explores the inner workings of a pivotal pair with podcast royalty Kara Swisher and Scott …

Farewell

February 22nd, 2024

0:39

An important message from RadioPublic

Say More - Ira Glass on Is This It?

February 26th, 2024

49:16

Ira Glass has created over 800 episodes of the genre-defining radio show and podcast This American Life. Each week on the show he weaves together stories around a central narrative theme and he never shies away from the …

I Love You One Day, I Hate You The Next

March 4th, 2024

53:10

They are a young couple with a small child and they fight non-stop. And while they each have good intentions, they struggle to hear or see each other. What initially made them fall in love with each other, they now …

If He's A "High Value Man", What Am I?

March 11th, 2024

33:27

Esther talks to a woman who, despite her best efforts, finds herself implicated in the same toxic cycle of abuse from her partner that she grew up watching between her parents. Rationally, she knows she deserves better, …

I Can't Give You a Child

March 18th, 2024

43:56

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A woman realizes she doesn’t want to have children and comes to Esther for …

Sex, Comedy and Context: A Live Conversation with Trevor Noah

March 19th, 2024

49:45

Not all conversations with Esther have to happen behind closed doors. Last week, Esther sat down with Trevor Noah, live from the Vox Media Podcast Stage at SXSW in Austin, for a candid look at the state of comedy in the …

Esther Calling - My Husband, His Other Wife, and Me

March 25th, 2024

40:42

They were aid workers who met abroad, fell in love, and came to the States to get married. After two years, her partner returned to his home country …

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